The "Cuckoo For Cocoa Puffs" List

1. Every time I turn on the TV/Somebody's acting crazy/If you let it, it will drive you crazy/but I'm takin' back my power today/Gas prices they just keep on rising/The government they keep on lying/but we gotta keep on surviving/Keep living our truth and do the best we can do" - India.Arie "There's Hope"

2. Dude I can barely watch the news as of late

3. So ummmm....you know how a racist would refer to a little black child as 'Nigglette'?......

4. ...am I wrong for calling some little white kids 'Cracklettes' under my breath?

5. As ig'nant as it sounds I swear I just made it in frustration b/c they wouldnt get out my way as I was walking thru the store

6. Also Im really amazed at how repeatedly uttering the phrase 'Ol Ritz/Saltine cracker ass crackers' under my breath at work can help to relieve my stress

7. Racism is so weird b/c if I were a white dude typing this about black people and someone black saw it...It would so be on

8. The moral of the story is....somehow everyone BUT white people are allowed to be racist

9. Hey I didnt make the rules

10. LMAO....I kid, I kid I swear. Racism is bad, mmkay?

11. "Like we say in St. Olaf : 'Christmas without fruitcake is like 'St. Sigmund's Day' without the headless boy'" - Rose Nylund

12. There just arent many things in life better than Rose Nylund's St. Olaf stories

13. Im sooooo unashamed of my affinity for 'The Golden Girls'

14. Mike Huckabee may be picking up momentum for the GOP.....but he is still looney tunes!

15. Actually....ALL them damn Republicans are cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs if you ask me

16. Stephen Colbert for prez-o-dent!!!!

17. No really......he needs to run!

18. I pray so much, I wonder if the Lord love me/I think He do, but I'm so caught up in my thug deep/The feds bug me, followin me around for three/Niggaz couldn't catch me so they hit me with conspiracy/...I ain't goin back, I'm a make 'em kill me/Imma bust back, fuck the pen, you feel me?/Wish I can hug my momma and kiss my baby girl/I know it's a better place than livin in this dirty wooooorld" - Pimp C (UGK) "How Long Will It Last"?

19. RIP Pimp C.......and Sean Taylor

20. How exactly do you leave the game winning World Series ball laying around the house for the dog to eat up?

21. Tell you about them and they dogs boy.....I mean really....WTF?

22. I sent a stranded guest home to St. Louis on the Megabus

23. Lor? Les? Proud of me, arent you?

24. Dude I won the raffle at my company's holiday party for the 2nd straight year!

25. The look on my co-workers' faces were PRICELESS I tell you.....them fools were so sick like NeYo!

26. An Ipod last year, a PSP this year......what can I say? Im just favored!

27. "To me, the most important thing that we can do as human beings is give. And we must give in proportion to what we were given. That being said, I dont like to close my eyes at night without having done something for someone, whether it's a random act of kindness or a strategically planned initiative that will ultimately help thousands, if not millions. I believe that even in a world fraught with war and blatant injustice still, individuals must find ways to lessen human suffering and impact humanity for the better" - Dr. Donda C. West

28. It aint gotta be Christmas for you to give my good peoples

29. When the hell did Chia Pet's become soooo popular?

30. Where Im from you would give a person a Chia Pet if you didnt like them

31. Dave...as far as bullshit missions go, in the immortal words of The Ticallion Stallion...'We at odds til we even homie!'

32. That Knockouts was some straight up bullshit yo! At least mine didnt hit us up for no $$$, and yall did get to support black business and all

33. A guy in Washington nailed Santa Claus to a cross to protest the commercialization of Christamas

34. Cant really say that I blame him either

35. "You just saying that becuz I f%*ked you hard in the booty!"

36. Oh boy! The randomness one hear's in this big ol city o' mine!

37. There is apparently some Ashanti Christmas song that I really like

38. Still not quite sure how I feel about that

39. HoneyBiscuits you are big doodoo head for that lil stunt you pulled

40. I sold my old Ipod and bought a new 80GB one that holds 20,000 songs!!

41. Plus Ive already put 3 episodes of "Martin" in it!!!

42. Can you tell Im happy?

43. "Every child is an artist. The problem is how to remain an artist once we grow up" - Pablo Picasso

44. And tis is why I simply refuse to "grow up"

45. Random Fact of Life #3954 : Some people are just big stupid meanies who do nothing but hold others back and spew negative & hateful energy

46. Dont pay them no nevermind. Just do you!

47. I think it should be against the law for ANYONE to even attempt to remake Donny's "This Christmas"

48. My Roomie is pretty friggin hilarious......Ear Bags and all

49. However our man vs. woman knockdown, dragout debates are classically epic and very well could warrant their own blog series

50. Kendra : I hate yo ugly ass!

Me : Kendra did you just call me ugly?

Kendra : I shole did you ugly muthafucka!

51. LMAO......lifelong friends are simply the best I tell you!

Is Marriage Still Sacred?

For as long as I can remember I've always said that me and marriage would be a one shot deal. I'm only getting married once. And we will make it work dammit! Point blank, period. Aint gon be no damn divorcing. Still feel that way actually.

But in all honesty I suppose my overly fantasizing ass cant really make that call until I'm knee deep in it. Real life often gets in the way of what we intend to do. No one marries with the intention of eventually divorcing the person you just swore to love, honor and cherish for the rest of your days. You said 'for richer or poorer, in sickness and health' and you were supposed to mean that shit! It seems that everyone wants it but everyone isn't willing to work for it and stick it out. The divorce rate is only getting higher. Everyone wants the marriage their grandparents had back in the day. Everyone wants to celebrate their 50th anniversary like Anna and Russell (That was a Cosby Show reference for those of you not following), or to use a real life couple, like Ruby and Ossie, but hell even THEY had an open marriage!!!!!

The bottom line is marriage is hard. No one ever said it was gon be easy. Even me and these dreaming eyes of mine know that. I know its gon be times when I'm gon wake up and be tired of looking at this muthafucka! lol. I gotta imagine being married 20 some odd years or so you might be tempted to get tired of someone. That's why you gotta be proactive about finding new ways to keep the spark there. Nowadays people divorce for petty shit. They treat it like it's grade school and they can "go with" and "quit" people all willy nilly.

So I say all that to ask if marriage is really sacred anymore? Do people really realize what they are vowing when they take their vows? At what point do you throw in the towel?

There are a few scenarios that I can think of that would cause me to have them papers drawn up. I MIGHT (and that's a pretty big fuckin' 'MIGHT') forgive an indiscretion once, but that's it. You cant keep your legs closed you gon hafta roll! If I found out that you usta be someone else and changed your identity before we met then that means I didn't marry who I thought I married......yeah *two fingers* chica. Intentionally harm some kids IN ANY WAY? Heffa, there's the door! I could go on but you get the point.

So what would be your deal breakers and/or reasons to divorce?

A Poem About Divina

A Poem About Divina

It seems to me that the highest compliment

that you could ever pay to a writer is well....... to write about them

And so Tina Divina this poem is about you

It's not only because you're a writer

or even because you're my favorite writer.....that I personally know

but because you've personally helped me grow

Knowing you, you'll probably ask 'how so?'

Well you've given me the sensation called inspiration

I think your 'spit' is a gift and it moves me

Makes me wanna stop reading and start writing...quickly!

How does the writer feel finally being the writee?

Tina Divina this poem is about you

Partly because you're evolved

You've damn near seen and done it all

Life experience is so important in shaping a person into who they be

and how they see

what could be

Oh and did I mention that you're fine?

Pretty easy on the eyes
and yeah you can sandwich that 'fine' between the 're' and 'd'
But above that what you've done for me

is relate to me and let me be me

and for that Im thankful and this is my saying it so you'll hear it

And so Tina Divina this poem is about you

You're a daughter to your mother

and a mother to your daughter

You're a lover

and a fighter

and a writer

and the simple fact is

you move people

And so Tina Divina in this poem I celebrate you

Thanks for moving me.

written by

TJ Armour

Far too often we only say nice things about people when they can only hear us in spirit...and it shouldnt be that way yall. As you can see I've written this about my friend Tina Divina while she is here to see it. I encourage you to tell someone that you love what they mean to you. Imagine how it could turn around their day. I mean we all generally know that we are loved by our fam and friends but it sure as hell feels good to hear it every once and again. And Ms. Divina? I hope you like. I hope you dont mind me trying to bite your style to honor you ;)

The "It Makes My Teeth White" List

1. "I missed the part where it stopped being about Imus/What do my lyrics have to do with this shit?/....Are you saying what I'm spitting/is worse than these celebutantes showin' they kitten?/You kidding?/Lets stop the bullshittin'/Til' we all without sin/let's quit the pulpit-ing!" - Jay-Z "Ignorant Shit"

2. WORD!

3. I said it last list and it bares repeating : GET OFF HIP HIP'S DICK!

4. There isn't much that I love more than when people move out of my building and sell household shit that I need for rock bottom prices!

