Friday, April 28, 2006

The "Pray For Them All" List

1. "He worked with her/She was his lady's best friend/Even if they dont try/some ladies test men/And this was a test that was bigger than him/Some believe it's the nature that is given to men..... - " Common "Faithful"
2. I dunno what it is but that shit is true.
3. Son can have THE worst luck with women ever ever, but the moment he gets him a somebody.....
4.'body and they mama be throwin the drawers at him.
5. Its no fun ducking and trying to miss drawers you normally woulda caught.
6. The child's phone number ends with '5150'.
7. Makes me wonder!
8. I can not wait to start my 'Award Tour'.
9. NY....then LA?
10. Once again it's on!
11. Truth be told....these trips are mostly gonna be job hunting.
12. Quick rule of thumb.........
13....if the child is old enough to question you as to where yall are going....his big ass dont need to be in no stroller!
14. Another rule of thumb.......
15. ....if you're soooooo health conscious and you decide to be a vegetarian....Im guessing them cigarettes you cheifin' on and that caffenine from the 12 cups of coffee you down er'day aint doin shit for you neither pimpin, please believe me!
16. "Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday....lying in hospitals dying of nothing." - Redd Foxx
17. Hey wait......wasnt that kinda contradictory?
18. Aaaah well....such is life!
It's hard when your lady don't believe what you say/And what you did in the past/you gotta live with today/She asked if they could spend the night together/He thought, and said, "I'm tryin' to get my life together"/Went home to his lady/these were his confessions/"Baby you a blessin' and my best friend"" - Common "Faithful"
20. RIP to Proof sounds like he was in the wrong.
21. Why the fuck is you out at a club at 4am for with a wife and 5 kids at home?
22. Grrrrrr!
23. God bless both he and the Keith Bender's life.
24. So BET is gon continue to give this "Im In Love With A Stripper" bullshit some burn, huh?
25. Which minds me of something Tanya said......
26. "She's a stripper.........she doesnt use email!!" - T-ROB
27. Hopefully we still get Lupe Fiasco's "Food and Liquor ".
28. Anyone else get an email from the new
29. It seems they are coming for myspace's ass!
"Fake sugar? That shit'll kill ya! Fuck naw! Realsugarnigga!" -Teej
31. She said that her 13 yr old niece told her that the teacher was in the classroom singing Shawnna's "Gettin Some Head" to herself
32. *Teej says a quick prayer for the kids*

33. I opened a tab at the Darkroom
34. $110 later I closed it
35. I have to remember that I aint a baller
36. "You cant have everything. Where would you put it?" - Steven Wright
37. Hopefully they find Gigi's sister safe and sound
38. White boys + Beer = Fucking terrifying!!!!
39. "when i die i hope no one who ever hurt me cries and if they cry i hope their eyes fall out and a million maggots that had made up their brains crawl from the empty holes and devour the flesh that covered the evil that passed itself off as a person that i probably tried to love" - Nikki Giovanni
40. Is dude's name really D'brickashaw?
41. What the fuck was his mama thinking?
"when you're having a bad day could be a siamese twin stuck to your gay brother who has a date tonight....and ya'll only got one ass to share!!" - Lindy
43. Why is Michael Jackson doing a mixtape with G-Unit?
44. Dont believe me?.....
Black-on-Black Love: The Revolution that will NOT be televised 1 Corinthians 13:8

The most revolutionary thing that a black man can do, in a racist society, is to: Love God, first and foremost, and begin seeing himself as a reflection of God, and LOVING himself and seeing/loving his woman as an extension of himself--- THAT is revolutionary!

When brothas recognize that "Black-on-Black" Love is a form of resistance in a racist society (in effect, boycotting the negative stereotypes assigned to us by the mass-murdering-media) and steadfastly refuses to permit neither themselves nor anyone else (including sista's) to exploit & disrespect Black Womanhood, THAT is revolutionary and you best believe it won't be televised!

