Play It For The Jury, The Defendant, & The Plaintiff.....

*(You got it on) tape?! Fuck yo punk ass tapes!" - B-Roc

For those keeping tally, you can add another 'L' to audio/video recordings' record in court trials.

Disgraced former Illinois Governor Rod "Nest Hair" Blagojevich was convicted on 1 of the 24 charges against him. That one charge was lying to the Feds. Now that carries a potential maximum sentence of 5 years but let's keep it real........son shoulda been convicted and thrown under the jail! We'll see what happens with the impending retrial but now......he's at home watching Letterman with his feet up.

Do they not have him on tape saying "SOMEBODY gon hafta pay me for this Senate seat!"? Obviously having a crime or confession of a crime on tape doesnt hold the weight we thought it did.

If I decide I'm gon get down with the "Crime Pays" movement I'm gon tape all my dirt and then play "Play It For The Jury, The Defendant, and The Plaintiff" b/c having it on video apparently doesnt mean shit.

Shall we review?

In '91 damn everybody in the world saw Stacey Koon, Lawrence Powell, Theodore Briseno and Timothy Wind beating the living snot out of Rodney King......ON TAPE! But as sure as water is wet, they werent even convicted of excessive force. And had the LA Riots not kicked off in the aftermath of that trial, the civil suits that followed may not have seen the light of day.


If you saw the R.Kelly tape, two things are crystal clear.......... 1. That girl in the tape was clearly underage! And 2. That's R.Kelly in the tape! Mole my ass. We know what the fuck R. Kelly looks like! There was no doubt it was him in the damn tape! And yet....he was able to skate.

And then there's the Oscar Grant trial. Multiple videos show Grant on his stomach, face down, arms behind his back, and yet BART officer Johannes Mehserle shoots him in the back anyway. Mehserle now faces awaits sentencing on a involuntary manslaughter conviction, but hey that's a lot better than a first degree murder conviction, right?

So obviously much like the fictional song in the "Story of Gangstalicious" episode of "The Boondocks", the District Attorney can "Play it for the jury, the defendant, and the plaintiff....court reporter AND the baliff!" and it still wont matter. Because when the jury is left to decide whom they believe more : the flashy and engaging defense attorney or their own lying eyes......most times they dont believe their own lying eyes.

We're Grown, Right? (#29....30 Writes in 30 Days)

Last week I caught up with a friend that I hadnt spoken to in quite some time. The convo went something like this.....

Me : Hey stranger! Where you been?

Her : I been laying low. Got a new boyfriend and all.....

Me : Yeah that'll do it!

Her : I got your msg a while back. Sorry I didnt get back. He goes through my phone sometimes. I had to tell him that you were my cousin.

*insert sound of record coming to a screeching halt*

Anyone see the problem here? Anyone?.....Anyone?........Bueller?

Now homegirl and I have been cool for a few years but never ever have we been on it like that! I could see if we had had some sorta torrid past but...no dice.

I just don't understand the insecurity. We are in our 30's yo! If you have any common sense at all, then you'd take it as a given at this point that your new significant other probably has friends of the opposite sex.

I literally asked homegirl "He goes through your phone? What is he.....12?"

Who does that in an ADULT relationship?

Today I'm Reading (#27....30 Writes In 30 Days)

There are some days
when I don't have anything to say

There are some days
when the words just won't come to me

There are some days
when nothing I seem to write seems right

and on days like those

I read

I Could Write About Toe Jam and Sea Monkeys.....(#17....30 Writes in 30 Days)

Remember the episode of "Martin" where he was running out of show topics and he said that his last two show topics had been about toe jam and sea monkeys?

Well this 30 writes in 30 days ain't no hoe! And I'm thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis close to writing about toe jam and sea monkeys my damn self!

Its not like there ain't shit to write about but the thing is I've learned that us writers are a neurotic bunch. We have our own little quirks and idiosyncrasies in how we actually put these words together. I admit when Sia first suggested we do this I thought "Oh that's a piece of cake! I can write for 30 straight days. No problem". But alas, here I am at day 17 and Ive got nothing. And that's okay.

Yall just gon have to take this big ol ball of nothing and run with it. Hell I'm at 4 paragraphs already! lol

In the interest of getting to the point.....I say all that to say : I've got nothing for today.

See yall tomorrow.

p.s. Deana don't go! Haiku your way through it but don't go!

