Crazy, California

She said to me
"You're crazy!"
and I rebutted
"Love is crazy. So crazy is the destination."

Then I started on this whole trip about how pursuing love
is like taking a cross country drive from
Connecticut to California
when you don't have one of those fancy GPS thingies

All you have is
a cooler full of food
good music
an old-fashioned road map
and a stubborn determination to get to where you wanna go

Of course the weatherman said it wasn't gone rain
and it wasn't til you couldn't see 10 feet in front of you
that you found out the windshield wipers need to be replaced
but still you keep on trekking

Inevitably you'll have arguments
"but I asked you if you had to go before we passed that last rest stop"
and
"you didnt hear me say turn off on Interstate 4? Now we're in Virginia!"
but those are to be expected

If you can avoid the urge to call it quits and bus it back to homebase
remember to be considerate
compromise when you can......even when you think you're right
and maybe just learn to bite your tongue a bit
when they're driving too fast or too slow for your personal taste
you'll make it to Crazy, California in no time

Together.

We're Grown, Right? (#29....30 Writes in 30 Days)

Last week I caught up with a friend that I hadnt spoken to in quite some time. The convo went something like this.....

Me : Hey stranger! Where you been?

Her : I been laying low. Got a new boyfriend and all.....

Me : Yeah that'll do it!

Her : I got your msg a while back. Sorry I didnt get back. He goes through my phone sometimes. I had to tell him that you were my cousin.

*insert sound of record coming to a screeching halt*

Anyone see the problem here? Anyone?.....Anyone?........Bueller?

Now homegirl and I have been cool for a few years but never ever have we been on it like that! I could see if we had had some sorta torrid past but...no dice.

I just don't understand the insecurity. We are in our 30's yo! If you have any common sense at all, then you'd take it as a given at this point that your new significant other probably has friends of the opposite sex.

I literally asked homegirl "He goes through your phone? What is he.....12?"

Who does that in an ADULT relationship?

Right? (A Haiku) (#20....30 Writes in 30 Days)

Daddy issues? Me?
I worked them out on my own
That's not so bad, right?

The Disconnect (#16....30 Writes in 30 Days)

Ever have a weird/awkward moment with someone and it totally throws the vibe off? Maybe an intended joke doesnt come across well or an action is misinterpreted and/or misconstrued? Well thats where the disconnect comes in.

Now if you are seasoned and mature you understand that these things happen every so often. As humans none of us are perfect and even the most compatible tandem will eventually have a disconnect moment. That's just human nature.

"Let's stick to understanding/and we wont fall" - Common "The Light"

The trick is to recognize it for what it is, verbalize it and move on. Get you budnippers out and nip that shit in the bud. It'll only be awkward for a moment I swear, but a moment of awkwardness is a great trade off for restoring the harmony.

So consider this a PSA. Dont fall victim to the disconnect. It happens from time to time. Just remember these simple steps

1. Acknowledge it.
2. Move on.
3. Live happily ever after.

The End.

I Aint Heard Of That (#8....30 Writes in 30 Days)

Yesterday, vibe.com posted a piece by Houston rapper Slim Thug about black women and how they need to "stand by their man more". If you were able to make it through the grammatical hurdles you were treated to the following quips among others :

"It’s hard to trust a Black woman [sometimes] because a lot of Black women’s mind frame is that the man gotta do everything for her."

"They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct. We’re important. It’s hard to find us so Black women have to bow down and let it be known that they gotta start working hard; they gotta start cooking..."

"My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the shit that I say, so we make it."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

If that aint the most laughable shit I've read in forever......

First of all....WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT IT A GOOD IDEA TO GET SLIM MU'FUCKING THUG'S OPINION ON BLACK WOMEN AND RELATIONSHIPS?!?!?!!?

Really? Slim Thug?!?!? Really? I'd readily listen to Steve Harvey before Slim Thug and I'm thoroughly convinced that Steve Harvey doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

So okay...once you get past the fact that it's Slim Thug let's examine what he said a bit.

