This Thing On?

"I feel a whooooo coming on cuz....I feel a woo coming on cuz!" #StayTuned

Untitled (#18....30 Writes in 30 Days)

I looked up to make sure
she was enjoying what I was doing
Her head was cocked back
with an arch in her back
She held on to my ears
like the safety rails of a rollercoaster
I could taste the adrenaline

I circled the clit with the tip of my tongue
then licked the slit just to have some fun
She tried to run cuz it got too intense
but I wasn't having it
I wrapped my arms around her hips
and caught her rhythm
as she swayed from side to side
then up and down
and up and down
like a bucking bronco
Her climax was near but I wasn't finished with her yet

I stiffened my tongue and pointed it forward
pushing past her lips as far as possible
She dug her nails into my neck in testimonial
Ecstasy was nearing
and her swollen clit was begging for my attention again
I went to lick it but she had other plans
as she grabbed the back of my head
and initiated a feverish grind til euphoria arrived.

When she was done
she gave me a passionately sloppy kiss
while enjoying her taste on my face
then we went back and forth about
which of us would get up
and turn the camera off

I Could Write About Toe Jam and Sea Monkeys.....(#17....30 Writes in 30 Days)

Remember the episode of "Martin" where he was running out of show topics and he said that his last two show topics had been about toe jam and sea monkeys?

Well this 30 writes in 30 days ain't no hoe! And I'm thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to writing about toe jam and sea monkeys my damn self!

Its not like there ain't shit to write about but the thing is I've learned that us writers are a neurotic bunch. We have our own little quirks and idiosyncrasies in how we actually put these words together. I admit when Sia first suggested we do this I thought "Oh that's a piece of cake! I can write for 30 straight days. No problem". But alas, here I am at day 17 and Ive got nothing. And that's okay.

Yall just gon have to take this big ol ball of nothing and run with it. Hell I'm at 4 paragraphs already! lol

In the interest of getting to the point.....I say all that to say : I've got nothing for today.

See yall tomorrow.

p.s. Deana don't go! Haiku your way through it but don't go!

30 Writes in 30 Days

A group of facebook friends and I have decided to flex our artistic muscle and commit to writing 30 pieces (of anything) in 30 days.

All that bitching and moaning about I cant write shit is over lol. I HAVE to make sure that I write something for the next 30 days. Everyone else started on May 26th but being the complusive obsessive fucktard I am....I decided I'd wait to June 1st to get started b/c well....Im a complusive obsessive fucktard.

So here goes nothing.....

Life In Four Bottles

Peace to my girl Sivi who passed this along to me in one of her famous email forwards.


God bless that 3rd bottle. Imma be on that bitch til it's time for the 4th and even while Im on the 4th.

Spoken like a true alky, right?

Damn Oprah...These Are Teej's Favorite Things!

Originally I wanted to do this list BEFORE the Fuck Rant 3, but sometimes things dont work out the way you plan, right? So seeing as though this is the day after Thanksgiving I figure this would be a perfect time to give a short list of SOME of the things that I love and/or am thankful for. I encourage you to do the same and revisit it on those days when you are the statue and not the pigeon.

*Reading Ruby and Ossie's story
*The word 'fuck' and all it's derivatives, but especially 'Fuckery'
*Family and friends
*My ipod and the music in it that attends to every one of my 5787945373 moods
*Her laugh

*That feeling I get when "As" first comes on
*Spending $$ @ Dr. Wax and Myopic
*Payday

*Breaking daylight on the phone with K
*Hip Hop

*Letting the kid in my live on by dancing to and singing "Party In My Tummy"
*Stevie Wonder
*Quotes
*Constantly re-reading Nikki Giovanni
*The fact that "each day's another chance to do the things I could've / done the day before, but I didn't and I known I should've"

*Doing "Superior Radio" and playing what the fuck we wanna play!
*Jacking Les for like all her blog ideas ;)
*Allllllllllll the ambitious, artsy, talented, smart, determined, hustle-rific people I know
*Love Ballads
*The sentiment behind "Im here to laugh, love, fuck and drink liquor / and help make the revolution come quicker"

*Singing Faith Evans' 'Soon As I Get Home" with my tone deaf ass
*Being at home amongst my shit
*Googling ER'THING!
*Indie films
*Lisa telling Kim "You're a liar....I will flip you over that couch!"

