Thank you for being a friend. Travel down the road and back again. Your heart is true, you're a pal and a confidant. And if you threw a party, and invited everyone you knew. You would see the biggest gift would be from me and the card attached would say, thank you for being a friend.
So again...this damn sty on my eye. Did u know that most black people call it a 'star' and not a sty? Yup a little FYI for your ass. It wasnt until my boss at work got one that I heard it referred to as a sty. But thats besides the point.
So I called my mom to ask what to do about this thing. She told me and I quote "Get a cold compress on it, and then take a q-tip and put warm water on it and put it on the sty." I dont think she understood that I have a internal sty that is actually UNDER my eyelid, and not an exernal one which is traditionally on the corner of your eye.
Anyways I go and get a face towel, put an ice cube in it and put it on my eye for about an hour off and on. That was 7pm-8pm. Maaaaaaaan I get to work at like 10:30pm or so and look in the mirror. Why the fuck do I look like Mitch 'Blood' Green after he had that famous Brooklyn street brawl with a young Mike Tyson in the late 80's. Anyone remember that? LOL Not a good look!
I ended up doing a sty search on google, and I got some good info on how to get rid of it. In actuality it's WARM compresses for 10-15 minutes four times daily. I love my mama...but even they be wrong too.
I woke up today with my right eye half closed b/c of a sty thats been forming for the last week. While I didnt really panic....I was a little unsure as to what to do. So I called my mom, and then KK. I just found it a little funny and even cute that I called KK like second nature. I know it's been damn near 4 months since we broke up, but that shit just came natural for me to call her. And the funny thing is.....I dont think that will change for a long time.
These are all subject to change at any moment....but as of the moment I type these things, they are what they are. In no particular order......
Top 5 Soul/R&B Albums
1. Michael Jackson - Thriller 2. Jill Scott - Who Is Jill Scott? Words & Sounds Vol. 1 3. New Edition - NE Heartbreak 4. Mary J. Blige - My Life 5. Marvin Gaye - What's Going On?
Top 5 HipHop/Rap Albums
1. N.W.A - Straight Outta Compton 2. Jay-Z - Blueprint 3. Run DMC - Raising Hell 4. LL Cool J - Radio 5. The Fugees - The Score
Top 5 Random Songs
1. Jennifer Holiday - And I Am Telling You 2. Amel Larrieux - Even If 3. MC Lyte - Cha Cha Cha 4. Bob Marley - No Woman No Cry 5. Eminem - Til I Collapse
Top 5 Books
1. Zora Neale Hurston - Their Eyes Were Watching God 2. Michael Moore - Stupid White Men 3. Nikki Giovanni - Selected Poems 4. Laini Mataka -Bein A Strong Black Woman Can Get U Killed 5. Various -Chicken Soup For The Soul
Top 5 TV
1. Martin 2. Chappelle's Show 3. Mad About You 4. The Practice 5. Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Top 5 Movies
1. Love Jones 2. Boomerang 3. The Fugitive 4. Bad Boys 5. Carmen Jones
I feel like such a pig. I just ate a whole jar of applesauce between commercial breaks for a show I was just watching on tv. A whole jar! 23oz! 1lb, 7oz. yo! Glad I aint trying to lose no weight out this mug.
I saw a news report on how the federal government is pretty much only funding Sex Ed. programs that teach abstience and only abstience. And basically I think that is pretty fucked up. In the news report they showed some high school classroom being taught abstience. The only thing was......a handful of the students already have kids! So what's the fucking point?
I think the Sex Ed. programs taught should focus on abstience and prevention and safe sex ya know? Cause anyone being honest with themselves knows that only a handful of students are truly gonna practice abstience. U remember how giddy you were in high schoo, dontcha?l Especially boys. It just doesnt make sense. Its just those old, outta touch fucks passing down and making their 1950 view of the world into laws that affect the current generations. Cant wait for most of them to just keel over and not get back up.
So I've been at my place for oh.....10 months or so? Why is it that today, and only today was the first time I stopped to think that I could actually wash and dry more than 1 load of clothes at the same time? When I stayed with my mom, there was one washer and dryer available. I guess I just got used to carrying, washing and drying only one load at a time.
It was today while pressed for time, that I thought "man if I could put a couple loads in at the same time, I'll be able to do what I gotta do." Then as I got off the elevator and walked into laundry room amogst the 15 or so washers and dryers I thought "Duh....you CAN put in more than load, damn idiot!"
