Teej's Surefire Murderer Reform

So lemme get this straight....Scott Peterson's punk ass kills his wife and unborn son so he can be with his new girlfriend, right? He then gets convicted of the shit and now he's fucking chilling on death row at San Quentin? And when I saying chilling....I mean this mu'fucka is chilling!

While on break I was watching CNN or Headline News or one of those shits. And for some reason they had on a show talking about Scott Peterson's living conditions at San Quen. At first we were like 'WTF, who gives a shit?', but then they went into detail. This prick is fucking chilling yall! He has a color TV, CD Player, Individually controlled light switched cell, breakfast, lunch, dinner, dessert, the opprotuinity to exercise up to 5 hours per day : 6 days per week with fellow inmates, two sheets, a blanket, a pillow, a pillowcase, two towels, boxer shorts, T-shirts, socks, etc.

Sounds like he's chilling to me! They didnt mention shit about him having to work some backbreaking, dirty ass, 'this your punishment for life' job. I mean HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO. This mark is on death fucking row for crying out loud! He's fucking living better than me and I've never killed anyone!

Fuck that shit yo! We need prison reform STAT! Im talking 'revenge, retaliation and get back' on some ol Daz Dillinger shit. You murder somebody? You get a couple of 2x4's as a pillow, bitch! No bed for your punk ass. You can sleep on that cold ass concrete floor though. Maybe we'll give yo monkey ass a sheet to cover up with........year round! You hungry? All you get is peas and brisket! Nah fuck that. Matter fact.....yall mu'fuckas be eating better than people on aid and assistance and shit. And again...they aint never murder nobody. All you get is that goverment issued cheese, powdered milk, and pork in the can! Everyday! Every goddamn day for the rest of your sad ass existence!

Ooooh and the best part? The best part is that every Tuesday, Thursday and Saturday the families of your murder victims get to come to the prison and maybe hurl rocks at you for an hour. Or maybe 'tie you to a fuckin bedpost with your ass cheeks spread out and shit, right? Put a hanger on a fuckin stove and let that shit sit there for like a half hour. Take it off and stick it in your ass slow like Tssssssss' (all my real heads know where i got that one from). Yeah bitch! You get that shit every other day! I bet you that shit'll drop the murder rate fast.

Oooh just let me get in a position of power to set this shit off yo! I'll fix all this shit quick fastlike.

The "Intelligent/Ignorant" List

1. "You're 'bout to witness the most intelligent, ignorant shit that you're ever gonna hear in that miserable life that you're living/I hope that you're listening......" - Jay Z "Put It In The Air" (M.O.P.)
2. Intelligent And Ignorant?.......All in one?
3. Now that's certified ying and yang for your monkey ass!
4. DJ Mark FullaFlava had me not minding being that one dude in the club happy as hell to be dancing by himself
5. You know that dude, right?
6. The one that is really really feeling the music and goin crazy?
7. First time that I've EVER been that dude!
8. Then again.....coulda been the 3 shots of patron plus other liquor I had
9. I need a new job for a number of reasons....
10. But the most outstanding reason that comes to mind immediately is the fact that this ol '3 piece suit in the midst of these ''Do The Right Thing" summer days' shit is for the birds!
11. "They trying to say that I dont care..../I woke up screaming 'FUCK THE WORLD!!!'" - 2Pac "Fuck The World"
12. Man do I feel that these days
13. Okay seriously...."Martin"....DVD.....Hellooooooooooooo!
14. I just might have to jump on the Sidekick 3 bandwagon
15. However please note.....that 99.9% of the time Teej IS NOT a bandwagon jumper on-er
16. But a nigga will make an exception every so often.
17. Beyonce does look like she's having seizures or suffering from a nervous twitch in the "Deja Vu" video.
18. Is that baseball player really named 'CoCo Crisp'?!!?!!?
19. "Now when I hear that album Imma think about your coochie expanding" - Teej
20. Oh yeah....Im sure yall gon have some questions about that one!
21. At first I felt kinda bad about watching Chappelle's Show (The Lost Episodes)
22. Seeing as though Dave left and it's an obvious ploy by Comedy Central to capitalize on his work.
23. But then I thought it about....it's really no less the equivalent of a record company releasing music by an artist that has died.
24. And shit the majority of my 'Pac CD's were released after he died
25. Drea if you leave...whose ass am I gon stay whooping in Madden?!!?
26. As far as reality TV...it's all about 'Run's House' hands down
27. "Im coming to Chicago, (singing) and Im gon skate on yo lake!!!!!" - Myshell
28. That damn Maze f/ Frankie Beverly song came on.
29. Now I know why it brought tears to her eyes
30. Made my shit misty too!
31. How the hell did myspace get hacked?
32. Well damn Gina...what did I do to have my page hacked into?
33. Screw you Mr. Hacker man!
34. But I'll be damned if he didnt speak some truth with this one though.....
35. "if you're not doing what you want with your life, leave that bitch, quit that job, move and keep repeating until you find your place. You will. Life is just so too short to waste. Go smoke a joint and think about that." - spairlkaifs the myspace hacker
36. But again...screw you for fucking with my page!
37. We'll get Lupe Fiasco's "Food and Liquor" sooner than later I hope
38. Oh no! Not Lalah's "Forever, For always, For Love"!!!!!
39. Cut the radio off...cant take it...not this song...any song but this one...
40. Countess Vaughn got ass implants
41. I didnt know black people did that type shit
42. Superior Media Group bitches!
43. "It dont cost a thing to smile/You dont have to pay to laugh/You betta thank God for thaaaaaaaat..../There's hope!" - India.Arie "There's Hope"
44. Event planning is stressful to say the least
45. She's leaving for the 'A'....... :(
46. Im still trippin on Lois Lane's hoe-dom
47. Fuck....if I can get organized Id be able to take over the world in no time
48. If a if was a fifth Teej....if a if was a fifth........
49. Your biopsies will turn out fine Im sure!
50. "and sometimes i sit down at my typewriter and i think not of someone cause there isnt anyone to think about and i wonder is it worth it? " - Nikki Giovanni "And Sometimes I Sit"
51. The Gay Games?
52. Hana I feel you on that
53. Please believe me when I say I have absolutely nothing against gays, lesbians, transgenders or anyone else for that matter....
54. ....but for the life of me I cant figure out why it is that Gay people need their own seperate games
55. I dont like to hear my mama cry
56. but who the fuck does? Duh nigga! Duh!
57. I gotta get back to NY to see the Sarah Jones one woman show
58. I *heart* Sarah Jones
59. Anyone know if her or Fatima Robinson are on myspace yet?
60. "Nigga I said with cheese!!!!!" - Caine in 'Menace II Society'

Fuck The World.....You Know The Rest

Apparently this week marked the end of 'Fuck with TJ' week (and er'body celebrated it seemed!) at this certain place that I spend waaaaay too much time. And the fucked up part is I cant even go into detail how I want b/c Im sure I got 'eyes' on me and my blog that might take offense, then run and turn Sammy The Bull on the boy.

"I got this person over here talking about me. This person, that person. Lemme tell you something. It's my perogative and I'll do what I wanna do!" - Bobby Brown

In short (before I fuck up and say too much, then have to have a 'sit down' with the higher ups which could lead to me not being able to execute my plans as I've laid them out) they got me on some ol 'Fuck the world, dont ask me for shit' shit. At least Imma have to be it seems.

"(Yeah those joints is mine)I'll take blame for that/The pressure's on/but guess who aint gon crack!/Pardon me I had to laugh at that......" - Jay Z

btw....I hate 'petty ass, complex having, gossiping, faker than a $7 dollar bill, flipping funny style, acting brand new ass, not shit else to do with their miserable lil life but worrying about what someone else is doing with theirs' ass mufuckas.

But you know what?

Fuckers cant have my joy. Im still doing me and none of you hoes can stop me!!!

GOODNIGHT BITCHES!!!

Lois Lane Is A Hoe, Keyshia Cole Is Ghetto, and DMX Is Schizo

Lois Lane Is A Hoe

Anyone see Superman the movie? So the thing that I took away from the movie overall is that Lois Lane is a hoe! Sorry if anyone hasnt seen it yet, but was planning to. But one of the many storylines was that Lois moved on after Superman left for like 5 years and started a new family. But halfway through the movie we discover that the child that everyone is sure is the new dude's is actually Superman's. The kid goes and does some abnormal shit and throws everyone off! So then it comes to light (w/o being said, of course) that Lois' trick ass musta slept with Superman and the new dude back to back, pretty close timewise and both RAW DOG! Ewwwwwww!!!! Now tell me that aint some Maury shit. I knoooooooooow the original writers of Superman aint have this shit in mind.

