Goodbye '04

You taught me alot this year. You really grew my ass up a whole lot. Now if I had any sense in my big ol head at all....I'll take the lessons learned and apply them in the new year. See ya in '05!

Follow Your Instincts

So we had a good, albeit brief, but still good conversation late last week. We both agreed it was one of the better conversations we had had in a loooooong time.

And then in the next convo I can remember between us....I ask about possibly going to the show, and the reception is chilly at best! I felt like my head was bit off basically. So that was that.

Then the next day I get an email from KK that pretty much warns me that she is still very very angry with me. Okay cool. You are still angry with me. The asking about going to the show triggered a memory that pissed you off. Cool. Understandable.

Then the next day (last night) I go to read KK's blog and among other things on her list to do for the new year I read where she says something about finding her 'knight in amor' or whatever. Basically I took that to mean she had just totally abandoned and given up all hope for me. Shit..wouldnt you? So needless to say that didnt make me feel good at all.....AT ALL

So then KK calls me last night about 10pm-ish. I didnt answer. I just didnt feel like dealing, ya know? From time to time everyone feels that way I'd imagine. She leaves a vcmail like 'Hey! I havent talked to you in minute. I feel like we will never talk again if I dont call you. Gimme a call"

Huh? But you had just emailed me yesterday saying you were still very very angry with me? So I called myself backing off to give you space to breathe or whatever til you werent as angry.

Then KK calls my phone about 4 times at like 2am-ish. Now honestly....my gut told me to pick it up. I just didnt though. (Mental note for '05...go with them good instincts you have boy! There's a whole lotta shit that coulda been avoided had you followed your first/gut instinct.) I just didnt have the strength honestly. So I didnt answer. I waited to see if there was vcmail this time but it wasnt. I assured myself that if it had been an emergency she woulda left a message after calling and hanging up 4 times. She didnt leave a message though.

So how was I supposed to know she got pickpocketed? Crazy, right? I just talked to her a few minutes ago and she told basically 'thanks for being there when I really needed ya!' So now I of course feel like the kinda shit you feel like when you let someone you really love down. But damn could I have gotten a message? When did it happen? Did you go out by yourself between 10pm and 2am? That aint your MO! WTF? But as of this moment I cant get any answers cuz she's pissed I didnt answer my phone. ARGGGGGGGGGH!

I say all that to say...Follow your instincts peoples. They are usually on point!

About Your Intention

Wisdom is sudden
Hindsight is 20/20

I can understand why you were super angry, upset and pissed.
If it wasnt for all the red spew I spoke and sprinkled shit with
you would have been able to see more than the red.
It wasnt my intention to put push you towards your torture limits.
You had had your fill of me.
I could tell.
And so I sorta just fell back
and waited for the anger to subside.

Wisdom is sudden
Hindsight is 20/20

I can understand the need to think clearly
see straight, and get your life back.
It's hard when you fall so hard so fast
that you almost lose yourself.
I know. I've seen it. I've done it.
I understand.

Wisdom is sudden
Hindsight is 20/20

It worked.
I do miss you
yearn for you
appreciate you even more
now that I dont have you to call my own
(Funny how it always works that way, huh?
Or maybe it aint so funny.)
All I did need was you
and strangely enough I knew that already
I didnt HAVE TO lose you to know that
I can even explain why I didnt act like it
but I did know.

Wisdom is sudden.
Hindsight is 20/20.

So here's to us moving pass the
hurt
pain
anger
jealous

Here's to us to us
being the very best us that we can be...for us
(I still pray for that daily!)

Wisdom is sudden.
Hindsight is 20/20.

You were right.
We couldnt go on the way were
Who should have to go on that way?
I saw you step back to get a better look
BUT
It seems you stepped back so far that you
didnt see me grab the mirror
and go over myself with the precision of a microscope.
Not one of those 5th grade science joints.
I'm talking one of those white lab coat $20 mil cure for cancer joints
I saw some shit yo.

Wisdom is sudden.
Hindsight is 20/20.

We do seem to get crossed up and confused alot.
We often say the same thing in vastly different ways
So different in fact that we get into arguements
How crazy is that!
That's us though.
Love it or hate it
I always thought that it wasnt such a huge problem
that a little more communication on both parts couldnt solve .

Wisdom is sudden.
Hindsight is 20/20.

My intentions?
My intention is to continue to take this time to reflect
Continue to put my sudden wisdom to good use
Continue to look at myself with my expensive microscope
Continue to try to make me the best me for you.

When you want/need something
that for whatever reason you can not have
I think it is only human nature to substitute it
for whatever gets you through the moment of need.
I think.

I know your intentions werent
to be lonely or be sad
or make me lonely or sad
We are both good people.
This I know for sure.
It just so happens that even good people
do things that go against our intentions.
Some of us more than others
Again...this I know for sure.

Wisdom is sudden.
Hindsight is 20/20.

23,000 and counting? WTF?!!??

What the fuck is going on when over 23,000 people can be killed by an act of nature? That shit is ridiculous. There were approx. 3,000 people killed in the WTC terrorist attacks. But over 23,000? And that toll is expected to rise during and after clean up and recovery efforts!!! That shit is mindblowing to me. The tragic lost of life is always sad, but when that many people die at the same time.......just wow! I had never heard of a Tsunami before now. They have a name for every fucking thing. But according to stats.....Tsunami's are the most dangerous of all the natural disasters. Fuck a hurricane, earthquake and tornando! Yo say a prayer and hold on tight to your loved ones. None of this life is promised.

I'm

I'm sad
I'm angry
I'm lost
I'm lonely
I'm reaching (out)
I'm searching

I'm tired
I'm restless
I'm moody
I'm shaky
I'm unsure
I'm still (sad)

I'm stubborn
I'm relentless
I'm hopeful
I'm anticipating

I'm regretful

I'm stupid

I'm done

DPT or PDT?

I decided that I AM NOT a pretty dirty thing. I AM IN FACT a dirty pretty thing. Now take all the time you need to chew on and digest that one. And get back to me on it.

*Posted after watching the movie "Dirty Pretty Things".

Fate Fucks Up Too!

So I guess the consensus is.....KK and I are kinda leaving it up to fate. Like 'If we're supposed to be together, we'll find a way to get it back together'. But you know sometimes fate fucks up too. Like there are alot of lil kids that died earlier or got killed. I'm sure that couldnt have been their fate. So I dont trust fate's ass 100% by no means.

I forgot the saying but it's something about 'Faith without works...'. You know what I mean? Like having faith without actually working or making some strides toward what ever you are putting your faith in is pointless.

I dunno just a thought that came across my mind.

I want ass!!!!

Comedian Steve Harvey, who has become close friends with Michael Jackson, told EUR why he doesn't believe past sexual molestation charges against the singer.

"See here's the deal," Steve said, "if you rape my son, my son, you can't give me no money. I want you. You can't buy me out. And real men and real people who have real families feel that way. If somebody molests your daughter, you're not buying none of that. That's how real people are. So how all of a sudden is some money gonna buy them off?

"You don't get the whole 20 [million]," Steve continued. "The lawyer's gonna get half of that. Then by the time you pay the taxes, you understand where you're at? You sayin', 'So it's okay to rape my son for $2 million?' That's how I know it's fake; it's just about money. Because real parents love their children so [much], that you can't do nothing to them and get away with it.
I want ass. You do something to my son, I'm getting yo' ass. You not paying me off, I'm getting yo' ass. Trust me. I want you to go to prison, so I can call some of my cats I know that's down there so I can make your life hell for 14 years."

The Thing Is....

I guess the bottom line is I hope she is still as hopeful as I am of us getting back together. Like I just hope she doesnt lose the love she has for me. That's the main thing I am fearful of. And I wondering if she is feeling the same way. Does she have the same fear? Does she fear that I may find someone else to be with and forget all about her....like I fear she might.

