Saturday, January 29, 2005

Shouts out to 'Chell for the wisdom!

Every now and truly need the opinion from someone on the outside looking in. At times they truly have the best view to see some shit that you cant see cuz you are knee deep in it. Feel me? Like the whole 'cant see the forest for the trees' saying. this particular case I had already come to understand everything told to me. It was just good to hear it re-inforced for the like the umpteenth time I guess. I've come to learn everything said in the hardest way possible....cuz apparently thats how I choose to learn things. So here's a tiny excerpt from the convo......

chell: she may have been putting up with all that heartache..who knows for how cause you showed her your tears one day, may not be enough...she held on for as long as she could with that heartache that it doesn't equal out to just u kissin her ass for the 2months ya'll been broken up. that kiss alone is HUGE! THAT SHIT HURTS!! you gotta do alot more suffering cause you ain't even close to what she felt when ya'll were together


chell: not that i think she wants to put you thru pain but..

chell: maybe if you felt what she'll understand why she's doing what she's doing now

tj1177: probably

chell: sorry don't mean to council u on this lol

tj1177: no no....i appreciate this

chell: cool

tj1177: this is maaaaaad helpful

tj1177: you dont even know

Wow! When she first typed this...I just knew that KK had secretly flown to the Yay and jumped on Chell's comp and started typing to me. It's EVERYTHING KK had been saying for soooooooooooo long.

Can I just re-iterate how much of a fucking idiot I am? Thanks! Teej you are a piece of work boy! God surely only made one of you. Anyone out there reading...if you listen close enough...that sound you hear is of me kicking myself!

Erykah 3

I feel kinda funny when I constantly post song lyrics to my blog sometimes. But's mine. And anything or song I post is really truly something I am feeling at that moment. So with that said......

all I got to say is
It wont let go

you can pray to early May
fast for 30 days
still It wont let go

got a good book and got all in it
tried a little yoga for a minute
but it wont let go

tried to turn the sauna up to hotter
drank a whole jar of holy water
but it wont let go........

Now if THAT aint truth I dont know what is. Lordhavemercyhallelujah!

Tuesday, January 25, 2005


KK blogged about LOVING Mario's song 'Let Me Love You' a couple of weeks ago. And every since then I swear I aint been able to listen to that shit! LOL. The thought of some misc. nigga up in her ear singing that makes me wanna jump outta my 10th floor window! For real! UGGHHH! That, Carl Thomas's 'Make It Alright', Mary J's 'I Can Love You', and get the drift. I feel like such an well I should.

I took her to lunch last week for her birthday. I told her how fucking stupid I am and feel. Would you believe I got so emotional that I even cried? Yo....FYI.....The Teej doesnt really do the cry thing. Not hardly. I usta think there was something wrong with my tearducts at one point. But I had been thinking the night before our lunch of what I'd say. So when I got to her face...I was able to get most of it out. And it was just alot. I hope she knows I was sincere. KK....I was sincere! LOL.

Anyways back to the vultures. I dont want them circling around I bet they are. Preying upon her and shit. The simple fact is....I KNOW I can do better. And that's probably the part that fucks with me the most. That and just knowing I hurt her. The combination of the 2 makes me wanna do bodily harm to myself. That's how much I really am tripping like....'Nigga you's an asshole'. I just hope...eventually....I get the chance to do better by her. She deserves so much more. And I know I can give it to her.


Thursday, January 20, 2005

Boo hoo......hoo!

Today is KK's birthday, and Im no longer a part of helping her to celebrate it and the such. That sucks! Cuz she's someone I still think the world of and she is one of the few people I'm truly willing to ride for. Anyways the whole thing makes me sad, but I made my bed. I suppose I get to lay in it now, huh?

Happy Birthday Poop!

Friday, January 14, 2005

A 2nd Word To The Wise

If your friend is moving to Texas (or anywhere outta state for that matter) and they offer to give you ALL their food in their 'frig....RESPECTFULLY DECLINE that shit son!

A friend from High School moved to Texas, so I stopped by her place to see her off and say goodbye. She offered me EVERYTHING in her kitchen! Wow! Free food? Hells Yeah! We packed that shit up and she drove me to my crib. I thought I had hit a lick! I dont even know if I bothered to ask how long she had had the food. I guess I just assumed she wouldnt knowingly gimme any bad food. This was like 2 weeks ago.

Well last night I cooked some of the perch she gave me. The bag was unopened so I figured it was cool. I made perch, mashed potatoes and spinach. Had me a nice glass of OJ to go with it. My co-worker said the fish and OJ is where I went wrong. Anyways I ate at 8pm and went to bed at 4am feeling fiiiiine. I didnt wake up feeling so hot though. I woke up with the runs, a bad case of heartburn, a headache and my whole fucking body hurt. I just knew I was gonna throw up on the bus. Im lucky I didnt die.

I mean the fish didnt smell bad when i thawed it out though. Anways, when I get home...Im throwing ALL THAT SHIT AWAY yo!

Thursday, January 13, 2005

A Word To The Wise...

..if you think you may can be somewhat of an impulse spender/shopper...lemme tell you. Alcohol, Credit Cards, and Late Night Infomercials DO NOT MIX AT ALL!!!