Keyshia Cole Is Ghetto

What's to say about Keyshia Cole? "These brats cant sing/and Brittney's garbage/What's this bitch, retarded?/Gimme back my $16!!!!!" - Eminem. So Keyshia made it up outta the hood to 'stardom' and all. Yeah yeah....but Im saying.....like this is her first album. She barely went platinum and she gets her own reality show? I swear I aint even hating. I like Keyshia. But, her own reality show? So soon? It's like when Vibe magazine referred to Chris Brown as the future of R&B before his 2nd single came out. Ummmmm...yall a lil premature, no? Anyways so at the end of Keyshia's show it builds up to a concert she gives in her hometown of Oakland. And of course she ends the show with her smash hit "Love" complete with that god awful, suicide inducing ass note included. Yall know the note, right? So it's like 7 people in the room watching this. Our ages ranged from 14-28. Essentially everyone on this side of 21 cringes when this chick cuts the music off and repeatedly sings the chorus with that ol "take it out in the field and shoot it" ass note repeatedly. *sigh*

DMX Is Schizo

Why is this nigga making himself egg sandwiches in the gas station at 2am? Im saying. Like for real X? What's that shit he said? "I wont take disrespect from nobody! I dont give a fuck if it's a big nigga! A small nigga! Ay....I'll fuck a midget up!!!" LMAO. Apparently this nigga be on that pure grade A shit straight from Bolivia. He'll be screaming on you one sec, then bust into the Lord's prayer before you know it. Yeah....they call that shit schizoprenhia. As far as I know they have medication for it. Ooooh but the funniest part is when the lil white girls rolled up on him in Arizona and kept calling his ass Ja Rule! I thought he was gon chokeslam them lil scallywags. And did you hear their mom on the phone with them. Let that be a lesson to all you people of color. You see what happens when they get all of their knowledge of us from mainstream media?

Fuck this shit.....Im back to reading books.

Foolproof Revolution

What if Booker T. and Marcus Garvey
guided by the spirits of Harriet and Nat
had left behind some written wisdom
to pass along to the leaders of their grandchildren's generation

And then those plans
landed in the hands of say Malcolm, Martin or Medgar
And any or all of those brothers
were not cut down by assassin's bullets
and were able to put their heads together
with the young brothers and sisters of the Panthers
to come up with a foolproof plan for the revolution

If we hadda been truly lucky
folx like dead prez, PE, Paris and The Coup (to name a few)
woulda been born a generation or two earlier
to help along with brother Curtis Mayfield
and sister Nikki G
in providing the music and words
to the foolproof revolution

(can u picture that shit!?!?)

But I already know what the outcome woulda been
Either we woulda had some houseniggascum
infitrate and report to his massah like a good lil monkeyboy
or them bastards woulda resorted to their favorite pastime
of bombing shit
Whether it's 4 little girls in a Alabama church
or 11 people in a crib in Philly
they woulda found a way to shut shit down
They're resourceful like that

So the trick is to read up and learn about it
in your own time and space
Start your own revolution within you
Then get together...(inconspicuously please!!!!)
with people of likemind
Compare and create
then break formation really quickly
'fore they get you too!

The "Im On Vacation, Nigga...Fuck It!!!" List

1. "Niggas be in my face like the government be in my check!" - Queen Latifah "Elements Im Among"
2. .....and then they grabbed the cat's paws to include it in the prayer!
3. This is when I realized how high the room's occupants really were.
4. Did anyone else hear Pharrell snap off and steal the spotlight on Shawna's "Getting Some Head"(Remix)?!?!?
5. Spilling salsa on ur spankin new white tee is never ever the new hotness.
6. That huge ass shot of patron musta been like a quadraple shot.
7. Guess thats what happens when you leave for the bathroom and let others order your shot for you, right 'rish?
8. Speaking of which......
9. ....my motto for this whole excursion was '"Im On Vacation, Nigga...Fuck It!!!" (hence the title)
10. Which would explain the atrocious amounts of alcohol and Carl's Jr. I consumed.
11. Fuck all that healthy eating shit.
12. Exercise? WTF is that?
13. "Im On Vacation, Nigga...Fuck It!!!" - Teej
14. See how that worked?
15. Zell Moment #1 - @ the airport at like 6am....
Zell : Ay! You Chris?
Chris Brown (Head down. Hesitant) : Ye-yeah....
Zell : Chris Brown?
Chris Brown (Head down. Hesitant) : Ye-yeah....
16. Myshell....I promise Im over it bighead.
17. BET Awards - Viewer standpoint : Kicked ass!
18. BET Awards - Media/Working standpoint : Sucked ass!
19. Ol disorganized negroes!
20. "Oooh coffee gave me a dimple in my booty one time!" - Merced'z
21. Don King is completely insane and devoid of his facilities.
22. No....really. He is soooo insane in the membrane.
23. Apparently Dave thought walking a mile and a half in the forresty ass mountains in nearly 100 degree weather was gonna be fun or something.
24. I wonder if she ran that 'I wanna take care of you' line on multiple dudes at the club that night.
25. .......or was I just "special"?
26. Either way I wasnt buying it.
27. Did anyone see us on Leno?
28. Ameoba didnt break me!!!!!
29. 8 CD's for $21?!?!!?........Fuck yeah!!!!!
30. I lost the notebook Les sent me.
31. b/c of my crazy sentimentalness I was really distraught.
32. That shit sux huge hairy gorilla nuts.
33. Les send me another pretty pretty please?!?!!?
34. Zell Moment #2 - @ Carl's Jr talking to random bustdown..........
Zell : Yall drink?
Bustdown : Yeah we drink. And we hoes too!
35. Yeah......She said that shit!
36. I wish I could make some shit like that up though.
37. 'Good For You Nigga!!!'......"This has been another 'Good For You Nigga' moment......." - The Crew
38. You'll have to ask me about that one.
39. I saw Evie the first day and last night there.....now if that aint some 'come and go' shit I dunno what is!!
40. Kneesh got seriously sick.
41. And I was all the way in LA feeling helpless about not being able to check on her.
42. Seems as though she's better now, but that was scary!
43. Clo, Reese and I never made that power lunch pop, but we'll get it together ladies.
44. "Balance gives you perspective, and perspective allows you to make better decisions" - David J. Lieberman in "Get Anyone To Do Anything"
45. Thankfully Suge didnt get into that party.
46. Otherwise that woulda been my cue to leave.
47. Awwww Janel. Her so purrrrrty.
48. But that 'Oasis' we drove fifty-leven miles for turned out to be a hair salon!!!
49. Shit still cracks me up.
50. "We need 10 million dollars in the name of Jesus!" - Merced'z

Dude What Is You On?

Nigga if you dont get yo ass outta yo mama's kitchen with that shit 'fore she come in there.......

Oh Yes............

That's right suburban White America......They got themselves an Oscar and now Three 6 Mafia is coming fo yo kids!!!!!!

Be afraid. Be very afraid!!!!

Filth Flarn Filth

The lil homie Nique (look at you getting shouted out in back to back blogs. dont be feelin ya self over there too much though, k? lol.) recently wrote a blog(http://uncutdope.blogspot.com/2006/06/chokeslam-fridays.html) that reminded me of this one that I had always wanted to write.

Ive always wondered about curse/cuss (I think the term 'cuss' is 'urban', no?) words. Their origins and the such. Like who took it upon themselves however many years ago to decide that these certain set of words were bad to say. And even moreso, how and why did everyone else think to themselves like "Yeah he's right! People shouldnt say these words." If that aint the dumbest shit.......

Remember in Eddie Murphy's 'Raw' when he was talkin about how Bill Cosby called him and told her he shouldnt cuss in his shows.......?

Eddie Murphy: [As Bill Cosby] "Yoouuu cannot say filth flarn filth flarn filth in front of people!"

Eddie Murphy: And I said "'I aint never said no filth flarn filth. I don't know what you're talking about. I'm offended that you called me with this. Fuck you!' And that's when Bill got raw on me!

Eddie Murphy: [As Bill Cosby] "That's what I'm talking about! Yoouuuuu cannot say......fuck!"

Eddie Murphy: Now I can't have no 'curse' show. I mean I gotta throw in a few jokes in between the curses. I can't come out and go "Hello! Filth flar'n filth, motherfucker, dick, pussy, snot, and shit. Good night!"

(Seriously Im not sure how that relates exactly to this blog, but it came to mind and it's funny as shit so I included it!)

Okay...back to what i was saying.....In George Carlin's famous bit called "The 7 Dirty Words" (http://www.erenkrantz.com/Humor/SevenDirtyWords.shtml) he said that usage of these words were apparently thought to "infect your soul, curve your spine and keep the country from winning the war. " Not literally....but mugs sure do act as if spewing these words will do so. Personally I think it's all a load of bullshit. Just another case of people following some shit that they have no idea of the orgins of. Just following b/c they were told to. Just following in the line they were told to get in and go along with. Never leaning to the side and peeking to try to get an idea of where the fuck they are going. Sorry dog.... "Imma leader. Yall on some following!" - Lil Kim. I question mostly everything. And I cuss my ass off. They are just words yall. Using those words dont make me a bad person.