One of my biggest problems with the article (because I have like 50-leven problems with this fuckshit of an article) is all the generalizations being made. Personally I dont deal with that type of chick so I cant say she doesn't exist. But what I do know is like my girl Cyn said, you are who you surround yourself with. So maybe Mr. Thugga needs to reexamine his standards. Also I've never made it rain in a club (maybe at the record or book store but thats neither here nor there), so I cant relate to that.

Another big problem I had is with the black woman bashing. I swear this shit must be in season and no one told me. So lemme get this straight : the "white side" of his mixed chick is the part that cooks and handles business!??!!? If that aint a WTF moment I dunno what is. Since when does your racial background determine if you are a good partner within a relationship or not?

If I date/marry a black woman all I got to look forward to is her nagging and begging me to buy her expensive shit and she not gon cook at all?

Ehhhh I'll take my chances. Thanks for the heads up though Stayve.

Fin.

p.s. Slim Thug has since repented on his twitter account and said that he was high when he did the piece. (Yea I thought so!)

p.p.s. It has been said (repeatedly) that the reason him and LeToya broke up is because he had a baby with his first cousin while they were together. Yeah you read that right? HE HAD A BABY BY HIS FIRST COUSIN. Shows how damn small his dating pool is!

It All Started With Six Words (#1....30 Writes in 30 Days)

She said "‘consciousness’ doesn’t excuse you from dopeness"
I paused and pondered
"Come again?"
She repeated "‘consciousness’ doesn’t excuse you from dopeness"
then added "the two arent exclusive, ya know?"
I chuckled
She continued "and if you think about it....
the dopest people are usually the ones that are conscious becuz to be aware IS dope"
I sat back and gazed at her
She knowingly returned my gaze and included a smirk for good measure
Sista was dope
and she knew it
After a while I leaned back in and asked "so where do we go from here?"
With all the confidence in the world she leaned in and offered
"wherever we want, baby"

For Lovers Repeatedly Trying

Because no one ever said it would be easy
and you sure as hell didnt expect it to be this hard

My God!

You love them.
They love you back
and thats that.

Pretty simple stuff one would think, but no.

If you factor in
the baggage
the hang ups
the near misses
the war wounds that have yet to heal
the bad timing
the inexperience
the catastrophic karma
(yours or theirs)
and just having downright shitty luck

One of lesser faith would be tempted to throw in the towel
become asexual
and "focus on my career"

Meanwhile those of us
that know it's a marathon
and not a sprint
will pick ourselves up
dust ourselves off
give it one good deep sigh
and try just once more

Because we're lovers

and lovers

love

Its what we do.

Unconditional Love Vs. Outright Stupidity (A Scenario)

What's the difference between loving someone unconditionally and being outright stupid in regards to the person you love. How closely are they related?

A girl is in love with her male best friend. The guy sorta knows it but...ehhhhhh....he's not really there. He loves her but not quite in the same way. She holds out hope because no one makes her feel like him. She has plenty other suitors but she's only checking for him. In their alone moments, even though they arent intimate, she senses something there. Almost everyone around them knows she's crazy about him and she's not shy in admitting to anyone who asks. She watches him go in and out of relationships hoping he'll snap out of it one day and realize she is who he needs. She's made up her mind that she believes in this love that much that she'll stick around until it's made painfully clear that she's wasting her time....and she's hella-stubborn lol. It's essentially Brandy's "Have You Ever?" played out in real life. We've all seen this story like 50-leven times, right? Unconditional Love or Outright Stupidity?

The Trouble With Love

So while watching "Love Actually" for the eleventy millionth time.....I took note of this song. I just knew it was Mariah singing. Then I got to the end of the movie and the video was a bonus feature. Needless to say that both my manliness and I were shocked to discovered we were jammin to mu'fucking KELLY CLARKSON! After reviewing the man-law handbook I found a small loophole in Chapter 6, Section 4-40c that allowed me to remain a man indeed. Tell me she don't sound like "Vision of Love" Mariah on this shit. Anyways say what you will.....this song is the shit. The lyrics are on point. I'll gladly accept my #latepass

Love > Money

So I have this crazy idea in my head, right? You ready for this?