46. Some dude named Bro. Tony sent to it me on myspace from nowhere.
47. I thought the shit was deep.
48. Am I taking it right that the Jodeci reunion IS NOT gon happen now?
49. "I went in to pick up my check, came home, my supervisor called me about four o'clock, told me he got me on tape stealing boxes. " - Craig
50. "The fuck you stealing boxes for? What...? You trying to build a clubhouse?" - Smokey

Monday, April 24, 2006

Ignorant Shit

While getting ready for work one day Bone Thugs N Harmony's "For The Love of $$$" came on. I was jamming along with them, trying to sing along with they turbo tongued asses, yall know how we do. Then Eazy's part came on and it struck me. That was some ignorant ass shit he just said!!! It got me to thinking about other ignorant ass lyrics that we sing along and jam to without thinking about it. So I decided to write this blog of the most ignorant lyrics I could remember off hand. Feel free to add any if you like.

"Standing on the corner slangin my rocks/Awwwwwww shit!/Here come the mu'fuckin cops!/ So I dash, I ducks, and I hides behind a tree/hoping that the po-po's dont see me/Now my fat sack of rocks...hell yeah I stuffed 'em..." - Eazy E "For The Love of $$$"

"A bitch...../wait to you see my dick!" - Ying Yang Twins "Wait (The Whisper Song)"

"How you aint gon fuck?/Bitch Im me!!!" - Ludacris "Stand Up"

"To the window/to the wall/To the sweat drop down my balls/To all these bitches crawl/To all skeet skeet muthafucka/all skeet skeet goddamn/To all skeet skeet muthafucka/all skeet skeet goddamn!" - Lil Jon and The Eastside Boyz "Get Low"

"Sometimes I feel like a nut {*KNOCK KNOCK*}/It melts in ya mouth/not in ya butt/oh and.....tell your girl to stop changin her lip stick/I'm startin to get rainbows around my dick" - Sticky Fingaz of Onyx "Da Nex Niguz"

"I used to take 'em out to eat/but they wasn't really eatin/'Mighta got a little head/but I wasn't really cheatin" - Common "Faithful"

"That's the way you get 'em mayn/sneak up on 'em and you kill 'em/And they wont fuck wit ya no more" - Krayzie Bone "Shoot 'em Up"

"If it's not violence or drugs/I have nothing to spit/I'd be lyin if I talk some spiritual shit/Like Kirk Franklin and them/That just ain't me/I can't tell you about God/but I can tell you about a key/And what I'll do to God's children if they jerk me/Hurt me?/Never, that'll be a sin/I'ma put the Bible to your head/and shoot through Matthew verse 10" - Sheek Louch (of The Lox) "You Told Me"

"How we goin out to eat?/I thought you didnt swallow?" - Joe Budden "Focus"

"....sittin' in church drinkin' a 40 oz. of Holy Water" - Ganksta NIP "Bring It On"

"Shut up slut!/you're causin’ too much chaos/Just bend over and take it slut, okay Ma?/'Oh, now he's rapin’ his own mother/abusing a whore/snorting coke, and we gave him the Rolling Stone cover?!?!?'/You goddamn right BITCH, and now it's too late......" - Eminem "Kill You"

"When me and my posse stepped in the house/All the punk ass niggaz start breakin out/Cause you know, they know whassup/So we started lookin for the bitches with the big butts/Like her, but she keep cryin...."I got a boyfriend"/Bitch stop lyin'!!/Dumb ass hooker ain't nuttin but a dyke/Suddenly I see some niggaz that I don't like/Walked over to 'em and said "Whassup?"/The first nigga that I saw/hit 'em in the jaw/Ren started stompin 'em and so did E/By that time we got rushed by security/Out the door but we don't quit/Ren said "Let's start some shit!"/I got a shotgun and here's the plot/Takin' niggaz out with a flurry of buckshots.... " - Ice Cube "Gangsta Gangsta"

Got any others to contribute?

So in an effort to balance out all this ignorance....this is the link to a song quote blog that I did a while ago. It contains lyrics that I find inspirational and really true among other things. Ironic enough, a couple of artist appear in both. Enjoy...