I just refused to let this 'breakup' get in the way of gettting my baby something for V-Day. Yeah I felt a little weird about the whole situation. But I decided that I woulda felt bad had I not did something.
But in actuality.....I knew I was gonna do something for V-Day a couple months ago. That's when I started gathering CD's for a couple of compliations that I wanted to put together for her. She's loved every CD and tape I've ever made for her...with the exception of 'Hidden Beach Mix Vol. 2' *wink*, so I figured I couldnt go wrong with music. I decided to make some CD's that kinda spoke to how I feel. The songs will say the words and express the feelings a million times better than I ever will. So in addition to the music, I kept it pretty simple. Chocolate, Flowers and a card. Now I know it sounds soooo lame and predictable. But I know for a fact she genuinely loves all those things.
So anyways after I got off work at 7:30am....I took everything over. It felt a tad weird. That was my first time at her place in months. I was soooooooo tired, b/c I had been up all night at work, but I didnt wanna leave. I really really enjoyed just being in her presence.....even with the pregnant pauses in conversation. I wanted to take my work clothes off, leave them on her living room couch, and hop in her bed like I've done a million times before. I dunno....maybe in the future.
Talk about hilarious and sad at the same time. This Alan Keyes dude is something else! You all remember Mr.Keyes, dontcha? This is the ULTRA conservative homophobe from Maryland that the republicans of Illinois pulled outta their asses outta nowhere to run against Barack Obama for Senator. Of course Obama kicked his ass every kinda way in the election.
You may also remember Keyes blasting Vice Pres. Cheney about his gay daughter. Well what's that Malcolm said about chickens coming home to roost? In a odd and peculiar turn of events, Keyes' own daughter Maya has just come outta the closet. Yup! She's a lesbian. I swear when I heard the story on the news I immediately let out a HUGE laugh. You know this fucker has dis-owned, and kicked her out the house right? How sad is that?
Listen....I guess them Maroon 5 boys are pretty okay, but even THEY knew that Kanye was supposed to take the Grammy for Best New Artist! Did you seem how apprehensive and damn near apologetic homeboy was when they went up to accept the award. The first thing he did was thank Kanye for being 'so awesome' or some shit. That's some straight BS.
Kanye changed commercial hip-hop. Straight up! It's been many-a-moon since a hip-hop artist was able to gain popularity while rapping about something of substance. It wasnt until his 4th single, "New WorkOut Plan" that he went a decidedly silly and party route. The first single "Through The Wire" chronicled his life altering car accident and how he decided to record the song 2 weeks after with his mouth wired shut. The second single "All Falls Down" addressed the materialism that is running rampant in the younger...and hell older generations too. The third single "Jesus Walks"....well that is self explanatory. All Im gon say about that one is....when is the last time you saw or heard of a song talking about God get some spin up in the clubs?!?!?!?!
Listen to the lyrics.....
"....So here go my single dawg/radio needs this/They said you could rap about anything/ except for Jesus/That means guns, sex, lies, videotape/But if I talk about God/my record wont get played, huh?!?!?/Well if this take away from my (radio) spins/which will prolly take away my ends/Then I hope it take away from my sins/and bring the day that im dreamin bout/Next time Im in the club, everybody screaming out..."
And that was in the club yo! It was all over the radio! So instead of your 5 year old daughter/son/niece/newphew talking about "Skeet skeet skeet", finally it's something positive they can sing along with!
Check some of the lyrics from one of my favorite songs on 'The College Dropout' called 'We Dont Care'.....
"You know the kids gonna act a fool/When you stop the programs for after school/And they DCFS/ some of them dyslexic/They favorite 50 Cent song's 12 Questions/We scream, rock, blows, weed, park/ see now we smart/We aint retards the way teachers thought/Hold up hold fast/ we make mo'cash/Now tell my momma I belong in that slow class!/ It's bad enough we on welfare/You trying to put me on the school bus with the space for the wheelchair/Im trying to get the car with the chromy wheels here/You tryin to cut our lights out like we dont live here/Look at what's handed to us/Fathers abandoned us/When we get them hammers/ gon and call the ambulance/Sometimes I feel no one in this world understands us/But we dont care what people say..."
Fuck a Maroon 5. That's 'Ye West's award! Summabitches.
