I Feel A Change For The Better Around The Corner

I've decided that NOTHING in the this particular world
is more important to me than that girl.
And if she'll have me as her guy
then we'll ride this rocket love beyond the sky.

That's the start of a poem (that I probably wont finish at the pace I usually complete them) that I just jotted down after a phone conversation we just had that left me feeling especially good for some reason. I dunno.....Im feeling verrrrrry Sam Cooke-ish....'A Change Is Gonna Come'. And it will be for the better. You just watch.

KK? Can I get my money that my mama gave you to give to me? LOL. Do I have to tell on you? And please pretty pretty pretty please dont eat all the brownies? Pleeeeeeease with sugar and cherries and CHOCOLATE (*wink*) on top?

Can Anyone Tell Me.....

...why is Love soooooooooo difficult? Is it that the rewards actually make the hard shit justifiable? And how is it possible to love someone soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much and still wanna choke the shit outta them? Hell....she's probably asking herself the same thing. Oh isnt Love just wonderful? I still believe though....I still believe...........gotta keep the faith....(Singing George Michael...) "I gotta have faith. Faith. Faith!

Oh Come On Now...

LOL.....If I got hit by a bus and was in the hospital....you'd be worried about me and the nurses/female doctors? LOL.... Isnt that a wee bit much? Is that what you really really think of me? Sheesh! That's a tad harsh, no?

My Biggest Fear

The thing that frightens me most is the prospect of us being on this break and just drifting apart. Like we saw each other for the first time in a week last night and it was a tad bit weird. When I first saw her I went up to her and hugged her, and from the hug I could tell that as angry as she was/is with me, that she still missed me. You dont know how relieved I was as we were embracing. I shoulda cracked her back as I held her in my arms. Dont worry folks...she likes it when I do that. Anyways....I say all that to say....on a certain level....I suppose this break is good for both of us. It'll gimme a chance to re-evaluate things I need to work on and her too. But the shit is hard yo, HARD! Like I dread crawling in my bed cuz she aint there. The extra space is cool to have to stretch and shit, but I'd damn sure rather turn over and bump into her. I been sleeping with her pj bottoms in my bed. Sad, huh? LOL. This sucks boo-tay I tell you, but I suppose it's necessary. Im still Amel Larrieux "I'd rather not be me w/o you". I guess I'll have to toll on in this little sad existence for hopefully not too much longer.

Here's a thought....

...I've never been a fighter. Like I'll fight if I have to, but fighting off GP? Nah that aint me son! I just dont like fighting....especially with my significant other. The way I figure it....we are both human, we are both gonna make mistakes and do stupid shit. Probably me moreso than her, but I just dont wanna waste precious time fighting. It's been a week now since I made the dumb joke that was disrespectful. Honestly I never saw all this coming from that one incident. Even when I found out that she was pissed or whatever....I didnt see this. I thought maybe she'd be mad a day or two and then we'd be okay or whatever. I just cant believe I havent seen my baby in damn near 7 days cuz of a stupid drunken joke. Like damn...what do I gotta do? Go out and get hit by a car? If I were laid up in a hospital she'd undoubtedly rush by my side. Probably apologizing for us fighting. And it would be the same way God forbid I had to sit by her side in a hospital. Which leads me to the point of this particular blog.....w/o getting into detail...we've been through much worse. I just dont wanna lose anymore precious time doing the shit we like to do together (i.e. me rubbing her feet with aloe vera lotion, us eating leona's or jimmy john's, etc). I just dont think it's worth it in the long run of things.

This sucks BOO-TAY!

Im feeling sooooo fucking needy and dependent and affection starved and of course the ONLY person in the world who can relieve me of these feelings is totally not feeling me. I swear if I were a cryer, I'd be crying my eyes out. I wouldnt mind that either b/c at least I'd be able to release these mucky ass feelings that I have inside. Instead I just try to make it through the damn days and try to find shit to keep my mind of off her. But that's like if someone tells you not to think of grapefruit....you cant help but think of grapefruit! I keep telling myself not to think about her.....but of course she's all I can think of. Maybe I should just jump off a building and get this torture over with.....shit!

I Apologize

I'm a big boy. I can admit when I am wrong. So I apologize to you KK. My joke was disrespectful to you and that was not my intent. Shit...I had no intent cause I just said it. I didnt stop to interpret it or think how others would interpret it. I just said it. That's really it. Aint much more to it than that. Fin.

I Cant Deal

Im so fucking mad that I barely feel like blogging about this shit. Basically KK is mad at me for some second hand shit she ACCIDENTALLY OVERHEARD that I said to the host of this party we went to. Then instead of just fucking coming out and telling me what the problem is...she chooses to speak in fucking riddles and not staright out tell me what the problem is! This happened last night at our NEXT TO LAST stop. We went to another place AND she drove me home AND we've spoken on the phone, and she NEVER tells me what the problem is. How do I FINALLY get to the bottom of this shit? I READ HER BLOG!!!! Oh that's real damn adult of you! And again to top the shit off, she's mad at some shit she overheard that I said. Im not denying that I said it. But had you been there to actually hear how it was said...you would realize it was a damn joke! Apparently a bad one.....but a joke nonetheless!!! WTF????

BACK UP IN YA!

Didja miss me? LOL....Yeah did all 5 of you who may check this thing every so often miss me at all? LOL..Anyways....KK reminded me that I had been slacking on my blogging so Im here again. No babyluv....it wasnt a fad. I really do enjoy this here blog thing. I just kinda fell outta the habit, and then I started feeling like I really didnt have much to blog about. As hard as that may sound...but Im here. I promise more consistency with this. You folks stay tuned!