Sunday, October 29, 2006

The "Partially Misogynistic" List

1. "I got my mack on strong/And my dick on long/So fuck it!/All my bitches can stay gone!" - Ant Banks (Too Short F/ Ant Banks) "All My Bitches Are Gone"
2. Ahhh...Nothing like a lil misogyny to start a list, right?
3. For anyone not in the know....Dave + Patron = BIIIIIIG NO NO!
4. He usually always ends up on the ground at some point immediately thereafter
5. But the 'car love' thing was a new one on even me
6. Fay was really terrified.....LMAO
7. I dunno yall...with this "Save Room" song sounds like John Legend made a contrived effort for the POP tart charts to me
8. Lori and Lesley headed to the Chi?
9. Oh yesssss let the games begin
10. The bookstore awaits us!
11. "But if you think that I could look you in your face and lie right through my teeth/Then turn around and walk away/Cross my heart girl I care for you/and when I look into your eyes I must say......" - Brian McKnight "The Only One For Me"
12. I heard a rumor that "Martin" Season 1 was finally dropping on DVD early next year
13. Marty Mart anytime I want?.....say word!
14. They dun fucked up now I tell you!
15. "I want you to think about the Democrats plan for success. There isn't one. They are in agreement on one thing — they will leave before the job is done, and we will not let them. It's a hard fight, and we've got a lot of brave citizens of ours in the midst of the fight. But we have a plan for victory." -Bush on the war in Iraq
16. Plan for victory?!?!?!?!?
17. So exactly when the fuck does he plan to initiate this 'plan for victory'?
18. *sigh*
19. Angela found my camera that Im almost sure has my picture with Nikki Giovanni on it!!!!
20. Yeah Im loving my baby sister right now
21. Fay is right though...she definitely runs the crib!
22. So what I named this list what I named it
23. "Get a grip bitch/This how I get through life!" - Jay Z "Watch Me"
24. I went from misogyny to heartfelt sincerity and back misogyny
25. Fuck it!.....Life is contradictory like that
26. "Hahaha, I'm just playin’ ladies. You know I love you" - Eminem "Kill You"
27. The stupid machine at work gave me Diet Pepsi again
28. Only this time I pressed the button for it
29. Still havent figured out what the fuck that shit's about yet
30. Pa-Trisheeeeeeee are you alright?
31. So my co-worker from Iowa was telling us of how she likes and makes Peanut Butter-Pickle-Chip sandwiches
32. Yeah...peanut butter, pickles and potatoes chips smushed together on bread
33. Now mind you this is the same co-worker from Iowa who dips her PB&J sandwiches in soup 34. I've concluded that it's just her and not in fact the whole damn state of Iowa that is weird
35. The plan is to not end up like "What About Brian"
36. At least thats the plan.....
37. What I do know is that I need to tweak some shit with me before I can make that happen
38. " cuz M-O-N-E-Y never did a thing for L-O-V-I-N/I feel it in my bones/that you and I can win/Ask me what I need/I need your lovin'/and that's the bottom line/I need your lovin'/or just a little time" - Teena Marie "I Need Your Lovin"
39. Everytime I click on TC's blog ( I think of Frankie Beverly and Maze
40. Hmmm....I wonder why? LOL
41. I wish I knew how to do all that fancy stuff like link all my fellow bloggers blogs to my blog on the side or make their name appaear as a link to their page
42. Anyone see Lynette on some 'B.I.G., kick in the door' shit on Desperate Housewives?
43. She was not finna play with ol girl!
44. But she gets shot next week? WTF?
45. RIP Herve Romain and Dorothy Morrison
46. What Im coming to learn more and more is that we really do make this life what it is for ourselves
47. We hold more power then we give ourselves credit for
48. Im so fa-serious...believe that shit yo!
49. FYI in case you havent noticed or if you cared....I blog on Mondays and Thursdays
50. Dont ask me why

51. Did Lil Wayne and Baby really lock lips in that pic?
52. Anyone catch the ghetto ass Ozone Awards?
53. WTF kinda caricature is TV Johnny anyways?
54. "I am an optimist. But I'm an optimist who takes his raincoat." - Harold Wilson
55. Now put that in ya peace pipe and smoke it!

