Saturday, May 02, 2009

The "Being Human Is My Crime" List

1. “There is nothing special about me…..I am just a little star/ If you try to reach out and touch me/ you’ll see that….I’m not really that far/ I may not be the brightest nor am I the last one you’ll see/ but as long as I’m noticed/ that’s just fine with me” - Kelis Feat. Cee-Lo “Lil Star”

2. Yo no lie….this song has been on repeat for like the last 30 hours as I type this

3. It’s a weird mix of melancholy, humble and reflective I think

4. Whatever the case I simply can not stop listening to it

5. Swine Flu?…………*shrug*

6. Maybe, just maybe with the recession going like it is….the health industry put this shit in the air so it can get it’s loot up

7. I mean they fucking injected unsuspecting humans with syphillis once upon a time to see its affect on them so I cant put shit past none of these government agencies

8. But is it me or are ALL the symptoms of the “swine flu” kinda identical to the regular ass flu flu?

9. Like my girl @Slim_Goodie said “First Anthrax, mad cow disease, SARS, west nile disease, flesh eating bacteria, bird flu, etc. Now it’s swine flu. What next? Fear tactics!”

10. “…..see that’s how they get your fear to control you” - Black Thought (The Roots) “False Media”

11. Yall believe what ya wanna but I’ll be over here on my PE “Dont Believe The Hype” shit!

12. Will somebody please tell Eddie Murphy that Mike Epps actually DOES make more sense to play Richard Pryor than he does?

13. OMG has any other President’s first 100 days been as heavily and closely scruntinzed and analyazed?

14. But you already know why that is, right?

15. I must admit that secretly I didnt give the Bulls a Krispy Kreme’s chance at Fat Joe’s crib of being able to hang with the Celtics but boy have they proved me wrong!

16. With 4 of the 6 games thus far going into OT, including last night’s 3OT victory, this is sure to go down as one of the greatest opening round series in NBA history!

17. I mean we trying to do our part and give back to the community or whatever and I dunno about the boy D’Leo but I was a lil unsure about doing the career day at the junior high but…..

18. …..the lil duns turned out to be alright after all

19. I AM writing fool! *gives YOU the side eye* lol

20. “Just keep trying and trying/ It’s just a matter of timing/ Though the grinding is tiring/ Don’t let ‘em stop you from smiling/ Just keep trying and trying/ Sooner or later you’ll find it/ It’s surprising how inspiring/ it is to see you shining/ Cause in the dark of the night you’re all I can see/ and you sure look like a star to me” - Kelis Feat. Cee-Lo “Lil Star”

21. Again I cant even speak to how much this song has sunk into my subconcious!

22. I feel like standing outside her crib and playing Destiny Child’s “No No No” loud as fuck on some John Cusack “Say Anything” shit but the more I think on it….that would be counterproductive

23. lol & smdh @ me

24. Things sure are peachy in ‘Teej World’ I tell ya….

25. My praying has been raggedy as of late. I need to fix that.

26. Happy retirement to NBC’s Art Norman

27. RIP Ernie Barnes & Bea Arthur

28. Andy I’m praying for you and the fam

29. And once more for the road……

30. “There is nothing special about me…..I am just a lil star/ I’ve been running and jumping, but barely/ getting over the bar/ I plan on being much more than I am/ but that’s in due time/ But until then I’m guilty/ and being human’s my crime….” - Kelis Feat. Cee-Lo “Lil Star”

Saturday, April 25, 2009

To Justify Their Thug….

When I was 10 I tried to kill my babysitter.

Like for real for real….me, my brother and cousin tried to take that chick out the game! My brother was a year younger and my cousin, a year older. We felt bullied, picked on, and treated unfairly. So much so that we tried to off her ass. We would tell my mama but she wasnt trying to hear us. What 10 year old DOES like their babysitter? We didnt get hardcore and stab her in her sleep or anything. We did little kid shit. We found some medicine with her name on it in the fridge and threw it away. We also once put kitchen cleaner in the glass of water she asked for, but she didnt drink it. Said it looked “too soapy”.

We were 9, 10 and 11. This grown ass woman was bigger and stronger than us. What the fuck else could we do but this petty shit?

And I tell you that story to make this point…….dont believe EVERYTHING you hear or read about the pirates off the coast of Somalia.

That country is STARVING yo! Ribs is touching. Back pockets meeting in the middle. For years all the bigger and badder countries have been swooping by, dumping its garbage and waste on the land, and robbing the land (and people) of all its riches and finally the people had had enough and basically said “Look we aint finna take much more of this! We might not be able to all out go to war with you, but we aint gon take this lying down no more!”

And so……they fucking bring back piracy of all things! Im not saying it’s right. Im not saying that I condone it………….but I do understand it.

“The pirates villianized by the media are no more than fisherman, who made a living by selling fish and seafood caught off the shore of Somalia in an area dubbed the ‘Horn of Africa’. Left to their own devices they banded together and created a network that manned the shores and waters. Frustrated by the dumping and the damage to their livelihoods they began to tax and hold for ransom boats that entered their territory.” says ChloĆ© A. Hillard, a journalist who recently wrote on the subject.