You can cuss and say some nice shit like "You are FUCKING fantastic!" or you can insult someone and say some mean shit w/o a single cuss word like "You are a idiot!" Feel me?

So no.........cussing/cursing does not make a woman less lady like. To me they are only words. Besides it's the way things are said and the intent behind the words that determine their malice.
Not the words dummy!

Get a fucking clue, would ya?

The "Despite It All...You Must Push On" List

1. "Cause sometimes you just feel tired/You feel weak....and when you feel weak you feel like you wanna just give up/But you gotta search within you/You gotta find that inner strength/and just pull that shit out of you/to get that motivation to not give up...and not be a quitter/No matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse" - Eminem "Til I Collapse"
2. Jeez (word to Lori) Louise....Im good yall
3. A brotha cant vent his random thoughts to his blog w/o mugs thinking he finna toss himself off a bridge somewhere?
4. I appreciate the concern
5. The Teej is all to the good though.....always will be.
6. And thats on the serious 33 1/3 'cause the 2nd letter of the alphabet is 'B'!!
7. Didnt matter how crowded that damn bus was....
8. ....once son threw up he had the whole damn section to himself!!!!
9. What the hell is up with my dreams as of late?
10. "you might as well put on a red Adidas track suit and try teachin sign language to a enraged bull" - Nique the dope one
11. So it seems Mike Jones is prepping his new album
12. Yay.....cant wait for that!
13. I really hate it when guests come up to me like "Hi....we went to a restaurant when were last in Chicago 10 years ago or so. We dont remember the name but it had food...it was on a corner......and oooooh it had these beautiful blue chairs. Any ideas?"
14. Just once I'd loooooove to be able to respond "I know exactly which restaurant you are referring to. Cant be any other place than 'Bistro Get the fuck out my face with that bullshit', right?
15. ...but apparently a response like that is bad for guest relations or somethin to that effect
16. What's really better than one of Rose's St. Olaf stories?
17. "...all ya lil kids is doing is getting bigger/you trying not to raise 'em around these wild niggas!" - Mos Def "Beef"
18. Lil sis graduated 8th grade this week
19. I couldnt be prouder
20. And I was hella shocked when she stepped up to the mic to sing at the ceremony
21. ....albeit it she sang Ashanti's "Dreams"
22. But Im sure Ashanti is the shit to 8th graders!
23. That's my baby!
24. Why is it that in the past 2 days Ive seen not 1, but 2 maaaaaad preggo chicks just pull out a square and fire it up like they belly aint bulging the fuck out!?!?!?!!?
25. I mean seriously....WTF!?!?!?!!?!?
26. That shit is so pre-school basic : Dont smoke while you are preggo dumbass!
27. "....So I had a bunch of little ugly azz kids at my house Saturday running around and trying to bring juice in my living room and playing with stuff I didn't say they could play with." - 'mirra
28. Tyler Perry TV show?
29. Yea....no Im not feeling so strongly about that
30. FYI.....My new phone is the shiznit!!!!!
31. If you got my number Im much more likely to answer these days
32. Dillllllly...I guess Simone told me
33. Anyone else remember the term 'Dilllllllly' but me?
34. Seriously though....thanks for the loving/much need kick in the arse 'mone
35. Im working on my 5 year plan
36. "I might not know how to read and write/but I can count mu'fuckin money hoe! " - E40 "My Drinking Club"
37. That shit there definitely shoulda made my 'Ignorant Shit' blog!
38. Okay them cigarette puffin ass preggo chicks is still irking me
39. Like....WTF are you thinking?
40. Could regular radio suck anymore than it already does?
41. Tetanus shots are not what's real in the streets in case you werent sure
42. Gentle Spirit you have my many infinite prayers and well wishes
43. Everyone.....just close your eyes and take a deep breath
44. "...Of course there were those white women who wanted to know if I knew a black man interested in having a baby with them because they wanted to have a baby that's coffee-colored who they could name 'Coffee'.....I wanted to crush a bitch for asking me that shit!" - Afeni Shakur in "Evolution Of A Revolutionary" by Jasmine Guy
45. I think Imma start saying that.......... 'crush a bitch!'
46. No for real....I think Mello Yello commissioned that 'Mello' song
47. Why else would it repeatedly play in the restaurant like that?
48. On Tiffy's myspace page under 'Heroes' she has 'slaves that ran.'
49. I fucking love that!!!
50. "Not THAT Michelle Leslie Brown from 225th street that plays ball in the park! That OTHER Michelle..........Nigga she got a cousin or something! - Lying & front Jay from The Fugees "The Score"

I Cant Write Because.....

....besides a list....i dont know what the fuck else to blog about anymore
....the feeling really hasnt hit me to write in here as of late
....maybe i have writers block
....my little sister is showing signs of trying to be wild
....i just refuse to let that shit happen!

....there is too much on my mind to get it all out
....i dont know what im doing anymore
...."i often wish i could save everyone/but im a dreamer"
....i feel like im not sure sometimes
....you'd probably never know i felt that way

....im trying to be upfront and honest with her
....i still feel like im gonna end up breaking her heart
....that'll suck big time
....my show isnt on the air
....i have to throw the show on my back and put it where it needs to be

....they are fighting and i want them to make up already
....i feel stagnant
....im steady 'getting shit for white people'
....i have to act like i like it when i dont
....im concentrating

....my youngest brother is in jail
....i havent centered myself yet
....the radio plays bullshit
....bet does too!
...."you think you know, but you have noooooo idea"

....my rent isnt paid
....taxes are a muthafucka!
....i had to get a tetanus shot b/c of that infection in my foot
....i need room dammt
.... i cant breathe

....being grown up is no joke
....my mama is stuck in limbo
....im really fooling everyone
....i have a new crush every 2 days
....yeah sure I'll definitely get a wife like that

....i dont think im maximizing my potential
....people wont mind their own fucking business!
....for some reason they're too concerned with what Teej is doing
....they oughta be watching TV instead of me
....life is truly what you make it

....she says we arent friends anymore
....that shit hurts
....discipline and motivation remain a struggle to keep
....im on myspace
....i keep trying to explain that i dont take all the myspace love too seriously

....im too damn charming for my own good
...."gimme a minute...i betcha er'thang gon turn out lovely....gimme a minute....imma be alright just trust me..."
....im prone to this melancoly shit every so often
....this turned out to be another damn list
...."Who really cares?/When I talk?/What I feel?/What I say?/Nobody, not really/Who wants to take the time to understand?/I would like someone to heal me with some empathy/But I can't find nobody, not really/Maybe I'm invisible to the world/Does anyone in the world even think of me as more than just a hopeless cause/Maybe the world is not my block/My stoop/My life/My dreams/My anything/So who wants to help?/Momma?....but she's so tired/Papa?...but you're not here/I'm alone in a big empty space with nobody, not really......"

6 More Weird Things

* I've been repeatedly tagged since I posted the last one like this. I figure what the hell...I'm a pretty quirky mu'fucka, so why not! I got weird facts/quirks for days. So here goes......

1. There is a small lump on the right side of my lower back. Real tiny.....you wouldnt notice it unless I pointed it out to you. I've had it for years. Doctor said it's a 'tissue growth' and I neednt worry. I on the other hand am almost positive that it is the piece of bone from when I chipped a bone in my knee in 5th grade. Im sure it made it's way up my thigh, past my hip and settled into my back.

2. I have absolutely nooooooooooooo patience when it comes to giving people directions over the phone. None whatsoever I tell you! I will catch a 'tude with my damn granny if I had to explain to her how to get somewhere via the phone.

3. When making a grilled cheese I always break off the right edge of the piece of cheese vertically, then nibble all 4 corners of the piece of cheese off also. This is to prevent the melting cheese from spilling off the sandwich and into the pan while cooking it.

4. My sense of smell comes and goes. It stems from a childhood accident involving Cocoa Puffs. What had happened was.....my brother and I were fucking around as young boys do. Maybe he dared me, maybe he didnt. The end result was me ending up with a Cocoa Puff really really deep in each nostril. So deep that I had to be taken to the emergency room to have them removed and we didnt get to go the wrestling match my mama was to take us to that night. Im not sure if he has forgiven me for making him miss that joint yet.

5. The show 'Diff'rent Strokes' had me maaaaaaaad shook of Harlem up until about 8th grade or so. I dont even remember why now that Im grown. I think the way Arnold and Willis usta talk about it made it seem like the scariest place ever to me. Alls I know is up until about 1991 if you had told me you were taking me to Harlem I woulda burst into tears and pleaded with you to reconsider.