Brain-Damaged Woman Talks After 20 Years Sat Feb 12,11:24 PM ET U.S. National - AP By ROXANA HEGEMAN, Associated Press Writer
HUTCHINSON, Kan. - For 20 years, Sarah Scantlin has been mostly oblivious to the world around her — the victim of a drunken driver who struck her down as she walked to her car. Today, after a remarkable recovery, she can talk again.
Sarah Scantlin was an 18-year-old college freshman on Sept. 22, 1984, when she was hit by a drunk driver as she walked to her car after celebrating with friends at a teen club. That week, she had been hired at an upscale clothing store and won a spot on the drill team at Hutchinson Community College.
After two decades of silence, she began talking last month. A week ago, her parents got a call from Jennifer Trammell, a licensed nurse at the Golden Plains Health Care Center. She asked Betsy Scantlin if she was sitting down, told her someone wanted to talk to her and switched the phone to speaker mode: "Hi, Mom." "Sarah, is that you?" her mother asked. "Yes," came the throaty reply. "How are you doing?" "Fine." "Do you need anything," her mother asked her later. "More makeup." "Did she just say more makeup?" the mother asked the nurse.
The driver who struck Scantlin served six months in jail for driving under the influence and leaving the scene of an accident.
Scantlin started talking in mid-January but asked staff members not to tell her parents until Valentine's Day to surprise them, Trammell said. But last week she could not wait any longer to talk to them.
Scantlin's doctor, Bradley Scheel, said physicians are not sure why she suddenly began talking but believe critical pathways in the brain may have regenerated.
On Saturday, her brother asked whether she knew what a CD was. Sarah said she did, and she knew it had music on it.
But when he asked her how old she was, Sarah guessed she was 22. When her brother gently told her she was 38 years old now, she just stared silently back at him. The nurses say she thinks it is still the 1980s.
Is she happy she can talk? "Yeah," she replied.
What does she tell her parents when they leave? "I love you," she said.
This lady just came in the hotel. She is a homeless woman. Now working overnight...I get my share of the down and out coming through here. But this lady seemed a bit different. Her demeanor was different. She asked if any coats or jackets had been left in our lost and found. She explained that she was homeless and that she was just trying to add some layers to what she had on. I told her that Lost & Found was closed. I gave her my t-shirt that I had in the back office. It was a Roca-wear shirt that I had bought maybe 5 years ago. It wasnt alot, but it was another layer. She gladly accepted it. I asked if there werent any shelters she could go to. She explained that it would be difficult at this time of night (1am). She asked if she could use the washroom. She didnt come back for awhile. I knew she was asleep. I didnt bother her. Normally I wouldnt have let it happen, but she was just so sweet and conversational. I figured I'd give her a little time. Anyways.....about a hour later she came back from the bathroom. She apologized for falling asleep. I assured her it was okay. She asked if I had any change for a cup of coffee. I gave her about a $1.75. She thanked me for everything again as she was leaving. All I could say was "Try to take it easy out there". :-(
It occurred to me when you called to tell me that you do in fact miss me. See I called you first the other day to tell you that I miss you. And I asked if you missed me. And you kinda
non-chalantly played me off. But then...a day and a half later you call me to say that in fact you do miss me. Albeit you said "not enough to get back together".
So in thinking on it...... I know you miss my touch as much as I miss yours. You want me to wrap my arms around you like I used to as bad I want to. You wanna cuddle up in our special spoon where I cup your breast with my hand like we used to. You wanna just chill and eat Leona's (Buffalo Chicken Sandwich, right?) or Jimmy John's (#3Turkey Tom, no tomatoes, extra mayo, correct?) and just be. You and me. I know you want to. I can feel it. It starts as a dull pain in my right big toe. Then it works it way up my body, and just sits there. Right around my temple and continues to throb.
Oh yeah sista! I am no longer fooled, but at the same time I understand. I know you are afraid of extending yourself to me again. You feel you came up with the short end of the stick last time. So I can understand your hesitancy. But know that your icy cool demeanor aint fooling me no more. We're waaaaay too connected for that. I still know you. I still feel you....even after almost 3 months apart.
Yeah this could explain A L O T!........either that or I just need a fucking life!!!!