5. Who knew adding a dresser would make me feel like I have more space!?!?

6. Apparently I have a bunch of narcoleptic friends and didn't know it

7. I had like 5 people tell me they got dressed to go to my bday party but then they fell asleep on their couch before they could leave

8. Dontcha hate it when that happens?.....I sure as hell do!

9. But I still love yall trife asses though

10. "My cousin in Tibet is an illiterate farmer. By accident of birth, I was raised in the West and have a Ph.D. The task of our generation is to cut through the illusion that we inhabit separate worlds. Only then will we find the heart to rise to the daunting but urgent challenges of global disparity" - Losang Rabgey

11. I could very well be the only person to really pay attention to the quotes on the sides of Starbucks cups

12. So this fucker went crazy, tried to set himself and his 2 small boys on fire, then drove them to his brother's house?!?!?!?!

13. Tori weren't we talking about people having to test out to be allowed to have children or something to that effect?

14. God bless Dr. West's life and her family

15. Sylvi and Geli God bless you and your fam as well....I have yall in my prayers

16. RIP Greg Jackson

17. Damn I swear it gets thick sometimes

18. "And as you journey into outer space/may the angels help to lead the way/May the prayers that our families made/shine upon your soul to keep you safe/...As you headed into the tunnel's light/I hope it leads to eternal life..." - Scarface "Smile"

19. It gets heavy I tell you

20. Sometimes I forget that I'm grown and then an extra grown ass woman will hit on me and then I remember....'Oh shit! I am 30!!!'

21. How did I manage to grab the wrong applesauce at the store?

22. FYI : Homestlye applesauce w/ apple chunks kinda negates the purpose of applesauce

23. In fact that shit is blasphemous if you ask me

24. Speaking of Blasphemy....a school teacher in Sudan faces imprisonment and 40 lashes (they still do that?!?!?) after letting her class of 7 year olds name their teddy bears as a class project b/c one the kids named their bear 'Muhammad'....as in the Muslim messiah

25. They are really fearful for this lady's life b/c Muslim extremist have already started swarming the station that she's being held

26. I mean really......WTF?!?!?!!?

27. "And if Al Sharpton is speaking for me/somebody get him the word and tell him I don't approve/Tell him I'll remove the curses/if you tell me our schools gon' be perfect/When 'Jena 6' don't exist/Tell him THAT'S when I'll stop saying 'bitch'......BIIITCH!" - Jay-Z "Say Hello"

28. Stace I'm sorry if you reading this....I know the double Jigga quotes have you damn near ready to puke and all.....but the boy be saying some shit

29. Note To Self : Dude!!! Bananas are not your friend! At least not while you are out in public. What they cause you to emit into the air just aint fair to your fellow living creatures

30. Yup.....the aroma is just that foul!

31. I hope they don't think they can back me into a corner and somehow trick me into taking on doing the night audit again

32. They are gonna be fat girls in bikinis if thats what they think

33. btw....'Fat girls in bikinis' = Ass out!

34. You ever ran across someone so utterly stupid and clueless that you have to stop and ponder just how it is that they are still alive and have made it this far in life?

35. "Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid but it's alright...." - Corinne Bailey Rae "Put Your Records On"

36. You know that thing that you love to do? DO IT MORE OFTEN!!!!

37. Obviously I'm back on this 'No Sleep Til Brooklyn' shit again

38. Eventually I'll learn

39. I just listened to a new joint by the Wu called "Rushing Elephants"

40. Wu-Tang has the best song titles EVER!

41. LMAO......She said he was irking her clit nerves!!

42. I don't have one but I gotta imagine that is some hellified irking going on

43. "Dreamlover come rescue me/Take me up take me down/Take me anywhere you want to baby now/I need you so desperately/Won't you please come around/'Cause I wanna share forever with you baby" - Mariah Carey "Dreamlover"

44. I mean I love me some Keyshia Cole and her extra hoodness and all but....is she still teething?

45. Am I wrong for that?

46. My Sway Music playlist kicks ass!!!!!

47. Why cant I stop listening to "Bubbly" by Colbie Caillat?

48. Like seriously.....I've gone to bed to it like the last 4 nights in a row

49. Be thankful for wine!

50. "Everybody wanna get on board about not saying the word 'Nigga' now. Where were you punk muthafuckas when it actually meant something (30 years ago)? Now you wanna stop people from saying it now when it dont mean shit. What about then? I've been called 'nigga' enough where I can say it anytime I want. I say the word 'Nigga' 100 times every morning when I get up. It makes my teeth white!" - Paul Mooney

Favorite Music Moments

If you are alive and/or have any soul at all there are certain moments in certain songs that send a chill up your spine. These songs in these particular moments make you stop what you are doing, stand still, close your eyes, and just zone the fuck out. Like so.....

Maybe it's just something that you notice. Maybe it's a part or a lyric that really resonates with you. Maybe it just always brings back a certain memory. Whatever the case may be, this particular blog is dedicated to that moment in the song that stands out to you.

For instance in "Next Lifetime (Live)" by Erykah when she sets Karen, Joyce and N'Dambi (in that order) loose for their solos. Maaaaaaaaaaaaan do they go for theirs or what? Can you hear the friendly competition within it? First Karen kills it, then Joyce has to top that and take the crowd, and the energy, and the moment further, and then N'Dambi just dumbs the fuck out! Tell me that isnt orgasmic!

Or in "Midnight Train To Georgia" by Gladys Knight and The Pips. Gladys holds it down like she's supposed to, but The Pips absolutely MAKE that song for me with their ad-libs and background vocals. Dont believe me? Go listen. "....a superstar but he wouldnt get far" and ".....dreams dont always come true. Un uh. Nope. Un Uh!"

In "What's Come Over Me?" by Amel Larriuex and Glenn Lewis there is a part that Amel fucking loses it! It's at the end of her verse and lyric goes "See I just couldnt face myself knowing that I didnt just tell you the truth". Simple enough, but the way that she stretches the word "truth" and the emphasis that she sings it with. She holds that word/note for 6 seconds, and I know b/c Ive timed it. That shit floors me every single time.

*Joe Budden has a song called "Dumb Out" where he fucking goes bananas with his flow

*Earth Wind and Fire's live version of "Reasons" where Phillip Bailey and Don Myrick (on the alto sax) go back and forth is classic!

*Cappadonna blacks all the way out on his 2 minute plus verse from "Winter Warz" by the Wu

*Mary and Trin-I-Tee 5:7 make me throw my hand up every time they request it in their respective songs

*Black Thought from The Roots has gon postal with his flow on many a track

I could go on and on forever with this list. So much music. So many moments. So much I didnt touch on.

Maybe I will do a part two soon.

In the meantime lemme see what yall got! What songs/moments do it for you?

My Acceptance Speech

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.

What an honor to be here! This is something I've dreamed of as a kid. Actually for a short while I couldnt even see myself making it here but.....MAMA I MADE IT! Can you believe your oldest boy is 30!?!?!?

Where to start?

I suppose I shall start by thanking my mama (and father) for bringing me here. Sure this life comes with it's own set of harsh realities and cruelties....but I swear it's such a beautiful thing. Every new day you are granted brings forth opportunity to do something to make this place better than it was before you got here.

I thank the Most High for keeping me here. It's clear to me that Im here for a reason.

Thanks to my brother for being there a couple times to directly save my life. Couldnt have did it w/o you kid!

Many thanks to the boy D'Leo for making the "Dirty 30" celebration happen.

Thanks to all my family and friends that made it to The BIG Three Oh before me for giving me something to aspire to. Yall are some super fresh mu'fuckas I promise you.

To all my "youngin's"(Imagine me calling somebody else a youngin..lol).....lemme tell you...While I do like some of his points in the song, 30 is in fact NOT the new 20!! 30 is live! 30 is aware. 30 is experience. Them shits is hot son! Enjoy your 20's. Learn yourself. And when you cross over to 30...apply that shit!

I think they are ready to cue the music on me so again I thank you all.

Every single one of you inspire me.

The "Get Off Hip Hop's Dick Already" List

1. "Brother says he's tellin/'bout you playin doctor with that girl/'Please dont tell I'll give you/Anything you want in this whole wide world!!'" - Stevie Wonder "I Wish"

2. Remember that? You'd get caught doing some shit you KNOW you aint have no business doing....and you'd beg and plead with the person not to tell?