Wednesday, October 25, 2006

My Looney Dreams

You ever dream some real weird and/or fucked up shit? Im talking soooo weird and/or fucked up that when you wake up you have to pause for a second and wonder what the fuck is wrong with you? Im gonna have to get a dream intepretations book and try and figure some shit out. So not that Ive had any insanely weird dreams as of late, but the thought just struck me and so Ive decided to share some of my more weirder dreams with yall.

*There was the dream I had in which I was at practice b/c I played for the Chicago Bulls. So while Im at practice....this light skinned cock-eyed lady with nappy hair in a huge green coat(that I had seen on the bus once real life!!!) came to tell me that my mama had fallen down some steps and died. Why was I playing for the Bulls? Why the nappy-haired cock-eyed lady? Why my mama had to go out on some stairs?

*Then there was the dream in which my father had me killed. I was the 705 Auditorium at the top of the stairs. He was at the bottom of the stairs. He motioned for me to come down stairs and went around this corner. This is my father so Im not expecting him to take me out the game. But just as surely as Im named after him....when I got downstairs and I cut that corner....some masked gunman shoots me in the stomach! WTF?

*And how about the time I decapitated these 2 people. I dont remember the whole dream but in the end I was OJ and they were Nicole and Ron. I wasnt angry with the people in real life. I didnt have any aggression issues at the time that I recall. I just up and relieved their necks of their heads for no apparent reason.

I mean seriously....WTF? Maybe I need to change my diet. Or maybe re-evaluate the shit going on in my life. Why cant I have normal people dreams. Who dreams this crazy shit?

Sunday, October 22, 2006

What The Weird Lady Told Me

This weird Kathy Bates/Roseanne Barr/MiMi from The Drew Carey Show looking lady with reddish-orange hair, funny glasses and no neck just walked outta the cafĂ© and start talking all this jibberish to me. She started first by telling me that I have an aura about me. And that I seem to be a gentle giant. She said that she can tell that I was destined to be a leader and when I stepped into a room that I commanded attention and respect. At first I was genuinely taken aback and grateful for her kind words if not just a bit thrown off by the randomness of it all. But then she started flirting somewhat by adding that the fact that Im “eye-candy doesn’t hurt either”. (“Okay Teej. Just smile a bit and thank her and hopefully she'll keep it moving”) Then she went on about how she can sense that Im destined for greatness and that I may lose some friends by the wayside (So which of you fuckers are fair-weather friends? Hmmm…), but it was okay b/c I’d soon make new ones. And then the convo got weird……-er.

She then went on to tell me how the world needs more strong black men like myself. As a former Black Panther (Now mind you this is 50 year old-ish white lady. And that’s not to say that white people weren’t down with the Panthers or that it’s impossible, but I don’t buy it from her!), she can sense that Im down for the cause. She mentioned something about being from Des Moines, Iowa (The Panthers were in Iowa? Word?!?!) and being there from the start and the need for more programs like the Free Breakfast before school for kids and etc. Then she said something something about ‘it’ not being just a black problem but a human problem as a whole. And so this is the point where I began to tune her out and just nod and agree so she could leave me be as soon as possible.

Then she stuck her fist out to give me dap and broke out!

(Now I only feel it fair to mention that she prefaced this whole exchange by telling me of how it was her birthday and how she really enjoyed the wine she had just had. )

I still thought this little monologue to be hilarious and worth sharing.

