Monday, May 19, 2008

The "World's Smartest Dummy" List

1. "I solemnly swear/to change my approach..../Cause I be doing the most/But everytime I felt that was that/it called me right back/Man, it called me right back" - Jay-Z "Allure"

2. Sometimes I do the most. Like when I drink 'til I throw up and pass out while standing up in bathroom stalls

3. Can you say "Excessive"?

4. What the hell was in Lena's jeezus juice anyways?

5. You would think that by age 30 I'd know better than to drink like a fish on an empty stomach but apparently not

6. Teej = World's Smartest Dummy

7. (I can just see your face now.) Dont worry Andy. Im cool.

8. HillBilly still aint shut their shit down yet?

9. Did they not get the memo that it's "Barack Time" or something?!?!?

10. "You should get a beta. They are pretty easy to take care of. We had one that lived for years, even through a fire... until Eric fed him Velveeta. That's a pet care tip for you: no processed cheese food for fish" - Lesley

11. Do you think it's a coincidence that in the midst of all his Sean Bell protests, the US District Attorney has 'uncovered' that Al Sharpton supposedly owes $1.5 million in back taxes?

12. Trust me....if this is indeed the case, these fools ARE NOT just discovering this

13. Screw "Sex and The City" when is the "Girlfriends" movie come out?!

14. If I know your first and last name, more than likely I've googled you

15. It's simply what I do....dont ask me why

16. The Celts sure as hell are making this championship run hard I tell ya!

17. "I love my nigga for the fact that he's real/and nobody on the faculty squeal/And if you facing capital pun(ishment)/then pass me a gun/and Imma give you time to run/while I rapidly peel!" - Jadakiss/Styles P "We Gon Make It"

18. Aint that some loyalty for your ass?!?!? Now that's what Im talking bout!

19. No Ronnie, it doesnt surprise me that Morehouse's 2008 Valedictorian is white. I mean Tiger Woods has been the world's best golfer for what? Like 10 years now? Shit had to even out somewhere I figure

20. People keep trying to "buy" me on myspace. It's kinda fun on facebook, but the myspace version looks wack

21. Why do they keep jacking facebook for their applications anyways?

22. Stop being a beatbiter and dope style taker Tom

23. OMG a cyclone in Myanmar killed 78,000 and a earthquake in China killed like 33,000

24. God Bless them all

25. We really gotta find a way to work better with Mama Earth. Im sure all these natural disasters are a result of us doing too much to the earth, ya know?

26. We all play a part yall....for real

27. "Did you ever stop to notice the crying Earth/The weeping shores?" - Michael Jackson "Earth Song"

28. I swear I have never felt more loved at the hotel than when they wanted me to sign up to play basketball against our sister hotel

29. They dont even know if I can play or not!

30. Speaking of basketball.....when I wrote the blog about Candace Parker I never imagined in 122 years that she might actually lay eyes upon it

31. But thanks to the homie Chanteeeeezy she prolly will

32. I hope she sees the humor and satire in it

33. She really is the truth tho....setting a record for most points in a WNBA debut, plus she was 2 assists shy of a triple-double

34. *steps down from Candace's jock*

35. "You cant wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club!" - Jack London

36. I need to tattoo that shit on my forehead!

37. So this dude goes crazy, shoots his girlfriend 8 times, leads popo on a high speed chase that ends at a crowded park (where he promptly drives through the baseball field of people)! Then he jumps out the car, pretends to have a gun and screams "I want to be shot!".Needless to say he was white, therefore he didnt catch 50 shots. They just tasered him and took him into custody. Go figure! http://www.%20msnbc.%20msn.%20com/id/24522525

38. Thanks for passing that story along Michelle

39. You know those people who never send regular emails, just maaaaad forwards?

40. So yeah I think my mama is one of those people, bless her heart

41. Anyone (besides you *wink*) aware of where my current screen name is from?

42. I really aspire to be that shit

43. "This man ish is heavy, works on the nerves, you live to be a strong leader, protect and serve/But on the inside I long to be little me again, and see how it works when you have the lesson blended in" - Jaxon