3. So Nas announces his plan to name his next album "Nigger" and mugs are losing their mu'fuckin minds!

4. Forget the fact that Dick Gregory named his autobiography "Nigger" in the midst of the civil rights struggle in 1964 or that there was Randall Kennedy's book "Nigger : The Stranger Career Of A Troublesome Word" a couple years ago.....somehow it wasnt a big deal when a non-hip hop person did it

5. Anyone that knows anything about Nas' music knows he's prolly gonna have something relevant and of substance to say

6. I soooo wish they would get off Hip Hop's dick already!

7. An admitted extreme dog loving judge sentenced a man, who threw his girlfriend's 10 week old puppy off a 3 story balcony, to 3 years in prison....

8. ....and while I agree that that is pretty fucked up and cruel to do to a puppy let it be noted that there are people who shoot others and have bookoo traffic accidents all drunk and reckless and shit who get less time

9. Needless to say that the defendant is black and the judge is white

10. Im telling you....dont mess with no dogs 'round no white folk! There will be HIGH hell to pay!!

11. "I don't need a low rider to know how to be a rider cuz if you know me then you get that riding is what i do." - Na

12. Im pretty sure it doesnt get any realer than that!

13. btw....Boston's got this sports shit on lock in case you werent aware

14. The "Follow Along" blog kinda missed its mark if you werent really familiar with song that I paraphrased

15. Oh well....it's really hit or miss with these blogs

16. Cant really expect yall to know what Im talking about 100% of the time

17. Shit...I dont even know what Im talking about 100% of the time!

18. "....the crowd is open, I think I know why/Im back from the future, seen it with my own eyes/and yup....Im still the future of the Chi!" - Kanye West (Common) "Southside"

19. People fucking up and then not being able to admit it and instead trying to place the blame on you is sooooo not what's real in the streets!

20. Fucking fuckers!

21. Not only did the Megabus driver make a detour to apparently pick up his check....I'll be damned if this nigga didnt make a Popeye's pit stop as well!

22. Guess you cant really complain when your roundtrip ticket is $16.....but still!

23. And I swear the driver for the trip back was Sam Kinison reincarnated!!!!

24. Shout out to Tina Divina on her new gig as the official blogger at the house that Jill built AKA Hidden Beach Records....check out her teaser @ http://www.hiddenbeach.com/

25. It is well deserved with your infinitely dope ass

26. So that's your shoutout....now I want mine on your first blog on the site lol

27. "Things can always get better......with a drink in your hand!" - Lori

28. I flippin love those Johnson gals

29. RIP to my great uncle Bobby

30. I know I say this everytime someone passes but it bares repeated repeating

31. Pleeeeeeease live your life yall

32. Get out and do whatever the fuck you wanna!

33. Ang I got you and your fam in my prayers as well

34. I think the Indy excursion helped

35. "Catch a flick at the Liquid Kitty/trying to get a chick to kick it with me to the tilt/Told her my Chamber's like Wilt/Built with her for a sec/Let her know I had respect/In less than an hour she was giving me neck!" - Common "1999"

36. Who knew that Tom and me had the same birthday?

37. My bad E...I got it now...it's like how Erick Sermon spells his name only w/o the 'c', right? lol

38. Who's coming to our first 'Game Night' event on the 15th?

39. Good food, great drinks, dope music, cool peeps, fun games.......dammit I say it's a fucking fantastic time to be had by all!

40. As much as we all want Barack....the truth of the matter is we might just have to settle for Hillary

41. Lemme tell you son....having a "light skin girl" promotion for your club night is the most simplest, juvenile, ignorant shit ever dog. What are you? 12?

42. Personally Im not surprised that Don Imus will be back on the air before the year is over....are you?

43. "The public is wonderfully tolerant. It forgives everything.....except genius" - Oscar Wilde

44. And yes that was for you! ;)

45. Val? Sparkle? I dunno what the hell is wrong with Lauryn either

46. I suppose all we can really do is hold out hope that she returns to her old form circa '98 or so

47. One time for the Georgia Supreme Court getting some 'Get Right' and finally setting Genarlow Wilson free!

48. Shole (and yes I said 'shole') is about time something went right with justice system in this bitch for a change!

49. I have to be mindful of my mouth and my page as my little underage cousins recently told me that they look at my myspace page from time to time

50. "Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit; Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad." - Anonymous

Black Enough For Who?......You?

"...black folk saying that Im 'too intelligent' and white folk saying Im a little too niggerish/It's got me in a strange predicament/....b/c I aint shucking and cuz I aint jivin'/some of these crackaz wont stand beside me/and cuz I aint killin' and dont support pimpin'/some of these niggaz wanna call me a 'Cosby'/well...I'll play that role/ I'll scratch that itch/ I'll be that dude/Call me 'Heathcliff' bitch!" - Phonte of Little Brother

So a friend I and were talking and she mentioned that she felt a tad weird b/c as a black woman she doesnt necessarily identify with most things considered 'black'. And in speaking with her about this it got me to thinking. It occurred to me that if you, as a black person, dont adhere to the (supposed) 'aesthetic' closely you could be accused by your peers as 'acting white'...whatever that means. And if that aint the biggest crock of bullshit I done heard I dunno what is!

What the fuck is wrong with those of us that equate being black with being ignorant? The two are just not the same. And again....what the fuck is 'acting white'? So is reading for pleasure considered 'acting white'? What about opting not to liter? Am I 'acting white' when I use a more proper tone when doing business over the phone? Im sorry if I paid attention in English class and actually can use proper diction when Im talking to you. Sometimes I forget to dumb it down when we speak. My bad!

My mama taught me a long time ago that there is a way you speak when you are amongst your friends and family. And there is a different way you speak when you are in a more formal setting and/or dealing with white people. That was some of the best advice ever. It's called 'playing the game'. It just so happens that white people still run the world. As minorities we simply have to 'play the game'.

So please dont EVER question my blackness! The police sure as hell dont!

*What do yall think? Is there a such thing as 'acting white'? What constitutes someone 'acting white'? What's really the bigger picture here?*

Follow Along (Buggin' Out)

So my boys Dave and Eric say I be caking for the ladies that be reading my blog.

So I decided it's about time I justify my thug for once in my blog, feel me? So I decided to post this verse from my man Phonte of the group Little Brother. Gotta show these boys I can do it any way they wanna do it.

Follow along now......

"This is for my niggas on the corner
Them boys on the block steady moving that work
All thru your community ; you need a fundraiser?
Them boys'll come thru and even slang at the church!
In the kitchen all day long over the stove
Yup! Servin them fiends steady cooking them O's
Til the smell get all in they clothes
Keep niggas heavy in the street and they fuck the fattest of hoes
See the fiends lined up trying to get that fix
Anytime day or night they'll scratch that itch
Have you running to your mans like "This that shit!"
Yeah they paper stay long and their money is thick
I know a lot niggas gon have to run this back
like "Damn (Teej)! When the fuck you start promoting crack?"
It aint as bad as it might seem
Im just shouting out my niggas down at Krispy Kreme
Now holla back!

KRISPY KREME WILL NEVER LEAVE THE STREETS NIGGA!
DUNKIN DONUTS? FUCK 'EM!
LIL DEBBIE? FUCK 'EM

Glazed donuts, Chocolate dounts, Apple fritters? Whatever you need it's nothing!
Ya get them Krispy Kreme all the doughboys go craaaaaaaazy!"

I obviously need help. LOL. Somebody pray for me!

I Cant Quite Put My Hand On It But......

.....something doesnt quite sit right with me concerning these pictures.


No this isnt the next singing duo to vote for on 106 & Park. You see, this is Carwin Jones and Bryant Purvis of The Jena 6. You've heard of them, right? 6 young African-American men whose criminal case in Jena, Louisiana has sparked damn near the biggest civil rights uproar since Rosa decided she was too tired to move for whitey on a Montgomery, Alabama bus in 1955? You heard a bit about it I assume?

Anyways so I believe BET invites Jones and Purvis to walk the red carpet and present an award at their 2nd annual HipHop Awards. Maybe the invite was kinda to show that the boys are doing okay for the time being. Maybe they were invited to make sure the (guaranteed on-looking) hip hop world was aware and cognizant of the situation. I dunno for sure.

But what I do know for sure is that these boys STILL have to go on trial. They arent out the woods yet. Just seems to me you wouldnt wanna be all out and about all willy nilly like it's all good. How long did it take these fools to come up with their lil hand sign for when they take pics? WTF is that about? I mean sure you are at a Hip Hop event and the such, but you got an impending trial where you are facing football numbers dog. I would think you might wanna come dressed a lil more 'official' seeing as though national media is gon be there. Who the fuck is advising yall? Who thought THIS would be a good idea? Maybe it's just me. Im just saying....