Okay so the crazy idea in my head is that I will be able to prosper and realize my full potential career-wise AFTER I find love. Crazy, right?

What I'm coming to find out about myself is that I value love more than anything else in this whole wide world. The love of my family and friends means everything to me. But the one thing I'm missing love-wise is that "special love" between a man and a woman. You know....that "SPECIAL" love when yall get to do it and stuff. Yeah that love.

Now while I'm well familiar with the ever popular mantra of "Money over bitches", and the always classic "Fuck bitches. Get money", and "even 50's slept-on musing of "you hustlin' backwards if you chasin' a bitch, Stupid!/ Chase the paper, they come with the shit", I just never bought it. Sounded good, but didn't feel right. I like money but it comes second to love for me. Besides....you don't take the lyrics in rap music seriously, do you? I sure as hell don't. I'm a leader, not a follower. No sir.....not The Teej. I goes my own lane. And to me it would be waaaay sweeter if I got love then the money.

Billy Dee had said that "Success is nothing without someone you love to share it with." Dammit ain't that the gospel? I mean....I could hit my number tomorrow and be the richest man in the world by next Thursday but what the fuck fun would that be w/o a special someone to take along on the ride? Any chick that I meet after the fact will get the *side eye* because I couldn't be too sure if homegirl is here for me or the dough.

But if I lock my baby in BEFORE it all then I'd know, ya know? Besides...I really have tunnel vision about us building an empire TOGETHER!

Now that would be the sweetest!

PS. Please don't think I'm sitting on my ass and twiddling my thumbs career-wise whilst I wait on love. Trust that I'm making moves. I just think it's something to be said for having someone there and having your back as you take on the world TOGETHER.

My Faith In Love

An article recently came out on msnbc.com entitled “Marriage Eludes High-Achieving Black Women”. In this article two Yale researchers supposedly crunched some numbers, did some interviews, and came to the conclusion that the more educated and successful sisters became, the less likely they are to get married and have a family if they so choose. Now maybe my c.o.n. spiracy spidey senses are off a bit but I saw so much innuendo and so many disturbing undertones in this article it literally fucked up my whole day. No for real….I was in a pissy mood for the remainder of the day!

They said that single sisters were hesitant to have a child because they didnt wanna seem “ghetto”, but when a single white women has a child she is deemed “liberal”. Also that another reason for this trend is that there arent enough highly educated/accomplished brothers to go around. And the when the brothers are highly educated/accomplished they tend to “outmarry” AKA marry anybody else but a sister.

I know propaganda when I read it dammit!!! Please heed the words of the great Chuck D yall….‘Dont believe the hype’.

“So THEY say we’re running out of time/ We’re running out of water/ We’re running out of light/ There are far too many questions/ and just not enough answers/ And if we keep on asking THEY gon tell US what WE like!” - Solange “6 O’clock Blues”

After reading the article I passed it along to some friends of mine on Twitter expecting everyone to be equally outraged and disgusted. And while no one was in clear agreeance with the article, there were some who were not as disturbed by it as I thought they would/should be. I think somewhere in this big head of mine I kinda expect all my people to be riders and advocates of black love like me. Now granted I could have been a little too moved by the article but what I (think I) found is that alot of my friends are jaded and skeptical of the durabilty of black love. And that to me is heartbreaking.

Could be the eternal optimist in me. Could be the hopeless romantic. But to hear my friends and peers express the doubts that they do as to whether love, and more specifically BLACK love can endure and last was a bit shocking. While I’d never be so dumb as to think people have to share my views on such matters, I think it just kinda hurts to hear some of the (seemingly) nonchalant attitudes about it that I did.

I feel like I should keep reiterating the fact that I very well could have been not reading/interpreting my friends comments clearly because I was literally seeing (and probably reading) red after that taking in that piece of shit article.

I say all that to say….no matter what….hold on to your faith in love. God is love, right? So dont let anyone or anything shake your faith in either. (You like how I backdoored that, dont ya? lol)

And lemme just close with this : I promise you aint a thing in the world that can make me stop believing in love. No matter what ups and downs I go through as far as my love life I am solaced by the fact that I KNOW in the end I will have the type of love and marriage that I have envisioned for myself. This I know for sure….and I hope you believe in yourself enough to know that you’ll get the love that you deserve as well.

