List Is The Remix!

1. 10 comments!?!?! WOW!
2. I don’t care if 2 of the 10 are spam….it’s still 10 comments!
3. Prayer is your dialogue to God
4. Intuition is God's dialogue to back to you
5. Halleujah to that!!!!
6. Amazon.com called for me again
7. As usual I came running
8. Must exercise discipline more!
9. Why must I be pulled into gossip at work?
10. Cant I just go, do my job, be friendly, and then leave?
11. “Let’s throw the bad memories out….”
12. I hate to find little cuts on my body, but not remembering cutting myself
13. Did she really try to do that to herself?
14. Has she completely lost her mind?
15. She better find some joy and quit playing!
16. The universe is a reflection of you and your intent.
17. I need to figure out which day exactly to do the mani….and possible pedi
18. Should I take someone with?
19. Did I get passed a cold through telepathy?
20. The dishes keep piling up
21. When does Woody Woodpecker come out on DVD?
22. This pop up thingy I downloaded is working wonders
23. I may shell out the money to keep it when the trial is done
24. Denver is doing alright by her thus far
25. The homo-thugs that stayed at the hotel this weekend really irritated me
26. And Im in no way homophobic
27. But those fuckers really irked me
28. Im learning that it’s possible to be over it….or very close to over it
29. Yet still regret the way things ended
30. And that it’s okay to miss her
31. When I walk in a room I usually attract attention
32. Like it or not it’s just that way
33. I had better get used to it
34. “We ask ourselves: ‘Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous?’
Actually, who are you NOT to be? You are a child of the spirit. Your playing
small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that others wont feel insecure around you.”
35. Did Nelson Mandela not speak the truth on that one?
36. Anyone want the full quote let me know
37. She just told me who she’s dating now
38. He’s a popular musician
39. I was hungry
40. But now Im not
41. Why do I even care?
42. That’s my jealous Scorpio
43. I care b/c I still care….duh!
44. This particular list is waaaaay too serious
45. Let’s find some humor to end it
46. I no longer think of the word ‘Fisting’ when I say ‘Listing’
47. Im still a perv though
48. That’s another part of my Scorpio
49. “Hey Stu! Your rent’s due muthafucka! And don’t be trying that falling down the stairs shit on me either. I know you hear me!”
50. Who can name THAT quote?

Mani/Pedi?

So in my apparent quest to hit full fledge metro-dom I've decided that I will probably be getting a manicure soon. I've been a life long nail biter....not b/c of nervousness or no shit like that cuz The Teej be on that Bonecrusher 'I AINT NEVA SCARED' shit. LOL.

However in my growing wisdom I've come to understand that this habit isnt the most attractive of habits I have. Nor sanity. I mean to keep it real with yall...the only nails I can recal clipping with a nailclipper is my toes. I simply regulate my fingernails by biting them mugs. Hoping I aint grossing no one out.

A couple weeks ago I decided I wasnt gonna bite my nails no mo. And so I stopped. Just like that. See that boy can exercise discipline when he wants. Then I decided that I will get my first ever manicure before I leave for Miami. Funny thing is....when I shared with this with a couple of my female co-workers....these heifers suggested I get a pedicure too! Then another female friend said the same thing!.....the fuck? A pedicure? I just cant see my big ass sitting up on a stool getting my feet done! What the fuck am I suppose to do while sitting up there? Talk to one of the fellas on the phone? I mean I think I got cool looking toes for a guy. Is a pedicure necessary? Aint that just thrusting my ass over on the metro side of the line?

Do I support black business or let the asians do it? What if they fuck my feet up? LOL. How absurd even coming from me........

I Cant Even Make This Shit Up

I tell ya....the shit you encounter working overnight on the weekends at a hotel in downtown Chicago! Man I only WISH I were making this up. A man-whore just came in the hotel. This shit is verbatim yo!

Him : Im a personal whore. Im here to fulfill any man’s desire. So where is he?
Me : Where is who?
Him : The man?
Me : What man?
Him : The man who called for the escort service.
Me : Did he give you a room number?
Him : Nah...Im just messing with you
Me : Aight then

Money just walked in and that was the convo. My guess is he was roamin the streets looking for a trick, happened upon the hotel, and figured he'd try his luck in the lobby. Unfortunately for him the lobby was empty at this point. He was flaming too. I knew it was gonna be some shit when he came thru the door sashshaying(sp?). I gotta get off these overnights. I see waaaay too much shit.