The "How In The Holy Fuck" List

1. "I pray Im forgiven/for every bad decision I made/Every sista I played/'cuz Im still paranoid to this day/And it's nobody's fault/I made the decisions I made/This is the life I chose/Or rather the life that chose me/If you cant respect that/you're whole perspective is wack" - Jay Z "December 4th"

2. So in reading some old lists I discovered I blogged that lyric a couple years ago

3. What can I say....it really resonates and the shit is just deep yo

4. Honestly I purposely fell back on writing a list for a minute

5. Sometimes I get on some ol artsy 'they aint appreciating it so why should I write it?' shit

6. Needless to say I think highly of my writings....

7. ....but oh well I appreciate yall that do read 'em and if the others miss out they just miss out

8. How is it that the AARP is trying to get me to join already?

9. I mean I know Im finna hit 30 and all but damn Gina....I aint nowhere near retiring age

10. "Im not racist. I hate all you niggas equally. Black niggas. White niggas. Latin niggas. Asian niggas. Indian niggas....need I go on?" - Teej

11. And no, Im not above quoting myself

12. I crack me up and if yall laugh along the way then thats all the more better

13. Another school shooting? WTF? At a predominantly black school by a white boy named Coon? WTF?

14. Why does Marilyn Manson's name come up every time there is a school shooting? WTF does he be talking about in his songs?

15. And then police stop another 14 yr old in Pennsylvania from doing the same thing but.....

16. How in the holy fuck (yes I said 'holy fuck') does a 14 year old collect this many weapons w/o his parents knowing?

17. He was fucking reading how to make homemade bomb manuals and Hitler manifestos and shit...His parents need to be thrown up under the damn jail as well.

18. "When the power of love overcomes the love of power the world will know peace"- Jimi Hendrix

19. In Weird White People News : http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/21271545/wid/11915829?GT1=10450

20. Who but white people can even think up some shit like this?

21. Did I read that right? Mychal Bell of the Jena 6 is BACK IN JAIL?

22. Seems the DA pulled some bullshit parole violation charge out of his ass and sent him back to jail on some revenge shit

23. And here we were thinking it was sweet

24. As beautiful as this life can be, some shitty things sure can happen

25. I suppose we must remember that we have to take the bitter with the sweet, but still it can get heavy

26. Why someone would make a concerted effort to make public some not so flattering things about a person who has passed on and not let her rest is beyond me...In any event God bless Nailah Franklin's life

27. "We all know sometimes life's hates and troubles/Can make you wish you were born in another time and space....So make sure when you say you're in it but not of it/You're not helping to make this earth a place sometimes called 'Hell'...... " - Stevie Wonder "As"

28. Cindy Im praying for you and your mom as well

29. What's up with peeps trying to stunt wearing sunglasses in the club?

30. Dontcha know it only really looks cool in rap videos you ass?

31. See where following will getcha? You think you doing the most and we're really laughing at your dumb ass bumping into and tripping over shit b/c you wanna get your 'Corey Hart sunglasses at night' on in the dark ass club

32. My mama is new to the texting world and boooooooooy is she text happy!

33. Damn T.I.....WTF homie?

34. They make it sound as if dude was preparing for Armageddon or something!

35. "In junior high, my parents would put $30 or $40 in an envelope, and that would buy a card that would cover a month of school lunches. It was November of 1982, and I took my $36 and purchased Prince's "1999", "What Time Is It?" by The Time, and the Vanity 6 album. I starved that whole month" - Ahmir "?uestlove" Thompson on Prince

36. It can get that real....I usta do the same thing with my lunch money

37. Telltale sign that I need to lose weight : None of my boxer briefs fit right anymore and they ride up on me causing me discomfort and in extreme cases the need to take them off

38. btw....there is no such thing as TMI on my list if you hadnt noticed

39. Fiascogate? Really?

40. Yes he messed up Phife's lines and yes he got maaaaad defiant with his remarks about Tribe and Hammer and the such, but wouldnt you get defensive too with niggas acting like you committed treason b/c you said you didnt really grow up listening to a certain group? He does have a point about the hip-hop elitist though

41. Must........exercise...........discipline!

42. I know damn well I aint got no business doing that

43. "If I dont do nothing...Imma ball/Im counting all day like the clock on the wall....I say I aint never ran from a nigga and I damn sure aint bout to pick today to start running!/Now go and get ya money lil duffle bag boy!" - Playaz Circle F/Lil Wayne "Duffle Bag Boy"

44. Swedda Gawd (® Honey Biscuits) that song is my shit right now.....I fucking lost my mind when that came on in the club

45. Of course...the 4 drinks and shot of patron had helped

46. Jonesy...some kinda friend you are to stand by and watch me eat a whole jar of pickles that may or may not have gone bad

47. At times I swear I take this "Im an adult/I can do whatever I want" shit too far

48. Sorry Roomie but Men are stupid and Women are crazy and that's just how it is

49. Life is for the living yall.......dont be afraid to live it

50. "I don't think any artist before had used that level of sex to get in the door and (still) be accepted by the mainstream. I wonder what his mind state was in 1980, standing onstage in kiddie briefs, leg warmers and high heels without a Number One hit." - Ahmir "?uestlove" Thompson on Prince

Anticipating...........

He sang "Wait for love and you're gonna get your chance to love"

And so................

.......................I wait

My feet tip and tap and tip and tap and tip a tad more and tap even more

I stand and pace the room

I sit back down and begin to twiddle my thumbs and then......

.........I wait some more.

A few false starts here

A few "I wonder if she's....." there

And then there was "the one"

Or at least I thought she was

but we aint together

so if she was "the (real) one"

I aint gon never get it

b/c "the one" who could give it

done left

And while she crosses my mind

from time to time

and I wonder if I messed my only real shot up

I reassure myself that while I've lived

that I got a lot more living to do

and with said living comes opprotunity

Its one of the beauties of this here life

While those around me continue to

marry, make love and/or eventually make babies

I must reassure myself that

that pressure that I feel

is all in my head

There's no one watching me with stopwatch in hand

Im imagining shit now

New Pussy Is Overrated

Chris Rock was indeed on to something.

Would you rather have your 10 year old, not as new, but still very reliable Benz that runs just fine or a brand spanking new, fresh off the lot '08 Kia? And I know that getting that Bulgatti would be a dream come true. I mean who wouldnt want a fucking Bulgatti, right? But let's be real dog. That aint you. Its too high maintenance. Not practical at all. How you gon look driving that to the grocery store? Too much attention comes with it. That just aint you man.

How does the saying go......?

'Dont fuck up your fo sho pussy trying to get mo pussy b/c you'll end up with no pussy'? Yeah, kinda graphic I know but yet and still it's a very harsh truth.

*DIIIIING*

Well...that's the bell.

Class is over for today folks.

Fuck You!

(Written by Monty Python)

Perhaps one of the most interesting words in the english language today, is the word fuck. Out of all the english words that begin with the letter 'f' ...fuck is the only word refered to as 'the f word... It's the one magical word. Just by its sound can describe pain, pleasure, hate and love. Fuck, as most words in the english language is derived from german ...the word fuieken, which means to strike.

In english, fuck falls into many grammatical categories:
As a transitive verb for intance ...John fucked Shirley.
As an intransitive verb...Shirley fucks.

Its meaning is not always sexual, it can be used as...

An adjective such as ...John's doing all the fucking work.
As part of an adverb ...Shirley talks too fucking much.
As an adverb enhancing an adjective ...Shirley is fucking beautiful.
As a noun ...I don't give a fuck.
As part of a word ...absofuckinglutely -or- infuckingcredible.
And as almost every word in a sentence ...Fuck the fucking fuckers.

As you must realize, there aren't too many words with the versatility of fuck...such as these examples describing situations such as:

Fraud ...I got fucked at the used car lot.
Dismay ...Ahhh fuck it.
Trouble ...I guess I'm really fucked now.
Agression ...Don't fuck with me buddy.
Difficulty ...I don't understand this fucking question.
Inquiry ...Who the fuck was that?
Dissatisfaction ...I don't like what the fuck is going on here.
Incompetance ...He's a fuck-off.
Dismissal ...Why don't you go outside and play hide and go fuck yourself.

I'm sure you can think of many more examples. With all these multi-purpose applications, how can anyone be offended when you use the word? We say use this unique, flexible word more often in your daily speech. It will identify the quality of your character immediately.

Say it loudly and proudly...

...FUCK YOU!

The "Late Night Inspiration" List

1. "Life is all about guns and roses/Bittersweet like friends and foes is/Some get left behind/Some get chosen...." - Lenny Kravitz (Jay-Z) "Guns N Roses"

2. Sometimes I swear Im only using like 6% of my capabilities

3. When I get to using like double digits please warn the world to look the fuck out!

4. Obviously I think VERY highly of myself

5. Speaking of which.......

6. Kanye apparently MURKED 50's ass in the soundscan sales

7. Chi-Town stand up!

8. FYI....this will be like a diet list

9. It appears that mugs get scared when they see it goes up to 50 items

10. "His priority did not seem to be to teach them what he knew, but rather to impress upon them that nothing, not even.......knowledge, was foolproof" - JK Rowling

11. Told ya I think highly of myself....lol

12. Life's highs and lows can be amazing at times cant it?

13. So Angela and I have it out and she moves back in with her sister

14. Then my baby niece Teryn makes her way into the world

15. Mr. Leonard passes......RIP

16. I get to see Stevie live in concert....

17. ....and then I catch my breath!

