Wednesday, January 31, 2007

The "No Fanai...That Is Not A Banjo!!" List

1. "I know that it looks good but/Can you be a part of my life?/And Im sure that it feels good but/Can you be a part of my life?/And it probably even tastes good but/Can you be a part of my life?" - India.Arie "Part Of My Life"

2. Dude I soooo feel that at the moment

3. Relationship sex is soooo much better than casual/bootycall/random sex

4. Speaking of which.....I write one stupid sex story and it's easily the most commented blog Ive ever had

5. Yall some nasty

6. And for the record...that story was PG.....Trust that yall aint ready for the XXX version

7. When you remember that 'perception becomes reality' you can definitely use it to your advantage

8. So yeah....I can be a tad manipulative at times

9. Blame it on the Scorpio in me...but I totally see nothing wrong with kinda making sure things go your way when at all possible

10. "Its funny how not letting things in wont stop things from seeping out" - Mina

11. Aint that the truth?

12. Mina you stay getting quoted up in here

13. Seeing 'Hav Plenty' on Comedy Central reminded me of how much I fucking love that movie

14. ...and least we forget Chenoa Maxwell's fine ass

15. Anyone else see Ice T's new video on VH1 Soul?

16. So Im not the only one uncomfortable with an Ice T love song, right?

17. The track and sample are pretty good but OH LAWDY why'd hard ass Ice T have to do it?

18. "Love comes to those who still hope although they`ve been disappointed, to those who still believe although they`ve been betrayed, to those who still need to love although they`ve been hurt before, and to those who have the courage and faith to build trust again." - Unknown

19. Yeah....gotta work on that last part

20. I know Im not supposed to be fucking with pop like this...but this mu'fuckin diet vanilla pepsi is whats real in the streets!!!

21. A woman dies from drinking too much water in a radio contest

22. A man is burned on over half his body from his cell phone apparently igniting in his pocket

23. Ay yi yi is so weird.....and so precious

24. I implore you to make yours meaningful

25. "Oh sure I've been to that restaurant. The ambiance is wonderful. You'll love it"....The number of people I lie to on a daily at work is mind boggling

26. Bush is still a prick

27. ......and I didnt have to catch his 'State of the Union' to know that

28. "Shedding tears when her son finally asked those questions/Where my daddy at mama?/Why we live so poor?/Why you crying?....heard you late night through my bedroom door/Now do you love me mama?/Why do they keep calling me nigger?/Get my weight up with my hate/and pay 'em back when I'm bigger" - 2Pac "White Manz World"

29. She said I.... A) can have anyone I want...B) am the "Moisture Ambassador"and...C) am the reason pantyliners are a multi-billion dollar industry

30. cute, but pretty asbsurd I think

31. Why dont people call 'Cobbs' no more?

32. Is that some straight up Chi-Town Shit or what?

33. Demi Demi Demi

34. So if Splenda 'tastes like sugar b/c it is made from sugar' how in the hell aint it sugar?

35. "Took this love for granted/Kept my feelings underground/Should have watered what I planted/Should have known what I have found/I'm not used to being lonely/I don't like the way it sounds/You're the only one I know/Who don't turn my upside-down" - Lauryn Hill "I Just Want You Around"

36. Granted that that album is generally thought of as some bull but dammit I like it...and that is just a beautiful fucking song yo

37. And no Fanai....that is not a banjo she is playing!

38. Where the hell is my copy of that album anyways?!?!?!

39. So the consensus is the spacing helps?

40. I feel so helpless trying to help Angela with her homework sometimes

41. Now I know how my mama felt

42. Cant just say 'Well I dunno!'

43. " You're a treasure to me/Life with you is a plesure to me/And I'm a make sure no man ever measure to me" - Will Smith F/ Jada Pinkett Smith "1000 Kisses"

44. Did anyone catch "Bravo Salutes Will Smith"?

45. Was Jada's speech not touching?

46. And Im no cryer but I'll be damned if my shit didnt get a lil sting-y

47. WTF? Do you plan to bury James Brown or what?

48. I was recently told that with help of a vocal coach, if it turns out that I can actually sing, I could possibly
be "that guy" on stage

49. And so I think that is beyond crazy b/c while I undoubtedly got soul by the pound, I knoooooooow I cant hold a damn note to save none of yalls lives

50. "My mouth cant/form these words/Is it French?/Or is it Italian?/.......Perhaps 'Fra-talian'!" - Dunkin Donuts commercial

Thursday, January 25, 2007

Hot Sex On A Platter

As a society we are oversexed.