Friday, April 14, 2006

I'm Rich, Bitch!

That damn egg hatched 2 days after I needed it to.

Tax money came approx. 72 hours after the rent check. So that -$413.45 pickle I was in was only temporary. Now Im balling outta control out this mug! Cant tell me shit! I just went from 'trying to make a dollar outta fifteen cents' to 'It aint tricking if you got it!' LMAO!

No dollar menu for me Reesie. Nah son....gimme that ol top shelf, gourmet, grey poupon shit!!!

For real for real though....let me slow my roll. The money I got really could be gone just like that if I opted to catch up on my bills.

My mama dun hit me up already and er'thang!

Thursday, April 13, 2006

A Tax Time Story

There's this dude I know named......ummm.....we'll call him 'CJ' or 'Ceej'. So 'Ceej' has been pushing along, trying to make a dollar outta fifteen cents. He hadnt been able to participate in his favorite pasttimes of buying books and collecting CD's in quite some time b/c of budget constraints. You know how that goes, right? So now it's tax time. 'Ceej' wrote his rent check (for about $20 more than what was in his account at the time) and gave it to the rent people on Tuesday. On Wednesday he went to have his taxes done and found out that he was gonna be getting a real pretty penny back. He did the 1 to 2 day refund, so he was gonna be A-OK, right?

Nooooooooooooo not ol 'Ceejie'. Not with his luck! He was told what he was due to get back in about 2 days and jumped up and did the happy dance. Ran outta the H&R Block office at top speed and headed straight for Best Buy to cop a few CD's. Damn near $50 later he leaves Best Buy and beelines for Borders. Gotta get a couple/few things from there too ya know? So another $50 dollars later he exits Borders. Over the next couple days he spends like he's starring in a rap video. So after about $300 in total he decides he needs to slow down til he ACTUALLY GETS THE DAMN MONEY! Now keep in mind his rent check aint cleared yet. But no worries b/c he will be getting his tax return in 2 days, right? Anyone sense where this is going yet?

Well long story short..........b/c of a filing snafu his rent check beat his tax return to his account. I type this 'Ceej' tells me that his checking account is currently -$413.45. Tax people apologize about the snafu and assure him that he'll be receiving an addition $80 b/c the money didnt get there in 1-2 days. He's told he could have the money this Friday or worst case scenario by next Friday. But for now, save for the $9 in his wallet........... "Niggas is ass out like fat bitches in bikini's" - Notorious B.I.G.

Morale of the story : Dont be like "Ceej". Dont count your eggs before they hatch. He knew better. Make sure you do too!