18. What a rollercoaster ride but I suppose this is what life is about

19. Makes me wanna.....

20. "Zoom!/I'd like to fly far away from here/Where my mind can be fresh and clear....." - The Commodores "Zoom"

21. And by the way....Stevland jammed on the mu'fuckin one with the exception that he didnt do "As"

22. Im the Spammer? No no....I think it's apparent that YOU are the spammer!

23. So OJ's ass just stays sliding down razor blades into awaiting alcohol rivers it seems

24. He breaks in dude's room with guns drawn to steal his own shit back?

25. What the fuck is wrong with him?

26. Ive come to the realization that Im too old to be making what I make at the hotel and that it
just wont do

27. My 20's were for learning....these here 30's Im finna embark on is for applying shit....word!

28. Late night inspiration is the best I tell ya!

29. Having an adult roomie that you actually get along with fucking kicks ass!

30. "Bitch, I'm not playin'! You gonna be the nine-toe havingest, limpin'est bitch in Harlem, you don't put that razor away!" - Quick "Harlem Nights"

The "Revolutionary Entrepeneurs" List

1. "Thought about the game, sat back and assessed it/Niggas really think if they aint been arrested/Shot or locked up, that we aint interested/That aint all true, and that aint all you/And if it aint, aint no need to lie about it/Just because a nigga got the skills to sell dope/dont mean he got the same skills to rap about it" - Phonte (Little Brother) "Speed Racin'"

2. And thats just about the realest shit ever man.......word!

3. *chunks the duece to Alberto Gonzalez's punk ass*

4. What took them so long to get him up outta there anyways?

5. Yes 'Favorite Ex'....I've noticed that all my boys are either married, finna get married or having babies. Im very cognizant of this....believe me!

6. Dont worry....I wont get 'left behind'

7. I's just biding my time (as hard as it may be) til my something right comes along....I'll know it when it gets to me. I just gotta be patient

8. Anyone ever see ABC's show "What About Brian?"?..........yeah!

9. Fuck it...Im gonna sing Etta's "At Last" and mean the hell out of that shit one of these days

10. "Is it a dream (Is it a dream)/that Im throwing in the wishing well?/Im losing control, body and soul/standing here waiting for a train that may never come/I saw the sign/I read the book/ I should've had a second look.....Tell me who was fooling who?" - Incognito "Deep Waters"

11. Now what yall think yall know about that there?

12. So Nicole Richie pretty much gets a fucking tour of the jail (b/c 82 MINUTES is not a jail sentence) but the Jena 6 are getting football numbers thrown at them?

13. What part of the game is that? This is 2007, not 1957! They must've missed that memo in Jena, Louisiana though

14. Obviously we are gonna have to lean on 'em like we did for Shaquanda Cotton b/c this shit is just beyond ridiculous

15. Governor Kathleen Babineaux Blanco PO Box 94004 Baton Rouge, LA 70804-9004 Phone: (225) 342-0991 Fax: (225) 342-7099

District Attorney J. Reed "End your life with the stroke of a pen" Walters
PO Box 1940 Jena, LA 71342-1940
Phone: (318) 992-8282 Fax: (318) 992-4731

16. Let's make some noise on Sept 20th yall....call, email, fax....do SOMETHING!!

17. Where my revolutionaries at? Time to get busy!

18. "Yo, we keep it type raw/and know exactly what we fight for/When the nightfall come, we in the right war/Cats who spill blood for a cause, not just because/Defy the authority and follow God's law's/Revolutionary entrepeneurs...." - Talib Kweli "This Means You"

19. Word!

20. These damn aches and pains is getting outrageous

21. Im simply not old enough for this shit yet!

22. HOLY SHIT!.....a simple X-Ray costs $300 and how much?

23. Dude I got health insurance and my health plan is STILL to not get sick!

24. Even the co-pay's are retarded

25. I still cant wrap my brain around the concept of a grown ass man stealing another man's pictures and passing himself off as the dude in the pictures

26. Work out your self esteem issues by ya damn self......leave me out of it son!

27. "Quit making pages and impersonating yourself...why you can't just be yourself? Why you gotta pretend to be...yourself?" - Nic

28. There are just certain things about myself I must come to grips with.....and me being a huge pack rat is one of them

29. Was 50 Cent aiming to look like a gorilla during his Rolling Stone photo shoot w/ Kanye?

30. Cuz if he was that shit worked to perfection!

31. Lessons the teenager is probably learning the hard way right now......
A. You should never mistake kindness for weakness
B. EVERYONE has a point where they will have had enough
C. Trust is very fragile....and it has nothing to do with Love

32. But in the meantime...........I shall enjoy my freedom

33. Why does it feel like I broke up with my girlfriend though?

34. I dunno about you...but personally I find it fucking hilarious when the ultra conserative, "traditional values" type Republicans dudes get caught tricking off....especially when its with other men like Idaho Senator Larry Craig or Florida's terrible twosome of Bob Allen & Mark Foley

35. "Word life, he preached righteousness and shit/And turned to be a hypocrite" -OC "Hypocrite"

36. A cop in Georgia got a salty burger at McDonalds and arrested one of the workers b/c it made him sick. No lie....go look http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20677230/?GT1=10357

37. I cant believe I endured being at Harpo Studios for 5 hours to sit through a "Ask Dr. Oz : Men's Edition" taping.....although it was very informative where was the favorite things show Okrah?!?!?!??

38. Ever feel alone with people all around you?

39. It happens to the best of us I suppose

40. So the one shot that I initially thought looked gay and/or like some corny R&B album cover (but has since grown on me) is the one that everybody apparently likes...

41. ...but the one that I thought was zany and artsy and cool, everyone is like "errrruhhhummmm..." b/c the make up artist put blue eye shadow on one of my eyes to make it that much more crazy and spacy....

42. ...whatever yall. I dont give a shit what none of yous got to say! lol

43. "Some guy is beating up Kid Ray!" - Girl in "Lean On Me"

44. When I told my cousin what I had the computer people do and how much they charged me : his only question was whether they pulled my pants down to my ankles or just to my knees

45. Speaking of gettin fucked.....Ive managed to not let amazon bend me over in quite sometime

46. Mind you I got this whole sodomy/slave to retail analogy thingy from Lesley...

47. ...who by the way is apparently my future wife if you let some of my friends tell it

48. I FINALLY saw the "Chocolate Rain" clip on you tube. Im pretty sure I just lessened my quality of life to some degree by doing so

49. Having to reinstall itunes and put back most of my music really blows big dirty monkey balls

50. "Im stuck in this basement, sitting on a tricycle/Girl getting on my nerves/Going outta my mind, I thought she was fine/Dont know if her body is hers" - Will Smith in "Fresh Prince Of Bel-Air"

ANOTHER 10 Weird Facts About Me

*People keep tagging me and I keep sharing more and more TMI with yall.*

1. If I bump into something (wall, door jam) I always tell it outloud to 'Get off me!' and if I drop something I tell it 'Your mother is an astronaut!"

2. My brother and I stayed directly across the street from our grammar school for a number of years....coincidentally we were both tardy more than times than any person who stayed across the street from their school shoulda been.

3. I've always wanted to try cocaine, but Im afraid I will have a fatal heart attack or brain hemorage and die if I do so I wont.

4. When I was 5, my cat named Ty scratched me. I didnt quite know how to manage my anger then. I repeatedly threw Ty against a wall til my mama came and stopped me. I realize this was wrong, but I was mad. Ty ended up with a broke leg and brain damage. Sorry. I still have the scar on my elbow though.

5. I have a music quote tucked away in my head for pretty much ANY situation that could ever occur in this here life.

6. There was this one time when I was like 7 or so and my babysitter who I had a huge crush on had her friends over. They were chilling in the living room and I had to use the bathroom which was adjacent to the living room. Somehow I had it in my mind that they would associate the length of time that I pee'd with the length of my joint......as if they were even paying attention to me peeing.

7. I once threw something at my cousin in the house, missed him and broke a window. I was soooo not trying to tell my mama that I threw something and broke the window. I went outside and gathered every single sliver that I could and brought it back in the house and strategically placed the glass on the floor inside. Then I called the police, said someone threw a rock in from the outside, filled out a police report and got away with it.