(And I know that this is a total 180 coming off my previous blog, but hey....that's my complexity for ya ass. Deal with it!)

Like I was saying though....we are bombarded with images and innuendos of sex on the daily. In movies, on TV, on the radio, in print and definitely on the internet. Sex is everywhere and it's used to sell everything!

I remember taking note of the line "I'll be your lollipop/You can lick me everywhere!" from Mtume's "Juicy" in 1983. I was 5 years old going on 6 and I remember thinking long and hard (no pun intended) about what she meant by that line. That shit was on the radio all day every day so I just kept hearing it. Looking back...that was around the time where music just started to get blatant. Christmas of 1984 I distinctly remember asking for New Edition's self titled album and Prince's "Purple Rain" soundtrack and I got them shits. Now yall all know about some "Purple Rain". Or rather yall know about track #5....a lil number called "Darling Nikki". I was told that I could not listen to that song straight up. When asking why I was told there were some things I was "too young to know about". And I clearly remember thinking "Well why the hell did you buy me the album lady?!?!?" So needless to say I snuck and listened anyways. "What the fuck is 'masturbating with a magazine'!?!?!?" is what I thought when I first heard the line. My point is...I was 7 at the time and that was really risque for then. But now?.....

* "Wait til you see my dick! Imma beat that pussy up! " - Ying Yang Twins "Wait (The Whisper Song)"

Cant get any more blantant than that I dont think. So my question is....when, or even more importantly HOW did it get to be this way. Obviously we have been pushing the envelope of what can and cant be seen or said til we have pushed the damn envelope off the cliff. You can damn near see two naked people grinding on network TV. Remember when there was all this big hoopla about ABC flashing Jimmy Smits' ass on NYPD Blue? Why do you need to see bare ass on network TV for anyways?

In the Premier ads for Puffy's cologne the billboards and print ads had him sitting at the edge of bed, looking as though he is just getting up with 3 women in bed with him. Now mind you...nann one of these fools got a lick of clothing on. They are all being covered by the bedsheets. Is that not sex? Will the cologne help you get some ass? Probably not...but they want you to think that obviously.

I can go on and on with examples of sex being everywhere but the whole point of this is that it just makes me think of what is being done to young impressionable minds. How is it affecting their attitudes on sex. It wasnt as blatant when we were growing up as it now. I's just something that I was tripping on............What yall think?

(Can I end a blog like this? Damn right I can!)

Wednesday, January 17, 2007

"Oh You're Fucking Me Tonight!".... what she whispered in my ear as the cab pulled up to her place. I thought the date had went really well but......damn.

We didnt even make it to the door before she was half out her dress. Our equal parts panting only added to the synergy that was happening. In thinking back on the evening, all the signs were there. This woman had made up her mind within the first 5 minutes of the date that tonight was the night. She was looking right in that sundress too! During the concert she did kinda back into me a time or two....possibly checking things out. Then at dinner Im suspecting that the accidental footsy under the table wasnt so accidental. And by time we got to the after hours spot for drinks we were both good and tipsy and being more than overt in our flirting. But still...that was just flirting. Obviously we both had plans to follow through with our suggestive innuendos.

Back at the front of her place it started innocently (or not so innocently) by me surprising her with a kiss on the shoulder from behind. By time we got to the door I pushed her back against it. I could tell the gentle forcefulness had turned her on even more. For a split second we locked eyes and saw the same thing staring back at us...........F U C K I N G! We made it inside, but didnt make it much further. The living room was just gonna have to play host to us tonight. The trip upstairs to the bedroom was just too far.