Tuesday, April 04, 2006

The "Double The Pleasure, Double The Fun" List

1. "I pray I'm forgiven/For every bad decision I made/Every sister I played/Cause I'm still paranoid to this day/And it's nobody fault/ I made the decisions I made/This is the life I chose/ or rather the life that chose me/If you can't respect that/your whole perspective is wack/Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black/If you can't respect that/your whole perspective is wack/Maybe you'll love me when I fade to black...." - Jay Z "December 4th"
2. That line really resignates with me
3. But most Jigga lines do
4. Teej = A Jigga head
5. WTF is 'A Jigga head' boy!?!?!!!!!?
6. I get the point, right?
7. I'll convert Stacy if it's the last thing I do
8. Lesley should really be listing on her blogspot blog
9. Getting my big ass on a speaker at the club and dancing would definitely constitute a new level of drunkness for me.
10. Im sure I wouldnt have did it if the club was crazy crowded
11. Everytime I hear that one God awful note in Keyshia Cole's song "Love"........
12. .....I wanna take her out in the field and put her out of her misery!
13. Can anyone explain how that note still made the song?
14. How does ANYONE think that is okay?
15. "Are you questioning my 'wow'? My 'wow's' are never questioned!!! - LH
16. I got my fingers crossed about that VH1 gig
17. I could soooooooo do NY
18. Or LA
19. Shit Im just ready to do some new shit!
20. Being too broke to buy CD's blows big ol chunky monkey nuts
21. Go see "V for Vendetta"!!!!
22. "'I only want to see you laughing in the Purple rain', cause if the rain is yellow somebody is giving out a golden shower and you need to move immediately."
- Ms. Flanders
23. Flanders is a stone cold fool!!!
24. Apparently Im interesting and intriguing or something like that
25. Either that....or Im being severely gassed up as of late
26. I dont need no flippin 26!
27. Poop? You'll always be poop! Always lovely lady!
28. Oooooh and 'Turtle Girl'!!!
29. I give the strangest nicknames to people
30. My friend 'BooBooHead' really despises her nickname
31. And with good reason I might add, but it's the name I gave her dammit!
32. The palm reader said that I have good instincts and that I should trust them more
33. Hammer's "Have You Seen Her" came on recently
34. Without a doubt it's the most hilarious and God awful shit all in one
35. Can you say "God" and "shit" in the same sentence?
36. "I think I want a tattoo, a whole lot of them...just get all tatted up like Im hard and out of prison, then shave my head and open a daycare...cause if you send your kid to me I know your ass is cool..." - Ms. Flanders
37. Stone cold I tell ya!
38. I swear I meant every word of my drunken texting binge the other night
39. I'll spare you all the details
40. "If I said it/I meant it/Bite my tongue for no one/Call me evil/or Unbelievable" - Biggie "Unbelievable"
41. Wait a sec.....that's my shit!
"B.I.G./G.I.E/AKA/B.I.G./Get it?/BIGGIE!/Also known as the bon appetit/Rappers can't sleep/need sleepin/BIG keep creepin/Bullets heat-seekin/casualties need treatin/Dumb rappers need teachin/Lesson A - don't fuck with B-I/that's that!/'Oh I, thought he was wack'/Oh come come now/why y'all so dumb now?/Hunt me or be hunted/I got 357 ways/To simmer saute'/I'm the winner all day....." - Biggie "Unbelievable"
43. Damn I need to hear that shit in the club
44. Im thinking I would lose it
45. Sure could go for a "Yes, hello Anthony" soon
46. My aunt and that damn VCR is gonna be the death of me
47. I swear I feel like slamming it to the ground, then crip walking on it myself!
48. Looks like Whitney was fronting with her "Crack is wack" quip
"These people pay like $229 a night for a REGULAR room, so when they come to the concierge desk and ask me to get them OPRAH tix for the next day, they figure they should be able to get them! Dude are you crazy? Stedman cant get Oprah tix for the next day!!! Only person that can get Oprah tix for the next day is OPRAH! And that's b/c she has to host the damn show!!!!" - As said by me to my co-worker
50. I think I wanna go past 50 this list
51. "Even Cheney's own daughter doesnt like Dick" - As seen on a protest sign
52. Mighty nice of my offense to show up at the end of the 3rd quarter
53. You know that probably wont be happening again, dontcha Dre Day?
54. My brother said my feet usta smell like "alien sex!"
55. At least I aint ever try to catch line drives with my teeth!
56. "Catching (line drives) with his teeth?!?!!? Nigga please!!!" - Sho'Gun (The Last Dragon)
57. Lupe Fiasco is the truth!
58. Cop that "Food and Liquor" when it drops, will ya?
59. "Hi...we'd like to go to a restaurant. No seafood......unless they have chicken!" - As told to me by a guest
60. Can you guess what color these people were?
61. See I dont ONLY pick on white people
62. "Uhhh excuse me. Can you chew a little less loud out this mug?"
63. At least that's what I wanted to say
64. He too damn grown to be chewing like that though!
65. I guess I should move on to a new book since it's sooooo obvious I aint interested in finishing bell hooks' book, huh?
66. After all.....a year is a enough time to finish a book, aint it?
67. I blame my probable dyslexia
68. Sunday mornings at the hotel IS NOT what's up!
69. The little baby was jammin to her headphones
70. Being on the phone is even more unattractive since my earpiece broke!
71. Alot can be said for consistency
72. Ask my TV show
73. "Shit, I'm goin through it....../My life is gettin too wild/I need to bring some sort kinda calm to it/Bout to lose it/voices screamin "Don't do it!"....../Everybody doing it/I'm still scratchin on the block/like "Damn....I'ma be a failure" - Jay Z "This Cant Be Life"
74. Work ya contacts Teej!
75. Know better. Do better.
76. Most times....Life is really what you make of it
77. Diddy is suing Proactiv b/c he says his skin isnt bump free and he looks dumb being on the informercial praising it for clearing his skin and skin isnt clear
78. Proactiv is countersuing saying if his dumb ass wasnt endorsing (and probably drinking) Diet Pepsi than his situation would be moisturized and his sexy would stay perserved
79. I wish I were making that shit up
80. Shout out to all the dreamers
81. Continue to dream
82. "I really know how it feels to be stressed out stressed out/when you're face to face with your adversity/ I really know how it feels to be stressed out stressed out/We're gonna make this thing work out eventually.....I know that we gon make/I know that we gon make it/We gotta make it/We gotta make it" - ATCQ f/ Faith Evans "Stressed Out"
83. BTW.....yall real funny talkin 'bout I can give Grandpa tips on picking up floozies on myspace