To make a long story was Saturday night. I had just came home from hanging out with friends. I was just a lil tipsy. I caught the tail end of a some sorta tribute to Quincy Jones. It was like 4am when it went off. I shoulda went to bed. Now if my cable was on I wouldnt have did it. But since it wasnt...I was just working with the basic channels. I decided to give the channels just one last flick through. And then......Peabo Bryson's big forehead ass pops up on my screen. Now I fucks with Peabo! I had to see what my man was talking about. Turns out her was pitching a Time Life CD series on Classic Ballads from the 60's, 70' and 80's! Awww man! Now Im in trouble. I knew it. I shoulda turned it off or turned the station, but I had to hear what they were coming with. Before I know it...Im in my living room J A M M I N on the O N E! Ya hear me! 8 CD's of classic soul shit...all for incredibly low price of 4 easy payments of $29.99!?!?!?! PLUS...if I order with a credit card I get 2 more CD's of Classic Soul Duets for FREE! That's a total of 10 shits!!!! I aint ED O.G & THE BULLDOGS but....I GOTSA HAVE IT!

So I dial the number...I get some black chick named Carmen. I start to tell her I'm interested in purchasing the Classic Soul CD series, and the mu'fucking cell phone cuts off! Now honestly I took that as a sign from God. 'Teej...this isnt for you my son!" But the infomercial was still on my TV. So I dialed again. Can you believe that? I over-wrote GOD! Jeez! Then I get some spanish chick who I can barely understand named Ismeta or something. I order the shit....and you know it aint that simple. I turned down like 2 additional offers for other shit I didnt need. But she somehow bullied me into accepting my 3 free 3 month subscriptions to magazines of my choice. I took Ebony, Essence and GQ. At the end of the 3 months if I dont call and cancel those subscriptions you know they will automatically renew those shits with my CC, right?

WTF? Just say no!

Saturday, January 01, 2005

Kicking Off The New Year

So you wanna know how I kicked off my first of the year? I did some good and some bad.

Since I worked overnight on NYE, I got home on New Years Day at like 9am-ish. I slept til about 3pm and I got up and for some strange reason caught the cleaning bug. I was off. Bathroom? Done! Kitchen/Dishes? Done! Living room? Done! I even got some organizational work done too. Whew! By time I was done I looked up and it was 7pm. So my cleaning up was the good part.

Now as I always do when Im home on a Saturday at around 7pm I scanned the channels to see if any movies I had been wanting to catch were coming on. I saw one that I had heard alot about. It's called "30 Years To Life". It stars Melissa De Soussa, Erika Alexander, Allen Payne, Tracy Morgan, Paula Jai Parker, TE Russell and Kadeem Hardison. It's basically about the trials and tribulations of a group of friends all whom are approaching 30 and how they deal with the impending milestone.

I had planned on cooking earlier, but I couldnt cook cuz the movie was coming on. I needed to eat. Oh what was I to do? I stooped to a new all time low is what I did. With not much to snack on I didnt have too many options. There was one piece of turkey bologna so I made a sandwich, but I'm 6'5 230 lbs! That wasnt gonna do. Im figuring since it's a holiday I know I'll eat for free when I get to work in another 4 hours. I just need something to hold me til then. To make a long story short....I ended up eating my little sandwich with 2 cans of tuna. Straight out the can. With a fork! I felt so pathetic. I dont even know if I was supposed to do that. I had lead poisioning as a kid and I was told to never eat stuff outta those cans. But oh well....what's done is done. Pretty pathetic huh?

And / A Question

...And he was screaming at the top of his lungs "I'm still learning. I'm still growing. I'm getting there!"
And she replied "Well Im there already. I already know what you are still learning!"
And he didnt really have a reply for that. How could he really?

So a question came to mind.....If the one that God has made for you isnt ready when you are, then what? Do you exercise a supreme measure in patience and bide your time and wait? Or do you move on and find someone else with the chance that that other someone isnt quite your 'as of yet not quite ready' first?

Hello '05

"Last year was a hard one/but life goes on/bumping my head against the wall/learning right from wrong..." - 2Pac

What up '05? Let me give you a quick run down on some things that I plan to do during your calendar run....

* Take VIP-TV up a notch or two - Yeah we made moves in '04 re-appearing in a big way. But we're gonna make even bigger strides in '05. You just wait and see.

* Get that credit together - I can see 30! It's about that time mister.

(Speaking of which...."A nigga been focused since I said hi to 30!" - Jay Z)

* Getting more focused - on everything! And maintaining that focus also!

*Figure out what KK and I are doing - We cant continue on this see saw we're on now. Will the love be enough to sustain? Can we both make the necessary changes needed for us to do this for real?

*Look into finishing school - Yeah I felt Kanye, but I still have the desire to finish. When I left I was too damn close. 31 credits aint shit son!

* Health - Not only am I gonna resume my workout regime that I abandoned oh so long ago...but Im gon eat better. I swear!!!! And since I got health insurance now....I'd best take advantage of it.

*Following through - I KNOW I have some dope ideas and the such. I HAVE to do a better job of following through and listening to my instinct.

* Misc shit - Modeling? Poetry book? Maybe an event or 2? You got shit to do homie! 5 seconds is up.....LET'S GO!