Some of 'Song Cry'

I can understand why you want a divorce now/Though I can't let you know it/pride won't let me show it/Pretend to be heroic/that's just one to grow with/But deep inside a nigga so sick

We was so happy poor/but when we got rich/That's when our signals got crossed/and we got flipped/Or rather mine/I don't know what made me leave that shit/Made me speed that quick/let me see .../that's it

......so what was oh so special then/You have given away without gettin at me/That's your fault/ow many times you forgiven me?/how was I to know that you was plain sick of me?/ know the way a nigga livin was wack/but you don't get a nigga back like that!/Shit I'm a man with pride/you don't do shit like tha/tYou don't just pick up and leave /and leave me sick like that/You don't throw away what we had/just like that/I was just flirtin with them girls/I was gon' get right back/They say you can't turn a bad girl good/But once a good girl's goin bad/she's gone forever/I'll mourn forever/Shit I gotta live with the fact I did you wrong forever......

Just A Simple Question.

Do you feel as incomplete as I do?

My Minnesota Trip

So I guess I should start by saying that for the most part my cousin is okay. See this all started when a little bit b4 Thanksgiving she was having some type of pain and asked someone for a painkiller or something. Well whatever she was given was no damn painkiller. Next thing we know the poor child is in a Target Dept. Store trying to set her own hair on fire. Crazy, right? So after spending Thanksgiving weekend in the fucking psyche ward, it seems that whatever had worn off. But since then she seems to go in out of spells. My 2 1/2 days up there I had been kinda observing her and whatnot. At times she seemed normal, and then other times she was talking crazy and acting paranoid and shit. Im hoping it's not dementia or whatever you call it. Im hoping that it's just the side effect of whatever she was given. Also she gave me one of the pills that she was given so we are gonna have that checked out. She and her boys actually came back down here with me, so we are gonna have this whole mess situated in a bit.

But can I tell yall about my trip up there? 2 things.....For one...I had never really been THAT near Amish people. About 8 of them mugs was on the bus with me. Im a pretty open-minded guy. I respect all religions and cultures and what not. But yall know them mugs dont use deodorant, right? So that's all I have to say about that!

And two....I came outta sooooo much $$$ on this lil impromptu trip. Like a little bit more than $400!!!! My round trip ticket was $116. Plus I took out about $100 pocket cash. $30 of which I used for the cab from the bus station to her crib! I never had a $30 cab ride yo! N E V E R!!! Then I spent $196 for the bus tickets for my cousin and her 2 boys to come back down. So we all get here at about 7am. My uncle picks us up and drops ME off at my place. I dont even know where they went. Either my mama's or my granny's....honestly I dont care. I did my part. I got them down here in one piece. I know that is wrong, but I been wanting some Teej Time since I got there damn near. Anyways I get home to discover that my home phone is off. (By the way I'd like to take this time to send a big FUCK YOU to MTI. I'm soooo through with yall, it dont even make sense!). And also...I found a 5 day notice from my building managers. Yup Young Teej is/was tardy on that young rent. Dont fret. My family already offered to help reimburse me, so I'll be taking care of the rent situation on Monday....if they come through. Sad to say...but I cant discount the word 'trife' when being used to describe my family. But Im the T to the mu'fuckin! You know I'll be okay......

P.S. Shout to my lil cousin Jamela! Oh how I love that lil girl. She was telling me about the school play that she is in this week. She was showing me her lil dance/song number thingy. It goes..... "1 2 3 4 we wont dont wanna fight your war. 5 6 7 8 let's my peace and love not hate". Or something like that.

And God said.....

......"Hmmmmm Mr. Teej. I dont know if you've been through any shit as of late. Let me see what I can muster up to throw at you. Let's see here.....I'll start out light. Now your little brother is just getting outta boot camp. Why dont I throw the pressure of trying to help him get his life in order on your shoulders. Yeah! And how about I add your sisters. Let's see I'll make the youngest one act out in school and face expulsion, and the middle one is getting ready to graduate. Why dont I add a lil pressure of helping her find a job and prep for college on ya. But that's just the light load. Ready for the heavier stuff? Okay we'll add the health concerns you have for yourself. You got that one cyst in your wrist, but that's been there for years. But I'll start making your wrist real stiff. Hey...gotta switch it up a bit ya know? And I just added that second cyst to your right foot not too long ago. Plus that one lump in your back. Yeah that oughta get your mind to running at hypocondriac levels. Ooh and I know that unease feeling that's been in your chest for a couple of months now is really fucking with you! But wait there is more....Ha Ha! You thought that was it, didnt you? Silly silly boy! Hells no! I got a little bit more I wanna assign to you. You know that woman you love the shit out of? Imma make you look like a total dick to her. Yup....if only for a little bit. You are going to make her hate you. Misunderstandings, miscommunication, the whole 9. Fuck the jamaica trip. Fuck your future plans nigga! You just better hope she speaks to you by time you make your solo voyage down there. AND as my grande finale. You know remember your favorite big cousin? Yeah her! Imma make her go C R A Z Y! Yall already found her in a department store bathroom trying to set her own hair on fire, right? Okay so this wont be as bad as that...but still. Imma just gonna make her crazy paranoid and restless. On some ol crack-head shit. Yeah! Matter fact....Imma make her so on the edge of insanity that you feel you HAVE TO to go up there yourself in the middle of the week just to make sure she and her boys are alright. Yup...you'll be on the greyhound for 8 hours both ways. Bring some cd's and books to get you through the trip alright? How do you like that? I know you cant afford it. And your financial situation is already delicate, but fuck it! Everyone has to go through their shit and it's your turn nigga!"

Sincerely,

GOD

Just Cause I Need To Blog About Something Else...

lyrics from Masta Ace's verse in song "Crooklyn" of the soundtrack of the same name. Just cause it was in my head all night.

"Im getting a rottweiler / without a collar/ get off my block / or you give me a dollar!"

"I think I saw Raj and Re-Run runnin up the block/ from Dwayne and Dwayne had a glock/ cuz he be selling rocks for the Patridge Family / and Ruben Kincaid drives a 300 E!"


Oooooh and this song too!

"Fa La La La La Bamba! Yo no soy marineo! Yo no soy marieno. El Capitan. El Capitan!"

Hey it's my blog and I can post lyrics to La Bamba if I damn well please.

Trust / What If...?

There's a quote that says "The only way to make a man trustworthy is to trust him."

So knowing that I have made mistakes that fractured the trust before.....What if one day you were able to say to me "You know what TJ? I trust you! I have faith that you know what you have in me, and that you wont do a thing in the world to fuck it up! This is your last chance. Put up or shut up. Nigga!"

What if huh?

Getting It Off My Chest

I am really trying to find some peace!

I need to find a peace of mind....and soon! People keep asking me what's wrong with me? Like I thought I was doing a pretty good job of masking the hurt that is within but apparently not. That shit is on my face and in my voice....even when I think it isnt.

KK and I just got off the phone. She told me to not bother calling her. Again. Never.Ever. Whoa! That shit just hit like a ton o' bricks! I cant even fathom.

About 2-3 weeks ago I told a friend that I was a 'fan' of a friend of hers. Now keep in mind that at this time KK and I were still in the middle of 'blah' land. I mean she had already told me once before that she wasnt attracted to me or whatever. This was a little before our final 'we're gonna give each other space' talk, but still waaaay after our 'we arent really together : we dont know what we're doing" phase. Now this friend of a friend I had never spoken with before. I had only known of her by hearing our mutual friend speak of her and I had seen her picture. So again....I mentioned to our mutual friend that I was a 'fan' (meaning basically I thought she was cute). So the mutual friend relayed the message and I guess she felt the same way. Now I know thus far it sounds like a hook-up but it isnt. I swear. LOL. Anyways mutual friend says she was told to give me new friend's IM. So new friend and I speak via IM. We talk about our respective relationship situations and the such, etc. Give each other the opposite sexes point of view and the whole nine. We had already discussed and come to an understaning that neither of us was trying to hook up. For one both of our hearts pretty much belong to others, for two it's long distance and three we just both arent trying to go there. But we agreed it would be cool to have a new friend to talk to. And yeah I have a bunch of friends, but different people provide different perspectives, and you never know what kinda knowledge you will be blessed with from whom. And that may sound like a plea or cop out, but it is what it is.

