Wednesday, August 29, 2007

ANOTHER 10 Weird Facts About Me

*People keep tagging me and I keep sharing more and more TMI with yall.*

1. If I bump into something (wall, door jam) I always tell it outloud to 'Get off me!' and if I drop something I tell it 'Your mother is an astronaut!"

2. My brother and I stayed directly across the street from our grammar school for a number of years....coincidentally we were both tardy more than times than any person who stayed across the street from their school shoulda been.

3. I've always wanted to try cocaine, but Im afraid I will have a fatal heart attack or brain hemorage and die if I do so I wont.

4. When I was 5, my cat named Ty scratched me. I didnt quite know how to manage my anger then. I repeatedly threw Ty against a wall til my mama came and stopped me. I realize this was wrong, but I was mad. Ty ended up with a broke leg and brain damage. Sorry. I still have the scar on my elbow though.

5. I have a music quote tucked away in my head for pretty much ANY situation that could ever occur in this here life.

6. There was this one time when I was like 7 or so and my babysitter who I had a huge crush on had her friends over. They were chilling in the living room and I had to use the bathroom which was adjacent to the living room. Somehow I had it in my mind that they would associate the length of time that I pee'd with the length of my if they were even paying attention to me peeing.

7. I once threw something at my cousin in the house, missed him and broke a window. I was soooo not trying to tell my mama that I threw something and broke the window. I went outside and gathered every single sliver that I could and brought it back in the house and strategically placed the glass on the floor inside. Then I called the police, said someone threw a rock in from the outside, filled out a police report and got away with it.

8. As I type this shit at 1am I am eating a jumbo Kosher Dill pickle that I bought on a total impulse. At times I am bad about impulse buyer.

9. Im a grow-er and not a show-er.

10. As of late I've been having "The Pee Dream" alot. (You know....where you dream you are at the toilet so you let go. Do women have this dream?) Anyways, most times I catch myself. But there has been a time or two, not so much.

Monday, August 20, 2007

Im Not Taking Up For Michael Vick But.....

.....America you are such a fucking hypocrite! (But what's new, right?)

Cruelty to animals is cruelty to animals. Period.

It is my suspicion that b/c Vick is being accused of harming America's favorite pet AKA 'Man's Best Friend' you are making the huge deal of this that you are. And that's not to downplay the things that he is accused of. From the sounds of it, it was some pretty inhumane shit going down but still......

If he were accused of say.....hunting deer w/o a license or some shit would he be okay? Is that what you're saying? You ever seen the movie 'Faces of Death'? The way that Cows, Chickens, Pigs and Fish are captured and tortured is no more better than what they say Vick and his boys did, but because we eat those things that's okay? Cosmetics and all other sorts of chemicals and shit are tested on animals daily....where is the big hoopla about that? I could go on but you get the point, right?

And then there are those who say Vick's playing career is finished b/c of this. Who would ever take a chance on a guy like him, right? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT! This is America!! The land of second chances! Just today there was a story in the paper about a Priest in downstate Illinois who was convicted of having sexual relations with 4 underage girls in 1996. He was sentenced to 9 yrs in prison, only served 5, but guess what? His ass got another mu'fuckin job preaching. Hell, his parishioners where more upset about his remarrying (b/c apparently Priest aren't supposed to do that!) than the fact that he had been convicted of molesting 4 underage girls. But I digress.

I hate the way some shit is taken and ran with and made a huge fucking deal over while other shit is not given the time of day. Dogfighting is not humane! Fucking shooting an animal for sport is not humane! Testing chemicals and shit on animals is not humane! Does PETA picket hunting clubs? When was the last protest in front of Estee' Lauder? But for a couple weeks you couldn't pull they ass from in front of the Falcons' training camp facility.

So whats the difference America? And why aren't you all up in arms over THAT shit that happens every single day?

P.S. There is a whole 'nother angle of Vick being a superstar black athlete that I coulda used in writing this but I chose not to go there although I think it's worth mentioning b/c you gotta wonder what the coverage of this would be like if he weren't a SBA.

Monday, August 13, 2007

The "Fuck Nice" List

1. "She said 'you one of them fishes, I know your mind switches' and...." - Common "Break My Heart"

2. Unfortunately I believe myself to be 'one of them fishes' as well

3. But I honestly feel like I can 'un-fish' myself whenever I feel if someone would just occupy my shit and keep my ass stimulated.....continuously

4. 'Much too much for one, not enough for two' I tell you!