8. As I type this shit at 1am I am eating a jumbo Kosher Dill pickle that I bought on a total impulse. At times I am bad about impulse buyer.

9. Im a grow-er and not a show-er.

10. As of late I've been having "The Pee Dream" alot. (You know....where you dream you are at the toilet so you let go. Do women have this dream?) Anyways, most times I catch myself. But there has been a time or two where.....eh, not so much.

Im Not Taking Up For Michael Vick But.....

.....America you are such a fucking hypocrite! (But what's new, right?)

Cruelty to animals is cruelty to animals. Period.

It is my suspicion that b/c Vick is being accused of harming America's favorite pet AKA 'Man's Best Friend' you are making the huge deal of this that you are. And that's not to downplay the things that he is accused of. From the sounds of it, it was some pretty inhumane shit going down but still......

If he were accused of say.....hunting deer w/o a license or some shit would he be okay? Is that what you're saying? You ever seen the movie 'Faces of Death'? The way that Cows, Chickens, Pigs and Fish are captured and tortured is no more better than what they say Vick and his boys did, but because we eat those things that's okay? Cosmetics and all other sorts of chemicals and shit are tested on animals daily....where is the big hoopla about that? I could go on but you get the point, right?

And then there are those who say Vick's playing career is finished b/c of this. Who would ever take a chance on a guy like him, right? GET THE FUCK OUTTA HERE WITH THAT BULLSHIT! This is America!! The land of second chances! Just today there was a story in the paper about a Priest in downstate Illinois who was convicted of having sexual relations with 4 underage girls in 1996. He was sentenced to 9 yrs in prison, only served 5, but guess what? His ass got another mu'fuckin job preaching. Hell, his parishioners where more upset about his remarrying (b/c apparently Priest aren't supposed to do that!) than the fact that he had been convicted of molesting 4 underage girls. But I digress.

I hate the way some shit is taken and ran with and made a huge fucking deal over while other shit is not given the time of day. Dogfighting is not humane! Fucking shooting an animal for sport is not humane! Testing chemicals and shit on animals is not humane! Does PETA picket hunting clubs? When was the last protest in front of Estee' Lauder? But for a couple weeks you couldn't pull they ass from in front of the Falcons' training camp facility.

So whats the difference America? And why aren't you all up in arms over THAT shit that happens every single day?

P.S. There is a whole 'nother angle of Vick being a superstar black athlete that I coulda used in writing this but I chose not to go there although I think it's worth mentioning b/c you gotta wonder what the coverage of this would be like if he weren't a SBA.

The "Fuck Nice" List

1. "She said 'you one of them fishes, I know your mind switches' and...." - Common "Break My Heart"

2. Unfortunately I believe myself to be 'one of them fishes' as well

3. But I honestly feel like I can 'un-fish' myself whenever I feel if someone would just occupy my shit and keep my ass stimulated.....continuously

4. 'Much too much for one, not enough for two' I tell you!

5. Dont mind me....just thinking out loud again

6. Listen Becky...or Katie or whatever the fuck your name is...Dont be all in face telling me how you wanna go the club that "the brothas" be at. Just say you have a preference for black men, mmkay?

7. White people trying to sound 'hip' HAS to be one of the greatest tragedies in the world I swear

8. Actually ANYONE not really down with and into the culture trying to speak it's language is pathetic

9. Why arent people content with being who they are?

10. "I'm an individual/I'm into individuality/Can't nobody be me/Can't nobody be you/God made everybody just the way that She wanted to!" Rachelle Ferrell "Individuality (Can I Be Me?)"

11. So our wonderfully fantastic government lied about when and how Pat Tillman died, eh?

12. Anyone really surprised at that revelation?

13. So lets see...we have a guy that runs into a beauty salon and hits 4 elderly women over the head with a hammer.....then we have a guy that shoots up a church.....then we have the dumb broad who gives her 3 yr old weed and coke so she can laugh at him...

14. ...Top that off with the bridge collapsing in Minnesota.....4 kids in Jersey shot execution style right before they were to leave to go to college...and then some more coalminers trapped in Utah...

15. Okay...really.....WHAT........THE.............FUCK??!?!?!?!!?

16. Shit just makes you wanna curl up somewhere, cover you ears, and close you eyes really tightly, huh?

17. God bless them all

18. "I often wish that I could save everyone/but Im a dreamer" - Scarface "Smile"

19. Im not sure there has ever been a truer (is that a word?) lyric spoke

20. Am I the only one who thinks Ne-Yo is stalking that poor girl in his song " Do You (Think Of Me)"?

21. Have you ever been to a club so hot you had to take your shoes off?....b/c I sure as hell havent

22. So Jonesy tells me that we are going to see Stevie.....

23. ...and well......I just about came all over myself

24. Dude! Im fucking going to fucking see Stevie fucking Wonder!!!!!!!!!!

25. One of these off days Im just gonna pull out the whole Stevie collection, sit in the middle of my floor and just listen and absorb and be prepared to scream-sing my lungs out

26. That is gonna be surreal Im sure

27. "I dont wanna fight no more. Im pregnant.......and Im drunk!" - Ignorant Girl on BET's "We've Got To Do Better" AKA "Hot Ghetto Mess"

28. What do yall think of that show? I actually think it's hitting its intended mark of social commentary

29. She said that I should just fucking do what she says and not question it

30. LMAO......Obviously she doesnt know me very well!

31. If ever there were anyone that marched to the beat of his own drummer it is I

32. All I could think while I stood there and listened to him was 'Nigga where is your teeth?!?!!'

33. I have this one stubborn nose hair that is pissing me off

34. Really random I know

35. "Yea it sucks.... but he needs to put on his big boy underpants and deal with it" - Cassandra

36. No Sleep + Mad Stress + Shitty Eating Habits = BIG ASS MU'FUCKIN PIMPLE on the night of your event!

37. The red carpet afterparty was great and with that....I go right back in....

38. "Beauty Does Lie" documentary screening up next!

39. She literally lit his ass on fire.......then Eddie told her she made his pubic hair hard

40. LMBAO!!!......And I wish I were making that up!

41. I dont know if I have the patience for this surrogate parent shit

42. *Prays for more patience*

43. "'Said she got me on her ring tone'

'Are you talking about the pink phone?'

'Mmm mmm...the blue one'

'Man she told me that was turned off!'"

- R.Kelly & Usher "Same Girl"

44. Dave and I have had our very own "Same Girl" moment

45. Not that we were messing with the same girl like they were...it was more like "What's her name? And she stay where? Man I think thats the same chick!"

46. Did they really announce me at the wedding reception as 'Teej'??!?!?!!??

47. I think this list is a tad self indulgent

48. This is 3 lists in a row....that never happens! Next blog IS NOT going to be a list!

49. Why I felt an urgent need to finish this list at 5am I'll never know

50. "It's okay to be an asshole at times. Thats the way i see it.......Fuck nice!" - Ariette

The "I Aint Saying Its A C-O-N-spiracy But...." List

1. "...man....Man....MAN!/If my manager insults me again/I will be assaulting him/After I fuck the manager up/then Im going to shorten the register up/....look at my check!/Wasnt no scratch/....this fucking job cant help him/So I quit/Yall welcome!" - Kanye West "Spaceship"

2. Yup! In a minute peoples.....in a cool minute I tell you

3. My computer is on its last leg apparently

4. It rarely tolerates me sitting in my gmail

5. Anyone ever bought a new computer and had to switch over all their stuff? How does that work exactly?

6. WTF is up with my appetite this last week or so?

7. I mean where did it run to?

8. Yall think Nicole Richie gon be in the same "jail" that Paris was in?

9. Ol pampered ass hoes!

10. "Yeah sorry...I know Im the 'concierge' and all, but I really dont feel like talking to people today. Please leave me the fuck alone. Thanks." - Me at work

11. At least it felt good to say under my breath

12. How I let myself get sucked into facebook-dom I'll never know

13. hehehe....Tori.....hehehehe

14. Somehow I dont think it's a coincidence that "Read A Book" got taken down from youtube for Viacom's 'Copyright infringement' laws or whatever

15. I aint saying its a C-O-N-spiracy, but I betcha Miss Peachez' 'Fry That Chicken' or the 'Why Must I Cry' dude shit stay up forever ever

16. "..try to bring 'em life, but muthfuckas want dead" - Jay-Z "Young G's"

17. "...aint that bleak on they part?/(Shhh!)/But let me hold it down/cuz they shut you down/when you speak from your heart/Now that's hard!...." - Andre 3000 (Outkast) "Babylon"

18. Surprisingly enough though, BET played "Read A Book" out the blue though

19. Angela spent the better part last week at her sister and friends house

20. I might even miss the teenager a tad

21. But I dont miss the yelling about the TV volume, not picking up after herself, or hair in the sink...............at all!