Thursday, October 19, 2006

The " I *sigh* Often " List

1. "I want a wife/I love women/How could I front like I dont be in love with 'em?/ A lil man/that I can teach/ A lil sand/but not the beach/I figure an excess can only lead to an excessive amount of fuss...." - Dave (De La Soul) "Trying People"
2. Have I ever mentioned how much being single can suck sometimes to me?
3. I'd love to be in a committed relationship but the simple fact is I dont believe Im ready
4. Thai thinks Im crazy when we talk about my intended level of dedication to my future wife
5. I really wanna be the bestesthusbandever!
6. What I've come to realize is that aside from love and trust, what women need more than anything is stabilty 7. And right now...I believe myself to be excitement and fun but not stability
8. And so if I want that wife I had better get my ass stable b/c.....
9. "If you always do what you always did, you'll always get what you always got" - Moms Mabley
10. Now that's fucking real talk!!
11. That shit shoulda been a blog in and of itself
12. My co-worker dips her peanut butter and jelly sandwiches in soup
13. Im 99% sure it's b/c she's from Iowa
14. "On a starry winter night in Portugal/where the ocean kissed the southern shore/There a dream I never thought would come to pass/Came and went like time spent through an hourglass/You made love to me like fire and rain/Ooh, you know you've got to be a hurricane/Killing me with kisses, oh, so subtly/You made love forever, baby/You made love forever........." - Teena Marie "Portuguese Love"
15. Turned on the news : Still bullshit goin on in the world
17. Turned off the news : Decided to work to make my world better
18. Ruby Dee just stayed at my hotel!!!!!!
19. She's soooooo cute and precious I swear I wanted to eat her up
20. What I really wanted to do was be a groupie and ask for a picture but I had to maintain my professionalism
21. But that sux b/c when am I gonna meet her again?
22. My Bears are looking pretty F-ing good right about now!
23. I meant to ask Robin Thicke why 'norwegian wood'?
24. Like....what the hell is wrong with domesticated wood?
25. And does he actually travel to Norway to get it?
26. "I love watchin' shoulders being justifiably dusted" - Fay
27. Brooke Hogan looks to me like Eminem in drag
28. And I think this Shareefa chick is Shawanna's singing alter ego on some Humpty Hump/Shock G shit
29. C'mon now they look too much alike and they're both on DTP?!!?!?
30. I didnt know there was such a word as
31. However I certainly understand it's sentiment
32. 'Flavor of Love' is over
*Teej does his happy dance that resembles the whop*
34. By all accounts our event with Robin Thicke was the shit....
35. ...but what made me believe I wanted to get into event planning again?
36. Can we say S T R E S S F U L ?!?!?!?
37. In any event Superior Media Group is now open for business bitches!
38. "Ya girl's present with the music blastin/and she keep asking/"How it shoot if it's plastic?"/I tell her "you'll see if ya man run up"/She sat back and turned "The Carter" back up/Oh fa sho!!...." - Lil Wayne "Go DJ"
39. I mean I like Lil Wayne with his newfound swagger and all but....
40. The poor child told me that he would eat Mos Def up in a battle
41. *sigh*
42. But she's 14 so WTF does she know about music?
43. Pa-Trishee's blog to baby Justice is just about the sweetest, most sincere shit I've ever read in my life
44. His letter asked if we forgot about him since he's been locked up
45. Not at all....but shit Im trying to keep from going crazy and doing some shit to land me in there with your ass!
46. I swear knocking over a bank sounds more and more tempting some days
47. There is a poor 5 yr old baby in the world named Mercedes Champagne

48. I mean what is there to say about such madness?
49. "See, what had happened was, me and my eldest son were riding in the car one night and we were listening to XM satellite and Cassidy came on, that’s my lil’ homie. So I’m like, “You like cuzz?” And he’s like, “That’s my favorite rapper!” I was like, “What! That’s your favorite rapper??” So my littlest son in the back, I’m like, “Yo, who your favorite rapper, Lil’ Snoop?” He’s like, “You.” So [to] my oldest son, I’m like, “Yo, why I ain’t your favorite rapper?” He’s like, “I mean you cool. You flow but…you don’t be like, bustin’ like Cassidy and them.” So I went and made [“Think About It”], and I played it for him and he was like, “Goddamn Daddy! I ain’t know you did it like that!” And I was like, “Yeah nigga!” - Snoop Dogg
50. Anyone else see something wrong with this lil story from Mr. Dogg?

Monday, October 16, 2006

Get Ya Draws Out Ya Ass!

Why put up with uncomfort and unhappiness if you dont have to?

Life is too short for that.

So if your draws creep up in your ass....Get 'em out!
If you hate your job to the point you despise crossing the threshold into that muthafucka....quit that shit yo!
If your 'significant' other aint pulling their weight or making you happy....leave that fucker be!

"One life to live/Notice you get no sequel/So I truly got to live this like my last movie" - Jay Z

Live your life yall.

Live it to the best of your ability.