5. Dont mind me....just thinking out loud again

6. Listen Becky...or Katie or whatever the fuck your name is...Dont be all in face telling me how you wanna go the club that "the brothas" be at. Just say you have a preference for black men, mmkay?

7. White people trying to sound 'hip' HAS to be one of the greatest tragedies in the world I swear

8. Actually ANYONE not really down with and into the culture trying to speak it's language is pathetic

9. Why arent people content with being who they are?

10. "I'm an individual/I'm into individuality/Can't nobody be me/Can't nobody be you/God made everybody just the way that She wanted to!" Rachelle Ferrell "Individuality (Can I Be Me?)"

11. So our wonderfully fantastic government lied about when and how Pat Tillman died, eh?

12. Anyone really surprised at that revelation?

13. So lets see...we have a guy that runs into a beauty salon and hits 4 elderly women over the head with a hammer.....then we have a guy that shoots up a church.....then we have the dumb broad who gives her 3 yr old weed and coke so she can laugh at him...

14. ...Top that off with the bridge collapsing in Minnesota.....4 kids in Jersey shot execution style right before they were to leave to go to college...and then some more coalminers trapped in Utah...

15. Okay...really.....WHAT........THE.............FUCK??!?!?!?!!?

16. Shit just makes you wanna curl up somewhere, cover you ears, and close you eyes really tightly, huh?

17. God bless them all

18. "I often wish that I could save everyone/but Im a dreamer" - Scarface "Smile"

19. Im not sure there has ever been a truer (is that a word?) lyric spoke

20. Am I the only one who thinks Ne-Yo is stalking that poor girl in his song " Do You (Think Of Me)"?

21. Have you ever been to a club so hot you had to take your shoes off?....b/c I sure as hell havent

22. So Jonesy tells me that we are going to see Stevie.....

23. ...and well......I just about came all over myself

24. Dude! Im fucking going to fucking see Stevie fucking Wonder!!!!!!!!!!

25. One of these off days Im just gonna pull out the whole Stevie collection, sit in the middle of my floor and just listen and absorb and be prepared to scream-sing my lungs out

26. That is gonna be surreal Im sure

27. "I dont wanna fight no more. Im pregnant.......and Im drunk!" - Ignorant Girl on BET's "We've Got To Do Better" AKA "Hot Ghetto Mess"

28. What do yall think of that show? I actually think it's hitting its intended mark of social commentary

29. She said that I should just fucking do what she says and not question it

30. LMAO......Obviously she doesnt know me very well!

31. If ever there were anyone that marched to the beat of his own drummer it is I

32. All I could think while I stood there and listened to him was 'Nigga where is your teeth?!?!!'

33. I have this one stubborn nose hair that is pissing me off

34. Really random I know

35. "Yea it sucks.... but he needs to put on his big boy underpants and deal with it" - Cassandra

36. No Sleep + Mad Stress + Shitty Eating Habits = BIG ASS MU'FUCKIN PIMPLE on the night of your event!

37. The red carpet afterparty was great and with that....I go right back in....

38. "Beauty Does Lie" documentary screening up next!

39. She literally lit his ass on fire.......then Eddie told her she made his pubic hair hard

40. LMBAO!!!......And I wish I were making that up!

41. I dont know if I have the patience for this surrogate parent shit

42. *Prays for more patience*

43. "'Said she got me on her ring tone'

'Are you talking about the pink phone?'

'Mmm mmm...the blue one'

'Man she told me that was turned off!'"

- R.Kelly & Usher "Same Girl"

44. Dave and I have had our very own "Same Girl" moment

45. Not that we were messing with the same girl like they was more like "What's her name? And she stay where? Man I think thats the same chick!"

46. Did they really announce me at the wedding reception as 'Teej'??!?!?!!??

47. I think this list is a tad self indulgent

48. This is 3 lists in a row....that never happens! Next blog IS NOT going to be a list!

49. Why I felt an urgent need to finish this list at 5am I'll never know

50. "It's okay to be an asshole at times. Thats the way i see it.......Fuck nice!" - Ariette