Suck My List

1. My aim was off
2. I missed the paper
3. Does anyone know what Im talking about?
4. These pop ups are driving my crazy
5. I hope her move goes well
6. My left foot keeps getting in the way
7. Apparently my right foot knows whats up
8. Fruit Snacks are the best invention ever
9. When the hell will ‘Martin’ be on DVD?
10. Sometimes life is so surreal
11. Applesauce is soooooo good.
12. Im glad I rediscovered it
13. “Motivation…suckas betta get on ya job!”
14. The Mic Flag is here!
15. Shit is gonna look that much more official now
16. I realize that I can get a lot more done with more discipline
17. Im proud of myself for realizing this
18. Gotta find some books on discipline now
19. iTunes is the devil
20. At least as far as I am concerned
21. That’s the equivalent of discount crack to a crackhead
22. Must stay away from Amazon.com too
23. They aren’t too far behind iTunes
24. I could use that discipline pretty soon
25. “What kind of love is this that you’re giving me?”
26. I love that lyric from that Barry White song
27. You know that’s some hellified love when you gotta question what kind it is!
28. I can not wait for the 28th to get here
29. Miami here I come!
30. You gotta be bad
31. You gotta be bold
32. You gotta be wiser
33. Looking to do more traveling, more frequently
34. “On the count of 3 everybody run back to your fantasy”
35. WTF?
36. I keep falling in and out of blogging mood
37. These things happen from time to time
38. Im ready to do something different
39. Where is Tevin Campbell?
40. His first 2 albums were the shit!
41. The overnight shift is cool…..waaaay too much downtime
42. Steadily using said downtime to my advantage and getting things done during it
43. I used the ‘Listing’ originator’s last list as inspiration to complete this on
44. She’s right…..lotion is EVERYONE’S friend.
45.Currently working on time management skills
46. It’s such an uphill battle
47. I am so good at doing nothing with it
48. Knowing and realizing is indeed half the battle
49. That means Im half way there
50. I will never list past No. 50
51. EVER!....except for this one time....but thats it!

Various 8/7/05

What a weekend......Yall already read about the debauchery going on with my check at work. In addition to that....

* KK came and brought me my keys. That was kinda weird to me. It was like a finality or something. Is that a word? 'Finality'? I dont think so, but yall know what the hell I mean. I mean sure we broke up last November, but with her still having keys to my crib it just felt like....I dunno. She's still one of my bestest friends so I didnt mind her having them. She's not crazy. Well not....break in yo crib and relieve you of all your shit crazy. *smile* She doesnt live far so if ever I locked myself out it makes sense. Up until she gave them back there were a bunch of times when I'd come home from work or whatever and half expect her to be there. Doing what I dont know, but still. Like there were a couple times....*looks around*...I even called her name on some 'honey, im home' shit. LMAO. Oh Lordy...what is we gon do with the boy? Anyways that was that.

* Mmmm mmmm bitches! I won BOTH seasons of Chappelle's Show on DVD from a hip hop website!!!!!!!! Ha! The boy got skills, son! All's I had to do was submit my opinion on what was up with Dave and his hiatus. And what do you know? I took first place. Hell to the yiz-eah!

* I had been meaning to buy oven mitts. Well this burn on my right index finger oughta be reminder enough. This bachelor shit is going too far! LOL. I mean I knew I was pressing my lucky by using a towel to get shit out the oven, but damn Gina! So when I went to get my pizza out the oven tonight I hit my hand on the upper part of the oven. Ol big handed ass. Anyways seeing as how I was completely naked while doing this, and keeping in mind other things that I coulda hurt....this lil knuckle burn doesnt seem all that bad, ya know?

This Is How They Get Ya!

Man the world is a ghetto! All these damn Fortune 500 companies are working together to keep the common man in a headlock. Check this shit out.....

So Friday 8/5/05 was payday. Now how it usually goes is....the check I get on the 5th is my rent with maybe a lil money left over to keep me above water til I get paid again on the 20th. The check on the 20th is the one I pay all bills with and have some money to support my CD/Book habit. Anyways so I did the figures in my head and I knew aroundabout what my check should be. So Im working overnight on Thurs...and sometime after midnite I check my account to see if my check had hit. It did! And to my surprise it was about $400 more than I had anticipated. You know black people! I started making plans for all this extra money. I just figured I had calculated wrong. I know what yall thinking....'But by $400 Teej?' Yeah mu'fucka!!!!! I said I just figured I'd miscalculated! What you want from me? You gon question some extra money in your account? I didnt think so!

Backtrack to Tuesday when my friend who does Public Relations in NY threw at me the proposed impromptu trip to the 305 (Miami) for the VMA's at the end of this month. Prior to this surplus of funds I didnt know how or when I would buy my plane ticket. So fast forward to Friday afternoon. I awake from my slumber and the first thing I do is hop on the computer and buy a plane ticket to Miami. With what I was supposedly working with I could buy this ticket, pay my rent in full, and do a couple of other things. Yup I said supposedly!!!!!!

I get to work Friday night and get my checkstub from my boss. I open it and let out this weird sorta groan, but more like totally befuddled sound. You know the Scooby sound? She turns around and goes "Oh yeah...they messed up the checks for people with direct deposit. Some people got more money than they shoulda, but dont worry they should have fixed it by now" WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Man....with total and utter dread....I mope over to the phone. I dial my banks automated phone thingy and punch in the math to check my account balance. And as sure as my Auntie Glenn still calls me 'Fattycake' my account was about $400 short!!! You know a nigga hadnt even paid his rent yet, right? I got that ticket to Miami though! LOL. So now I gotta go tell my sad story to the rent collecters on Monday b/c Im a little less that $200 short. This shit is really not my fault, but Im caught in the middle. Had I known that this was an error.....I wouldnt have bought the plane ticket just yet. But I'm Ice Cube circa '93 screaming 'What Can I Do'? Taadow!