And KK if you are reading this....I get the feeling that there is a underlying issue here of you feeling like Im trying to 'replace your face'. And that Im trying to do it really soon, like (before the book even closes on us) soon so to speak. Point blank...that couldnt be farther from the truth. It will be a long time before I even think of trying to seriously see another. Im stuck on you. And you know me. Im hard-headed. When I think Im right, you know you could balance a 747 on your pinky before you could change my mind. So while I miss you more than you could possibly know...I refuse to be hoiled up in my apartment wallowing in some induced self pity shit. I did that once before. It wasnt fun. And that's not to say Im about to cocoon into some social butterfly either. Im just saying please dont mistake me talking or hanging out with others as my getting over you or trying to replace you. Im probably burdening them with my problems. LOL.

I WANNA SCREAM!!!!

"Where do broken hearts go?/Can they find their way home?/Back to the open arms/Of a love that's waiting there/And if somebody loves you/Won't they always love you?/I look in your eyes/And I know that you still care for me....."

I cant believe Im fucking posting Whitney Houston lyrics!!!! What the fuck is wrong with me? Or at least I cant believe Im posting the lyrics to "Where Do Broken Hearts Go?"!! Why not "It's Not Right But It's Okay" or some shit. Why that? Im at work and that song came on...and that part in the chorus just stuck out to me. I wanna hear X-Tina's "Beautiful". I NEED to hear that one. The bottom-cant get no more bottomer-line is I love the girl. I want it to be just her and I. I've made some mistakes to where we cant be together right now, but I dont wanna go back and forth placing blame and screaming at each other and what not. Can a nigga just get some peace of mind? Recollect myself with a clear head and proceed?

I need some George Michael "One More Try" in my life.....

"I've Had Enough Of Danger/And people on the streets/I'm looking out for angels/Just trying to find some peace...."

Just For The Record!

Contrary to what you may think....I AM NOT some serial woman-meeter. Like I dont get up and plot on different ways that I can meet X amount of women on any given day. See I think I know where the communication in us talking about this particular subject is breaking down at. It may be found in our respective definitions of 'friend'. Maybe I use the word too easy. I dunno. Like I guess it doesnt take a whole whole lot for me to consider someone a 'friend'. I have a lot of friends. I dont have a lot of 'peoplez'. There is a big difference. Friends to me are expendable damn near. My Peoplez arent! So yes I can make friends really really easy. It takes awhile for me to consider someone my peeps.

So again I meet alot of people and a good proportion of them are women. Yup! But shit Im sorry. Fucking take me out back and shoot me already why dont ya?

One....I already told you that I know where I went wrong and crossed the line when the innocent flirting became not so innocent. I learned my lesson there. Yeah I learned it the very hard way, but please believe I learned it.

So in closing....please dont paint me as JUST HAVING to constantly meet new women and not knowing what to do with myself if I dont meet someone new today. That aint me. That's a mutant form of me that you have created in your mind. Fin.

Something I came across

We must talk until there are no words
We must explain until everything is understood
We must be honest until nothing is hidden
We must listen until everything has been said
We must question so that we know why
We must be fair so that everyone`s basic needs are met

If there is no communication there is no bond
If there is no bond there will be no relationship

Fiddy I Feel Ya!

"I'm innocent in my head/ like a baby born dead."

"The Lord's blessings leave me obviously inclined/shit I aint even gotta try to shine/ God's the seamtress that tailor fitted my plans."

'I grew up without my pops/ should that make me bitter?

Alfie

There's a pivotal scene in the movie 'Alfie' where Alfie has to face the best friend that he deeply hurt by sleeping with his girl and impregnating her. See Alfie was the guy too damn charming for his own good. And basically his charm got him in trouble. He was a good natured guy, but he seemed to get in trouble nonetheless. Anyways at the end of the scene Alfie is apologizing to his best friend and he's sorta speechless cuz he sees the hurt in his boy's eyes. And Alfie is like "I'm sorry. I never meant......" And his boy says "I know you never meant to hurt me. But YOU DO hurt people Alfie!" Whoa! That shit blew me away! And the crazy shit is/was I was totally relating to Alfie in how his charm kinda got him in trouble even when he didnt mean for it to. Unfortunately I can relate. If Im not mistaken...he ended up alone at the end of the movie. This aint the movie though dog. I aint got no pre-written script I gotta follow. Im the director of this here production of Teej's life. I can change and edit and re-write where I see fit. And I aint really feeling the 'lonely' ending. Therefore Im starting on my re-writes right now. Thanks.

Emotion

(I know this is pretty lame, but this song has been in head for almost 2 days now. Since KK and I had our last 'us' talk on Saturday evening. Bare with me.......)

It's over and done
but the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
instead of me tonight?

And where are you now?
now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow
wherever you go
I'll cry me a river
that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody
left in this world to hold me tight
nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've (got a part of someone else?)
You've got to find your shining star

And where are you now
now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow
wherever you go
I'll cry me a river
that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody
left in this world to hold me tight
nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

Wanted (A Most Basic Emotion)

When thinking on it
All I (and possibly everyone else in the world) ever really wanted is to be wanted.

And it seems to me
That being wanted by the person you want
Is one of the most natural wants there ever was

So to be told by the one person that you want to want you
That they aren’t attracted to you
(which is basically saying that they don’t want you in so many words, or so it would seem to me)

….well that just doesn’t really help you
To feel as wanted as you’d like to feel, now does it?

Thanks to Xania...

...for contributing to another purchase of a impulse buyer in denial. This 'Gaelle' chick better be the hot shiznit!

Soda or Pop?

I told my co-worker that I was going downstairs to go get a 'pop'. She looked at me like I was crazy and told me to hold out my hand and she'd give me a pop alright. She corrected me and told me I was going to get a 'soda'. I in turn looked at her like she was crazy and informed her that I was not mistaken. I was going to get a 'pop' dammit!

She's a black woman...she got like 5 years on me and she's from THE CHI'.......so where in the world does she get off referring to it as 'soda'??? This aint 1963 yo! Who calls it 'soda' but people in rural areas where you gotta walk a mile and a half to go speak to your neighbor? Especially in in Chicago. I promise it's only 2 kinds of people who've I heard refer to it as 'soda'....

1. Non-blacks (as stereotypical as it may sound)....and lemme take that back....southern black may call it soda or soda pop down there.

2. All other races and ANYONE on TV.

Maybe it's just a really 'urban' sounding word, but thinking back on it....I cant not recall EVER hearing it on TV. Funny now....I feel like the fucking minority in this. LOL.

26 Ways To Love A Woman

1. Be faithful to her
2. Kiss her
3. Hold her
4. Compliment her
5. Caress her
6. Listen to her
7. Laugh with her
8. Make hersmile
9. Make her scream your name
10. Appreciate her
11. Surprise her
12. Arouse her
13. Educate her
14. Acknowledge her
15. Accept her
16. Believe in her
17. Pamper her
18. Want her
19. Understand her
20. Pray with her
21. Grow with her
22. Communicate with her
23. Confide in her
24. Facinate her
25. Suceed with her
26. Above all others love her

Seems simple enough huh?

As Spoken By Eminem....

"Some times u just feel tired. You feel weak...like you wanna just give up. But you gotta search within you. You gotta just find that inner strength and just pull that shit outta you. Get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter....no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse"

And that's how I feel. I am not a quitter. When I believe something strongly....you'd be able push a mountain a couple of inches before you get me to change my mind. Stubborn as shit. Just how I am. And so there are times when I feel like me and KK are hopeless. But aint a soul alive that can convince me that we arent right for each other. That's how strong I believe the love is. Yes we have problems, issues, and all that shit, but still! I dont personally think there is an issue or disagreement that cant be resolved. And so there are times when I feel like shit is hopeless...but I swear that shit lasts for like a half hour and then I regain focus and hope and faith. And that's just it. That's what it will be until I decide it's pointless to keep trying. And yo...I am soooo far from that. Please believe!

U gotta know....

.......that when it gets right down to it, I'm trying to make love not war with you. And you gotta know that I am even MORE sensitive these days to hurting you. Like I am exxxxxxtra careful not to do anything that I think may even REMOTELY hurt you. Thinking twice and even a third time 'fore I do or even say some shit. And that's really that. What more is there for me to do?

You sumamabitch you!

Do you see Pizza on the goddamn room service menu? Then why is your ignorant ass calling me asking if we have it?

Goodbye!

I cant deal. I'm going next door to Walgreens for some Mike & Ike's!!!!