6. Im not....how would you say.....'Electric Slide' savvy. I never learned it. Ive never joined in. If you were to find me in the crowd trying to get my slide on you'd notice me immediately. For one Im 6'5. For 2.....I'd be the one about a 1/2 step behind struggling to keep up. Yes Im black. Yes I know it's easy. I just never learned dammit.

And there you have it.

Yall laughing at me, aint yall?

The "Whip It Whip It Real Hard" List

1. "He had many of bad habits/He was trying hard to break/And every time he thought it got better/He would make another mistake/Though he knows he's far from perfect/He is trying to live right/He asked me to ask You Father/Would You hear his prayer tonight?/He said 'Tell Him I really need Him/I really want to change/The next time you talk to God/Would you please mention my name/Would you tell Him that I really love Him/And although it's been a while/Ask Him for me am I still His child.....'" - Mary Mary "Still My Child"
2. I think Busta Rhymes has gotten all swole and cock D and shit so he can go after LL's feminine fans
3. The moment he starts licking his lips and shit we'll know for sure
4. "TYRA MAIL!!!!!"
5. Reesie....the word verification is to thrawt the spam comments!
6. Now dont be lazy now, ya hear?
7. I woulda never thought they were stupid enough to get fired for drinking on the job....in front of the damn security camera
8. Nooooooobody is that stupid
9. At least I thought......
10. "I know Pablo.....Noriega/the real Noriega!/He owe me a hundred favors..." - Rick Ross "Hustlin"
11. Nigga know damn well he dont know no damn Noriega
12. "They're all actors/lookin' at themselves in the mirror backwards/can't even face themeselves/Don't fear no rappers/They're all weirdos/Deniro's in practice/So don't believe everything your earlobe captures/It's mostly backwards/Unless it happens to be as accurate as me/and everything said is all you happen to see/Then actually believe half of what you see/None of what you hear/even if its spat by me/And with that said I will kill niggas dead...!" - Jay-Z "Ignorant Shit"
13. But that Rick Ross joint is my shit right now
14. "Whip it real hard! Whip it! Whip it! Real hard!!!" - Rick Ross "Hustlin"
15. Just for those previously not in the know.....
16. ....Teej is that trueblue, deep down, feel it in yo gut soulful shit!
17. Dammit I aint ashamed to toot my own damn horn if I have to
18. ......literally! ;)
19. "Walk with those seeking truth. Run from those who think they've found it. " - via Lori's blog
20. Im so mad that I lost a good portion of this list b/c a stupid guest asked me to look something up and I came outta my blog screen w/o saving
21. That in turn makes this the 2.0 version of this list
22. I really loathe having to deal with/talk to guests at work sometimes.
23. Yet I realize that as a concierge....this is what they pay me to do!
24. Still doesnt stop them from getting on my fucking nerves though.
25. "I asked her how she was doing/She said 'Not so good lately'/Then I told her 'Girl you know you can always talk to me.'/She said 'These days haven't been so happy/Haven't had much peace of mind/Now I know that I should be praying/But I have haven't had the time/.......although it's been a while/Ask Him for me am I still His child'" - Mary Mary "Still My Child"
26. So Danielle is America's Next Top Model, eh?
27. I still cant believe Jade's cocksure ass didnt win
28. Kindred The Family Soul's "Stars" will forever be our song
29. I cant help but think of her when I hear it
30. Will I ever let go completely?
31. I doubt it
32. But I dont necessarily think that's such a bad thing
33. "You know the kids gon act a fool/when you stop the programs for after school...." - Kanye West "We Dont Care"
34. Chicago can keep me til my lil sister finishes high school I've decided
35. ".....I dont wanna leave her now......." - The Beatles "Something"
36. She obviously needs me here
37. For me to sacrifice for family...especially her, is nothing!
38. btw....what exactly are whipping so damn hard anyways?
39. Why was I sooooooooooo relieved that Tom wasnt cheating on Lynette?
40. I felt kinda played by some of my NY peeps......
41. ....but it's whatever b/c Im so over it
42. After watching 'Boomerang' for the 69843768th time(© Lesley)......
43. ....I've decided I need a crib like Marcus Graham.......soon!
44. "When you possess great treasures within you, and try to tell others of them, seldom are you believed" - Paulo Coelho in 'The Alchemist'
45. Now go back and read 16. and 17.
46. Dont be a nonbeliever in me..........nor yourself
47. Virgin Megastore was wrong for that $8 sale
48. It's like discount crack to notorious addict
49. My co-worker said that my brunch consisting of a bananas, granola bars and apple juice looked like my "mommy packed a lunch" for me
50. "I know the answer to your question/Yes the Father still loves you/but sometimes when you have children....you don't always like what they do/So when go to your heavenly Father/Say 'Lord I love you'/And when you ask Him for forgiveness/This is what He'll say to you/'I sent a message in the wind....when the birds sang their song/And when you went to sleep last night....I told the moon to shine all night long/Just wanted you to talked to me/And I know it's been a while/And to answer the question....you are still my child' " - Mary Mary "Still My Child"

NBA or NFL?

*If you havent seen this already you'll love it!*

NBA OR NFL?

36 have been accused of spousal abuse
7 have been arrested for fraud
19 have been accused of writing bad checks
117 have directly or indirectly bankrupted at least 2 businesses
3 have done time for assault

71, repeat 71 cannot get a credit card due to bad credit

14 have been arrested on drug-related charges
8 have been arrested for shoplifting
21 currently are defendants in lawsuits

84 have been arrested for drunk drivinginthe last year
Can you guess which organization this is?
Give up yet?..........
It's neither the NBA or NFL

It's actually the 535 members of the United States Congress!!!!!

The same group of idiots that crank out hundreds of new laws each year designed to keep the rest of us in line.

Vote wisely bitches!

Insane in the David Blaine

As yall may or may not know on Monday 5/8/06 ABC ran a live broadcast of magician David Blaine attempting to break the world record of holding one's breath underwater for 8 minutes and 58 seconds by holding his for 9 minutes.

Unfortunately he fell about 2 minutes short, passed the fuck out, and had to have his dumb ass pulled from the water! Well duh nigga duh!!!! WTF? Yo dumb ass aint got shit else better to do? Like for real...who sits around and thinks of this shit? Was he at the crib chilling on the couch and the shit just popped in his head and he thought "Yeah that sounds like a good idea!!!!"

So to "train" for this attempt on the world record he spent 177 hours under water during the week leading up to the Monday's finale. He ate and went to the bathroom using tubes. All in the name of building up endurance. Oh yeah.....he suffered liver and kidney damage and rashes and peeling skin from lack of oxygen and all.

And for what? For what fool.....for what? To set a stupid world record? You that thirsty for attention dog? Didnt get hugged or complimented as a kid? Not to mention his other stunts of the past........Balancing himself on a 56cm circular platform atop a 30m pole for 35 hours, being buried alive in a see-thru coffin for a week, surviving inside a massive block of ice for 61 hours, or fasting for 44 days in a suspended acrylic box over the Thames River in London. Im saying...really what the fuck is your point homie?

Dare I say it? Only white people! *sigh* They are simultaneously the most bravest, ballsiest, gutsiest, yet dumbest mu'fuckas ever! I will never understand them. Never ever!

And to top it off....this fucker aint a day out the hospital and he talking about he analyzing what he did right and wrong so he can try again soon.

WTF?

Sign O' The Times

So this one could be long. But if you love music like I do it should be an easy read for you. This has been milling about in my head for a minute, and Im gonna try to get it all out. There's alot of debate about the state of music. More specifically black music, and to get even more specific.....the state of HipHop music. D4L has caught alot of heat for 'Laffy Taffy'. I hate the song just as much as the next person but we cant blame the perception of HipHop music being in a weird place on them or any other particular artist for that matter.

Before I start let me remind you that these are my thoughts and opinions. You can reference the name of the blog (see it up there in white letters?) if you have any questions. Im not saying you should feel the exact same way. It's just the way I see it. And with that said....................

You know who I blame? I blame 3 entities. The labels, the media, and US! Not the U.S., but our dumb, lazy, cheap, downloading asses. Allow me to break it down for you..........

THE LABELS : You can blame them, and then again you can kinda see their position in the matter. They are in it to make money. That's it. Simple as that. Basically they couldnt give a shit less about the artist, the history, the culture or anything else that aint the bottom line. They dont give a fuck about what you say, what you represent, what you promote, how many imaginary people you dump on, how many fake birds/bricks/cakes/grams/kilos/pies/pounds you move....as long as them first week numbers and that soundscan looks right, then carry on my nigga!!! You can record all the death and destruction you want. Them shits betta move units though! Hell.....spit about peace, tranquilty and butterflies if you want. As long as them shits move yo! Fuck ya talent, this is a business. You aint heard? Them niggas at the label prolly cant stand "Laffy Taffy" niether, but that shit racked up bookoo spins and 'nuff sales for them to stomach it. The lables are in it for the money. Cant be said any more plain that that.