Tuesday, October 10, 2006

Exit : Teej. Enter : Tzo (The Fashion Show)

"runway tip: dont walk with ya ass out, niggs will be lookin for u after the show!" - Stace

LMAO. Word! I was maaaad conscious of my ass but I swear to something sacred I still got some uncomfortable small talk from a couple dudes afterwards. Such is life I suppose.

I would love to tell yall that I ripped shit, but that wasnt the case. It wasnt hard for me to shine. The other 2 black dudes beside myself were old, short and really really gay. I had no choice but to stand out.

I went to get fitted yesterday. They had me rocking some preppy shit that you might see the boy Kanyeeeezy in. Sweater vest, zip ups and etc. Multi-layered though. Ya man was 'sweating like a nigga at a white woman funeral'. We did the walk thru like 1/2 hour before the show started.

First run : Mad nervous. A little unsure. But by time I got to the end of the runway I can tell that they were loving the kid. Okay I got this.

Second run : I aint new here. I grew here! Yalll mu'fuckaz aint ready for Tzo! Give 'em a slight pimpish stroll. Hit the end of the runway. Stop. Wink at a chick. Turn ya back. Let 'em eat ya dust. Shit was baby food yo! Maaaad easy.

"You were great! A natural I'd say. I can tell you've done this before. Do you have an agent?" - Rita Reed

Shit I might've landed myself an agent tonight. This Rita Reed lady wants me to call her and discuss her possibly representing me or something to that effect. I dunno yo. It was cool, but I still dont like this runway shit.

btw....'Tzo' is the name given to me accidentally by someone who mistook me introducing myself as 'TJ' for 'Tzo'. I've decided that 'Tzo' will be my bold side and modeling alter ego. when I do some outrageous wont be TJ or Teej. It will be Tzo. I love it already!!!

Thursday, October 05, 2006

The "There's The Funny And The Sad " List

1. ".....I love you anyhow/And I dont care if you dont want me/Im yours right now/You hear me?/I put a spell on you/Because you're mine" - Nina Simone "I Put A Spell On You"
2. Damn...I guess Nina was not playing around with the boy
3. I went to a fancy tasting party thrown by the Hennessey people
4. Got a chance to sample the Hennessey Richard that costs $1500 per bottle!!!!
5. Wanna know what it taste like?
6. The same damn Hennessey I get at the club for $8!!!
7. Okay so maybe they had just came from church
8. But why'd your swedish pancakes look like pancake strips though?
9. Is that how they're supposed to look?
10. So wait.....why is Mike Tyson about to fight again?

11. "50 and I never dated ... despite what he chooses to believe in his own mind. I don't know how he would get Lloyd Banks confused with me." - Mya on 50 Cent's claim that he slept with her
12. LMAO......'Daaaaaaaaaamn homie'
13. About that whole 'Go hard, work out everyday til my fashion show' thing......
14. .........ehhh not so much
15. I've come to learn that I dont have the discipline I thought I did
16. At the very least the discipline comes and goes
17. Same goes for food
18. I've eaten soooo much crap since that post
19. Eating right/healthy while broke or on a budget is damn near impossible
"Fast food got me feeling sick/these muthafuckas think they slick/by trying to make this bullshit affordable....." - CeeLo (Goodie Mob) "Soul Food"
21. The baby goes to the dentist and dies
22. This fucker shoots up a school full of Amish girls

23. Some shit just fails to make sense
24. When was the last time a really good movie came out?
25. And shit....what about a really good movie with some damn black people in it?!?!?!
26. Is it bad to wish that Bush and his whole damn cabinet just fucking spontaneously combust?
27. Or better yet....can we be timeported to 2008 already?
28. Will Okrah persaude Barack to run for Prez in '08?
29. You think Jesse Jackson will hate seeing as though Barack has the most legit shot at it that any black man has ever had?
30. I mean I dig dude's music and all.......
31. ....but I dont think Im ready for a Jon B. Christmas album
32. Maybe it's just me
33. "Real loud clap (CLAP)/All yall freeze/One more clap (CLAP)/Charlie Greene say 'Bus Stop' please" - Charlie Greene "Bus Stop"
34. Yall dont know nann nathan bout no "Bus Stop"
35. Chi-Town where you at?!?!?!?!
36. Either this list is flowing really easily or I rushed this one
37. And I'll have you know FYI that I dont need to take the whole bag of ginko
38. They say if you dont lie about shit you wont have to remember shit
39. So Im proud to be able to have CRS
40. CRS = 'Cant Remember Shit' in case you're wondering
41. I dont think TO tried to take himself out the game....literally