This Aint The Gap Band But.....

....'You Dropped A Bomb On Me"!

So.........KK made up her mind that she's gonna move to either ATL or LA by the beginning of the summer! WTF!!! It aint like I didnt know that moving away was on her mind.

However....(oh yes there is a 'however') I was under the assumption that it was a couple years away. I can deal with a couple years away. Shit, I may be looking to move then. Im just getting my show to make some moves for me now. I cant leave in 6-8 months!!! Again I knew it was on her mind, BUT....this coming summer is sooooo soon. It really puts a timeline on shit, ya know?

On one hand...I dont want her to go. That's my selfish side. Like if she goes...it woulda sorta seem like she is giving up on us, feel me?

But on the other hand....I am all for following your heart. If in your heart of hearts....you REALLY REALLY feel this is the thing to do....then as your friend and someone that loves you, I want you to be happy. So go little bird...be free!

..but what about me? Oh what a situation to be in, huh? So I guess there is nothing else to do but to make the most of the time we have together.

Pardon me....I think I'll go play in traffic or something...

Many Thanks To The Mystery Man!

So KK and I had another one of our knockdown dragout arguement/discussion thingys today, right? So we go back and forth presenting our various points and issues. We discuss alot of things like the need for space, and how to salvage our relationship, and so forth. We end the conversation on a somewhat monotone note. Meaning we basically agreed that we both just need time. Not so much time away...just time. Like shit wont get better in the next day or two, dig it. We end the convo in not a bad way....just wasnt a good way. So anyways......

KK goes to a halloween party. Im at work at the hotel and damn near outta nowhere the child calls me at work like 'gimme ur social and ur last 3 addresses.....im finna pull ur credit!"....WTF! U finna do what? It's 1 in the morning!!!!! Who comes in from a party and decides to pull their sig. other's credit???? So apparently at the party she had a deep discussion with some mystery man who convinced her that all this time when I've been telling her that I do infact love her, despite the stupid shit I've done..that I was telling the truth! Well thank you Mystery Man for doing in 2 hours what I couldnt do in about a year! No seriously....thank you! Hopefully she listens to the both us now. LOL.......

KK.....u shoulda put Mystery Man down as my childhood hero cuz I love that nigga straight up and down.....whoever he is!

Anyone sensing a theme here? LOL

Thinkin' short of what you got
Better get it while it's hot
Ain't no better love than your own
Unmistakin' urge 2 be
sexin' with society
How can you be happy alone

[Bridge:]When I need 2 feel love
Why wait 4 so long
Cause I ain't 2 proud 2 beg 4 something that I call my own
And I want 2 be touched
And feeling so much see
cause Everybody needs some good lovin

'[Chorus:]
Yo if I need it in the morning
or the middle of the night
I ain't 2 proud 2 beg (no)
If the lovin' is strong then (s)he got it goin' on and
I ain't 2 proud 2 beg (no)
2 inches or a yard
rock hard or if it's saggin'
I ain't 2 proud 2 beg (no)
So it ain't like I'm braggin'
just join the paddywagon
causeI ain't 2 proud 2 beg
I ain't 2 proud 2 beg

Screaming' loud and holdin' sheets
Scared that you'll be called a freak
Gotta let it go while you can
Ain't 2 proud 2 beg you see
Cause my (wo)man belongs 2 me
And I know that (s)he understands

[Bridge]
[Chorus]
Yo Left Eye kick that rap
Realize the realism of reality
treats Us both the same
Cause satisfaction is the name of this game
So I choose to explain it's evident
Left Eye don't mean the rest of my body is irrelevant
In outher words let's refresh your head
About pullin' down curtains
and breakin' da waterbed
Yeah I like it when you (kiss)Both sets of lips
Oooh on the TLC tip

I ain't 2 proud 2 beg
(I ain't 2 proud 2 beg)
What I call my own
Just you and me (uh)
Heyyyyyyy
[Bridge]
[Chorus]

And Even More Erykah....

I want somebody to walk up behind me
And kiss me on my neck
and breathe on my neck

Been such a long time
I forgot that I was fine
Just kiss me on my neck
and breathe on my neck

* Okay...actually not just 'somebody'. I want a particular 'onebody' to do. Will ya do it? Huh? Will ya? Will ya?

BET/Eminem/Michael Jackson

Am I a traitor b/c I dont think the Eminem video "Just Lose It" is that bad. Like I know that Mike is going through his trials and all....but geez have a sense of humor will ya?

U gotta admit the bit about about Michael on the floor looking for his nose amongst a room full of people after accidentally knocking it off is hilarious! Well at least to me.

I mean to me the only objectionable part of the video/song is where Em says "....I done touched on everything but little boys/ And that's not a stab at Michael/ I'm just psycho..." Now when I heard that I was like "Now how now Mr. Mathers. Watch yourself buddy. You're pushing it!" But isnt that one of the reasons we like Em. Cause he pushes the envelope? I think he gets more flack than most cause he's a white guy doing a mostly black artform. But the fucker is G O O D!

Anyways...thats my 2 cents. I thought it was BIG that BET pulled the video. I was like "Whoa! Mike has juice like that?!?!" Fuck you Jimmy Iovine! Fuck you Interscope Records! Fuck you Universal Music Group Distribution! Im Michael Mu'fucking Jackson....and I can get your shit pulled bitch! LOL!

I've gone mad!

No seriously I've gone completely mad. Like last week sometime I dreamt that I decapitated 2 people including one dude that I know from school. I did it with with a rambo knife. I dont know why I did it, or if I had motive to do it. I just did it. Walked up to the people and in one swing clipped their heads clean the fuck off. LOL. Crazy, right?

Do you think these means I have pent up aggression to left off? Cause who the fuck dreams that shit? I dont feel hostile or anything. I'm clueless as to why I would dream such a dream.

This Is Some Bullshit!

I currently (at 6:28am) after drinking a single can of pepsi-cola pepsi, have just contracted the worst case of hiccups I have ever had, and quite possibly ever witnessed in my life! It's like my WHOLE upper body is having a seizure or some shit! I know I look like I have a severe case of tourette's or something. This is bloody murder. How does one shake the hiccups again? Im about to get off of work in a 1/2 hour! Who the hell can go to sleep with hiccups like this while their body is doing sommersaults from the neck down? I reiterate...This is some BULLSHIT!

In Short

* KK hates me, but loves me to pieces at the same time. Boy isnt love nice!

*New York was W A C K! Not the city itself, but my experience in it this particular go 'round was dreadful.

* The show is doing great. Growing by leaps and bounds.

*And that's about it b/c I dont feel like blogging a whole lot right now. Ha!

A Possible Tattoo?

"because everything i do is judged and they mostly get it wrong...but oh well" - Ani DeFranco

I say GODDAMN if that aint the story of my life. Shit!

No No! / It Aint Over Til It's Over

And what exactly do you suppose you are gonna do with a dagger? Kill yourself? Kill me? I'd rather you did neither. Gimme dat fo' you hurt somebody.

It Aint Over Til It's Over
by Lenny Kravitz

Here we are still together
We are one
So much time wasted
Playing games with love

So many tears I’ve cried
So much pain iside
But baby it ain’t over ’til it’s over
So many years we’ve tried
To keep our love alive
But baby it ain’t over ’til it’s over

How many times
Did we give up
But we always worked things out
And all my doubts and fear
Kept me wondering
If I’d always be in love

So many tears I’ve cried
So much pain iside
But baby it ain’t over ’til it’s over
So many years we’ve tried
And kept our love alive
’cause baby it ain’t over ’til it’s over

So many tears I’ve cried
So much pain inside
Baby it ain’t over ’til it’s over
So many years we’ve tried
And kept our love alive’
cause baby it ain’t over ’til it’s over
(repeat)

Well Goddamn!

I am pretty fucking pathetic huh? LOL. Sheesh! Get a hold on ya self boy! Have some self respect why dont you?

Oh well....I suppose it's what I get for being a fool in love like I am. I dont really mind though....the fool in love part. Love is still all it's cracked up to be. U just gotta take the good and bad, dig it?