(Top 5 favorite things ever......in order)

*Music
*Sex
*Wine/Liquor
*French Fries
*Fruit Snacks

And Yet Another 10 Weird Things....

* I wrote on my myspace page that I have more quirks than you have fingers and toes and I have continued to prove that over and over again. I keep finding more shit to tell when asked to do these so here goes....*


1. I absolutely HATE writing in blue ink. It's a holdover from a really militant stage I went thru when I was about14. It was right around the time of the LA Riots. I bought "The Final Call" religiously, stopped eating most pork (Lord knows I cant do away with the bacon!), and I was listening to alot of Ice Cube, Lench Mob and X-Clan and shit. Anyways I stopped writing in blue ink then b/c it reminded me of "the blue eyed devil", and to this day I pretty much dont use blue ink.

2. There is a dried blood patch at the tip of my right index finger that people often mistake for a weed burn.

3. Speaking of weed....We learned when I was 7 and needed surgery on my foot that I have an unusually high drug tolerance. The doctors had a hard time sedating me and ended up having to operate on me while I was awake. Anyways.....this is why I dont really mess with weed much. I'd need to smoke a couple dubs by myself to feel the high.

4. I absolutely WORSHIPPED T-Boz from TLC from about the ages of 15-25. As my luck would have it, the only time I got within 10 feet of her I had a panic attack and had to get to a bathroom to compose myself.

5. Here I am 30 years into this life of mine and I still cant snap with my right hand!

6. Chante Moore's "Precious" was the first CD I ever bought

7. I still have a childhood speech impediment in which I sometimes slur words with an 'L' in them. My tongue just refuses to lift. Next time you see me... have me sing "La La La" to you

8. Sharon Stone will forever be in my heart b/c the first sex scene in the movie "Basic Instinct" was the first time I "discovered" myself. btw for those who care...that scene is approx. an hour into the movie. ;)

9. Back in high school when I wasnt so secure with my 'girth' I stuffed my trunks during swim class. Only thing is....my dumb ass stuffed my trunks with TISSUE. Now granted I was still pretty smart at 14, I didnt really think it through as to how the tissue would hold up under water.

10. Once my mom sent my cousin and I to store for something she needed to finish cooking. It just so happened that between my house and the store was my boy Charles' crib, which was the neighborhood spot to play ball. So what started as us 'just stopping by to see who was playing' turned into us actually playing and being gone 2 hours. I needed a really good excuse to tell my mom and us playing ball wasnt it. I lied and told my mom we got chased by some skinheads(b/c they were really around our neighborhood at the time) and we hid in someone's backyard. We called the police and I filled out a police report. Hey if you're gonna lie...you gotta be commited to it!

My Acceptance Speech

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

What an honor to be here! This is something I've dreamed of as a kid. Actually for a short while I couldnt even see myself making it here but.....MAMA I MADE IT! Can you believe your oldest boy is 30!?!?!?

Where to start?

I suppose I shall start by thanking my mama (and father) for bringing me here. Sure this life comes with it's own set of harsh realities and cruelties....but I swear it's such a beautiful thing. Every new day you are granted brings forth opportunity to do something to make this place better than it was before you got here.

I thank the Most High for keeping me here. It's clear to me that Im here for a reason.

Thanks to my brother for being there a couple times to directly save my life. Couldnt have did it w/o you kid!

Many thanks to the boy D'Leo for making the "Dirty 30" celebration happen.

Thanks to all my family and friends that made it to The BIG Three Oh before me for giving me something to aspire to. Yall are some super fresh mu'fuckas I promise you.

To all my "youngin's"(Imagine me calling somebody else a youngin..lol).....lemme tell you...While I do like some of his points in the song, 30 is in fact NOT the new 20!! 30 is live! 30 is aware. 30 is experience. Them shits is hot son! Enjoy your 20's. Learn yourself. And when you cross over to 30...apply that shit!

I think they are ready to cue the music on me so again I thank you all.

Every single one of you inspire me.

Follow Along (Buggin' Out)

So my boys Dave and Eric say I be caking for the ladies that be reading my blog.

So I decided it's about time I justify my thug for once in my blog, feel me? So I decided to post this verse from my man Phonte of the group Little Brother. Gotta show these boys I can do it any way they wanna do it.

Follow along now......