22. Do Barack and Hillary have to go sooooooo hard at each others throats?

23. Amber C. said the white boy had suicide doors on an electric blue '95 Oldsmobile.......

24. ..........on 55th and Cottage Grove!

25. I blame rap music

26. Okay not really I dont but there are certainly people who do

27. "And now they callin on the government to try and make somebody quiet for the bullshit they done to me/Gangsta Nip, Spice 1 or 2Pac never gave a gun to me/So gangsta rap ain't done shit for that/I've even seen white folks from River Oaks go get the gat/So why you tryin kick some dust up?/America's been always known for blaming us niggas for they fuck-ups/And we were always considered evil/Now they tryin to bust our only code of communicating with our people.." - Scarface "Hand Of The Dead Body" (1994)

28. More reasons to blame rap music..... http://allhiphop.com/blogs/news/archive/2007/07/30/18330833.aspx

29. Actually you cant really blame rap. You can however blame dumb ass followers who cant think for themselves

30. I hate a fucking follower with a passion

31. Rebel you brainless bastards.....rebel!

32. Man what's up with the NBA players getting stuck for they papers as of late?

33. So the Buttercup likes ze lists, eh?

34. I originally planned for this to be a shortened list a la my Immense Lesley but alas....I cant shut the fuck up!

35. "My next guest is a low life pimp I wouldnt trust to wash my car, but yall done elected him city official...." - Don Cheadle as Ralph Waldo 'Petey' Greene in "Talk To Me"

36. Go see that shit yall

37. Did we really have a indepth conversation as to what a "phatty" is?

38. Isnt people 'leaving' myspace and then coming back like the equivalent of rappers 'retiring'?

39. Ultimately this life is about balancing your wants and needs

40. Yeah the wants are nice....but dont neglect your needs

41. Thought I wasnt gon know that french shit huh Divina?

42. Common's new joints IS bananas, B.A.N.A.N.A.S.......but Im reluctant to say it's better than"Be"

43. "Im doing things I've never done for anyone's attention/Take notice of whats in front of you cuz did I mention/You're about to miss a good thing/and you''ll never know how good it feels to have all of my affection/And you'll never get a chance to experience my loving /Cuz my luvin feels like.......oooooooh" - Alicia Keys "You Dont Know My Name"

44. Am I crushing again?........Hmmmmmm

45. The child just gets me I think

46. BA said the lady asked "is an extra large bigger than a large?"........and was like dead serious!

47. It is my belief that it should be totally legal to immediately shoot someone who displays such a high level of utter and sheer stupidity

48. ...or we can send them to live in the U.A.S.S.(United American States of Stupidity), right Geli?

49. Statewide smoking ban in all public places?......oh how my lungs thank you Mr. Blagojevich!

50. "3000? Imma tell you like this now.....dont mess it up for everybody. Greyhound dont float on water!" - Big Boi in "Hey Ya" video

The "...Fucked Me Way The Fuck Up" List

1. "It's time for me to live off the love that I sing about in my songs/See listen, I wanna walk down the aisle to my song/I want the first dance to be to my song/And I wanna make love to my song/I wanna have babies to my song/I wanna cry when I'm singing my song/I wanna say 'Damn it's too good....its too good to be my song!!!'......" - Gerald Levert "In My Songs"

2. Gerald really put his drawers in this album....God bless him

3. Not that Im condoning dogfighting (b/c Im not), but does PETA get all into the hunting industry's ass as well....b/c hunting for sport sure seems pretty un-fucking-ethical to me

4. And how dare Russell Simmons be quick to judge Mike Vick and suggest all coroprations involved with him disassociate themselves?

5. Damn Russ.....he was only indicited......can they at least find him guilty first?

6. What would life be without sex and music?

7. *shivers at the thought*

8. Ol simpleton ass muthafuckas!

9. Just checking to see if it is indeed 2007 b/c I swear I seen a dude with fingerwaves

10. "You cant teach algebra to 1st graders. No matter how hard you try. They are not gonna get it" - BA

11. Im not crazy...I knew my apple jacks were shaped weird

12. Dontcha just love the randomness of these lists?

13. Im pretty fucking pathetic

14. ....and I know why

15. At least I started working out with my Taebo abs again

16. "Wipe Me Down" and "Do The Heisman On Dat Hoe" are running neck and neck for my current favorite ghetto song

17. "Shoulders...Chest...Pants....Shoes!" - Lil Boosie "Wipe Me Down"

18. "If her breath stank/Do the Heismann on dat hoe!" - Dem Heisman Boyz "Do The Heisman..."

19. What mindlessness...and this is what they choose to play on the radio?

20. Man wait....she called me Dave's sidekick!

21. And I know Dave is that dude and all but dammit Im no one's sidekick

22. The Vagina Power lady is certified 'el polo loco' © Tori

23. btw.....I love Tori's blogs.....if only she blogged more ;)

24. Somehow I think we'll prove to be each other's muses

25. Did the paper really say that the Priest was paying for and lavishing a male stripper with gifts and money?

26. What in the......?

27. "Mercy mercy me/Things aint what they used to be...." - Marvin Gaye "Mercy Mercy Me"

28. Lor and I Talking on the phone like we used to and catching up was the best

29. The free 'Live @ The BBQ' concert with Little Brother, Bilal and Blackstar was hot but Bilal definitely should went before Little Brother

30. I couldnt believe Bilal didnt drink Hennessey and end up scream-singing while laying on the floor like normal

31. Okay seriously....who the hell just brings Chilly Willy up in conversation out the clear blue sky?

32. 8am burritos?......eh, not such a good idea

33. This latest Harry Potter book just broke all kinds of records selling 8.3 million copies in the first 24 hours

34. I know I may lose a couple of yall with this but I've never really gave half a shit about Harry Potter...I mean somehow I just never managed to see the big fucking deal...but that's just me

35. "Ha, I am a fighter and a lover/I'm the freaky baby daddy, I'm a bad motherfucker /I'm the earth, wind, fire, and the thunder/I said I am, go ask my mother!/You don't believe that shit believe what you want to" - Mos Def "Ghetto Rock"

36. So I was eating applesauce while naked and watching 'Martin', right?....(talk about Heaven!).....anyways you ever drop cold applesauce on you nether-regions?

37. I know I been doing too much and putting my body thru it as of late with all this lack of sleep and all but Im in grind mode

38. Yet in still I need to find my balance in hustling but doing right by my body before my body shuts my shit the fuck down

39. Oh Teej you have such a potty mouth!

40. A pitbull raping a baby?....Giving a toddler an e pill?......WTF?

41. I just cant wrap my brain around some shit

42. Like literally....WHAT THE FUCK????

43. "Read a book muthafucka...Read a book!/Not the sports page, not a magazine/ But a book nigga, a fucking book nigga!/Yo body needs water so drink that shit!..Yo body needs water so drink that shit!/Raise yo kids muthafucka raise yo goddamn kids!..Raise yo kids muthafucka raise yo goddamn kids!" - Notarapper "Read A Book" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWqa7cbdOC8)

44. I dunno what but this list is missing something...I dunno if I like this one

45. Cassandra...never again under any circumstances, k?

46. Have I ever mentioned how much politics suck muddy monkey nuts?

47. The bus driver pulled the bus over to take a call on his cell phone.....twice!

48. Now I know I dont need to tell yall what the bus driver's ethnicity was, right?

49. "...fucked me way the fuck up"/"I should be doing some laundry.......fuck some laundry!" - Lesley

50. I wonder if Lesley remembers where Jesus is located ;)

Please Mr. Papitto Dont Blame Rap Music For Your Bigotry

So the (white) 80 yr old ex-chairman of Roger Williams University in Bristol, Rhode Island has recently come under fire for using the word 'Nigger' during a board meeting in May saying it "kind of slipped out". Under pressure to diversify his board Ralph Papitto used the term to describe blacks. He probably said some shit like (, and Im para-phrasing here...) 'Now I gotta put a nigger or two on the board to get the diversity people off my back'......or something like that Im sure.

He said he had never used the term before. “The first time I heard it was on television and then rap music or something,” Papitto said in an interview on WPRO-AM. “I apologized for that,” he continued, “What else can I do? Kill myself?”

Why yes Ralph Papitto. That's exactly what you can do......Go kill yourself for that dumb ass lie!

You heard it on TV and then 'rap music or something'??!?!?!!

Dude you are fucking 80!!! That means 50 yrs ago in 1957 you were 30 and it was waaaaaaay more than PC to call black people 'Nigger' back then. So there aint nobody with half a fucking brain buying that you never heard the word til rap music. And where do you get off trying to use rap as your scapegoat anyhow? I guess it kinda worked for Imus so you figured what the hell, right?

Please Mr. Papitto....keel the fuck over and croak RIGHT NOW!