Sniff Sniff

Hey there Mr. Blog. Im lonely. And my baby is really busy (which happens from time to time when you do as many things as she does, and quite well I might add), and I miss her. Plus you know Im pretty sure she still doesnt like me, which doesnt help me feel better either. Oh well.....thanks for listening Mr. Blog.

Erykah's "Bag Lady"

Bag lady you gone hurt your back
Dragging all them bags like that
I guess nobody ever told you
All you must hold on to
Is you, is you, is you

One day all them bags gone get in your way
One day all them bags gone get in your way
I said one day all them bags gone get in your way
One Day all them bags gone get in your way

So pack light
Pack light
Pack light
Ooh ooh

Bag lady you gone miss your bus
You can't hurry up Cause you got too much stuff
When they see you comin
Niggas take off runnin
From you it's true oh yes they do

One day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space
I said one day he gone say you crowdin my space
One day he gone say you crowdin my space

So pack light
Pack light
Pack light
Ooh ooh

Girl I know sometimes it's hard
And we can't let go
Oh when someone hurts you oh so bad inside
You can't deny it
you can't stop crying
If you start breathin
Then you won't believe it
You'll feel so much better(So much better baby)

Bag lady
Let it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Ooh, ooh Girl you don't need it
I betcha love can make it better
Betcha love can make it better
Bag lady, hmmLet it go, let it go, let it go, let it go
Girl you don't need that, hmm

Lyrics / Feeling crazy

"Last year was a hard one / but life goes on /bumping my head against the wall/ learning right from wrong" - 2pac

"I got so much trouble on my mind / refuse to lose......." - Public Enemy


Yo I feel really crazy if you couldnt tell from my previous post. I need a sedative. Or some sex. Or some prayer or something. If ya coulda saw me yesterday standing out front this music industry annual awards show last night. Not like crazy drifter standing. We were taping for my show, but I was in a funny mood. Real downtrodden and shit. So while my partners were taping fo the show, I was just standing in the same spot for like an hour and half. Just numb. What the fuck is wrong with me. Even KK and another friend came up to me and asked if I was okay. I barely said two words. Im in a better mood than then, but still. I feel funny. I really think I have a slight case of mild depression. Crazy, right? The Teej depressed! Go figure!

Conversation WIth Myself

TJ : I think Im depressed.
Teej : Boy what the fuck is wrong with you?
TJ : Didnt you hear me? I think Im depressed.
Teej : About what fool?
TJ : Just shit on my mind....tired.
Teej : Tired of what? It's that girl isnt it!
TJ : Well.......
Teej : Uh huh. It's her.
TJ : No not really. Well actually thats a part of it.
Teej : Cant lie to me fool.
TJ : Things are just a lil foggy and I wish they werent. Im trying my best to be patient. But at the same time I wanna help remedy the situation. I dont wanna be idle about it b/c that wont help shit. You know what? I dont wanna talk about this no more.
Teej : Well fuck you then....go on with ya depressed ass. Go jump offa building or some shit! With ya punk ass......ol sucka for love ass nigga!

Stupid Guests

The following is just a couple of random conversations 'tween I and some of our stupid, spoiled geust at the hotel.....

Conversation 1

Phone rings.
Me : Guest Services. This is Anthony. How may I help you?
Guest : The hotel has an ATM inside, right?
Me: Unfortunately we dont sir.
Guest : So the hotel does'nt have an ATM inside?
Me (Thinking) : Aint that what the fuck I just said Genius!
Me : No sir.
Guest : So where is the closest ATM?
Me : There's one at the very end of the block.
Guest : At the end of the block? So where is it?
Me (Thinking) : Look you fucker! I am not in the best of moods. Bring your happy ass downstairs and I MIGHT think about pointing you in the right direction.
Me : You would make a left out of the front door and it will be at the very end of the block.
Guest : Okay thanks.
Me : Uh huh

Conversation 2

These guest are just leaving the restaurant inside the hotel. It's like 11pm, and they dont see a doorman outside so they decide to come to me while Im behind the front desk....

Guest : Excuse me. Can we get a cab?
Me (Thinking) : Sure if you take your ass outside. What the fuck do you want me to do from behind this desk?
Me : Sure hold on. Paul! Can you get a cab for these guests.

Yeah I know that one was short but the point is....Im not in a good mood right now. And I fucking hate it when people ask me about getting a cab while Im behind the front desk. Like cant you take your uppity well to do ass outside and flag down a cab? And shit to be honest with you. Im a young 6 foot 5 inch black man! Your ass would do better at getting a cab before me anyways...

If I didnt know any better.....

....I'd swear the child is getting some sorta sadistic pleasure outta this whole thing. Like on one hand....I feel like Im being justifiably punished for being a bad boyfriend. When you fuck up, there are consequences. Period. So this is my shit coming back for putting her through the wringer. And if thats the case, then I can deal. I'll take my punishment like a man and move on. That's how I feel on one hand. The other though....WHEW! I swear she's getting off to the thought of me suffering! Not like life or death suffering mind you. But you know like knowing I really really enjoy some shit and being the only person that can give it to me, and then denying me out of a twinge of spite. My perception aint all the way off. I see through you missy! Cant break down the Teej! Im T to the mu'fuckin yo!

And the thing is....I've been celibant before. I once did a self imposed nearly 2 year stint in no nana land. So I know I can do it. That shit was like 4 or 5 years ago though. And I didnt have a steady girl. Shit's different now! We've been somewhat consistent in our body-bumping up until now. And now it's just.....off! Cold turkey! Wack yo! Wack I tell you, but I digress......

Some Random Shit

Bush is an moron. I saw something on the internet...a sign somewhere that said "Somewhere in Texas, there is a village missing their idiot!" How real is that. I didnt see all of the first debate, but I saw enough. The more that fool talks, the more Im trying to figure how he'll get ANY votes. Who knowingly votes for someone that dumb? Well shit maybe he aint that dumb....the fucker figured out how to steal a fucking election and get away with it. So I say all that to say Buck Fush! Get out and do your part to removve this clown, will ya?

Also on some totally random shit....when Im at work on the overnight...I google people I know. It's actually kinda fun. Hell I google myself!

The other night I semi-drunkingly left my ATM card in the machine at 2am, the next day I went to inquire as to how to get it back...you know the lady told me that the machine probably shredded my shit! She made me fill out a form to get another card sent to me within 7-14 business days. What kinda fucking timeframe is that? Why dont you just say 1-2 weeks? I can count you know. Plus I dont think the machine shredded shit! I think she never had to deal with that particular problem before and didnt know what else to tell me. Why the fuck would the ATM machine have a built in shredder? I might be a lil slow sometimes but I aint dumb yo!

And lastly.....I just ate a bagel w/ cream cheese and jelly. and about 20 tootsie rolls...all within a 10 minute timeframe. No real importance to that 'cept for the fact that it's my blog and I say what I want to. LOL. Alright Im done abusing the powers of free blog speech.

P.S. B U S T!!!!!!!.......ya heard me? I wasnt exaggerating with that one.

Withdrawl yawl

It's been about 6 weeks since me and the Mrs. have done the tango for 2, and I know there are other things I could be blogging about like the my new windows or the debates or any other worldly issue of importance, but goddammit I cant think straight. Self love aint cutting it! Even she's noticed Im a tad grumpier as of late. After I told her of how I kinda snapped on a co-worker you know what she said? "You're just sexually frustrated!" The nerve! LOL. She's torturing me it seems! I'm dying over here....sheesh! My sensual, sexual scorpio cant take all this pressure that is building within. I say I need to release this the organic way! I'm bout ready to B U S T !!!

I Feel A Change For The Better Around The Corner

I've decided that NOTHING in the this particular world
is more important to me than that girl.
And if she'll have me as her guy
then we'll ride this rocket love beyond the sky.

That's the start of a poem (that I probably wont finish at the pace I usually complete them) that I just jotted down after a phone conversation we just had that left me feeling especially good for some reason. I dunno.....Im feeling verrrrrry Sam Cooke-ish....'A Change Is Gonna Come'. And it will be for the better. You just watch.

KK? Can I get my money that my mama gave you to give to me? LOL. Do I have to tell on you? And please pretty pretty pretty please dont eat all the brownies? Pleeeeeeease with sugar and cherries and CHOCOLATE (*wink*) on top?