"This is for my niggas on the corner
Them boys on the block steady moving that work
All thru your community ; you need a fundraiser?
Them boys'll come thru and even slang at the church!
In the kitchen all day long over the stove
Yup! Servin them fiends steady cooking them O's
Til the smell get all in they clothes
Keep niggas heavy in the street and they fuck the fattest of hoes
See the fiends lined up trying to get that fix
Anytime day or night they'll scratch that itch
Have you running to your mans like "This that shit!"
Yeah they paper stay long and their money is thick
I know a lot niggas gon have to run this back
like "Damn (Teej)! When the fuck you start promoting crack?"
It aint as bad as it might seem
Im just shouting out my niggas down at Krispy Kreme
Now holla back!

KRISPY KREME WILL NEVER LEAVE THE STREETS NIGGA!
DUNKIN DONUTS? FUCK 'EM!
LIL DEBBIE? FUCK 'EM

Glazed donuts, Chocolate dounts, Apple fritters? Whatever you need it's nothing!
Ya get them Krispy Kreme all the doughboys go craaaaaaaazy!"

I obviously need help. LOL. Somebody pray for me!

Fuck You!

(Written by Monty Python)

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the english language today, is the word fuck. Out of all the english words that begin with the letter 'f' ...fuck is the only word refered to as 'the f word... It's the one magical word. Just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck, as most words in the english language is derived from german ...the word fuieken, which means to strike.

In english, fuck falls into many grammatical categories:
As a transitive verb for intance ...John fucked Shirley.
As an intransitive verb...Shirley fucks.

Its meaning is not always sexual, it can be used as...

An adjective such as ...John's doing all the fucking work.
As part of an adverb ...Shirley talks too fucking much.
As an adverb enhancing an adjective ...Shirley is fucking beautiful.
As a noun ...I don't give a fuck.
As part of a word ...absofuckinglutely -or- infuckingcredible.
And as almost every word in a sentence ...Fuck the fucking fuckers.

As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of fuck...such as these examples describing situations such as:

Fraud ...I got fucked at the used car lot.
Dismay ...Ahhh fuck it.
Trouble ...I guess I'm really fucked now.
Agression ...Don't fuck with me buddy.
Difficulty ...I don't understand this fucking question.
Inquiry ...Who the fuck was that?
Dissatisfaction ...I don't like what the fuck is going on here.
Incompetance ...He's a fuck-off.
Dismissal ...Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself.

I'm sure you can think of many more examples. With all these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word? We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately.

Say it loudly and proudly...

...FUCK YOU!

ANOTHER 10 Weird Facts About Me

*People keep tagging me and I keep sharing more and more TMI with yall.*

1. If I bump into something (wall, door jam) I always tell it outloud to 'Get off me!' and if I drop something I tell it 'Your mother is an astronaut!"

2. My brother and I stayed directly across the street from our grammar school for a number of years....coincidentally we were both tardy more than times than any person who stayed across the street from their school shoulda been.

3. I've always wanted to try cocaine, but Im afraid I will have a fatal heart attack or brain hemorage and die if I do so I wont.

4. When I was 5, my cat named Ty scratched me. I didnt quite know how to manage my anger then. I repeatedly threw Ty against a wall til my mama came and stopped me. I realize this was wrong, but I was mad. Ty ended up with a broke leg and brain damage. Sorry. I still have the scar on my elbow though.

5. I have a music quote tucked away in my head for pretty much ANY situation that could ever occur in this here life.

6. There was this one time when I was like 7 or so and my babysitter who I had a huge crush on had her friends over. They were chilling in the living room and I had to use the bathroom which was adjacent to the living room. Somehow I had it in my mind that they would associate the length of time that I pee'd with the length of my joint......as if they were even paying attention to me peeing.

7. I once threw something at my cousin in the house, missed him and broke a window. I was soooo not trying to tell my mama that I threw something and broke the window. I went outside and gathered every single sliver that I could and brought it back in the house and strategically placed the glass on the floor inside. Then I called the police, said someone threw a rock in from the outside, filled out a police report and got away with it.

8. As I type this shit at 1am I am eating a jumbo Kosher Dill pickle that I bought on a total impulse. At times I am bad about impulse buyer.

9. Im a grow-er and not a show-er.

10. As of late I've been having "The Pee Dream" alot. (You know....where you dream you are at the toilet so you let go. Do women have this dream?) Anyways, most times I catch myself. But there has been a time or two where.....eh, not so much.