Here. We. Go. AGAIN!!!! (#14....30 Writes in 30 Days)

"See the fucking cop with the flat top/ standing over niggas face down on the black top?/ That shit's GOTTA stop...." Da Lench Mob "Buck The Devil" 1992

I feel like once a damn year I write a blog like this but I suppose it bears repeating : No matter how sweet we think it is (black president and all) they still find a way to remind us that our lives mean absolutely jack shit to them and that they still run this shit!

The fact that the Johannes Mehserle trial has a makeup of 7 whites, 4 latinos and 1 asian is fucking ridiculous!

If you don't know, Mehserle is the white cop who shot and killed unarmed Oscar Grant as he lay on his stomach on an Oakland train platform while being detained on New Year's Day of '09. The trial just got under way and well.....you just read the makeup of the jury.

Apparently there wasn't a black person to be found that could be impartial despite the fact that the trial was moved from Oakland to L.A.. Even the damn alternate jury is devoid of any black people. We obviously don't have the genetic make up to do such tasks.....but white people sure do. When's the last time you've heard of a jury that didn't include at least 1 of them? They are everyone's damn peer it seems.

I dunno yall. I got a bad feeling about this one. Granted that there were dozens of people on the train who took cell phone footage that clearly shows the cop shooting Oscar Grant while he was face down on the ground...the Rodney King shit showed that even video wont guarantee the proper verdict. Sean Bell and Amadou Diallo proved that they can kill us even when we're unarmed so what the fuck?

So anyways....yeah this one oughta be interesting to say the least. Crazy shit is.....if dude is found not guilty and the peoples activate the riot do you think they'll understand finally? Probably not.

I guess we'll have to wait and see. Maybe this time it'll be different. Maybe this time they'll prove that our lives aren't worthless to them.

I wont hold my breath though.

(Peace to She Cat because I basically piggy backed off her posting from last week with this one but this shit really pisses me off and makes me fearful as a black man.)

I Aint Heard Of That (#8....30 Writes in 30 Days)

Yesterday, vibe.com posted a piece by Houston rapper Slim Thug about black women and how they need to "stand by their man more". If you were able to make it through the grammatical hurdles you were treated to the following quips among others :

"It’s hard to trust a Black woman [sometimes] because a lot of Black women’s mind frame is that the man gotta do everything for her."

"They have to understand that successful Black men are kind of extinct. We’re important. It’s hard to find us so Black women have to bow down and let it be known that they gotta start working hard; they gotta start cooking..."

"My girl is Black and White. I guess the half White in her is where she still cooks and do all the shit that I say, so we make it."

BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA!

If that aint the most laughable shit I've read in forever......

First of all....WHO THE FUCK THOUGHT IT A GOOD IDEA TO GET SLIM MU'FUCKING THUG'S OPINION ON BLACK WOMEN AND RELATIONSHIPS?!?!?!!?

Really? Slim Thug?!?!? Really? I'd readily listen to Steve Harvey before Slim Thug and I'm thoroughly convinced that Steve Harvey doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about.

So okay...once you get past the fact that it's Slim Thug let's examine what he said a bit.

One of my biggest problems with the article (because I have like 50-leven problems with this fuckshit of an article) is all the generalizations being made. Personally I dont deal with that type of chick so I cant say she doesn't exist. But what I do know is like my girl Cyn said, you are who you surround yourself with. So maybe Mr. Thugga needs to reexamine his standards. Also I've never made it rain in a club (maybe at the record or book store but thats neither here nor there), so I cant relate to that.

Another big problem I had is with the black woman bashing. I swear this shit must be in season and no one told me. So lemme get this straight : the "white side" of his mixed chick is the part that cooks and handles business!??!!? If that aint a WTF moment I dunno what is. Since when does your racial background determine if you are a good partner within a relationship or not?

If I date/marry a black woman all I got to look forward to is her nagging and begging me to buy her expensive shit and she not gon cook at all?

Ehhhh I'll take my chances. Thanks for the heads up though Stayve.

Fin.

p.s. Slim Thug has since repented on his twitter account and said that he was high when he did the piece. (Yea I thought so!)

p.p.s. It has been said (repeatedly) that the reason him and LeToya broke up is because he had a baby with his first cousin while they were together. Yeah you read that right? HE HAD A BABY BY HIS FIRST COUSIN. Shows how damn small his dating pool is!

The Fine Art Of STFU! (#4....30 Writes in 30 Days)

It is my solemn belief that people need to learn the fine art of Shutting The Fuck Up (STFU)!