Yup! That's how they get ya! Watch yall backs man. You could be next!

What's Another List?

Lemme explain 'The List' really briefly. I got the idea from a friend. Basically what you do is just go about listening random feelings, thoughts, emotions, ideas or whatever is on ur mind. Not really a rhyme or reason required. I originally planned on doing one every Monday but now I got 'Listing' fever! I encourage all that read this to try their own. Here goes.........

1. Why is Mike Jones’ album certified Platinum while Common’s isn’t?
2. Can it be that it was all so simple then?
3. Im usually naked when talking with people on the phone…at least while at home
4. Milk rarely stays in my frig past the sell by date
5. I waste a lot of milk
6. You know its hard out here for a pimp, right?
7. People who don’t pee in the shower irk me
8. Oh God! Is she really leaving for LA?
9. Im convinced I need a nose job and not a certain someone else that I know
10. This morning after I pee’d I felt a drop hit my left foot….and I didn’t do shit about it
11. I think left handers and Gemini’s are naturally evil
12. And that about makes my brother the devil himself
13. Why wont Randy, Tito and Marlon do their own Jackson-esque version of BBD?
14. I have a lot of love to give and dammit I want to give it
15. Who am I kidding?
16. Im really just wanting/needing affection
17. But is that so wrong?
18. I eat too much candy
19. I don’t see myself stopping anytime soon
20. Everytime I think of the word ‘Listing’ I think of ‘Fisting’
21. LOL. Im such a perv
22. Time sure does fly when you’re having fun
23. Off The Wall” could very well be a better album than “Thriller”
24. When we hugged I didn’t wanna let her go
25. Im sooooo fucking corny and sentimental
26. I often times wish I wasn’t
27. There's no denying our lil head nod thing at the party was cute after all this time
28. Some bomb ass cheese grits would be so on point right now
29. Listing is a bit addictive
30. Thanks for yet another compulsive obsessive habit Lor
31. Thankfully I don’t take this compulsive obsessive habit to the extreme
32. At least in a bodily harm sorta way anyways
33. More in a CD, Books, Candy sorta way
34. Its like the lesser of 2 evils
35. I love the song by Teddy Pendergrass “It Don’t Hurt Now”
36. I wish it were 100% true
37. But my fav part of the song is where he adlibs outta nowhere “Im a grown man!”
38. He meant that shit yo!
39. I wanna Boogie Oogie Oogie til I cant Boogie Oogie Oogie no more
40. I like sniffing my Pound Cake and Cinnamon Vanillia scented candles
41. I wont be lighting them anytime soon
42. Apparently I now MUST find this Stevie song that I never knew existed
43. This shit better be at least half way as good as 'Golden Lady' or 'As'
44. Gotta figure out how to stay motivated
45. I dont know why my motivation comes and goes
46. Lethargic is the word I think
47. I cant wait to read my recently ordered Laini Mataka books of poetry
48. I hope Ruby Dee is doing okay w/o Ossie right now
49. I WILL have their type of love
50. Okay Im done with this list

What A Fuckin Day!!!

First of all I start the day with a friend of mine who does Public Relations in NY asking if Im going to the VMA's in Miami on 8/28. Well I hadnt planned on it but I got a strong urge of spontaneity so I said 'fuck it' let's do it. The Teej is spontaneous.....but I never thought I was spontaneous enough to plan a trip to Miami on a fucking whim. So I reserved a myself a room at the sister hotel of my 9 to 5 in South Beach. Executive Suite for $75 per night. Hell fuck yeah.....

I get to work and apparently it was 'Bullshit Day' but no one told me. Not only did the barely month old system that we use to check people in and out of the hotel repeatedly crash on us (Who the fuck chooses to use a web based system anyways when the internet can go down at any given moment...but hey...Im not in upper management), and for the record it has crashed about 3 times a week since we launched it on 7/4..we usually our able to combat it by printing out a list of arrivals for the day and a list of vacant rooms just in case....BUT NOT TODAY! We had noooo earthly idea of which rooms were vacant and/or occupied. So I had to literally go up to rooms to see if they were clean and/or occupied BEFORE we sent the guest that was checking in to the room. Not fun...but I did get away from the desk which isnt such a bad trade off. I did that for about 2 hours til they finally got the system working.

THEN........at some point while Im dashing back and forth between the guest floors and the front dest doing my best FloJo....Anna the lady from housekeeping comes running up to me all exasperated and whatnot speaking spanglish or some shit. Apparently she went to mop in the women's washroom and they was a couple having sex!!!!! Like....Im used to this shit when I do the overnight...but not 4pm in the fuckin afternoon! Who does that? So I get downstairs to the bathroom and like 5 people from housekeeping are just standing around the damn bathroom door. Im looking like "Why did u come get me then?!?!?!". So I knock on the door and I hear nothing. Im asking Anna is she sure that they are still in there, and meanwhile here comes the hotel's GM and the head of accounting. The GM, Thomas knocks on the door and sends Sarah from Accounting in. At this point I turn and walk back upstairs. 2 minutes later I see the guilty couple coming off the elevator that goes to the bathroom. OMG.....Why was it 2 middle aged heavyset red-faced white people????????? WTF? And apparently that wasnt their first time doing this shit!