We landed on the couch, but didnt stay there long. Before I knew it I was on the floor and she was on top of me passionately kissing me. By now the sundress was off her shoulders and around her waist. Her nipples and my member were fully erect. I still had my pants on but she was basically down to her panties. I could feel the heat as she began to slowly grind on me as we kissed. She then began kissing my neck driving me crazy. She moved down to my chest and began to circle my nipples with her tongue. We were both too tipsy to take our time. We wanted what we wanted and we wanted it now! She kept moving down my body with her tongue. She made a brief stop at my belly button before she continued her trip downward. She took my hardness in her hand and teased the head with the tip of her tongue. Then she took her finger and rubbed the precum on the head, then glided her tongue across it. She gave me a quick look to make sure I was enjoying it, then she continued. She ran her tongue from the head, down the shaft until she got to the base. Then she ran her tongue back up the other side all the while keeping her eye on me. Next she rubbed her own soaking wet middle then proceeded to stroke my manhood with her lubbed up hand. She then went to take it in her mouth. I let out a sigh at the sudden warmness of her mouth. After 10 minutes I couldnt take anymore. I wanted in on the foreplay.

I started with her feet at her achilles heel. You'd be amazed at some of the bodies lesser known erogeonous zones. Tracing my tongue up the back of her leg, I stopped behind her knee. The anticipation was killing her.........softly. She let out a moan as I gently bit into the back of her knee. Then I continued my trek to her thighs. With a combination of licking, biting and breathing on her inner thighs I had her almost out of breath. I kissed, licked and bit every inch of her thigh. I could feel the wetness next to my nose. It was running like a faucet at this point but my sadistic Scorpio side knew I want her to want it more. To her surprise my mouth missed her middle and went to her bellybutton. Circling my tongue around it I felt her anticipation continue to build. I then went after her hip bone. Thats another lesser known pressure point. By time I got up to her breasts she was already pinching her own nipples. I negoiated her hand with my face for the left one. I circled her nipple and areola with tongue, then gently bit her nipple to her pleasure. "Harder baby. Bite harder! " she moaned. Taking instruction I bit harder and she grabbed the back of my head. I then moved over to the right breast and started all over. By the time I got to her neck she grabbed the back of mine, bit my ear and sighed "I want your dick inside me right now!"

I was all prepared to give her all the dick she could handle but first I had to taste it...............

To be continued...........
(maybe, but probably not)

Monday, January 08, 2007

The "Life's A Crackhead...." List

1. "See this is real talk Imma always stay (no matter what)/Good or bad (thick and thin)/Right or wrong (all day everyday)/Now if you're down on love/or don't believe/This ain't for you (no, this ain't for you)/And if you got it deep in your heart/And deep down you know that it's true (come on, come on, come on)/Well let me see you put your hands up....." - Mary J. Blige "Be Without You"

2. You know I put my hand up everytime, right?

3. Shole do feel it that much!

4. Hold up! Wait a minute! I aint finished with it yet.....

5. "We've been too strong for too long/And I can't be without you baby/And I'll be waiting up until you get home/'cuz I can't sleep without you baby/Anybody who's ever loved ya know just what I feel/Too hard to fake it/Nothing can replace it/Call the radio if you just can't be without your baby" - Mary J. Blige "Be Without You"

6. Now when's the last time you called the radio station to dedicate some shit?

7. You aint got much soul if you cant feel that

8. And we all know that Teej got soul

9. Dont trip....I refer to myself in 3rd person more times than you know

10. So wait.... 'Tittage' is a word apparently

11. I heard E use it in a sentence and therefore I accept it's legitimacy

12. Do yall really be reading the lyrics that I include on these list?

13. They are soooo important to me as they are usually how I feel or shit that just sticks out in my head

14. Read them shits yo!

15. Sorry...but Im giving Jen Hudson a B- on her remake of "And I Am Telling You"

16. "turn the page, revise and reset, and create something wonderful!" - Mina

17. How the fuck can anyone be mad at Okrah for opening that school in South Africa?!?!?!?

18. I wonder if that song is for me

19. Why do I get the feeling that this damn "I Love New York" show is gonna be another ratings bonanza for VH1?

20. Mindlessness I tell you

21. Its not that I have anything against gay people

22. Its just that I dont like gay people hitting on me

23. Unless of course it's a gay girl....then you know....that's okay!

24. So Keith Ellison becomes the first muslim elected to Congress and uses the Koran to be sworn in as opposed to the Bible?