Makes sense, no? Funny how the media coverage doesnt really present that side of the situation. Funny indeed, but not really surprising when you think about it.

Friday, April 10, 2009

An Open Letter To Joe Pedott (Creator Of The Obama Chia Pet)

Dear Mr. Pedott,

Over the years I’ve enjoyed the commercials for your products. Who can forget that happy little old white lady clapping her lights off and turning to get a good night’s sleep in one smooth rhythmic motion? And the “Chia Pet” jingle has always been a favorite of mine : “Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia!”. I love that shit man!!!!!!

With that said though, I must tell you that I am gravely disturbed by your latest Chia “pet”. An Obama Chia Pet? Is THAT what’s hot up in these streets right now? So you say it came to you in a dream, eh? Funny thing about dreams : Sometimes they can make no fucking sense!!!!! You know I once dreamed that I decapitated 3 people with a machete for no good reason? You know what else? I DID NOT FUCKING FOLLOW THROUGHWITH IT!!!!

At no time did it occur to you that this was possibly in bad taste and just would not be a good look? You ran it by some key staffers and despite their reservations you decided to press on?

Now listen Joey…..in my heart of hearts I think you are just a businessman who saw an opportunity to capitalize on this Obama Mania andyou acted on it. I don’t think you meant any harm or ill will. Honestly I don’t even think it to be a racial matter. (You prolly thought I would pull the race card, right? Not this time man, not this time.) You were simply gettingit while the getting’s good, huh? I guess you figured if Strokers “Gentlemen’s” club in Atlanta can have an Obama party, you sure as hell could get away with an Obama Chia Pet!

The sad reality ofall thisis that inevitably there will be people to buy this crap. You will more than likely make a profit and it will all be worth it to you because no matter how dumb, distasteful, and/or outright outrageous, there will ALWAYS be some total re re to buy it.

I ain’t mad at ya tho pimpin’.

Sincerely,

TJ Armour

Sunday, April 05, 2009

The “We Aint Scared Of Success” List

1. “Ummmmm….I dont mean no harm/but ya boy Young Hov got a mean ol arm/and all the young ladies wanna lean on him/and I dont turn ‘em away/Im like ‘Bring them on’…” - Jay Z “Somebody’s Girl”

2. I mean thats what everybody thinks of me, right? lol

3. Obviously that whole perception of me irks me but oh well…what can you do but live your life, right?

4. This Ani lyric (@ No. 10) seems fitting but I’ll refrain from blogging it for the 64,973 rd time

5. I’ll say this though : Think/Believe what you wanna….but when I pop up all boo’d up all of a sudden, dont say I aint warn ya!

6. *steps down from soapbox*

7. Can anyone tell me when this Steve Harvey mania will be over with already?

8. Whose dumb ass idea was it to have him on BOTH ‘GCI and V103 at the same damn time anyways?

9. …..and lemme find out that he jacked that book idea/title from someone else….

10. “Procrastination is fear of success. People procrastinate because they’re afraid of the success they know’ll result if they move ahead now because success is heavy and carries responsibility. It is much easier to procrastinate and live on the ’someday I’ll’ philosophy.” - Unknown

11. Pretty damn deep, huh?

12. Leo my dude….I KNOW we aint scared of success. Let’s “get some shit”

13. Anyone notice that I write/blog/type like I actually talk?

14. Talk about insensitivty and stupidity mixed with “authority” and a gun. Dude should be unemployed period!

15. Now dude will claim up and down that it aint race related, but we know better

16. Are you on twitter yet?

17. Can facebook get off their nuts already and get back to doing their own thing?

18. I…will….not…blackout….with…..my….tax return….and….spend…stupidly…I…will….not…blackout….with…..my….tax return….and….spend…stupidly……

19. Yall pray for me on that one, k?

20. “…thats’ why I gotta make ALL the money! ALLLLLLL the money!” - Dotty

21. She’s such a go getter. I *heart* her

22. I’ve never seen a President more closely scrutinized and criticized inside his first 90 days….

23. ….but then again are we REALLY that surprised?

24. Sorry to all you Duke fans (and yeah….Im mostly talking to YOU lol)

25. Happy Bornday Mommy Dearest!

26. As far as food….as of late….Ive had the self control of a 7 year old in a muffinking (take ur time with that one) candy factory!

27. Shout out to HavMax for granting me the right to use ‘muffoccur(s)’ and ‘muffinking’. But where were you when I was kid and wanted to cuss soooo bad?

28. “SUPERIOR RADIO” IS THE SHIT and if you dont believe me, tune in and check us out on Tuesdays at 8:30pm cst on www.swanksociety.com

29. None of us are perfect but as long as we continue to put our “good foot down” I got a sneaky suspicion that we’ll be alright

30. “Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?” - George Carlin

Sunday, March 22, 2009

Can Men And Women Be (Just) Friends??!?

The debate on whether men and women can be platonic friends seems to be eternal. At the risk of this possibly being the last blog I ever write becuz the lench mob has gotten a hold of me…. I am gonna step out on a limb and tell you the somewhat complete and honest truth about this matter.