You ever come across someone who is uncomfortable with silence? Not the akward silence when something needs to be said and no one wants to say it. Im talking about the peaceful and tranquil silence like on a bus ride or something. Then some diarhea mouthed fucktard comes and kills the vibe and aint saying shit?

Every waking moment can not be (and shouldnt be) filled with noise.

If you dont have anything of quality to add to a conversation, it's okay to STFU. Dont just say some shit because you feel the need to say some shit. It's cool if you say "Nah I dont really have anything to add to that right now". No one is gonna look at you crazy.....unless of course they happen to be used to you always always butting in to say something and nothing at the same time. But try it anyways!

Sometimes it really is okay to STFU!

I promise.

Aiyana Jones

"It's hard to be a spiritual being when shit is shaking what you believe in" - Talib Kweli "Respiration"

While taping an episode of "The First 48", Detroit police raid the wrong goddamn house and shoot & kill a 7 year old girl asleep on the couch. Now (not surprisingly) they are trying to suppress the video footage.

I swear they keep giving us reminders that no matter how much this country "progresses", shit will never be sweet! They just don't value our lives.

God bless Aiyana and her family.

Read the whole story here.

Sign the petition to have the video released here.

Jody Weis....That Should Be Your Ass!

Now listen my good people....I've heard my share of stories of folks getting over on other folks. But there are simply some things I simply can not fathom. Every so often you hear stories of unspeakable dumbness and it makes you just a bit afraid to be in the world amongst these idiots. With that said I beg of anyone reading to help me reconcile how a 14 year old boy could impersonate a police officer (TO OTHER POLICE OFFICERS) for almost an entire shift??!!??!!?!

Lemme backtrack here in case you haven't heard the story.

Last week the CHICAGO (*hangs head in shame to be from the Chi right about now*) Police arrested a 14 year old boy for impersonating the police. Unlike the scene in "Cooley High" where Preach and Cochise ganked those hookers out of their money with Lone Ranger badges, this kid literally walked into the damn 3rd district station and reported for duty, made it through roll call, got assigned a radio and patrol car, and was cruising with his "partner" for 5 hours! It was only after they returned to the station that another officer noticed that the 14 year old's uniform didn't have the proper stars on the sleeve or what have you. When they began grilling him about his uniform is when it all fell apart the lil dun, and then he was arrested.

Apparently this kid's lifelong dream is to be a cop, and he had been in one of the 'I Wanna Be A Cop' youth programs where he got to tour the station, so he was familiar with it, but still....He apparently bought(?) a used cop uniform?!?!?! Now when I first heard the story my initial thought was "Well...you know about this stuff they are putting in the water these days. Got the kids looking grown as hell...."

So much for giving them the benefit of the doubt. Shorty is 5'3!!!!

Maybe this wouldn't be such a big deal to me if it weren't in the city that I reside in and if it were in say......Creekwater, Mississippi or some shit. And that's no offense to the good folks of Mississippi but my point is this : Chicago is the 3rd largest metropolitan city in the damn country. How could this go down in a big city?

When is Daley gonna have (Police Chief) Jody Weis' ass anyways??!?!

I dunno about yall but I am soooo going back to Saturn!

Inspiration : OneTime doing the dummy, a slick ass 14 year old, and Jody Weis for not being the truth at all!

Random Craziness

Check this article out. It speaks for it's self really. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26271355/
Damn youngsters aint never seen Johnny on The Tonight Show!!!
____________________________________________________________________

If by chance you were following along with the whole "We Caught Bigfoot" story....it was a fake. Sorry to disappoint you if you were expecting anything else. That ol suspect ass looking picture they that capturers released was supposed to make us believe I guess. Shit still look off to me. Turns out that it was a rubber gorilla suit that was stuffed. These fuckers froze it in a block of ice (like it couldnt be unthawed!) and called a press conference and the whole 9. One was a cop who was leave. He got fired. What the fuck is wrong with white people??!?!?!
____________________________________________________________________

So which one of your waaaay too 'hood ass relatives thought this would be cute? Can we call DCFS on them about this? What the fuck is wrong with black people?!?!?!?!

According To Pastor James David Manning....

....you should not trust Barack Obama to be President of the United States b/c he hasnt been to jail

.....Bill Clinton was the REAL first black president so if elected Barack Obama would be the 2nd!

.....Barack aint even really black!