THE MEDIA : I'm not sure if they are the biggest culprits here or if it is the people in general. I place a good amount of blame on the commercialization of hiphop. We didnt have these kinds of problems when MTV only gave us 'Yo! MTV Raps'. Now we got MTV2 (which is damn near all HipHop all the time) and MTV Jams and etc. The thing is that the balance of music is not presented like it should be. Radio and TV are still the most popular, simpliest forms of mass communications. The internet is right up there, but every nigga in the 'hood aint got a computer yet. And if you turn on the radio in AnyHood, USA you'll more than likely here the same 9 songs on that town's No. 1 station. And that kinda goes back to us....but I'll save that for the 3rd verse. It doesnt help that BET just aint interested in balancing out what they show! Did they really say Little Brother's "Lovin' It" was too intelligent? Didnt Styles P make a video for "I'm Black" ? Why didnt it get any burn? Why did radio turn it's back on it? I mean aside from 50 shutting shit down at Interscope in retaliation for the beef. But I mean really.....I was soooo disappointed that radio gave it less love than the KKK got for the NAACP. If the people dont know about all these dope artist that arent on major labels, then how can we support them. If the radio doesnt play them, then how can we know about it. Im sorry but people dont go into a record store no more and just buy shit b/c it looks interesting. CD's are like $20 now! Nobody got the time nor the funds to be curious like they used to. Take a stand why dont you? Demand the video stations play some other shit. Call and request to hear so and so on your local radio station. Do something dammit.

US : How that shit from the Fugees album go? "If you let a mu'fucka kick you 5 times, he'll kick you 5 times. But if you cut off the mu'fuckin foot.....wont be no more kicking!" Like I said man. Take a stand for crying out loud. If you really are interested in finding out what else is out there besides the shit you are force fed on TV and radio, then go out and research. Hit the local Mom and Pop store as opposed to Tower or FYE or the big chain retailer. Thank God for the internet in that respect. Now if you hear the name of an artist once, if you are really a music lover you might go and check some their shit out online. But it's a double-edged sword b/c nigs nowadays will just download your whole album and keep it moving. But that shit is wack man! If you like the new Ghostface album, go buy your own copy man. Dont get a burned copied from your boy. Stop being cheap man and go support that shit. We are killing the quality artist by not buying the fucking CD. And stop making Jigga have to "dumb down (his) lyrics to double (his) dollars". Niggas always wanna party and not have to think. In addition to music making us feel good or wanna have fun, it also can make us think. Marvin Gaye's "What's Goin On" is a classic example of that. When was the last time we got something anywhere near that zone? "Come on baby light my fire...music is supposed to inspire/So how come we aint getting no higher" - Lauryn Hill. We aint getting no higher b/c Joe Budden's album didnt sell. Im still mad at that shit. That album was one of the best, most introspective albums of the last few years. His joint didnt do numbers, but 50 sold like 11 mil that same year? What part of the game is that? And I aint mad at 50. I love that album too. But see that's the thing. I have both! Do you? It's about having a balance man. Some days I like the energy of a 'What Up Gangsta' and a 'Heat'. (That whole damn track is SICK!), but shit some days I aint that aggressive. Some days I can kick back and put a '10 Minutes' or a 'Calm Down' on and just zone out for a second. Anyone who listens to strictly one or the other is a severely fucked up, non-well rounded individual and I suggest you keep your distance. Find some balance, bitches! Know that it is more out there than they tell you about. Go out on a limb and discover some shit. Please.....Im beggin you.

Inspiration for this blog : Mos Def's song "Beef", repeated references to "Laffy Taffy" fucking up the game, Phonte's verse from "Boondock Saints", fiending for VH1 Soul b/c they do play new shit that I never heard and end up finding that I like, Dr. Wax, remembering the era when I would hear Artifact's "Wrong Side Of Da Tracks" on the radio and knowing that that era is soooooo long gone, and the feeling of feeling like you are the only one up on some dope shit that you came up on and wanting/needing/having to tell all your peeps about it.

The "Pray For Them All" List

1. "He worked with her/She was his lady's best friend/Even if they dont try/some ladies test men/And this was a test that was bigger than him/Some believe it's the nature that is given to men..... - " Common "Faithful"
2. I dunno what it is but that shit is true.
3. Son can have THE worst luck with women ever ever, but the moment he gets him a somebody.....
4. .....er'body and they mama be throwin the drawers at him.
5. Its no fun ducking and trying to miss drawers you normally woulda caught.
6. The child's phone number ends with '5150'.
7. Makes me wonder!
8. I can not wait to start my 'Award Tour'.
9. NY....then LA?
10. Once again it's on!
11. Truth be told....these trips are mostly gonna be job hunting.
12. Quick rule of thumb.........
13....if the child is old enough to question you as to where yall are going....his big ass dont need to be in no stroller!
14. Another rule of thumb.......
15. ....if you're soooooo health conscious and you decide to be a vegetarian....Im guessing them cigarettes you cheifin' on and that caffenine from the 12 cups of coffee you down er'day aint doin shit for you neither pimpin, please believe me!
16. "Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday....lying in hospitals dying of nothing." - Redd Foxx
17. Hey wait......wasnt that kinda contradictory?
18. Aaaah well....such is life!
19. It's hard when your lady don't believe what you say/And what you did in the past/you gotta live with today/She asked if they could spend the night together/He thought, and said, "I'm tryin' to get my life together"/Went home to his lady/these were his confessions/"Baby you a blessin' and my best friend"" - Common "Faithful"
20. RIP to Proof but.....it sounds like he was in the wrong.
21. Why the fuck is you out at a club at 4am for with a wife and 5 kids at home?
22. Grrrrrr!
23. God bless both he and the Keith Bender's life.
24. So BET is gon continue to give this "Im In Love With A Stripper" bullshit some burn, huh?
25. Which minds me of something Tanya said......
26. "She's a stripper.........she doesnt use email!!" - T-ROB
27. Hopefully we still get Lupe Fiasco's "Food and Liquor ".
28. Anyone else get an email from the new Blackplanet.com?
29. It seems they are coming for myspace's ass!
30. "Fake sugar? That shit'll kill ya! Fuck naw! Realsugarnigga!" -Teej
31. She said that her 13 yr old niece told her that the teacher was in the classroom singing Shawnna's "Gettin Some Head" to herself
32. *Teej says a quick prayer for the kids*
33. I opened a tab at the Darkroom
34. $110 later I closed it
35. I have to remember that I aint a baller
36. "You cant have everything. Where would you put it?" - Steven Wright
37. Hopefully they find Gigi's sister safe and sound
38. White boys + Beer = Fucking terrifying!!!!
39. "when i die i hope no one who ever hurt me cries and if they cry i hope their eyes fall out and a million maggots that had made up their brains crawl from the empty holes and devour the flesh that covered the evil that passed itself off as a person that i probably tried to love" - Nikki Giovanni
40. Is dude's name really D'brickashaw?
41. What the fuck was his mama thinking?
42.. "when you're having a bad day remember...you could be a siamese twin stuck to your gay brother who has a date tonight....and ya'll only got one ass to share!!" - Lindy
43. Why is Michael Jackson doing a mixtape with G-Unit?
44. Dont believe me?..... http://www.hiphopdx.com/index/news/id.4074
45. Black-on-Black Love: The Revolution that will NOT be televised 1 Corinthians 13:8

The most revolutionary thing that a black man can do, in a racist society, is to: Love God, first and foremost, and begin seeing himself as a reflection of God, and LOVING himself and seeing/loving his woman as an extension of himself--- THAT is revolutionary!

When brothas recognize that "Black-on-Black" Love is a form of resistance in a racist society (in effect, boycotting the negative stereotypes assigned to us by the mass-murdering-media) and steadfastly refuses to permit neither themselves nor anyone else (including sista's) to exploit & disrespect Black Womanhood, THAT is revolutionary and you best believe it won't be televised!

46. Some dude named Bro. Tony sent to it me on myspace from nowhere.
47. I thought the shit was deep.
48. Am I taking it right that the Jodeci reunion IS NOT gon happen now?
49. "I went in to pick up my check, came home, my supervisor called me about four o'clock, told me he got me on tape stealing boxes. " - Craig
50. "The fuck you stealing boxes for? What...? You trying to build a clubhouse?" - Smokey

Ignorant Shit

While getting ready for work one day Bone Thugs N Harmony's "For The Love of $$$" came on. I was jamming along with them, trying to sing along with they turbo tongued asses, yall know how we do. Then Eazy's part came on and it struck me. That was some ignorant ass shit he just said!!! It got me to thinking about other ignorant ass lyrics that we sing along and jam to without thinking about it. So I decided to write this blog of the most ignorant lyrics I could remember off hand. Feel free to add any if you like.