After the usual rigga-ma-ro (is there an actually spelling of that 'word'?) of a typical day the night seems kinda quiet and somewhat normal. One of our favorite guests checked in. Everyone loves this guy b/c he's a heavy tipper. This dude throws 20's around like singles. He must've handed out $140 before he left the front desk. That's my word! I was mad b/c I had just taken $20 out the ATM. Had I known he was coming I woulda left the dub there. Oh and then 5 mins before I walk out a guest calls down b/c her roof is leaking!! Huh? What? Leaking? As in water dripping from the ceiling. I call the engineer who of course had broke camp like 20 mins ago but didnt tell anyone. So Im forced to call homegirl back and tell her there isnt much I can about it. I offered to switch her room but she declined. Aight then.....peaceeeeeeeee! Hopefully I wont get to work tomorrow and here stories of the roof caving in room 709.

And finally all week I had been getting emails about this new spot opening called Club New York. It sounded nice so I decided to go after work. I took the 8 min train ride to the spot. It was literally 4 stops away on the Red Line. It's supposed be popping from 1opm-2am. I get there around 11:30-ish and what do I find? A BIG ass sign in the window saying the grand opening had been postponed? WTF? I didnt get an email about that shit! The sign also re-directed everyone to this other spot that was 2 doors down. So fuck it....I go up in the spot. Good mix of people and what not. I hit the bar and order a heinkein and walk around and mingle and check out the joint. This sista walks up to me and starts talking. LaShawn I think her name was. Wasnt cute. Wasnt a bear. Just so so i guess. Anyways she introduces me and starts her game. "I just knew you were about to go sit with your wife or girlfriend". LOL. Yo I aint making this up. We're chit chatting it up and she gets closer and wraps her arm around my waist to get closer b/c its loud or whatever. Man.....long story short.....homegirl basically palms my ass and caresses it as she talks to me. And I feel kinda dirty b/c it felt good and I didnt stop her. ROFLMAO!!!!!! Is that so bad? LOL. It only lasted like 20 seconds though. But when was the last time I get my ass groped by a total stranger? That surely doenst happen everyday.

Randomness (Listing It Up!)

1. I recently cleaned my TLC “CrazySexyCool CD with the end of my bed sheet
2. Cool Ranch Doritos have always attracted me moreso than Nacho Cheese
3. My mama owes me $30 and I want it
4. My brother owes me $120 and I really want it
5. But a couple of years ago…I accidentally (I swear) ran up a $300 cell phone bill under his name that’s now on his credit report…so now my measley $120 aint looking like much
6. Why the hell wont VH1 re-run the ‘New Edition’ ‘Behind The Music’ so I can finally see it?
7. My feet are fucking H U G E. Im reminded everytime I shop for shoes
8. What yo heart beating for? U scared?
9. I hate having to go to the bathroom right after I masturbate……Imagine having a straw and trying to push water pass lotion. Doesnt feel good when 'the straw' is connected to you
10. Was that TMI?
11. I don’t care
12. Apparently…I like being naked….a lot
13. Fuck an ipod! I like my Rio
14.Why do I pay attention to facial features soooo much?
15. Is it really August already?
16. The brand new Workout Plan is on the way!
17. I went to work on Sunday with a t-shirt AND some drawers on and I was miserable!
18. It wont be til around October til I do that shit again
19. The White Sox are kicking ass
20. The Cubs still suck ass
21. Where is Klymaxx? Kut Klose? Karyn White?
22. Okra, Squash, and Zuccini shouldn’t be consumed in my humble opinion
23. Thank God for wet-naps
24. I upgraded from 600 mins to 1000 mins on my cell phone plan
25. Can April get here so my lease can be up and I can move to a bigger place already?

80's/90's Party

It's like 3am and I just came home from a fresh ass 80's/90's house party thrown by my boy Zell. Actually it was 85-95! We're talking clothes, food, music...the whole nine. Ya boy showed out in his retro Puma shirt and red trucker hat. But of course I couldnt stop there, right? In addition to the Puma and trucker hat jump off I had to break out the red and white converse kicks. Yeah I know I had contradicting brands but it was the best I could do w/o going out and spending more money that I dont have, feel me? Anyways so we were jammin on the one all night to the sounds of Wrexx N Effexx, Guy, EPMD, Jade, Ice Cube, etc. Everybody did the damn thing as far as fashion. My man Leo broke out the Karl Kani sweater and Jodeci boots. Jamillia had the 'Unbutton Your Fly' tee shirt with overalls and condoms safety pinned on ala TLC. Big Drew came with the Naughty By Nature hockey jersey and overalls. Zell brought out some ill ass old skool Michael Jackson buttons. We're talking 'Thriller' Mike. And I know that 'Thriller' was before the era we were celebrating but shit.....its whatever. 'Los came thru with the ill Dominique Wilkins part in his hair. Thats committment there folks. I actually thought about parting my hair but I have to work in the morning....wouldnt have been a good look, ya know? In addition to the clothes you know niggas acted a fool with the food and drink, right? 40oz's. Boone's Farm. Wild Irish Rose. Chic-o-stic's. Remember the penny cookies with the strawberry frosting on top? Why did I walk in the house and a whole jar of them shits was sitting on the counter? Man listen.....I think I ingested about 168 of them easily. Man a good time was had by all. I wasnt in a dancing mood so I didnt participate in doing any of the old dances but trust that they brought back EVERYTHING.