....the fact that Barack and Hillary are even running is a big Hollywood conspiracy so that they can make a movie or television production of it

....God (apparently with in the last 25 years or so) decided to rename 'Harlem' to it's new moniker of 'Atlah'

For more of his rhetoric be my guest to check out these links....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6Op5or_vkcc&eurl=http://www.bossip.com/10983/ho-sit-down-5/http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ygWExq7g2F0&feature=related

*sigh*

This dude is certified 'El Pollo Loco'. The really scary thing about this is that he is a PASTOR of a church that people go to for guidance and religion and the whole nine. How is he gon spew this kinda senseless bullshit w/o even making any clear points as to the reason for his clear disdain for Barack Obama?

Now listen.....as far as I know....all my fam and friends who are pulling for Obama are not doing so simply b/c he is black! We'd be idiots for that. When you listen to the mans politics and his views for changing this country, THAT is what is really resonating with us. So Pastor Manning has the right to have his opinion, but as a man that other people look up to, he should at the very least offer some real reasoning behind his frantic ranting......

......or just shut the fuck up!

*walks off singing "When we start the revolution, all they'll probably do is snitch...." *

Faith Without Works

"Black folk got too much damn religion anyways" - O Dog "Menace To Society" (I think!)

So the lady in D.C. obviously goes crazy and kills her 4 girls ranging in ages from 5 to 17 years old. Said that the kids were possessed by demons and died in their sleep. It looks as though she just couldnt handle the stress of raising the girls after her husband died of cancer last February. It would occur to me that if thats the case she really shoulda reached out for help, but you know how stigmatized the black community is regarding mental health issues and all but thats not the point......

Now it appears that the social worker who had previous contact with the family is speaking out AFTER THE FACT and saying that the woman, Banita Jacks, appeared to have mental health issues when she visited the house in April to investigate why the 17 yr old had stopped going to school. The social worker even went so far as to say she thought that Jacks was holding her own daughter hostage inside the house. So the question begs to be asked. WHY THE HELL DIDNT THEY JUST GET A WARRANT AND GO IN THE HOUSE THEN?!?!? Simple answer : Somehow someway they came under the impression the family had moved to Maryland!!! Not their problem anymore! But you know what? That isnt the point of this blog either. That social worker system needs some overhauling anyways. This we knew.

My problem is with the rest of the family. While it is true that the Jacks' have family in Maryland, they never moved there. The deceased husband's mother said that she tried to visit a couple times but was not allowed in the home. Then she said she received an abusive voicemail berating her for trying to visit. Now wouldnt all of this raise a red flag? If I were the grandmother I would be ready to kick in the door on some Biggie shit....or have some able bodied people to do it for me. But what does she do instead?

"I had been praying to God to bring them home to me."

You had been praying?!?!?!!? Listen, I do believe in the power of prayer. However I also feel as though prayer is useless in most cases if you dont follow through with some sort of action (if possible) towards whatever you are praying for. In this case, this lady coulda been more persistent if she felt something was truly wrong in the household. She's their grandmother for crying out loud! Anyone feel me?

Sometimes I feel like black folks rely upon religion too much and dont act. Remember 'Faith Without Works......' people. They go hand in hand.

"'cause even when you pray/the next day you gotta try/Cant wait for nobody to just fall out the sky!" - Cee-Lo "In Due Time"

Black Enough For Who?......You?

"...black folk saying that Im 'too intelligent' and white folk saying Im a little too niggerish/It's got me in a strange predicament/....b/c I aint shucking and cuz I aint jivin'/some of these crackaz wont stand beside me/and cuz I aint killin' and dont support pimpin'/some of these niggaz wanna call me a 'Cosby'/well...I'll play that role/ I'll scratch that itch/ I'll be that dude/Call me 'Heathcliff' bitch!" - Phonte of Little Brother

So a friend I and were talking and she mentioned that she felt a tad weird b/c as a black woman she doesnt necessarily identify with most things considered 'black'. And in speaking with her about this it got me to thinking. It occurred to me that if you, as a black person, dont adhere to the (supposed) 'aesthetic' closely you could be accused by your peers as 'acting white'...whatever that means. And if that aint the biggest crock of bullshit I done heard I dunno what is!

What the fuck is wrong with those of us that equate being black with being ignorant? The two are just not the same. And again....what the fuck is 'acting white'? So is reading for pleasure considered 'acting white'? What about opting not to liter? Am I 'acting white' when I use a more proper tone when doing business over the phone? Im sorry if I paid attention in English class and actually can use proper diction when Im talking to you. Sometimes I forget to dumb it down when we speak. My bad!