Can Anyone Tell Me.....

...why is Love soooooooooo difficult? Is it that the rewards actually make the hard shit justifiable? And how is it possible to love someone soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much and still wanna choke the shit outta them? Hell....she's probably asking herself the same thing. Oh isnt Love just wonderful? I still believe though....I still believe...........gotta keep the faith....(Singing George Michael...) "I gotta have faith. Faith. Faith!

Oh Come On Now...

LOL.....If I got hit by a bus and was in the hospital....you'd be worried about me and the nurses/female doctors? LOL.... Isnt that a wee bit much? Is that what you really really think of me? Sheesh! That's a tad harsh, no?

My Biggest Fear

The thing that frightens me most is the prospect of us being on this break and just drifting apart. Like we saw each other for the first time in a week last night and it was a tad bit weird. When I first saw her I went up to her and hugged her, and from the hug I could tell that as angry as she was/is with me, that she still missed me. You dont know how relieved I was as we were embracing. I shoulda cracked her back as I held her in my arms. Dont worry folks...she likes it when I do that. Anyways....I say all that to say....on a certain level....I suppose this break is good for both of us. It'll gimme a chance to re-evaluate things I need to work on and her too. But the shit is hard yo, HARD! Like I dread crawling in my bed cuz she aint there. The extra space is cool to have to stretch and shit, but I'd damn sure rather turn over and bump into her. I been sleeping with her pj bottoms in my bed. Sad, huh? LOL. This sucks boo-tay I tell you, but I suppose it's necessary. Im still Amel Larrieux "I'd rather not be me w/o you". I guess I'll have to toll on in this little sad existence for hopefully not too much longer.

Here's a thought....

...I've never been a fighter. Like I'll fight if I have to, but fighting off GP? Nah that aint me son! I just dont like fighting....especially with my significant other. The way I figure it....we are both human, we are both gonna make mistakes and do stupid shit. Probably me moreso than her, but I just dont wanna waste precious time fighting. It's been a week now since I made the dumb joke that was disrespectful. Honestly I never saw all this coming from that one incident. Even when I found out that she was pissed or whatever....I didnt see this. I thought maybe she'd be mad a day or two and then we'd be okay or whatever. I just cant believe I havent seen my baby in damn near 7 days cuz of a stupid drunken joke. Like damn...what do I gotta do? Go out and get hit by a car? If I were laid up in a hospital she'd undoubtedly rush by my side. Probably apologizing for us fighting. And it would be the same way God forbid I had to sit by her side in a hospital. Which leads me to the point of this particular blog.....w/o getting into detail...we've been through much worse. I just dont wanna lose anymore precious time doing the shit we like to do together (i.e. me rubbing her feet with aloe vera lotion, us eating leona's or jimmy john's, etc). I just dont think it's worth it in the long run of things.

This sucks BOO-TAY!

Im feeling sooooo fucking needy and dependent and affection starved and of course the ONLY person in the world who can relieve me of these feelings is totally not feeling me. I swear if I were a cryer, I'd be crying my eyes out. I wouldnt mind that either b/c at least I'd be able to release these mucky ass feelings that I have inside. Instead I just try to make it through the damn days and try to find shit to keep my mind of off her. But that's like if someone tells you not to think of grapefruit....you cant help but think of grapefruit! I keep telling myself not to think about her.....but of course she's all I can think of. Maybe I should just jump off a building and get this torture over with.....shit!

I Apologize

I'm a big boy. I can admit when I am wrong. So I apologize to you KK. My joke was disrespectful to you and that was not my intent. Shit...I had no intent cause I just said it. I didnt stop to interpret it or think how others would interpret it. I just said it. That's really it. Aint much more to it than that. Fin.

I Cant Deal

Im so fucking mad that I barely feel like blogging about this shit. Basically KK is mad at me for some second hand shit she ACCIDENTALLY OVERHEARD that I said to the host of this party we went to. Then instead of just fucking coming out and telling me what the problem is...she chooses to speak in fucking riddles and not staright out tell me what the problem is! This happened last night at our NEXT TO LAST stop. We went to another place AND she drove me home AND we've spoken on the phone, and she NEVER tells me what the problem is. How do I FINALLY get to the bottom of this shit? I READ HER BLOG!!!! Oh that's real damn adult of you! And again to top the shit off, she's mad at some shit she overheard that I said. Im not denying that I said it. But had you been there to actually hear how it was said...you would realize it was a damn joke! Apparently a bad one.....but a joke nonetheless!!! WTF????

BACK UP IN YA!

Didja miss me? LOL....Yeah did all 5 of you who may check this thing every so often miss me at all? LOL..Anyways....KK reminded me that I had been slacking on my blogging so Im here again. No babyluv....it wasnt a fad. I really do enjoy this here blog thing. I just kinda fell outta the habit, and then I started feeling like I really didnt have much to blog about. As hard as that may sound...but Im here. I promise more consistency with this. You folks stay tuned!

"National Dont Fuck With Me" Day at Work

Im at work as I type this and I'm getting increasingly irriatated as the day sloooooooooowly goes on. First I get to work and my co-worker is acting like a total bitch. And I dont be calling folks out they name all willy nilly. But she is. I believe she's being snooty towards me b/c I missed her party on Saturday. I was gonna go, but I forgot about it until it was too late and then I had to go to work. WHATEVER. I've been to a party of yours before so it aint like I'm ducking your shindigs. Could ya get over it please? Plus this was her last day before her vacation and she got the nerve to be slacking. AND LEAVING EARLY!!! Trife ass!

Then there's the IT manager who has a thing for fucking with me. This guy has a napoleon complex about all the computers in the hotel. He's like 5'4....about maybe 210, 220-ish. I'm 210, 220-ish but I'm 6'5. And I think he's gay, which really doesnt mean much except for he's a short, overweight gay man who happens to be anal-retentive about people using the computers here. I'm not the only one who checks their email, or logs on to a temporary IM around here. So today he comes up to me as I'm reading an email and in his asshole-ish way tells me to not im or BLOG. WTF!!! Fuck you lil midget man!

And then the phone keeps ringing with guest asking me dumb shit which is doing nothing for my irritation right now. I cant change the music station from this jazzy, big band, bepop shit that is getting on my nerve, AND my fucking feet are killing me! I want out of this hellhole. My couch beckons..........

Blah!

I dont really feel like blogging much right now. But I will say this....there's this lady who's job it is is to Deliver (did i screw the spelling of that up?) newspapers to all of our guest hotel room at like 5am every morninng. Anyways as cruel as it sounds, since I've been working here and seeing her, I've been pretty sure that she wore a wig. And it's not like there is anything wrong with wig wears at all. But she confirmed for me that it was a wig. She was standing in front of me talking to me about something, when all of a sudden she scratched her head....and ALL OF HER HAIR started moving! Was not cute at all.....at all I tell you.

Oh and I finally figured out how to change that wretched background I somehow ended up with! Whewwww!

Fighting and Fucking...Hand in Hand?

On Jay Z and R.Kelly's album 'Best of Both Worlds' there is a song (of which the name slips my mind at typing time) that has a chorus that goes 'You and me / Having sex / After an argument / That shit's the best!'. I never EVER understood that concept. I dunno if Im the fight and fuck type. When I fight.....man I need a cool down period. Im the grudge holding type. It really takes a lot to get me to fight....but when I do, I am not the mild mannered, soft spoken Teej anymore. I promise I be on some Bruce Banner /Incredible Hulk shit. Like "Please dont make me angry. You wont like me when I'm angry!" So to go from that to......intimacy......it just doesnt compute for/to me. This could very well be one of those 'I'm from Saturn' things where it's painfully clear that I just dont think like the rest of you earthlings out there. I want replies on this on people. Gimme your 2 cents!