Oh and I had to take it here...
What you know about having ya friends name on your jeans with a marker? I can afford to do this shit now b/c Im grown! I bought these jeans!!! Remember back in the day you'd get your ass beat for some shit like this?

De Ja Vu (I've Been Here Before)

Im young and Im old...Im rich and Im poor
I feel like I've been on this earth many times before
Once I was a white gazelle on horseback riding free
Searching in the darkness for a piece of me

I can feel this for sure....I've been here before
I can feel this for sure..for sure...for sure...I've been here before

I used to be a king you know...On an island by the sea
With rainbow colored people....Happy as can be
We never had a problem...There never was a care
The love was everflowing...and it's feeling shared

And I can feel this for sure..........I've been here before
I can feel this for sure...for sure...for sure...I've been here before

Yes I have...I can feel it...
I can feel it...In my heart I feel it!

My soul feels like a universe...the basking never ends
Stars to me are children...babies are my friends
My heart is like a galaxy...within my spirit flies
I've felt this way a million times...please don't ask me why
The question of my lifetime...you've asked my point of view
They say it all was karma...Call it deja vu
Call it deja vu...Call it deja vu...Call it deja vu...Call it deja vu

And I can feel this for sure..........I've been here before
I can feel this for sure..for sure...for sure...I've been here before

If hate is on your mind...and u can't love the time
If anger is your friend...Don't you know when you die you'll come back again?!?!?!
If in the master's plan...you come back woman or man
If your life is full of sin...don't you know when you die you'll come back again?!?!?!
I thank God... thank God...thank God...I am not coming back no more!!
I've been here before...thank God...thank God...thank God!
(I don't want to come back no more!)

-Teena Marie

Ye Yo

Sometimes....
Sometimes I get so lonely lonely lonely
I feel all by myself up here
That's when I take a minute
To re-evaluate
All of the things I think are special
Oooh like when you wake up in the morning
And you see the morning sun
And you need to know the world is on your side
Who do you run to?
Who can you turn to?
Come on....
Then the evening comes to greet you
You need someone to hold you close
And you feel you need to rest your aching mind
Who can you run to?
Who can you turn to?
Well see the sun's in the east and the moon reflects
Like the knowledge and wisdom that I manifest
If you wanna go to heaven lay up on my breast
I'm ye yo....your ye yo
I say the sun's in the east and the moon reflects
Like the knowledge and wisdom that I manifest
If you wanna go to heaven lay up on my breast
I'm ye yo...your ye yo...
Ye yo... ye yo...ye yo.....

-Erykah Badu

Stay Cool

I say COT DAMN! It's one of them 'Do The Right Thing' days up in Chi huh? They say it's supposed to hit like 102 or something. Meanwhile in Phoenix they are wishing for a 102 day. They fucking pushing 120! Man...stay cool, up under the AC , and keep some water and whatnot up in ya. As for the kid....Im ass naked with the fan in spitting distance of me. It's just like that.....

Name Calling

"You got a bad name like Dick But-kis!" - The Alkaholics

Can we talk about bad names for a minute? I went to the post office today to send a package and this young sista helped me out. She was soooo nice...and kinda cute I might add. But when I focused in on her name tag I couldnt believe my eyes. Swear on everything I love her name tag read.......are you ready for this?........'Leroinette'.

Yup 'Leroinette' I said! So that means her father was really feeling himself. So much so that he decided to incorporate his name in his baby girl's name. Maybe her pops had nothing to do with it. Maybe a 'Leroi' was somehow influential in her mom's life...so much so she wanted it in her daughter's name. In any event.......'Leroinette' is simply not gonna do it for the 100's people.
The girl couldnt have been no older than 25. Aint no telling how many times her application was discriminated against b/c of her name.

Same thing with my friend from high school. Her name is Antaquila. Then I have another friend who recently got married and took her husband's name which is 'Ogeto'. Uh huh....it's pronounced just as it looks.

This blog really doesnt have a particular point. If any I guess Im just saying if any of you have kids in the future just remember to straddle the line between unique and ghetto. Your kids will most certainly thank you later.

Reluctant Responsibility

FUCK! FUCK! FUCK! FUCKEDY FUCK FUCK!!!!