42. Trishee I pray for ya.....hard
43. Les/Lor you too!
44. 'leeny you be brave now, ya hear?
45. "Lean on me when you're not strong/And I'll be your friend/I'll help you carry on/If there is a load you have to bear/That you can't carry/I'm right up the road/I'll share your load/If you just call me" - Bill Withers "Lean On Me"
46. Kinda cliche it sounds but that's how I really feel
47. I hate when my friends have to go through it like this
48. My prayers go out to Kesha and Courtney too
49. ......and then sometimes I just need a minute to myself
50. Shit can get too thick every so often

51. Did he say they should 'kick it like Tae-Bo'?
52. Nooooo Akon nooooooooooo!

53. Wait! The song is called "Smack That Ass"?
54. *sigh*

55. Im glad they sent Monique home on ANTM
56. She was bad bizness
57. Too much negative energy
58. WTF was with that coonish/negro spiritual song thingy the judges did though?
59. "'Cause you don't know that you ain't just a janitor/No one told you about Benjamin Banneker/A brilliant Black man that invented the almanac/Can't you see where KRS is coming at?/With Eli Whitney, Hallie Salassie/Granville Woods made the walkie-talkie/Louis Lattimer improved on Edison/Charles Drew did a lot for medicine/Garrett Morgan made the traffic light/Harriet Tubman freed the slaves at night/Madame CJ Walker made the straightening comb/But you won't know this if you weren't shown..." - KRS-ONE (BDP) "You Must Learn"
60. This song was the first time I had heard of alot of these people
61. Remember before the huge commercialization of hiphop when we would get shit like this?
62. Why dont hiphop educate no more?
63. "because they´d rather be bouncin´ and shootin´ and killin´ and bouncin´and shit " - Andre 3000 (Outkast) "Return Of Da 'G'"
64. Exactly Dre, exactly!
65. Live your lives yall

66. I implore you to do so

Monday, October 02, 2006

Know Your Role 2

*So this blog is essentially Part 2 of Trizzy's blog of the same name : just the male version of it. Check it out.....

*Her blog was all about the woman's role of uplifting the man and I felt compelled to complement her blog and speak my thoughts as to the man's role.....from a man's point of view. Like I wrote in Trizzy's comments : I agree with her view with the stipulation that the woman doesnt lose herself and forget who she is while uplifting her man.

"This woman is growing weary/of having to be so strong/of having to pretend I’m made of stone/So I won’t end up with no broken bones/I can’t fight every battle alone" - Amel Larrieux "Weary" (Thanks P!)

The man in my opinion, is supposed to protect and provide for the woman. Provide her with a sense of stability and safety. I remember one of the best feelings in the world was when KK would assure me that she felt safe with me. I mean really, as a man....what's fucking with that to know that your woman is completely at ease with you?

The man isnt supposed to take the woman for granted. He is to appreciate, honor and cherish her. He's to be mindful that she doesnt have to do the little things that she does for him, and be thankful for that shit! It's all about give and take. So just like she does things for him here and there, he is to recipocate and do the same for her. After all she is a queen. Treat her as such.

(I know yall think I lost my mind with this one. Like it's out of nowhere....but stay with me if you will......)

Now keep in mind that Im not talking about having a weak woman whose job it is to specifically please the man. That couldnt be any further from the point. Im talking about a strong woman. A woman strong enough to fall back and let the man do it when she knows that she can do it just as well.

But on the flipside the man should be secure enough to not be threatened if the woman can do it just as well.The perfect couple to me would work like a well oiled machine. Filling in for each others deficiencies. Switching back and forth with the dominant/submissiveness and all. Holding each other down regardless. Truly having each other's back. The man protects and provides. The woman nutures and supports. Or vice versa.

Essentially it's give and take people.

"Im the love doctor. Yall gon and get outta here now!" - Marty Mart