44. Brother please believe I feel you!

45. I've DJ'ed the last two house parties Ive been to from my ipod!

46. Add DJ to the list of things Im gonna do too

47. Man....the Cubs might be really good this year. Dont worry they'll blow it in the post-season

48. has thoroughly pissed me off with this pay shit

49. And to think....I almost didnt do 50 b/c I worry about people reading the stuff I write in these lists!

50. "I mean what if they pulled a chick wit our pics...they cant fuck...cuz soon as they show up lookin like John Witherspoon.....its ova!!" - Vice Verse on dudes stealing our pics to use on their profiles

Monday, May 12, 2008

I Now Understand.....

...why this country and world is so fucked up!

As most of you know, I work as a concierge at a ritzy boutique hotel (and no, I dont have the hookup for you, so dont ask!) in downtown Chicago. And Im sure those of you who read my blogs have at some point read when I reference my job as 'getting shit for white people'. (Yall think Im being funny, but Id say 85% of the guests are white so Im just telling the troof!) If you are unfamiliar with the term 'concierge' lemme give you the textbook definition as told by everyone's favorite source for info about anything....WIKIPEDIA!

"In hotels, a concierge assists guests with various tasks like making restaurant reservations, arranging for spa services, recommending nightclubs, procurement of tickets to special events and assisting with various travel arrangements and tours of interesting places to visit. In upscale establishments, a concierge is often expected to "achieve the impossible", dealing with any request a guest may have, no matter how strange, relying on an extensive list of personal contacts with various local merchants and service providers."

Now with that can imagine that I run into and deal with ALL types of people every single day that Im at work. Everyone from your typical well to do types, to business class types that run multi-million dollar companies, to foreigners visiting this country who barely speak English, to the dude tricking off trying to impress a jumpoff and so on. All these people have one shining attribute in common.......


I now understand how Bush got (s)elected and re-(s)elected. I mean really....when Kerry lost I was just dumbfounded as to how anyone can vote for this prick a second time, but now I get it.

As Ive told the homie Andrea (What up Hutch?!?!) many a time......we are the minority b/c the vast majority of the world is stupid. Plain and simple. Its just one of those clear cut things......much like the fact that water is indeed wet and Paris Hilton is a trick. It just is. Most people in general can not think for themselves or make their own decisions and so they'll believe everything they are told or see on TV or read in the newspapers. They repeatedly believe the hype even though PE warned 'em not to.

There's a saying I heard a while ago that says 'Common sense aint so common anymore'. And this is what I just cant wrap my brain around. Much like most white people cant fathom police brutality and racism even existing, I cant fathom how and/or why people are so damn dumb. Most times when I have to deal with these idiots it just pisses me off. And my coworkers wonder why I get all riled up. "Are you fucking slow? MACY'S IS ACROSS THE STREET! THERE....RIGHT THERE! SEE WHERE MY FINGER IS POINTING? IT'S RIGHT THERE! THAT BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" My patience just wares then. I get irritated when people dont do the common sense/basic shit.

I feel like Im ranting now. Actually I pretty much know that I am so let me wrap it up for you folks so you can continue with your day.

In short, about 88, maybe 89% of the world is either slow, stupid or retarded. Those of us that dont fall into those categories must remember that we are severely outnumbered. They are everywhere. At our jobs, at our places of leisure, even next door to you! Stupid people do stupid things.......and it makes sense to them. So when us non-afflicted people try to do something the non-stupid way everyone looks at us like we're out of our mind. Dont buckle under the pressure. Dont let stupid prevail. And by all means when you are forced to deal with an obvious idiot just take a deep breath, remind yourself of the fact that it's them and not you, then say what you need to say to them as slow as possible til it sinks into their tiny little brains.

Smart people unite and let's all get down!