Sorry about the expletives (actually Im not really, but hey). I just came to the sad sad realization that I more than likely WONT be getting my ipod when I get paid tomorrow. You see my good people....as baaaaaaaaaad as I want it, I realize that I have higher priorities. And quite simply it would be very foolish of me to ignore these financial obligations for a simplistic want. I sure as hell picked a good time to be responsible huh?

I've decided that I can in fact work out w/o the ipod. I've noticed that I've been tired for absolutely no reason lately. If that aint a clear sign that I need to get my ass off the couch I dont know what is. This is soooo wack that I wont be able to get my ipod though. What's even wacker about it is I have a check that Im expecting any day now, and $140 in loaned out money that I have no earthly idea of when I'll see back. If I can get both that check and that loaned out money I'd be on to something.....but these are black folks Im dealing with so who knows when I'll see that cash.

Man this really sucks. Yall have no idea of how much I really want this lil fucker.

Reality TV

So much going on in the world of "reality" tv these days.

Anyone peeped 'Being Bobby Brown' yet? FUH-KIN-FUN-KNEE! I'll be damned if him and Whitney not THE most in love ever crackheads your eyes will ever bare witness to. Funny thing is I admire their love for each other......minus the crack of course. You can tell that they are gonna ride together forever. They got some typa crackhead commraderie or some shit. Of course the show is a ratings hit for Bravo. It actually set a record for the network so you can look forward to another season or 2 at least. Lord knows Bobby needs to earn his keep and bring some income coming in, ya dig?

Another show I can tell Im gonna be keeping an eye on is this season's 'Surreal Life'. We got Omarosa (by the way she divorced her hubby so she's just 'Omarosa' now), Pepa from Salt-N-Pepa, Janice Dickinson, Balkie from 'Perfect Strangers', and Jose Canseco among others. If you saw the season premiere then you already know Janice Dickinson has the most severe case of ADD ever known to man. That bitch didnt put two cohesive sentences together I dont think. And apparently she may be extremely bi-polar too? Anyone see this can back me up. Balkie from Perfect Strangers may be a perv. Everyone wants to fuck Canseco's ol tight speedo blue jean wearing ass. Oh it's gon be some shit. I'd advise everyone to stay tune to this one.

I might get into 'Celebrity Fit Club' only b/c Jackee and Tocarra are on there. And this season's 'Real World' just may be wack again. Yall know how 'Real World' goes back and forth. One season it's the shit, and the next you barely remember it's on. Anybody else peep and reality tv worth mentioning?

And btw....for the record....I fucking hate reality shows, but Im human. And the curiosity factor pulls me in from time to time too.

I LOVE THIS QUOTE!

"Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity"

I dunno the author of this particular one...but I'll be damned if this shit aint on point!

Quote Answers

LOL....Shout out to JaniTy and Millie Mae for even trying. Did I stump yall? Or is it that no one even cared? LOL.....Junie you didnt even give it a go. LOL......If anyone cares....here's the answers in order....

Do The Right Thing
Martin
Cornbread, Earl & Me
Lethal Weapon
Friday
Bad Boys
House Party
Carmen Jones
School Daze
Im Gon Git You Sucka
The Cosby Show
The Color Purple
Boomerang
Juice
In Living Color
Player's Club
Boys In The Hood
Good Times
Pulp Fiction
Love Jones

I's A Fat Lazy Pig!

Im almost ashamed to say that I havent seen no parts of the gym since right BEFORE Jamaica. And if you've been reading this here blog you know that Jamaica was like the last week of May. Which makes that about 6 or 7 weeks ago, which in turn makes me a fucking fat ass lazy pig! At least by own calculations anyways.

Part of the reason for this long drought is.......for some reason I've convinced myself that I simply CAN NOT do anything remotely athletic until I get an ipod. You may ask yourself 'What the fuck does that have to do with anything?" Well I'll tell ya. It is impossible for me to work out without some music. In fact....there isnt much that I get done in my life w/o music accompanying me. I wash dishes to it. I clean the crib (occasionally...with my bachelor ass) to it. I sometimes shower to it. I walk to it.....well you get the point.

Up until my last work out...I had been using a tape player to work out with. A CD player is just too big for me, but all the damn tape players keep fucking breaking on me! I promise that my last one was like the 3rd one I had bought. So while in the mist of my drought it occurred to me that I need an ipod. Very compact, and I betcha the bitch wont break on me. At least it had better not. So there...I am scheduled to buy my ipod come hell or high water on the 20th and even sooner if these lil nigg-lets pay me back the monies in which I loaned their triffling asses.
So the Fat Lazy Piggy of a Teej can get his ass off the couch and get it cracking before I wont be able to see certain parts of my anatomy b/c of my belly. And we cant have that, ya dig?

What's Ya Quote Game Like?

Some you'll know. Some you'll just figure that I have too much time on my hands....and you're probably right.

"Give me 20 D Energizers...Not C, D...D motherfucker, D. Learn to speak English first, all right?"

"That aint no damn puppy!!!!!"

"Oooooh Mr. Fred! You lying Mr. Fred!"