Ladies are you sure you’re ready? REALLY REALLY sure? Okay here goes….

Can men and women be just friends? The answer is a resounding yes!

But know that that ‘yes‘ comes with one condition. What is this condition you may ask? The condition is this : Men and Women can be just friends, but women must keep in mind that given the right circumstances the man would almost ALWAYS let it go down.
(Please take note that this is ALL my factual opinion, interpretation, and point of view on the situation. Also notice that I use words like ’rarely’, ‘almost’, ‘pretty much’, and ‘probably’. Real non-committal type words, ya dig?)

What are these circumstances you may ask? First, let me go back and preface this whole blog by saying that all that I’ve said thus far and all that I will say is with the presumption that both parties are single and unattached. Get it? Got it? Good.

Now where was I? Oh yeah…..the “circumstances”. Now the circumstances vary from man to man. Some men could be okay with a drunken conquest after a night of kicking it. Some men might wait til she cries on his shoulder after she breaks up with a dude. Like I said….it varies. But the point is clear. The man is pretty much assured of always letting it go down if it got that far. The man is almost NEVER the one to say “Hold up. We shouldn’t be doing this!” That just doesn’t happen!

Now by no means am I saying that we are swarming like vultures and biding our time til the perfect opportunity arises for us to strike. Please don’t misconstrue the point that I’m trying to convey. We are not trying to knock down every one of our female friends.

It’s just that sometimes you find yourself in a situation that you only kinda imagined in your head like 6000 times but hadnt planned on ever really happening and then the conqueror in us comes out. But maybe I’ve said too much already.

Ladies just know that we can be friends with nothing ever ever happening. But ladies…also know that at the very very least we may have already played the scenario out in our heads before the formal introduction between was completed.

I’m sorry if ths blog has let any of you down. We’re men. We think of sex, much like you gals think of shoes, like every 3.4 seconds. Thats just how it is.

Friday, March 13, 2009

Throw Bernie UNDER The Jail!

“Dont do the crime/if you cant do the time/but Im rollin’/so thats a fucked up slogan!” - Ice Cube “We Had To Tear This Muthafucka Up”

So as you may or may not have heard, Bernie Madoff, former head of the NASDAQ Stock Exchange was recently convicted of fraud, perjury, and a whole bunch of other shit. He pulled off the biggest caper in like all of history when he swindled hundreds of people out of anywhere between 50-65 BILLION dollars.

Yes you read that right. I said BILLION with a ‘B’!!!! He got everyone from big Hollywood stars to working class folks to non profit charities. He was found guilty of all charges and faces up to 150 years behind bars.

He is 70 years old and quite frankly I hope his punk ass gets ALL 150 years. I hope when he does die that they leave his body in the cell for the duration of his sentence! And it might sound like Im being non-sensical but c’mon. You know the type of ‘good ol boys’ treatment these white collar criminals get. Their ‘jail’ be looking like a country club and shit. Dude stole 50 BILLION yo! Meanwhile mu’fuckin Craig who got busted for selling a 20 sack of weed is sentenced to the maximum first time offense sentence of like 10 years HARD TIME. You know the story.

Damn the ACLU….I think when you get convicted of some bogus shit like this all your civil rights as human are out the door! This dude needs to be on some straight boot camp, license plate making, $.12 an hour dish-washing, peas and water everyday for the rest of his life shit!

Yall watch. Wait til all this shit blows over and the hype dies down. Dude is going to one of the country club jails to get his chill on. Meanwhile the damn 90 year old lady who he took for her whole life’s savings is gonna be ass out when she has to go back to work to make ends meet!

I know life aint always fair but really………

Friday, March 06, 2009

It Was Written?

Okay so let’s talk destiny my good people.

You hear people say all the time that ‘All things happen for a reason’ and it’s pretty damn easy to explain away things with that little saying but is it true?

I’m not so sure.

When someone is killed tragically…..especially a child…(hit by a car, stray bullet, falling ice even!) ‘All things happen for a reason’ does not do it for me.

Im a firm believer in ‘Life is what you make it’. I think we have more control over our lives and the things that transpire in it than we give ourselves credit for. So destiny? Ehhh…..Im not so convinced. It’s all a balancing act really. The universe runs off of the concept of balance. You got joy and pain. Hot and cold. High and low. Rain and sunshine. I can go on but you get the point, right? We need both of those things. Just like we need both skill and luck. You gotta know when to push and when to pull. When to take the lead and when to let things fall into place. Balance I say!!!!

Are you meant to be with the person you are with? Are you destined to be with a certain someone you have yet to meet? Is that career you are in or seeking what was preordained for you? I cant really say for sure, but I do know this : You cant sit on your hands and let life happen to you. You have to be proactive and grab it by the pubic hairs if you have to! A tad excessive that line might’ve been, but it surely drives home the point Im trying to make.

Your happiness and fulfillment is up to you. Its great to have faith and to believe, but ultimately it falls upon you.

Write your own destiny!