84. Yall should try out for Comicview with ya funny asses!
85. I think I wanna plan family reunions for both sides of my families
86. Im thinking Im about to engage myself in a world of headaches but it's something I really wanna do
87. Deeds? Imma need your advice
88. "Nigga you gay!" - Riley from The Boondocks
89. That shit is hilarious!
90. Sad to see Russell and Kimora break up
91. Even sadder if she really is dating Baby from Cash Money
92. Who the hell wants to date him?
93. Have they seen this nigga?
94. Heard him talk at all?
95. Are people actually trying to imitate what they see on TV and "ghostride the whip"?
96. Fucking idiots!
97. I hate followers
98. Do you at all times

99. Red Ballons.....whatcha know 'bout that?
100. "It's time to bring the emcees on/I'm sick of niggas lookin bitch/tryin' to read poems and battle me with sandals and capri's on?!?!/Come on dog!/I'm about to get hyped with this/shed some light to this/So called black righteousness/Even though ya'll niggas might not cuss like me/At the end of the night/ya'll just trying to fuck like me/So what's the reason for the hating/ niggas with dreads/Calling they self gods with white girls named Caitlin/And I'm cool with interracial dating/but I aint about to hear no fucking speeches cause I wanna have some bacon!" - Phonte of Little Brother "The Yo Yo"
101. Pat ya stomach to that shit!

Sunday, April 02, 2006

Why I Dont Work Sunday Mornings!

Teej at the hotel manning the Concierge desk on a Sunday morning is not a happy Teej. There's too much traffic with people checking out and going in and out of the Cafe for brunch, lunch and the such.

It's instances like this that have me thinking crazy shit such as......

When I first got to my desk and began preparing to "open up shop" I mumbled to myself "Okay...yall dumb asses can come ask me your dumb ass questions now!"

Or when I see people approaching the desk I think to myself ".....and what the fuck do you want?!?!?!" or "Now what yo ig'nant ass got for me?!?!!?!?"

Or when being forced to deal with these mugs who just dont believe in personal space when they roll up and literally stand right next to me or lean over the desk that they should be standing behind and look at whats on my computer screen....see I got a good mind to drop a elbow on these bastards, but I chill. But Im sure that elbow would learn they punk asses about personal space real quicklike. Im personable, but not THAT personable, shit. 3 FEET NUKKA!!!!!

Or as the early morning brunch crowd leaves they inevitably stop by my desk to ask me shit I really couldnt give a rat's ass about like "What was this building before becoming a hotel?" I'm thinking "Who the fuck cares? Because your ass is older than the raw materials used to build this damn place?....I oughta do a kung fu leg sweep and take ya ass to the ground. Get that hell on with that bullshit now!"

And that's not nice. That's not customer service at it's finest.

So I'll just keep mumbling these Ice Cube and Biggie lyrics to myself and try to keep something that resembles a smile on my face.