26. Did I really just catch myself singing....

27. "I got an icebox where my heart usta be!" - Omarion "Ice Box"

28. Does that mean I might could be an Omarion fan?

29. Im not sure Im comfortable with being labeled as such

30. Although I'll never front on "Touch"

31. I still dont think Im comfortable that they had the baby sprawled out on the table at the bowling alley like that

32. The FDA is set to OK food that comes from cloned animals....and they dont feel the need to label shit!

33. Im not ashamed to admit that whenever I can I LOOOOOOOOOOOVE watching Ellen DeGeneres' show

34. The stress is in and on my

35. "I don't bend, break, fold, scratch/Go down my mental rolodex/See these are words I just don't know/I know stress, drama, niggas upset my mama/....but I'm a survivor/Plus I'm liver than most..." - Jay Z "Guilty Until Proven Innocent"

36. Seeing as though how it is WINTER and all...I sincerely hope mugs dont act all shocked when the snow starts coming in droves

37. Could they be any more anal at my place of employment?

38. Biscuits....see your name? You had better be reading homie!

39. "Life's a crackhead and I keep leaving my TV on the front porch" - Cecily

40. Now if that aint the realest shit I done heard in a while....

41. It goes from hurt to anger to indifference

42. *sigh*

43. (through gritted teeth) "I will wait for you/Like I always do/There's something there/that cant compare with any other...." - George Michael "Kissing A Fool"

44. *sigh*

45. Having unconditional love for your peeps can suck huge dirty monkey balls at times

46. But I truly know no other way

47. is too short like Todd Shaw anyways

48. Did my mama really just end our phone convo with 'Holla Holla'?

49. I shoulda retorted with.....

50. "HollaHollaHollaHollaHolla. LemmeHollaAtcha. LemmeHollaAtcha. LemmeHollaAtcha." - Holla Man from Chappelle's Show

51. Angie thank you again for the Angel Grant mp3's

52. I currently have "Anyway" on repeat

53. That and Carly Simon's "You're So Vain"

54. I just cant stop listening to those 2 songs at the moment

55. Did anyone else see Tony Romo fuck up the game for the Cowboys?

56. He just has to be on suicide watch now

57. Lesley?.....WTF?

58. Can we say damn near held hostage against one's will?

59. Obviously Im experimenting here

60. Does the spacing make reading these lists easier?

61. I jacked the idea from Les' I always do

62. So if it dont work, blame her

63. I wanted to end on No. 63 b/c it reminded me of 63rd and Cottage Grove where me and BA would go damn near every Saturday to buy $1 "Gold" Chains b/c they would inevitably break on us (or leave a greenish-blue ring around our necks) b/c well.....they were $1 "Gold" Chains!

Monday, January 01, 2007

For The New Year.....

Originally I wanted to post a general thought for all to think about while going into the new year. I was merely gonna reiterate things Ive said in previous blogs like 'This life is truly what you make it' and so on. Then, while thumbing through my favorite book of Selected Poems of Nikki Giovanni I found this card that my good friend Lesley made me some time ago. She says in the card everything I wanted to express. Like to hear it? Here it go............

I wish you peace and fullness.
Happiness and joy.
I urge you to trust life and the universe.
Believe that all good things are yours.
Say yes to your dreams but also make time to thank the Most High for blessings received and for those forthcoming.
Make your world what you want it to be.

Heaven is here.

Choose love.

Choose life.

Be blessed.

- Lesley Johnson

P.S. Les? I betcha didnt know that I keep that card in my Nikki book didja? Yes indeedy..the same Nikki book that I will not board a plane with. Those are some hellified thoughts you put together there GS.

Have a GREAT '07 yall.