"Standing on the corner slangin my rocks/Awwwwwww shit!/Here come the mu'fuckin cops!/ So I dash, I ducks, and I hides behind a tree/hoping that the po-po's dont see me/Now my fat sack of rocks...hell yeah I stuffed 'em..." - Eazy E "For The Love of $$$"

"A bitch...../wait to you see my dick!" - Ying Yang Twins "Wait (The Whisper Song)"

"How you aint gon fuck?/Bitch Im me!!!" - Ludacris "Stand Up"

"To the window/to the wall/To the sweat drop down my balls/To all these bitches crawl/To all skeet skeet muthafucka/all skeet skeet goddamn/To all skeet skeet muthafucka/all skeet skeet goddamn!" - Lil Jon and The Eastside Boyz "Get Low"

"Sometimes I feel like a nut {*KNOCK KNOCK*}/It melts in ya mouth/not in ya butt/oh and.....tell your girl to stop changin her lip stick/I'm startin to get rainbows around my dick" - Sticky Fingaz of Onyx "Da Nex Niguz"

"I used to take 'em out to eat/but they wasn't really eatin/'Mighta got a little head/but I wasn't really cheatin" - Common "Faithful"

"That's the way you get 'em mayn/sneak up on 'em and you kill 'em/And they wont fuck wit ya no more" - Krayzie Bone "Shoot 'em Up"

"If it's not violence or drugs/I have nothing to spit/I'd be lyin if I talk some spiritual shit/Like Kirk Franklin and them/That just ain't me/I can't tell you about God/but I can tell you about a key/And what I'll do to God's children if they jerk me/Hurt me?/Never, that'll be a sin/I'ma put the Bible to your head/and shoot through Matthew verse 10" - Sheek Louch (of The Lox) "You Told Me"

"How we goin out to eat?/I thought you didnt swallow?" - Joe Budden "Focus"

"....sittin' in church drinkin' a 40 oz. of Holy Water" - Ganksta NIP "Bring It On"

"Shut up slut!/you're causin’ too much chaos/Just bend over and take it slut, okay Ma?/'Oh, now he's rapin’ his own mother/abusing a whore/snorting coke, and we gave him the Rolling Stone cover?!?!?'/You goddamn right BITCH, and now it's too late......" - Eminem "Kill You"

"When me and my posse stepped in the house/All the punk ass niggaz start breakin out/Cause you know, they know whassup/So we started lookin for the bitches with the big butts/Like her, but she keep cryin...."I got a boyfriend"/Bitch stop lyin'!!/Dumb ass hooker ain't nuttin but a dyke/Suddenly I see some niggaz that I don't like/Walked over to 'em and said "Whassup?"/The first nigga that I saw/hit 'em in the jaw/Ren started stompin 'em and so did E/By that time we got rushed by security/Out the door but we don't quit/Ren said "Let's start some shit!"/I got a shotgun and here's the plot/Takin' niggaz out with a flurry of buckshots.... " - Ice Cube "Gangsta Gangsta"

Got any others to contribute?

So in an effort to balance out all this ignorance....this is the link to a song quote blog that I did a while ago. It contains lyrics that I find inspirational and really true among other things. Ironic enough, a couple of artist appear in both. Enjoy... http://teejsays.blogspot.com/2005/09/as-promised-song-quote-list.html

I'm Rich, Bitch!

That damn egg hatched 2 days after I needed it to.

Tax money came approx. 72 hours after the rent check. So that -$413.45 pickle I was in was only temporary. Now Im balling outta control out this mug! Cant tell me shit! I just went from 'trying to make a dollar outta fifteen cents' to 'It aint tricking if you got it!' LMAO!

No dollar menu for me Reesie. Nah son....gimme that ol top shelf, gourmet, grey poupon shit!!!

For real for real though....let me slow my roll. The money I got really could be gone just like that if I opted to catch up on my bills.

My mama dun hit me up already and er'thang!

A Tax Time Story

There's this dude I know named......ummm.....we'll call him 'CJ' or 'Ceej'. So 'Ceej' has been pushing along, trying to make a dollar outta fifteen cents. He hadnt been able to participate in his favorite pasttimes of buying books and collecting CD's in quite some time b/c of budget constraints. You know how that goes, right? So now it's tax time. 'Ceej' wrote his rent check (for about $20 more than what was in his account at the time) and gave it to the rent people on Tuesday. On Wednesday he went to have his taxes done and found out that he was gonna be getting a real pretty penny back. He did the 1 to 2 day refund, so he was gonna be A-OK, right?

Nooooooooooooo not ol 'Ceejie'. Not with his luck! He was told what he was due to get back in about 2 days and jumped up and did the happy dance. Ran outta the H&R Block office at top speed and headed straight for Best Buy to cop a few CD's. Damn near $50 later he leaves Best Buy and beelines for Borders. Gotta get a couple/few things from there too ya know? So another $50 dollars later he exits Borders. Over the next couple days he spends like he's starring in a rap video. So after about $300 in total he decides he needs to slow down til he ACTUALLY GETS THE DAMN MONEY! Now keep in mind his rent check aint cleared yet. But no worries b/c he will be getting his tax return in 2 days, right? Anyone sense where this is going yet?

Well long story short..........b/c of a filing snafu his rent check beat his tax return to his account. Yup.....as I type this 'Ceej' tells me that his checking account is currently -$413.45. Tax people apologize about the snafu and assure him that he'll be receiving an addition $80 b/c the money didnt get there in 1-2 days. He's told he could have the money this Friday or worst case scenario by next Friday. But for now, save for the $9 in his wallet........... "Niggas is ass out like fat bitches in bikini's" - Notorious B.I.G.

Morale of the story : Dont be like "Ceej". Dont count your eggs before they hatch. He knew better. Make sure you do too!