Nikki G wins again

Today was pay day, and like any other payday I wanted to go out and buy a bunch of shit that I dont necessarily need. I was like 2 for 3 as far as me not buying some shit that wasnt absolutely essential.....I avoided buying the cool watch I wanted. I avoided buying some even cooler posters for my place. And those posters by the way would have cost me even more to frame. So by 9pm or so I was feeling good. I had gotten through the day w/o spending any unneccesary cash. AND THEN IT HAPPENED....I found myself in Borders Bookstore trying to kill time before I went to work. So I spent most the of time browsing magazines, and then I somehow wandered over to the poetry section, and you know Nikki Giovanni is over there, right? So then my chances of getting outta the store w/o shelling out some dinero had dramatically decreased. Then I saw this H U G E book of Collected Nikki G poems of about 500 pages and it was officially over. I did however put up a good fight. I actually put the book back on the shelf and got about 2 and a half steps away before her magnetism took effect and I doubled back and picked it back up. That crack that Pookie was dealing with didnt have shit on me and Nikki G literature.

The Mexican Busboys

"No I dont play basketball! Did you sneak into this country in the back of a van? Or did you float in on some plywood you little shit!?!?!?" Or least that's what I wanted to say to the MBB's that asked me back to back if I played basketball. And it's not like Im not used to the question. I am 6'5 ya know? I get that question from enough ignorant fucks to go around. But the thing is they said some more shit in spanish and started laughing as I was walking away. AND AND AND it started with the first little MBB asking me as he was taking a piss ('cause I was in the washroom changing for work). Like hold on my amigo....first of all...I dont talk to guys while they are holding their dicks in their hand!!! They were both like 4'7. I wanted to pick 'em both up and flick their tiny asses across the room. I promise I wouldnt even be as pissed had they not said some more shit in spanish and started laughing.

Something good for love

So I started this blog off by boo-hooing about how my love life was in shambles and the such. And since then it has dramatically improved. For the record it was not as bad as I had thought it was gonna be. But anyways the point of this partticular blog is that if things were still not as peachy....I'd be blogging everyday about how it's not so good. But since it's been good, I aint blogged one single solitary word about. So this is that. It's good! Steadily improving everyday. (Save for last night's 'Why you acting funny?' episode). Both parties have come to the conclusion that they'd rather live with than without each other. And both are trying their best to be the best they can be for the other. It's good. It's good! Dammit it's good!

Tonsils?...Out?...Mine?

My tonsils have been acting like they are gonna be sore for the last 3 days. I CAN NOT...and I repeat....CAN NOT do any type of surgery right now. Them bills piled up on my coffee table is real yo! They wont allow for me to take time off. Plus my show is starting to blow-upuate (Yeah I know it's ebonics but so?). I have no time for surgery. Absolutely none! I aint been laid up in a hospital since I was 7...well not counting that time when I got dizzy and passed out and need two bags of IV cause I wasnt eating right. Im talking overnight stays.. No no no! I wont have it. Fin.

What exactly did Michael Jackson mean by....

......"You're a vegetable, you're a vegetable / Still they hate you, you're a vegetable / You're just a buffet, you're a vegetable / They eat off of you, you're a vegetable..."???????

It's really just a random though. Which is why it's kinda cool to have a blog..cause I can just post this type of random shit as it comes to me. Fuckin cool!

$20 Bills and why they piss me off!

The hotel in which i work is by no means a road-side Holiday Inn. It is very bougie. So that means our cliente are mostly 'well to do' types. Basically to make a long story as short as possible. I get sooooo pissed off that these guests repeatedly bring me $20 bills (or higher) to constantly make change! And while I'm sure that a good part of my pissed-offness is becuz I'm pretty broke, but still it pisses me off to no end to have to constantly make change for these yuppy -upitty fucks!

Am I Theo Huxtable?

Right now I am on avery limited budget. There was like barely ANY food in the frig. I get paid on 8/20, but I need to eat tween now and then, right? So I figure I'd go to the grocery store and get a couple of things that will last for about a week and get me by until I can buy more. Makes sense, right? So I essentially go buy, some turkey bologna, mayo, bread, cereal and milk. When I get home and start putting these items away, I kinda took a step back and realized I am turning to Theo from that one episode of The Cosby Show. You remember it was the very first epiode and Cliff and Clair were concerned with Theo's lackluster grades? Cliff went to to talk to him, and he expressed that he didnt need to do exceptionally well in High School b/c he wasnt going to college. He was gonna get a 'regular' job. Then Cliff pulled out the Monopoly (Which I gotta buy. I havent played in sooooooo long.)money, and started breaking down people's real life expenses. And at the end, Theo thought he had it all figured out and Cliff was like "There is a problem! You havent eaten yet!", then snatched the last couple of bills from Theo's hand. And Theo snatched back a bill and said........"I CAN GET BY ON BOLOGNA AND CEREAL!" Remember that? LOL. Well goddamn if that aint my grown ass!

Talk about Petrified!!!

Fuck street gangs and the such....NOTHING scares me more than a group of drunk ass white boys! Them fuckers are liable to do ANYTHING. And then the thing is.....they be pissy drunk off of 2 budweisers! I never understood that shit. White people in general scare me, and when you get to multiplying them and adding the element of drunkness, it's a wrap!

And if you read this...and you happen to be white, please dont be offended. But you gotta know that you guys are scary!

Dilated Peoples "This Way"

You know Dilated Peoples' song 'This Way' featuring Kanye West? There's a part in the song where it says "I know there's things in my life that I'ma let go starting tonight"? That lyric has been replaying in my head like the last 3 days or so. I think Im gonna steal some print paper from work and write it in marker and and put it on my bedroom wall. Yet another random thought!

Back By Popular Demand....

...well sorta! I didnt think my sweetie was checking this thing, but apparently she is. B/C she told me that my ass needs to do a new blog. Hehehehe. Anyways I dont know if I have much to blog about at the moment. Just have a couple of random thoughts floating thru my head. I suppose I'll share. For one...Prince's song " Gett Off" is stuck in my head. How is that for random? Anyways....I was at home last night watching VH1-Soul channel like I frequently do (right KK? LOL) when India. Arie's "Ready For Love" came on. It got me to thinking of how when that song first came out I was SOOOOOOO feeling it. Like really deep down in my biz-ones, ya know? And the part where she says 'they say watch what you wish for, cause you may receive'. And that shit really happened to me. I wished for a love, and dammit I got it. But what I'm realizing is that once I got it, I maintained it for a minute, but I got unfocused. I dont wanna say that I took it for granted cause I try not to take anyone for granted, but I will admit to getting unfocused. So upon hearing the song and having that thought.....THE IDEA/INSPIRATION FOR A NEW POEM came to me. You dont understand....I just havent found the inspiration to write shit resembling a poem in sooooooo long. But it came to me. I think it's gonna be called "My Apologies To My Love (Songs). Basically Im gonna be apologizing to my love and some of my favorite love songs using the titles of some of my favorite songs about love. Get it? If not, I may find the courage to post it. We'll see.

Dorothy and The Jackson Family

I went to this outdoor jazz festival with a couple friends today. And you know damn near ANY outdoor fest that black people are a part of, they will have a bunch of vendors out there selling shit. There was this one brother from Oklahoma City that had a booth set up. He had all sorts of ol' skool posters and nic nacs and shit. I saw the booth from about 30 yards away and I knew if I went over there I was gonna be some shit. I very well could be a complusive spender. So anyways I felt like Pookie when the crack was calling him .Cause that booth was YELLING for my ass to come over. And went over I did. As soon as I got there I knew what I was gonna buy. They were on display. It was blow up covers of Ebony and Life magazines. The Ebony cover had ALL of the Jacksons. I'm talking everyone from Joe, to Michael, to a baby Janet to Rebbie!!! It was from 1974 I think. Everyone had afros. Jermaine's 'fro was permed out. It's the new hotness I swear!!! Then the other one....WHEW!!!! The other is a Life magazine cover of Dorothy Dandridge from 1954!!! My mama was like 8 months old when that cover came out. I mean it's Dorothy dammit. What more do I have to say? 2 for $20?????? It had to go down. I damn sure didnt REALLY need to come off that $20, but I really wanted to. And sometimes when it's not life threatening you gotta allow yourself a want every now and again. That's my story and I'm sticking to it!!!!

I Beat The Bus Driver Down!!!