"Free South Africa ya dumb son of a bitch!!!"

"The fuck you stealing boxes for? What you trying to build, a clubhouse?"

"She's a masseuse! That means she massages shit!"

"I'm from a small town called "Fresh Off a Cop's Ass", and you're making me homesick. "

"'Scuse my dust, gentlemen. The air's gettin' mighty unconditioned 'round here."

"You're just a jig-a-boo, tryin' to find somethin' to do!...........Well, you're a wanna-be, wanna be better than me!"

"Yes, we marched on the Federal building. Five hundred of us, young brothers, full of outrage.......They were hiring that day.......The brothers came with outrage; they left with jobs. Oh yes....the white man is very tricky."

"My arms are the same length....why arent my sleeves?"

"Nettie and my kids be comin' home soon, and when they get here we gonna' set around and whip your ass."

"I been working here about 8 days, been on time most of the time even when it rains. Don't you think it's about time we talk promotion?"

"Fuck you gon do? Shoot me in a elevator?"

"Hello Ms. Jenkins! Mmm, mm, mm. That's one fine woman there. Yes sir. Better NO one say nothin' bad about Ms. Jenkins. Uh-uh. Course her breath smell so bad it could singe your nose hairs. But I ain't one to gossip, so you aint hear that from me."

"Yo cousin's a ho!"

"Scared now, ain't you? I like that. That's why I took this job. I hate little motherfuckers like you. Little niggers, you ain't shit! I could blow your head off with this Smith & Wesson and you couldn't do shit. Think you tough? What set you from? Look like one of them Crenshaw mafia motherfuckers."

"Dad, Mr. Garrett wants you to fix his alarm clock. He needs it back by Tuesday night, so he can get up on time to collect his unemployment insurance!"

"Say what again. SAY WHAT AGAIN. I dare you, I double dare you, motherfucker. Say what one more goddamn time...."

"Im going to get some mu'fuckin' Toasted Oats......you tripping!"

Soulmates?

Last week a friend of mine and I were discussing relationships (lol...been doing that alot lately it seems) and the topic of Soulmates came up. So maybe Im looking at it with a lil too much reality and the such....but the notion of a 'soulmate' is absolutely ridiculous when you really think about it! What is a soulmate? The one person in the world that you were born to be with and vice versa. WTF? Does that really make sense?

Most people live in the same city for the majority of their life looking for their soulmate? If Im in Chicago...how ignorant would I have to be to assume my soulmate was also in Chicago. What if my soulmate is inIceland or some shit. What if they were born 30 years before or after me? B/C you know people always assume their soulmate is in the same age range.

Dont get me wrong....Im probably the most fairytale ending -wishing, head in the clouds, dreaming, sentimental dude you dun ever came across in your life, but the notion of just one person meant for me to truly be with is a bit much. Even for me and these dreaming eyes of mine. Now I do believe that there is somebody for everybody. I believe that if 2 people share enough in common, geniunely care and love each other, and are willing to put up with the others BS (b/c EVERYBODY comes with their own form of BS....whether they change it for the better later or not) then they can make it as a couple. But a 'soulmate'?

Nah son....I aint buying it.......as much as I would love to. Reality just wont let me. For the record...I aint trying to shape no one's opinion or crush anyone's dream. Just sharing my opinion for what it's worth.

Clarity Like A Mu'fucka!

In talking via IM with the Kid Genius Danya...I came up with some 'ingenius, 'thank God for granting this moment of clarity' shit'. And then....being the fucking young Einstein ass that she is...Big D from NYC came back just as strong. Peep...

Teej: cant nobody argue with your own personal view of where u should be or what u should've accomplished by the timeline u gave urself
Teej: just so happens that reality happens how it does...and most times not in line with what we envisioned
Teej: so now the question is....do you fight it? or do you let it go down how it's gonna go down?
Teej: damn see how deep i just came? im finna blog that shit!
Danya: hahaha
Danya: i say fight whatever feels natural to fight
Danya: as in, fight until it no longer makes sense
Teej: true!
Danya: but be inventive with ur approach
Danya: sometimes u have to just go beyond what they were expecting

Apply it as needed, wherever you need to, but that shit is the sho shot truth right there!

Various 6/29/05

*Happy B-Day Big Sis JaniTy! U somewhere shaking ya tailfeather, aint cha?

*I've just spent about 40 precious minutes of my life online searching for a clip of Eve's sex tape. Yup....40 minutes that I wont get back. I must need some or something. LOL. Gosh am I that much of a perv? Yeah......but, oh well! Wouldnt ya know I never found it. I decided that 40 minutes is enough. I'll catch the bootleg DVD at the barbershop or something. Maybe my brother has it already. Okay enough with this....lol.