The "Double The Pleasure, Double The Fun" List

1. "I pray I'm forgiven/For every bad decision I made/Every sister I played/Cause I'm still paranoid to this day/And it's nobody fault/ I made the decisions I made/This is the life I chose/ or rather the life that chose me/If you can't respect that/your whole perspective is wack/Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black/If you can't respect that/your whole perspective is wack/Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black...." - Jay Z "December 4th"
2. That line really resignates with me
3. But most Jigga lines do
4. Teej = A Jigga head
5. WTF is 'A Jigga head' boy!?!?!!!!!?
6. I digress.....you get the point, right?
7. I'll convert Stacy if it's the last thing I do
8. Lesley should really be listing on her blogspot blog
9. Getting my big ass on a speaker at the club and dancing would definitely constitute a new level of drunkness for me.
10. Im sure I wouldnt have did it if the club was crazy crowded
11. Everytime I hear that one God awful note in Keyshia Cole's song "Love"........
12. .....I wanna take her out in the field and put her out of her misery!
13. Can anyone explain how that note still made the song?
14. How does ANYONE think that is okay?
15. "Are you questioning my 'wow'? My 'wow's' are never questioned!!! - LH
16. I got my fingers crossed about that VH1 gig
17. I could soooooooo do NY
18. Or LA
19. Shit Im just ready to do some new shit!
20. Being too broke to buy CD's blows big ol chunky monkey nuts
21. Go see "V for Vendetta"!!!!
22. "'I only want to see you laughing in the Purple rain', cause if the rain is yellow somebody is giving out a golden shower and you need to move immediately." - Ms. Flanders
23. Flanders is a stone cold fool!!!
24. Apparently Im interesting and intriguing or something like that
25. Either that....or Im being severely gassed up as of late
26. I dont need no flippin 26!
27. Poop? You'll always be poop! Always lovely lady!
28. Oooooh and 'Turtle Girl'!!!
29. I give the strangest nicknames to people
30. My friend 'BooBooHead' really despises her nickname
31. And with good reason I might add, but it's the name I gave her dammit!
32. The palm reader said that I have good instincts and that I should trust them more
33. Hammer's "Have You Seen Her" came on recently
34. Without a doubt it's the most hilarious and God awful shit all in one
35. Can you say "God" and "shit" in the same sentence?
36. "I think I want a tattoo, a whole lot of them...just get all tatted up like Im hard and out of prison, then shave my head and open a daycare...cause if you send your kid to me I know your ass is cool..." - Ms. Flanders
37. Stone cold I tell ya!
38. I swear I meant every word of my drunken texting binge the other night
39. I'll spare you all the details
40. "If I said it/I meant it/Bite my tongue for no one/Call me evil/or Unbelievable" - Biggie "Unbelievable"
41. Wait a sec.....that's my shit!
42. "B.I.G./G.I.E/AKA/B.I.G./Get it?/BIGGIE!/Also known as the bon appetit/Rappers can't sleep/need sleepin/BIG keep creepin/Bullets heat-seekin/casualties need treatin/Dumb rappers need teachin/Lesson A - don't fuck with B-I/that's that!/'Oh I, thought he was wack'/Oh come come now/why y'all so dumb now?/Hunt me or be hunted/I got 357 ways/To simmer saute'/I'm the winner all day....." - Biggie "Unbelievable"
43. Damn I need to hear that shit in the club
44. Im thinking I would lose it
45. Sure could go for a "Yes, hello Anthony" soon
46. My aunt and that damn VCR is gonna be the death of me
47. I swear I feel like slamming it to the ground, then crip walking on it myself!
48. Looks like Whitney was fronting with her "Crack is wack" quip
49. "These people pay like $229 a night for a REGULAR room, so when they come to the concierge desk and ask me to get them OPRAH tix for the next day, they figure they should be able to get them! Dude are you crazy? Stedman cant get Oprah tix for the next day!!! Only person that can get Oprah tix for the next day is OPRAH! And that's b/c she has to host the damn show!!!!" - As said by me to my co-worker
50. I think I wanna go past 50 this list
51. "Even Cheney's own daughter doesnt like Dick" - As seen on a protest sign
52. Mighty nice of my offense to show up at the end of the 3rd quarter
53. You know that probably wont be happening again, dontcha Dre Day?
54. My brother said my feet usta smell like "alien sex!"
55. At least I aint ever try to catch line drives with my teeth!
56. "Catching (line drives) with his teeth?!?!!? Nigga please!!!" - Sho'Gun (The Last Dragon)
57. Lupe Fiasco is the truth!
58. Cop that "Food and Liquor" when it drops, will ya?
59. "Hi...we'd like to go to a restaurant. No seafood......unless they have chicken!" - As told to me by a guest
60. Can you guess what color these people were?
61. See I dont ONLY pick on white people
62. "Uhhh excuse me. Can you chew a little less loud out this mug?"
63. At least that's what I wanted to say
64. He too damn grown to be chewing like that though!
65. I guess I should move on to a new book since it's sooooo obvious I aint interested in finishing bell hooks' book, huh?
66. After all.....a year is a enough time to finish a book, aint it?
67. I blame my probable dyslexia
68. Sunday mornings at the hotel IS NOT what's up!
69. The little baby was jammin to her headphones
70. Being on the phone is even more unattractive since my earpiece broke!
71. Alot can be said for consistency
72. Ask my TV show
73. "Shit, I'm goin through it....../My life is gettin too wild/I need to bring some sort kinda calm to it/Bout to lose it/voices screamin "Don't do it!"....../Everybody doing it/I'm still scratchin on the block/like "Damn....I'ma be a failure" - Jay Z "This Cant Be Life"
74. Work ya contacts Teej!
75. Know better. Do better.
76. Most times....Life is really what you make of it
77. Diddy is suing Proactiv b/c he says his skin isnt bump free and he looks dumb being on the informercial praising it for clearing his skin and skin isnt clear
78. Proactiv is countersuing saying if his dumb ass wasnt endorsing (and probably drinking) Diet Pepsi than his situation would be moisturized and his sexy would stay perserved
79. I wish I were making that shit up
80. Shout out to all the dreamers
81. Continue to dream
82. "I really know how it feels to be stressed out stressed out/when you're face to face with your adversity/ I really know how it feels to be stressed out stressed out/We're gonna make this thing work out eventually.....I know that we gon make/I know that we gon make it/We gotta make it/We gotta make it" - ATCQ f/ Faith Evans "Stressed Out"
83. BTW.....yall real funny talkin 'bout I can give Grandpa tips on picking up floozies on myspace
84. Yall should try out for Comicview with ya funny asses!
85. I think I wanna plan family reunions for both sides of my families
86. Im thinking Im about to engage myself in a world of headaches but it's something I really wanna do
87. Deeds? Imma need your advice
88. "Nigga you gay!" - Riley from The Boondocks
89. That shit is hilarious!
90. Sad to see Russell and Kimora break up
91. Even sadder if she really is dating Baby from Cash Money
92. Who the hell wants to date him?
93. Have they seen this nigga?
94. Heard him talk at all?
95. Are people actually trying to imitate what they see on TV and "ghostride the whip"?
96. Fucking idiots!
97. I hate followers
98. Do you at all times
99. Red Ballons.....whatcha know 'bout that?
100. "It's time to bring the emcees on/I'm sick of niggas lookin bitch/tryin' to read poems and battle me with sandals and capri's on?!?!/Come on dog!/I'm about to get hyped with this/shed some light to this/So called black righteousness/Even though ya'll niggas might not cuss like me/At the end of the night/ya'll just trying to fuck like me/So what's the reason for the hating/ niggas with dreads/Calling they self gods with white girls named Caitlin/And I'm cool with interracial dating/but I aint about to hear no fucking speeches cause I wanna have some bacon!" - Phonte of Little Brother "The Yo Yo"
101. Pat ya stomach to that shit!

Why I Dont Work Sunday Mornings!

Teej at the hotel manning the Concierge desk on a Sunday morning is not a happy Teej. There's too much traffic with people checking out and going in and out of the Cafe for brunch, lunch and the such.

It's instances like this that have me thinking crazy shit such as......

When I first got to my desk and began preparing to "open up shop" I mumbled to myself "Okay...yall dumb asses can come ask me your dumb ass questions now!"

Or when I see people approaching the desk I think to myself ".....and what the fuck do you want?!?!?!" or "Now what yo ig'nant ass got for me?!?!!?!?"

Or when being forced to deal with these mugs who just dont believe in personal space when they roll up and literally stand right next to me or lean over the desk that they should be standing behind and look at whats on my computer screen....see I got a good mind to drop a elbow on these bastards, but I chill. But Im sure that elbow would learn they punk asses about personal space real quicklike. Im personable, but not THAT personable, shit. 3 FEET NUKKA!!!!!

Or as the early morning brunch crowd leaves they inevitably stop by my desk to ask me shit I really couldnt give a rat's ass about like "What was this building before becoming a hotel?" I'm thinking "Who the fuck cares? Because your ass is older than the raw materials used to build this damn place?....I oughta do a kung fu leg sweep and take ya ass to the ground. Get that hell on with that bullshit now!"

And that's not nice. That's not customer service at it's finest.

So I'll just keep mumbling these Ice Cube and Biggie lyrics to myself and try to keep something that resembles a smile on my face.

It's EVERYWHERE!!!!!

*Just click on 'em*

Cant Fool Me! (The Dreaded Future)

"I might look kinda funny/but I aint no fool!!!" - Andre 3000 (Outkast) "Synthesizer"

Get ya asses ready! The Government is coming for you! I peeped a commerical today where some business offers to implant a tiny tiny tiny chip in your dog should you ever lose him. On the surface this may just seem like the latest in technology. The commerical promises the procedure is non-intrusive, and it wont be uncomfortable to the dog. In fact the chip will be implanted via a needle much like the shots the dog would need to be healthy or whatever.

Yall know they testing that shit on dogs before they move it to humans, right? My guess is that when they take the baby away to wash it after birth they'll also slide the chip into the baby or some shit. Yeah.....I'll be opting for natural child birth at the crib. Fuck all that! They already got the streetlight camera jumpoffs all over the hood. Now with the chip they wont need to be so obvious. Shit is scary son! Eventually with the chip in place they'll be able to watch and control you Im sure. Makes sense, dont it?

Its finna be new age, New World Order shit in a hot sec yall. Remember in the Goodie Mob's video for "Cell Therapy" when Big Gipp went to buy the fish and instead of paying cash, they just scannned his hand? How'd the line go? "Tag my skin with your computer chip/Run your hand over tha scanner to buy you dish now/No more fishing for your fish!" Yup! Shit is realer than real it seems.

I did a quick google search. Peep these sites......

www.canismajor.com/dog/microchp.html
www.avidmicrochip.com
www.chippet.com

Be Ready yall! Be ready. "Rakim never joked. So why should I loc?" says Kurupt.

"Kicking shit called street knowledge/Why mo niggas in the pen than in college?/'cause of (this blog) I might be (they) cellmate........" - Ice Cube "The Nigga Ya Love To Hate"

I've Been Tagged (6 Things)

The Rules......you're to write 6 revealing, strange/quirky things about yourself on your blog and then tag 6 people to do the same....

1. My 2nd grade teacher Ms. Bradley would make me sit under her desk when I was bad. I didnt consider that to be punishment on the days she wore a skirt though.

2. I power walk/race unsuspecting people ALLLLLLL the time.

3. The last time I pee'd in the bed I was 23!!! I had the most vivid dream ever in which I was standing over the toilet, but then I awoke to found I had been dreaming. Needless to say, my brother still wont let me live that down.