Tainted Love (What Kinda Love Is This....?)

She said “I don’t know… This guy seems too nice. I’m suspicious.”

And I go “Well damn cant the brother just be genuinely nice?”

Then she replies “Never came across that before. He gives compliments, he wants to see me. WTF?”

Aint that something? The fact that he DOES give compliments and makes it known to her that he wants to see her makes her pump her brakes and put her guards up?!?!? That leads me to wonder what kinda behavior had she experienced before and began to take for “the norm” if those 2 genuine gestures throw her off course.

In “Cant Get Enough Of Your Love Babe” Barry White has a line that goes “What kinda love is this that you’re giving me?”. I’ve always loved that line. You know you getting some real shit when you gotta step back and examine it like “Hold up! This is some new shit! I aint never been loved like this before! What kinda love did you say this was again?” lol

I cant speak for anyone else but I dont know how NOT to wear my heart on my sleeve. If I’m digging on you, you’ll know it. And most likely everyone around me will know it too.

“Im too old to be fronting what Im feeling/Denzel’n acting like you aint appealing when you are” - Jay Z

So Matou if you’re reading….just know that we arent all the same. Some of us are indeed built differently. Some of us are actually pretty damn good at expressing ourselves. Some of us know how to genuinely compliment a woman. Some of us know how to be attentive. Some of us do in fact mean what we say.

It may seem that we’re far and few in between but we’re around love.

Can Men And Women Be (Just) Friends??!?

The debate on whether men and women can be platonic friends seems to be eternal. At the risk of this possibly being the last blog I ever write becuz the lench mob has gotten a hold of me…. I am gonna step out on a limb and tell you the somewhat complete and honest truth about this matter.

Ladies are you sure you’re ready? REALLY REALLY sure? Okay here goes….

Can men and women be just friends? The answer is a resounding yes!

But know that that ‘yes‘ comes with one condition. What is this condition you may ask? The condition is this : Men and Women can be just friends, but women must keep in mind that given the right circumstances the man would almost ALWAYS let it go down.
(Please take note that this is ALL my factual opinion, interpretation, and point of view on the situation. Also notice that I use words like ’rarely’, ‘almost’, ‘pretty much’, and ‘probably’. Real non-committal type words, ya dig?)

What are these circumstances you may ask? First, let me go back and preface this whole blog by saying that all that I’ve said thus far and all that I will say is with the presumption that both parties are single and unattached. Get it? Got it? Good.

Now where was I? Oh yeah…..the “circumstances”. Now the circumstances vary from man to man. Some men could be okay with a drunken conquest after a night of kicking it. Some men might wait til she cries on his shoulder after she breaks up with a dude. Like I said….it varies. But the point is clear. The man is pretty much assured of always letting it go down if it got that far. The man is almost NEVER the one to say “Hold up. We shouldn’t be doing this!” That just doesn’t happen!

Now by no means am I saying that we are swarming like vultures and biding our time til the perfect opportunity arises for us to strike. Please don’t misconstrue the point that I’m trying to convey. We are not trying to knock down every one of our female friends.

It’s just that sometimes you find yourself in a situation that you only kinda imagined in your head like 6000 times but hadnt planned on ever really happening and then the conqueror in us comes out. But maybe I’ve said too much already.

Ladies just know that we can be friends with nothing ever ever happening. But ladies…also know that at the very very least we may have already played the scenario out in our heads before the formal introduction between was completed.

I’m sorry if ths blog has let any of you down. We’re men. We think of sex, much like you gals think of shoes, like every 3.4 seconds. Thats just how it is.

So Who Chooses Who?

In a recent conversation with a friend (LTO DO YOU SEE YOUR NAME HERE?!?!?!? LOL) we got on the subject of relationships and the such. I told her that I think when comes to LTR’s and Marriage that ultimately the man doesnt choose the woman. The woman chooses the man. And while LTO stopped short of calling mecrazy, if I recall correctly she didnt completely agree with me, So lemme expound a bit on why I think that the woman chooses the man and not the other way around.