Or at least I wanted to. So what happened was....I left out of the house like 45 minutes later than I normally do. So I get on the bus at 10:05 for what normally is a 18 minute ride. And I have to be at work at 10:30. You follow along? See how close I was cutting it? Why did the bus driver STOP at the the damn terminal and start chatting it up with one of his colleagues? At first the light was red when he stopped. So I was thinking...'Oh this BETTA be a mighty short catch up session'. But of course it wasnt. Then the light turned green. AND THAT FUCKAH DID NOT CLOSE THE DOOR AND CONTINUE HIS ROUTE. Instead what he did was continue chucking it up with his co-worker. I'm looking at him like' Son! If you dont get this damn bus to vroom vroom-ing!' So of course cause I'm pushing it for work, a couple of minutes seem like an eternity. And it's not like he let the light turn back red or anything. But I just wasnt in the mood for chancing it, ya know? They are exchanging pleasantries and shit. And I'm thinking 'Would it be wrong for me to get up, and pull the little lever to close the door and then he'll get the hint.' The whole thing prolly took no more than 2 minutes, but I swear my impending lateness made it feel more like 20.

Turning Tides

So KK and I had a pretty good convo about our 'break'. I think I feel better about this whole thing. It took a minute for me to warm up to it (If I am in fact warm to it), but it may prove to help in the long run. I guess I dont feel like she's trying to run so much anymore. But best believe I got my feet planted just in case she tries to make a break for it.

Republicans are WACK!!!

Can you believe that the republicans of my great state of Ilinois found fucking Alan Keyes to run against Obama Barack. This cat dont even fucking live in lllinois!!! So does it surprise anyone that the final 2 candidates to run against Obama on the republican ticket are black? Repubs SUCK ASS! They lose their golden boy, Jack Ryan to a sex scandal and then they S C R A M B L E to find a replacement that has at least a snowballs chance in hell. But it's over for them on this one. They may win some but they just lost one on this. Obama is taking it. Plus Keyes has proven he cant win an election, any election to save his life. Not only has he run for, I think a Congress seat unsuccessfully, but he ran for President 2 times!!!! Dont he know if Jesse, who even alot WHITE FOLKS KNOW cant do it, then he damn sure cant take the presidency! Judy Barr Topinka sucks ass! They need to lay it down.

OH HELL'S NAW!!!

Why in the EFF is every song playing on the satellite station speaking to me? So far tonight I've heard

1. 'Emotions' by Destiny's Child
2.'Before You Walk Outta My Life' by Monica
3. 'Here And Now' by Luther
4. 'Inseperable' by Natalie Cole
5. 'I Just Cant Stop Loving You' by Michael Jackson
6. 'When WIll I See You Again' by Babyface
7. 'And Our Feelings' by Babyface

....yup! Not one but 2 Babyface songs!!! It's a wrap! That shit is soooo.....boo! I cant deal.
Oh shit! WAIT A SECOND!!! Is this 'Sara Smile' by Hall & Oates? Awww man. This song is sweet, but depressing as hell. AND AND AND we were supposed to go see them later this month. And fyi....we are officially on a 'break' as of earlier today. :-(

Sade's 'Hang On To Your Love' Lyrics

I just happened to hear the song just as my shift ended at work and the lyrics jumped out to me....

In heaven's name why are you walking away
Hang on to your love
In heaven's name why do you play these games
Hang on to your love

Take time if you're down on luck
It's so easy to walk out on love
Take your time if the going gets tough
It's so precious
So if you want it to get stronger
You'd better not let go
You gotta hold on longer
If you want your love to grow
Gotta stick together
Hand in glove
Hold tight, don't fight

Hang on to your love
In heaven's name why are you walking away
Hang on to your love
In heaven's name why do you play these games
Hang on to your love

Be brave when the journey is rough
It's not easy when you're in love
Don't be ashamed when the going gets tough
It's not easy don't give up

If you want it to get stronger
You'd better not let go
You gotta hold on longer
If you want your love to grow
Gotta stick together
Hand in glove
Hold tight, don't fight
Hang on to your love

In heaven's name why are you walking away
Hang on to your love
In heaven's name why do you play these games
Hang on to your love

So if you want it to get stronger
You'd better not let go
You gotta hold on longer
If you want your love to grow
Gotta stick together
Hand in glove
Hold tight, don't fight
Hang on to your love

In heaven's name why are you walking away
Hang on to your love
In heaven's name why do you play these games
Hang on to your love

When you find a love (to your love)
Don't let it walk away
When you find your love (to your love)
You've got to make it stay (hang on)
Hang on to your love
Don't let it walk away
When you find your love
Got to make him stay
You've got to hang on to your love (to your love)
You've got to hang on to your love (to your love)
Why are you walking away (why are you walking away)
Why do you play these games(play these games)

Hang on to your love

And for the record....

...single life SUCKS! No offense to you singles out there. I just mean it really sucks if you are coming from a LTR. Well maybe some of you were sooo unhappy in your LTR, and couldnt wait to get back out there and play the field, but not the Teejster. I dont wanna go back to wondering if 'she's the one' whenever I meet a new someone. Hells no! I got my one! I'm good homie! If I had my say, my last trip to Singlesville was my LAST TRIP to Singlesville. Feel me? Luther and Gregory sang 'There's Nothing Better Than Love' and they aint neva lied. CHUUUUURCH NIGGA!

Ball of Confusion

There's so much to blog about and yet for some reason I cant even begin to organize my thoughts to properly express everything that I want/need to get off my chest. KK and I went through the ringer a whole bunch today. In no particular order we discussed......her moving to L.A. cuz she's just plain ol 'bored' with life in chi-town right about now, people's individual and/or ideal timelines for courting, dating and marriage, and also us needing 'space'. I dunno about this space shit. Aint that what people say to break up with someone w/o really saying the words 'break up'? I mean she might as well had said 'It's not you, it's me!' Shit....I dont wanna break up. I want my poo poo. So yeah...shit gets hard in relationship. Thats to be expected ya know? But personally for the person that I am sure I wanna marry, I cant think of much that would make me wanna place 'space' 'tween them and myself. Maybe I have it all wrong. But I suspect that we both have aspects wrong. Alls I know is I love her, and I cant think of much that we couldnt work out. Maybe I'm a dreamer. Yeah maybe I'm living in Teej World where all problems have solutions, and love conquers all. I know she's frustrated, but I'm frustrated too. I kinda feel like she has created her best facade thingy yet to run away. She told me she was a runner from conflict and challenges from the jump. Everytime she tried to run on me before I grabbed her by the ponytail and brought her back. But this time she somehow tied my hands behind my back so that I cant grab her ponytail, and then she took off. Lil slick heifer. But she dont know who I be does she? I'm T to the mu'fuckin'....I cant un-do my hands sweetie.....I really can.... I'll let you get a couple of steps ahead, but you's mine Kunta!

Couples and Races

So right now, KK and I are kinda in the middle of a fuss. So of course it's been on my mind all day. I got to thinking on how sometimes KK and I dont always understand where each other is coming from. Things that appear soooo obvious to me may not be for her and vice versa. Feel me? So then I got to thinking how understanding between males and females kinda parallels that of different races like blacks and whites. Like you know how your average white person thinks blacks have it better nowadays. And while we do I guess in comparison to 40 years ago, shit still aint equal, ya know? So I was thinking on how like a young white person can not fathom the police being a threat. But if you are young black male you know about that all too well. Like a white person will argue you down that racial profiling doesnt exist, and if so they've never seen it. And it's like 'Cuz you aint the one it's happening to!!!'. But the thing is they dont live in it, so the concept is hard to grasp. But that dont mean it doesnt exist just cause they cant understand it, dig it? And it's the same thing with a man and a woman. Both sexes go through certain things that the other doesnt understand and most times dont recognize. And so that leads to unintentional insensitivity on the others part and then that leads to shit hitting the fan....HARD, and then you are in the middle of a fuss, and then you feel bad cause you dont really wanna be in the middle of a fuss with your sweetie. You just wanna be with your sweetie. But Kweli said it best when he said "Women say men are trife. Men say women is. We just dont understand our fundamental differences. I'm still learning 'em. Actually I just do what comes naturally."

Hello?

Hey there. You people out there reading along? So on my other blog on
myspace I said I'd be finding just a regular ol blog spot....to kind of not be on a site used for dating and meeting folks cuz that wasnt my intention. (Contrary to what you may be believe Ms. K) So here it is ladies and gentleman....'Teej Says..'