Lovesickness might be just that, experts warn
Sun Feb 6, 7:14 AM ET
Health - AFP LONDON (AFP) - The concept of lovesickness might be more than just a flighty poetic notion, as it can burden the afflicted with genuine mental trauma, a British psychological study warned.
In the most serious cases the "disease" can prove fatal, the researchers said, calling for lovesickness to be taken more seriously by the medical profession.
For many centuries, the manias, depressions and obsessions associated with romantic love were considered a genuine state of mind rather than an affectation, clinical psychologist and author Dr Frank Tallis said.
However, in the past two centuries lovesickness had fallen out of favour as a proper diagnosis, Tallis said in a report for The Psychologist magazine, the official publication of the British Psychological Society.
In the modern era, while love was still associated with madness, this was only likely to be in the lyrics of a pop song, Tallis noted.
"The average clinical psychologist will not receive referral letters from GPs (general practitioners) and psychiatrists mentioning lovesickness," Tallis said.
"However, careful examination of the sanitised language will reveal that lovesickness may well be the underlying problem.
"Many people are referred for help who cannot cope with the intensity of love, have been destabilised by falling in love, or who suffer on account of their love being unrequited."
Symptoms can include mania, such as elevated moods and inflated self-esteem, depression, or obsessive compulsive disorder, such as repeatedly checking for e-mails.
The most serious cases could lead to suicide, the article said.
"Although there is much modern research into the treatment of relationship and psychosexual problems, there is little dealing with the specific problem of lovesickness," Tallis said.
"Perhaps now is the time for us to take it more seriously and take a lead from those ancient clinicians who diagnosed and treated it like any other complaint."
The fact is.....Im so fucking sick of blogging about me and KK. I mean...I love her, I know I fucked up, I want her back...yeah yeah yeah....but there HAS to be SOMETHING ELSE to blog about. Looking over the blog...it makes me look pretty fucking pathetic. I promise you anywhere from 85-90% of this blog has been about her since I started it in August 04. In comparision I'd say that maybe 60% of hers has had something to do with me. I dont even know where this particular blog is going. I just want/need to blog about something else. Shit this is turning into a rant huh?
But what else is there to blog about? Funny thing is....nothing is really moving me or striking me as blog-worthy but her. I guess that's b/c there is really nothing else on my mind. Stepping outside of myself I'd say that those facts are sweet and sad at the same time, huh?
"Take your time baby / dont you rush a thing / Dont you know I know / We all are struggling / I know it is hard / But we will get by / And if you dont believe in me / Just believe in 'Him' / Cause He'll give you piece of mind / (Yes He Would!) / And you will see the sunshine / (For real! Yes you would!) / And you'll get to free your mind / And things will turn out fine / (I know that things will turn out fine / (Yes they would, yes the would!)..............."
This is a sure sign I need some.......something. Afterwards I even tripped like "Yo...did I just do that?" So what happened was....I was laying in bed at like 4am. I had been in bed for damn near an hour and I couldnt fall asleep. I had Mary's "My Life" album playing. So of course Im thinking about KK. (Like what the else is my lovestruck ass gon think about at that time of night?)....Anyways I swear on EVERYTHING I LOVE....I turned over and asked MY FATHER for advice!!!!!!!!! I literally turned over and uttered the words...."What should I do Pop?". I even had to laugh myself at that one. I was like "Nigga you know you tripping now!".
Basically to make a long story short......the reason that this is sooooo unusual is I didnt really kick it with my old man since I was about 12 years old. Yup....right at the formative years. Anyways contact was spotty after I graduated 8th grade. And it's not like he lived far away. He was still in the city. Homie just didnt get it popping like that for whatever reason. The tripped out thing is....I didnt really miss him or it didnt bother to me til maybe 3 or 4 years ago. Then I finally tracked him down and the siblings that I didnt really know too well. Anyways he died maybe 8 months after I found him again. Needless to say that there are a lot of unresolved issues there. And the sucky thing is Im pretty much left to work them out amongst myself.
But shit....that's life I guess. I just thought it funny as shit for me to roll over and ask advice of him. That would definitely constitute me tripping hard!
Simply complicated. Moody. Loves people. True Scorpio. Extreme. Fiercely Loyal. Interested in alot. Slightly dyslexic. A smart ass who uses sarcasm as a crutch Possible ADD but I dont care.
I'm just trying to find my way in this big ol world, and at the same time trying to keep my sanity. Shouldnt be too hard, huh?