If men are supposedly the pursuers I think it’s safe to assume that most women are accustomed to being pursued, right? It’s up to her to decide which of her pursuers she thinks makes the best mate for her, no?

Save for the case of say….some sorta known wealthy or famous guy who must decide if all the women are paying him attention strictly for his dough, I think it’s almost always the woman that chooses the man.

I do admit that I drift back and forth with “old fashioned” and “traditional” values and so on. And said “old fashion”/”traditional” values would say that the man chooses his wife but I dont buy it. It occurs to me that said “old fashion”/”traditional” values leans a bit toward outright sexism, but I digress. Needless to say Im not “old fashioned” when it comes to this particular matter.

Anyone feeling me on this?

What say you?

Does Your "Number" Matter?

A friend taking a course on human sexuality recently had me take a brief survey concerning perceived notions of "promiscuity" and it got me to thinking. I answered the questions as honestly as possible and while I'm pretty sure I'm no saint, I know for damn sure I'm far from being a 304 . (That's old pager code for those not in the know.)

So then that whole episode got me to thinking about my "number". And you know which "number" I speak of. Yes THAT number!

Remember Chris Rock's bit about this? When the guy asks the girl her number and she tells him that it's two. "Two?!!?!? Two!?!?!?!? I guess that's just how you raised!" he responds. Chris' point was that as far as men are concerned that ANY number a woman gives is gonna seem high b/c of the double standard that women are unfortunately burdened with. I think he exaggerated the point a bit for the sake of comedy but there was definitely truth there.

As far as my personal number, I think it's safe to say that I'm never gonna do Wilt numbers. Hell, I hope to never even reach triple figures let alone 5 figures. How the hell did dude even find time to play ball or even brush his damn teeth in the morning? Have you any idea the amount of time you'd have to devote to the fine art of humping to approach Son's digit??!!?

Anyways I wanna get married and get out the game and have my number frozen in time, ya heard? What is my number you ask? That's none of your damn business! lol. Just know that I think it to be pretty respectable for a guy my age. Actually I KNOW it to be respectable seeing as how I know that I've ducked and dodged a nice number of drawers that were thrown my way. Lord knows you cant be plugging every Power U that makes its self readily available to you. But let me not digress any further......

The point of this one is.....Is there an acceptable number when dealing with a new partner or potential mate? Does a person's number matter to you? Not that I wanna be naive about it all but I personally think it's all a slippery slope. Because what may be high to you may be low to the next person and vice versa.

I say as long as that check-up checks out then there should be no problem.

What say you?

3 Months

You know how in the movie 'Love Jones' when Nina and Darius hit it off, then Nina's ex-fianceé, Marvin tries to come back in the picture? Marvin invites Nina to NY to see if there is truly anything left, and b/c she wanted to inquire about some job possibilities out there she contemplates going. Nina is concerned how this will go over with Darius and Josie recommends that she tell Darius and if he acts the fool that means she "has" him and there is no need to go to NY. However if he tries to play it cool Nina should go and teach "his ass a lesson."

*PAUSE*

(Yo I hate LOVE GAMES! I think we're too grown for that. It was cool in high school but not so much now. People just need to be direct and up front about shit yo. You start playing the love games and shit gets tricky. Use your budnippers people. Nip that shit in the bud, say what you mean, be open and direct and you will be just fine like Mary J.)

Anyways....once Nina decides to follow Josie's advice shit goes haywire and it takes them a year to get it back together! But that's not the point of this blog. And yes I realize that if you aren't familiar with the movie, then all those names and whatnot may confuse you and surely ruin it if you haven't gotten around to seeing it, but you know what? I DON'T CARE! It's one of the best movies EVER and your monkey ass shoulda seen it by now!

Moving along.....