My mama taught me a long time ago that there is a way you speak when you are amongst your friends and family. And there is a different way you speak when you are in a more formal setting and/or dealing with white people. That was some of the best advice ever. It's called 'playing the game'. It just so happens that white people still run the world. As minorities we simply have to 'play the game'.

So please dont EVER question my blackness! The police sure as hell dont!

*What do yall think? Is there a such thing as 'acting white'? What constitutes someone 'acting white'? What's really the bigger picture here?*

Please Mr. Papitto Dont Blame Rap Music For Your Bigotry

So the (white) 80 yr old ex-chairman of Roger Williams University in Bristol, Rhode Island has recently come under fire for using the word 'Nigger' during a board meeting in May saying it "kind of slipped out". Under pressure to diversify his board Ralph Papitto used the term to describe blacks. He probably said some shit like (, and Im para-phrasing here...) 'Now I gotta put a nigger or two on the board to get the diversity people off my back'......or something like that Im sure.

He said he had never used the term before. “The first time I heard it was on television and then rap music or something,” Papitto said in an interview on WPRO-AM. “I apologized for that,” he continued, “What else can I do? Kill myself?”

Why yes Ralph Papitto. That's exactly what you can do......Go kill yourself for that dumb ass lie!

You heard it on TV and then 'rap music or something'??!?!?!!

Dude you are fucking 80!!! That means 50 yrs ago in 1957 you were 30 and it was waaaaaaay more than PC to call black people 'Nigger' back then. So there aint nobody with half a fucking brain buying that you never heard the word til rap music. And where do you get off trying to use rap as your scapegoat anyhow? I guess it kinda worked for Imus so you figured what the hell, right?

Please Mr. Papitto....keel the fuck over and croak RIGHT NOW!

Word Mike?

I dunno about you, but having to cough up in excess of $150 million in a divorce settlement would NEVER make me this happy! Whatcha gon do with that cigar anyways Mike?

Doesnt Make Sense

Part 1

Angela forgets to put her cell on vibrate and it goes off while she is walking down the hall at school. Its her cousin who hasnt been to school the last couple days and who Angela had been trying to catch up with. So Angela takes the call....and of course at that very moment Dean Davis sees this and immediately confiscates the phone. So the schools cell phone policy is 'It is not to be used anywhere within the building.' Period. Consequences? The phone is kept in the school's posssession for 10 days or the phone can be retrieved by a parent or guardian (in this case that would be me!) and the student is suspended for 3 days! Ay yi yi...I didnt sign up for this shit! Kinda retarded I know, but these are their rules. I cant have Angela w/o her cell phone for 10 days. I bought it so I can keep up with her. We're gonna have to take the 3.

But here comes the crazy shit.............

Part 2

I go to the school yesterday (Wednesday 4/18/07) to claim the phone. As I approach the main entrance there is a girl who apparently is a student and went off campus for food and a pizza delivery guy walking up as well. The girl goes in first, then the pizza guy, and finally me. Do you know ALL 3 OF US SET OFF THE METAL DETECTOR? Do you know the off duty cop/security guard DIDNT FRISK NANN ONE OF US!?!?!?!?!? The girl went on her way. 'Security' dude pointed the pizza guy off in the direction he needed to go, then he got to me. I stated my business and he told me to wait right there and he would find the person I needed. He left met there for at least 10 minutes. Actually it was more like 15 before he came back with the person I needed..............and some muthafuckin cheese fries!!!!! I swear I wish I was making this up. Now it's what?....4 days after dude went crazy and killed 32 people and himself at Virginia Tech? There is no way in the world I should be able to walk into a high school in Chi-fucking-cago, set off the metal detector and not even been looked at twice!!! Aint no telling what harm I coulda did if I had wanted. To top it all off...while Im standing there waiting on dude to get back...a muthafucking OLDER WHITE DUDE IN A LEATHER TRENCH COAT walks in the door....and yup HE SET OFF THE METAL DETECTOR TOO! Im gonna go out on a limb and figure he was a teacher returning from lunch but still.....

The more and more I think on this....the more angrier I get. Im reporting this shit b/c Lord forbid some dumb shit happens at her school and mu'fuckas end up on camera for the local news crying and talking about "I dont know how something like this could've happened here".

Shit, I do.