'.....I Wish He Was Gay!'

"I was the worst/I usta switch chicks everyday/Had niggas mad for real/like 'I wish he was gay!' - Jay Z "Hey Papi"

Ha....well not so much with the former (switching chicks everyday), but apparently definitely with the latter (folks wishing i were gay).......

The convo always goes like this....

Her : Can I ask you something?
Me : Go ahead

*Mind you I already know where this going. I hate to say Im used to it, but I see it coming from a million miles away. It's like they trying to ration in their head that SOMETHING must be up with me b/c Im damn near to good to be true or something*

Her : Promise not to get mad?
Me : I promise...
Her : Okay....(PREGNANT PAUSE)......Are you gay?
Me : No
Her : Bi?
Me : Nope
Her : You sure?

YEAH NIGGA IM SURE! ..............THE FUCK??!?!?

Okay so for the record. Once and for all, to anyone who may care to know : Im not gay...nor bi...nor bi-curious..nor on the DL....nor have I ever experimented with a man...nor have I ever wanted to experiment with a man or any of that. And while I do consider myself one of the 'Stars of the Freak Show' (as one sex astrology website put it), my freakdom's line is drawn at another man. That's a line that I wont cross. Point blank. Period.

Now I do realize that Im nothing like you've ever seen in your whole whole life. I believe they call it an anomaly or something. Im just not the stereotypical black male you see plastered all over your tv and movie screens or whatever. I dont really do all the macho bravado, instead I just opt to do me and what comes naturally. I smile at old people. Little kids make me blush. Im expressive dammit. Shit I'll even go so far as to agree with the 8yr old (http://teejsays.blogspot.com/2005/04/gentle-teej.html) in that the boy is gentle. Yeah I said that shit. I hate raising my voice. My demeanor is just different I tell you.

But damn do I gotta be gay? Can a nigga just be?!?!?! And no Im not mad at anyone. I'd rather you just ask it if it's on your mind than to just assume the shit to be, then tell someone else that shit (b/c that has happened before), and then go on bout your business like it's nothing. And while you're at it...pick up bell hooks' book "We Real Cool". It's all about black men and what is perceived to be their proper masculinity. Talk about some shit I identify with. (http://teejsays.blogspot.com/2005/04/bell-hooks.html)

"It's the return of da gangsta/thanks to/them niggas that get the wrong impression of expression then the question is/ 'what's up (TJ)?/Is he in a cult?/On drugs?/Is he gay?/When yall gon wake up?/When yall gon break up?'/Nigga Im feeling better then ever!/What's wrong with YOU?/You get down!!" - Andre 3000 (Outkast) "Return Of Da 'G'"

The "JUICE IN YA FACE!" List

1. "We are all here on a particular path/you dont need a cirriculum to know that you are part of the math/Cats think Im delirious/but Im so damn serious/That's why I expose my soul to the globe, the world!/Im trying to make it better for these little boys and girls/ Im not just another individual/my spirit is a part of this/Thats why I get spiritual...." J. Ivy (Kanye West F/ Jay Z "Never Let You Down"

2. I realize I've been neglectful of my blog

3. ...but sometimes life happens faster than I can write about it

4. Lor and Les are gonna enjoy their trip across the pond Im sure

5. To anyone at my job who may read this and know that they are one of the (seemingly) many people who talk about me behind my back : YOU CAN KISS MY ASS AND WRITE A LOVE SONG ABOUT IT!.....THANKS!

6. And speaking of said job.....In my new state of 'not really giving a fuck'-ness, it's really hard to bite my tongue and not cuss out a guest (or for that matter, a co-worker) when they get out of line with me

7. They do try me, but they shall'nt have my joy!

8. Jai I must thank you again. You really held me down!

9. And you're right I suppose...he does say 'Hey Baby Baby' as opposed to the 'Bang Bang Bang' that I was hearing......How much did we bet?

10. "Over the years I been up and on my toes/and yes I seen thangs like Kilroy/chill boy because them folks might think you soft talkin like that/man fuck them niggaz!/I’m goin off and comin right back/like boomerangs when you throw em/with these old ghetto poems....I’m willin to go the extra kilo-meter/just to see my senorita/get her pillow on the side of my bed where no girl ever stayed...." Andre 3000 (Outkast) "Jazzy Belle"

11. Anyone else find Akon's voice very similar to noise?

12. I locked out Angela's favorite video channel b/c she pissed me off

13. Pretty petty I know but it felt sooooooo good

14. Needless to say that I have a ways to go with this parenting thing

15. So these niggas think 'burying' the 'N-WORD'' will make niggas stop saying it?!?!?!??!

16. If you niggas @ the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF COLORED PEOPLE (And why the fuck is 'Colored' STILL in your title anyways?!?!?!) dont concentrate on some shit a little more important to us 'colored' people like say maybe the steady flow of drugs and guns into the community, or maybe the the fucking unemployment rate, or maybe the incarcenration rate, or maybe hypertension or any other disease that affects us disproportionately, or maybe gentrification, or maybe freeing Assata & Mumia or SOMETHING more productive than trying to get people to stop saying a fucking word.....you niggas cant be serious!!!!!!!

17. Obviously that should have been a blog in and of itself but yall can check out Phonte of Little Brother's blog on the subject http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=24373698&blogID=286005253&Mytoken=BCC0B280-F6E9-4AEB-B66A02F03D6872B523320806

18. "You'd sell ya own mama for a piece of a crumb/A piece of the crunk?/That aint even where you from!/You's a follower/That's right a fucking follower!" - Rhymefest "Dynomite"

19. I totally expected to come back from LA with a review blog of some sorts.....but that shit is a blur now

20. There was a lot of drinking, alot of partying, and I was able to see alot of friends, but for as many friends as I saw...there were more that I didnt :(....... a whole damn week and I STILL ran out of time

21. Rapping along to Jay-Z and Beanie Sigel's "Where Have You Been?", which is a song about addressing a deadbeat dad, next to BA on the ride home from Maryland was surreal to say the least

22. After seeing Michael Moore's "Sicko" Im pretty sure I will eventually move to Canada

23. Im also pretty sure that the Republican party WILL hire someone to kill him as well

24. I implore you all to go see "Sicko"...it is really eye opening!

25. "You just cant go around killin these bitches.....as bad as they get on your nerve. You just cant do that!" - Anonymous 1 on the recent rash of dumb dudes killing their spouses

26. "Yo you see me by these mailboxes? Cuz I DE LIV ER!!!!!" - Anonymous 2

27. I cant stop listening to Little Brother's "The Listening"

28. Believe it or not...it's better than "The Minstrel Show" in the same way that "Off The Wall" is better than "Thriller".....at least to me anyways

29. I know you're down.....but when you gon get up?

30. My bills have conspired to kick my ass.....and boy are they doing a number on me!

31. Man I shole do wish that ever elusive big bag of money thats supposed to fall out the sky and 'ka-plunk' me on the head would come and get to gettin already!

32. I wish I could afford to buy a damn book or CD soon....Im going thru withdrawl!

33. I pray that my friend Wanda fully recovers from her surgery

34. Pia and Kania my prayers are with you and yours too

35. "Do what you need to regain your fire! Yell and Scream! Scream and Cuss! Cuss and Fight......Just stop being so damn uninspired" - Val's Poem

36. Motivation is fleeting to say the least

37. It only took one day of working on the set of BET's 'College Hill' to fully understand why BET is the way it is......just one day I tell you!

38. Them niggas!

39. There is an 73 yr old farmer in India who has vowed to not get married until he passes his high school exams (normally given to 15 yr olds). The only problem is he has failed the test 38 years in a row.

40. But hey.....at least he's persistent, right?

41. This wanna be beard trying to grow on my face makes me feel rugged

42. For absolutely no reason at all........'M-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-humpback-humpback-I'

43. "When my mind's void you're my joy/You're the dream when I sleep/And hey...I'm for ya/yeah I adore ya/you're everything that I need/And I love how you love me/If I'm made for you/You're made for me/ It's too good to be /So tell me what we're gonna do now...." - Joss Stone "Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now"

44. So my good friend Beautiful Cooper is definitely being deployed to Iraq next month..nevermind the fact that she's a single mom with 3 small kids who need her

45. Fucking sucky ass government.....b/c my ass woulda surely be somewhere in the Canadian Underground Railroad right now

46. Send good energy yall please

47. Your habits become who you are therefore if you know you have a bad habit by all means do your best to break that shit

48. The last 2 Swank parties have been a tad off for various reasons

49. "Suck my clit.....suck my clit....UGH.....JUICE IN YA FACE!.....JUICE IN YA FACE!" - Angie's impromptu song

50. I figure if Lil Kim can make a song called "Suck My Dick"...then Angie can make "Suck My Clit/Juice In Ya Face"