The whole point of this blog is about starting a new relationship. I think it's granted that in between relationships you have "situations" with people that you deal with and all, right? They aren't quite your girl, but yall hang enough for there to be some sort of understanding. Not necessarily on a physical tip, but again there is a understanding. Then you find someone who you start to kick it with and before you know it you are thinking of that person as a possible mate. But what about ol girl that you "see" sometimes? Then there's that "weird period" usually at about the 6 week mark or so when you start thinking "Man things is getting real with Tasha, but how am I gonna shake Lisa?" Anyone feeling me?

And so ladies and gentlemen that's why I'm proposing a 3 month rule!

See with the 3 month rule it is understood that with any new person you begin to see, you have exactly 3 months to completely rid yourself of any "situation" that needs to be disposed of. The start date of the 3 month rule is retroactive to the first time you realized that you and the newbie may have something here. And again that realization usually comes at about the 6 week mark of you two kicking it, so in essence that literally leaves you 1 1/2 months to rid yourself of said "situations", but you know....different strokes for different folks so we'll leave it at 3 months.
After that.....you are just bullshitting and I advise you to stop wasting grown folks' time.

Everybody Plays The Fool

"Maybe I'm a fool to feel the way I do/but I will play the fool forever/Just to be with you forever" - Whitney Houston "I Believe In You And Me"

I love that lyric but it got me to thinking..... To me it speaks to unconditional love and hanging in there when all signs point to the fact that you should probably let it go. In the best ending to a story like that, things will work themselves out and you will have yourself a love affair to remember. In the worst ending to a story like that, one day you will finally snap the fuck out of it and ask yourself "What hell was I on!??!?!"

But hey I don't blame a dreamer for dreaming. Yall know about me and these dreaming eyes of mine. And you will rarely get shit in this life if you don't try, so one cant be faulted for that either. The Main Ingredient told us all that 'everybody plays the fool and there's no exception to the rule'. As far as love goes...I'm not sure there is a truer lyric that has been uttered.

So the question that begs to be asked is where the line drawn?

Some people have zero tolerance for love changes and will pull the plug at the first sign of anything resembling disharmony, while others can inexplicably hang in there and give a confessed cheater a million and one chances. I guess it all comes down to the individual.

You ever played the fool before? Where do you draw the line?

You, Me & He (What We Gonna Do Baby?)

So Im reading this book, right? And it's about a lady discussing how she came to discover that she needed to be in a open marriage and how monogamy doesn't exactly work for her and the such. And so needless to say that this book has me thinking. Im almost scared as to what it means that Im agreeing with so much of what Im reading concerning her views on monogamy.

Funny how 'monogamy' and 'monotonous' are nearly the same word, huh? Things that make you go Hmmmm......

Anyways....I've always pictured in my head that I will marry a great woman and that will be that. Me and her til the wheels fall off. But temptation is a mu'fucka yall! That fine chick that you wanted to smash for the last 5 years always decides that she's ready to get down the day after you commit to your relationship. Such is life I suppose. Still doesnt make it any less fucked up though.

At this exact moment in time the thought of an open marriage, to me, is one of those things that sounds realllllllllly good in theory, but isnt actually practical. I mean the thought of me being able to get up with another chick when the feeling hit, with my girl fully knowing, and shit STILL BE OKAY?!?!?! Man the thought of that makes a nigga feel like this or maybe even this, but the flipside of that is that your girl can do the same. Im a jealous scorpio. The thought of another dude smashing my girl isnt a pleasant one. And so yeah...no open marriage for me I dont think.

Or is it? Yall know I always say that I want that 'Ossie and Rubie Dee' love, right? Well if you didnt know, they apparently had an open marriage. So what does that say? I dunno. Shit is confusing yo.

What say you?

Is monogamy natural?

Is all the talk of those who say it's "not natural" just a cop out by people who wanna have their cake and eat it too?

What do you REALLY think about open marriages?

Know Your Role (The Remix)

"You should be stronger than me..../Why'd you always put me in control?/All I need is for my man to live up to his role..../Always have to comfort you every day/But that's what I need you to do - are you gay?" - Amy Winehouse "Stronger Than Me"

I must admit that I was totally tapped for blog ideas in time for my weekly Monday post. On the way to work today I was listening to Amy Winehouse's first album "Frank" and this "Stronger Than Me" joint came on and it got me to thinking about the roles within a relationship. Plus Shan and Paula had both recently written something on the subject that got me to thinking too.