4. I always trim my pubic hair the night before taking a flight.

5. As nice as I am most times...the people who really know me know that I can be one mean asshole when Im in my mood.

6. If I were to ever be in a coma or severely injured, etc. I want someone to have the decency to
repeatedly play soul music and that true school hip hop shit in my room. Im almost sure it will help in my recovery processs.

The following people have been tagged......

Miss Keish
B-Roc
InsanelySane
Drea
Simnicity
D-Cap-Ree-Yo (Or however the hell you spell it)

"Nigga What? Nigga Who?"

See what had happened was.....I made a list, right? And in this list I cut and pasted the definition of the word Nigger as published in the online version of Oxford's dictionary. I was simply making light of the fact that they basically warned white people that although some of us use the word amongst ourselves, they would still do best to leave the word alone all together. I found that a bit funny. Go see......

http://teejsays.blogspot.com/2006/02/theres-nothing-better-than-love-list.html

So what had happened was.....this particular blog was passed along by and to various people when it found its way overseas to a brother named Neil. Neil wasnt having it!! Yo, he straight up contacted Oxford and gave 'em the business! I aint mad atcha brother Neil. To paraphrase Neil....he basically told Oxford that first of all they were wrong to generalize and state that the word 'has begun to be used by black people as a mildly disparaging or ironically affectionate way of referring to other black people' , when in fact, for the most part it is used by the youth and music culture. Not all black people. Secondly, when the term is used amongst ourselves it is almost always 'nigga' and not 'nigger'. And thirdly, where the fuck do they get off referring to us as 'black people' anyways? We thought the PC term was 'African American'. Get it right punks!

Of course all that was me paraphrasing brother Neil. I must say he put it alot more elegantly. But the tripped out thing is they responded!......and promised to correct it!!!!! Peep........

Dear Neil,

Many thanks for contacting us about your concerns regarding the usage note for the word 'nigger' in the online Compact Oxford English Dictionary, which has been passed to me. I fully agree with the points you make: I think the note does come across as rather generalized and patronizing: in fact, the latest edition of the print Compact Oxford English Dictionary has revised this note to simply state 'The word nigger is very offensive and should not be used.'. Although this latest edition is not yet online, work is in progress to get this entry changed as soon as possible. I would assure you that we always treat sensitive or offensive vocabulary with great care and much thought: it is unfortunate that this note gave the wrong impression, as it was certainly not intended to sound patronizing or petulant. Thank you again for bringing this matter to our attention.

Yours sincerely,

Catherine Soanes

Project Manager
English Dictionaries and Thesauruses

Well damn Gina! Sho'nuff on the get down! I damn near started a revolution. Okay not really, but still....this is crazy. Again I aint mad at Neil for taking action for something he believed in. Let it be a lesson to us all.

The "I Really Dont Mean To Pick On White People" List

1. "Im left to write/til my forearms get all tight/and my fingers start cramping up...." - Rapper Big Pooh of Little Brother "Say It Again"
2. Some people say Im a good writer
3. If anything....I know Im a lazy one if nothing else
4. 8 turnovers in one game?
5. That'll never happen again.....trust!
6. 2 kids killed in Englewood in less than 10 days by stray gunfire
7. This really cant be life!
8. God bless them and their families
9. "I often wish that I could save everyone/but Im a dreamer" - Scarface "Smile"
10. Apparently most white people dont believe in person space
11. Must I get on some ol grimy Onyx "BACDAFUCUP!" shit?
12. Why am I almost certain that the Pork industry created Mad Cow Disease and the Bird Flu craze to scare people back into eating pork?
13. Last week I had no access to myspace for 3 whole days and Im still alive!
14. "Slow down baby/you're going too fast/You got you hands in the air/with you feet on the gas/You're 'bout to wreck your future/running from your past/ You need to slow down/before you go down baby" - India.Arie "Slow Down"
15. What the hell is it with white people and architecture?
16. If one more guest asks me about historical architecture anything Im gonna scream
17. You think I give a shit about when such and such building was built and by who?
18. Fool what I do give a shit about is my rent and bills!
19. Who has time to ponder dumb shit like that but stuck up ass well to do white people?
20. As you can see....white people irk me at times
21. ....but I promise Im not racist
22. "i play, but nothing can compare..." - Fox
23. My concierge status has earned me complimentary passes to some ballet
24. Why the hell cant I get tix to the Ghostface concert instead?
25. Is it bad to wanna beat the shit outta one of your co-workers simply b/c you do not like them?
26. No Teej....put positive thoughts and energy into the atmosphere
27. Anyone remember the skit from Saturday Night Live in which Garrett Morris sang "Im gon grab me a shotgun and kill all the whities I see/and when Im done it wont be no more to bother me...."
28. I know it seems like Im picking on white people this list, but I swear that shit just popped in my head.
29. And that's the point of the list.....to list random shit!
30. You gotta love it!
31. It sucks how the White Sox won the World Series last year but Im still seeing the suck ass Cubs' stories leading off the sports segment of the TV news
32. So I know I just mentioned how I couldnt check myspace for 3 days last week and I managed to survive....but they just blocked it at work!!!
33. That shit aint cool son!
34. 'specially since my internet is off at home!
35. WTF!?!?!?!
36. "Sometimes you gotta be still/before you can get ahead/Be still......../Take some time to clear your space/Be real/Chaos isn't good for your health..." - India.Arie "Slow Down"
37. There is shit in my life that I need to purge....
38. .....this I know!
39. Oh shit.....I think Im 'seeing' someone
40. Still awaiting Cali or NY to call with a job
41. We're 'The Get Fresh Crew' says Toya
42. I tend to agree
43. Them dental office gangsta's is on my ass!
44. She aint even 25 yet, but she looks a lil over 30 in face to me......she needs to slow down
45. Hotmail just took it upon itself to delete my account after almost 10 yrs together
46. Guess they heard I was fucking with gmail now and got mad at me
47. Ms. Arie is about to drop that shit on us soon
48. RIP Gordon Parks
49. Writing my relatives in jail is becoming a task
50. ".....came to me to see if I can give 'em guidance for change/shit yall....I need guidance myself" - Pos of De La Soul "Trying People"

They Fucking Won?!?!!?!?

Eddie Murphy once told a joke about how when Jesse Jackson ran for president it would have been funny if all the crazy white people decided to vote for him just for the hell of it, and he ended up winning and then when they sobered up they'd be all in shock and shit like "He fucking won!?!?!"

Well a moment much like that has happened as far as Im concerned. Memphis rap act Three 6 Mafia has won a fucking Oscar for Best Original Song! Yup....the same Three 6 Mafia that has given us such timeless classics as "Hit A Muthafucka", "Elbow A Nigga", "Slob On My Knob", "Blow A Nigga's Ass Off", "Hoes Can Be Like Niggas", "Azz & Tittiez", "Let's Start A Riot" and of course "They Bout To Find Yo Body" will now go down in the anals of history as the first rap act to ever perform at the Oscars, and the 2nd to actually fucking win one. (Eminem won the 1st ever for "Lose Yourself" a couple years ago, but he dont count!)

*This is where I shake my head*

Is this a big joke? Did the people who vote on this shit do this as a mistake? Did they jokingly decided to use their individual vote to vote for them thinking no one else would? This just cant be life people! And let me say that I am not hating on Three 6 Mafia. Ive met them. They are cool dudes and all....but "It's Hard Out Here For A Pimp"????????? I mean sure...I suppose the song was/is important to the story and all, but that's not the representation I want in 75 years when most of us are not here and they look back on this moment.



"For anyone keeping record," Host Jon Stewart said later, "Martin Scorsese, zero Oscars. Three 6 Mafia, one."

What's funny is....I actually wore my Three 6 Mafia promo sweater today b/c I was in a rush to leave the house and it was right there. So I guess in a weird twisted way....this is all my fault.

I apologize.

Essentially

Now I've only been doing this concierge thing full time for about a month and a half or so but.....Im more or less pretty sure that the word 'Concierge' essentially means to get shit for white people.

Ewwwww!!!!

Ewwww nasty mu'fucka!!!

The TALLEST MU'FUCKIN SHIM I've ever seen in my life just went up to a guest's room! This broad (and I use that term loosely) looked like Charles Oakley in a bad weave and horrible make-up! There is no mistake to be made. That was a damn man, man!!! Aint no getting out that...I doubt that!'

Unless you're Lisa Leslie or Rebecca Lobo (and the jury's still out on her!), aint no damn woman that tall. Son Im 6'5 and (s)he had a smooth 4 inches on me!!!!

I dont get that shit. Im sure 'she' went up to a male guest's room. Aint no woman finna order a dude dressed like a woman. But it's like....if you are gay then you are gay dog. No need to front. No need to add some extra kink to the mix and prefer men that dress like women. It's still a fucking dude.