In October of '06 I originally wrote this blog (http://teejsays.blogspot.com/2006/10/know-your-role-2.html)
and so this is the remix. ;) Didnt know you could do that with blogs, didja? lol.

What I've learned since then is that some people prefer that the man lead and the woman submit. And when I hear it put like that I cant help but to think of a some overbearing dude running all over his woman. I realize that this probably couldnt be further from the truth, but thats always my immediate thought when I hear it put that way. Personally I think that it should be that both sexes do some leading and some submitting.

Im talking give and take people. Essentially I guess it boils down to the two people. It's all a matter of their experiences and views on the subject. Talk about some vital, need to know shit while getting to know a potential significant other!

Who knows exactly what Amy was going thru or the events that lead up to that lyric? Maybe dude just NEVER EVER stepped up and I can see how that could a problem. Like if she asked his opinion and he NEVER had an opinion. Just always gave a "Whatever you say hon.". It's like "Nigga do you got a backbone!?!?!? An idea of your own perhaps?". Some women like when the man orders for her at dinner. That may be her idea of him leading. I'd personally choke a bitch like that, but that's just me. I need my woman to have her own ideas, opinions and thoughts. I also need her to check me when I need checking. Dont just let me run wild. I can be doing a bit 4much (Thats 2 x too much for those of you not hip to the hip talk) at times.

I need a strong woman. A woman strong enough to fall back and let the man do it when she knows that she can do it just as well. But on the flipside the man should be secure enough to not be threatened if the woman can do it just as well. Take pride in that shit! You got you a winner, son!

The perfect couple to me would work like a well oiled machine. Filling in for each others deficiencies. Switching back and forth with the dominant/submissiveness and all. Holding each other down regardless. Truly having each other's back. The man protects and provides. The woman nurtures and supports. Or vice versa.

Again......give and take people. For real for real!

"Not 70/30, not 60/40, Im talking 'bout a 50/50 love.....yeah!" - Teddy Pendergrass "When Somebody Loves You Back"

Is Marriage Still Sacred?

For as long as I can remember I've always said that me and marriage would be a one shot deal. I'm only getting married once. And we will make it work dammit! Point blank, period. Aint gon be no damn divorcing. Still feel that way actually.

But in all honesty I suppose my overly fantasizing ass cant really make that call until I'm knee deep in it. Real life often gets in the way of what we intend to do. No one marries with the intention of eventually divorcing the person you just swore to love, honor and cherish for the rest of your days. You said 'for richer or poorer, in sickness and health' and you were supposed to mean that shit! It seems that everyone wants it but everyone isn't willing to work for it and stick it out. The divorce rate is only getting higher. Everyone wants the marriage their grandparents had back in the day. Everyone wants to celebrate their 50th anniversary like Anna and Russell (That was a Cosby Show reference for those of you not following), or to use a real life couple, like Ruby and Ossie, but hell even THEY had an open marriage!!!!!

The bottom line is marriage is hard. No one ever said it was gon be easy. Even me and these dreaming eyes of mine know that. I know its gon be times when I'm gon wake up and be tired of looking at this muthafucka! lol. I gotta imagine being married 20 some odd years or so you might be tempted to get tired of someone. That's why you gotta be proactive about finding new ways to keep the spark there. Nowadays people divorce for petty shit. They treat it like it's grade school and they can "go with" and "quit" people all willy nilly.

So I say all that to ask if marriage is really sacred anymore? Do people really realize what they are vowing when they take their vows? At what point do you throw in the towel?

There are a few scenarios that I can think of that would cause me to have them papers drawn up. I MIGHT (and that's a pretty big fuckin' 'MIGHT') forgive an indiscretion once, but that's it. You cant keep your legs closed you gon hafta roll! If I found out that you usta be someone else and changed your identity before we met then that means I didn't marry who I thought I married......yeah *two fingers* chica. Intentionally harm some kids IN ANY WAY? Heffa, there's the door! I could go on but you get the point.

So what would be your deal breakers and/or reasons to divorce?