*Anyone see the BET Awards last night? I thought they were pretty good. Fugees reunion, Will and Jada did the damn thing, (they are the shit. That's what I aspire to be in my relationship....when ever I make that step again.) their skits were funny, the tributes to Ossie Davis, ODB and Rick James (did Teena not go to church up in there?), and Stevie Wonder's performance. Yall see Stevie get up and get his lil rehearsed 2 step on? Did anyone else hold ya breath b/c u thought he was gonna fall on his face too? I had to cross my fingers and turn away when he stumbled a bit. I actually left my crib in the middle of the show and went to Border's for an hour or so. I got crazy inspired outta nowhere while watching. I went to Border's and grabbed like 4 or 5 books on advertising and got my study on. *Currently trying to figure out the ad game to inturn have more businesses advertise on my show* I've heard and read mixed reviews, but I think they turned out pretty nice.

*You know in Mariah's song "We Belong Together" during the second verse where she sings...

Bobby Womack's on the radio
Singing to me"If you think you're lonely now......"
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break.....

......IS THAT NOT THE REALEST SHIT EVER!?!?!?!? I mean who hasnt been thru something or is going thru something and a song on the radio is just too real for you deal with at the moment and you HAVE to turn the station? Damn I LOVE that lyric! That's the power of music right there.

The Weekend

It's not like a whole lot exciting happened over the weekend...I just needed something to blog about as to not neglect my baby (the blog). So with that said.....here goes....

*Called my Great Granny and wished her a happy 92nd birthday!
*Called my lil cousin Ana and wished her a happy 15th birthday. Its so weird b/c I still remember when I found our her mom was pregnant with her. They sure do grow up fast.

*Had a Friday off for the first time in FOREVER and totally wasted it away. Well not really wasted b/c I did chill out, but I kinda wanted to go out and I didnt find anywhere to go. Ended up meeting my crazy friend who stays around the corner from me at the 24 Mickey D's at 2am. Only thing was the lobby was closed so we had to walk thru the drive thru. We got our food and sat on the lil patio thingy til damn near 3am talking about our respective relationships and whatnot. I tell you.....I love spontanenity (sp?)

*Woke up Saturday morning w/ a toothache! I've never had one of those.....ever! I was told that I should floss b/c there might be some food stuck in my teeth somewhere. Went to Walgreens. Bought floss, mouthwash and Orajel. Tried to floss. Now I remember why I didnt like it as a kid. THAT SHIT IS DUMB! Fucking sawing a string between your teeth? WTF? Most of my damn teeth have gaps anyways. Cant no food get stuck there. (My....this is turning into a blog within a blog, huh?) I might have a cavity. As much candy as I eat it's about time. Im 27 and never had a cavity. Shit....I've only been to the dentist 2 times that I can recall. The last time I went with my brother to get his braces adjusted. I figured since I was there I might as well get my teeth cleaned. The dentist put me in the chair, tilted me back, got started and stopped. Told me my teeth were fine and to keep doing what I was doing. That was like 2001. Fuck....I got a PPO now. I suppose I should go ahead and go, huh?

*Met some out of town friends downtown and did the tour guide thingy. Came home and stripped naked and lounged in the pad til it was time for work.

*Sunday afternoon I got up, ran a couple errands, came home, stripped (if you didnt know it's hot as hell in Chi-Town right now. We're talking 90 plus.......I wouldnt be stripping just for the hell of it.....Shit...who am I kidding....Im damn near a nudist.....in my own home though), and lounged til it was time for work. Which brings us to the present as I type this right before getting off the gig.

*Oh by the way....I called KK just to tell her I love her and missed her. Oh what a fucking sapp I am. Ol sucka fa love ass nigga I tell ya. (LOL......as Barry White's "Never Gonna Give You Up" comes on the satellite station!). She was at the New Edition concert! Probably jammin on the one! Oh well maybe I'll get it thru my thick ass head one of these days. But probably not. U aint know the boy is hard-headed?

And that was my weekend people. Happy Monday to ya. Do something productive. I sure as hell plan to................

Okrah Gets Told No!

LOL!!! How funny is this shit? If you hadnt heard Miss Okrah (My pet name for Oprah) was in Paris and decided she wanted to go to the Hermes (wtf is Hermes? Is this some high-end lady shit? I've never heard of it) store. Only problem was by the time she had gotten there they had juuuuuust closed at 6:30pm. Well Okrah is Okrah. Number 1 on Forbes Rich List. You would think the peoples at the Hermes store would make an exception for her, right? Hell to the Nizzo! Big O politely asked a sales clerk if she could just pop in and buy a watch for her dinner partner that evening, Tina Turner. Homegirl was not budging and told her it was a no go, and then the manager came out and backed her up. Needless to say Okrah was more than miffed, clutched her pearls (Holla JT Money!) and left.

Now the clerk and manager say that they didnt recognize her b/c she wasnt in full hair and makeup. And that's understandable. I dunno if you even saw Okrah before she goes thru hair and makeup, but please believe it's damn near a different person when she's all did up. However, contray to the Hermes clerk and manager, sources say they knew damn well who she was. Apparently they even reportedly told her "We know who you are." Then they also went so far as to say that and furthermore, they'd been "having a problem with North Africans lately."!!!!!!!!!

Begins chant * Awwww shit. Muthafucka Muthafucka! Awwww shit Muthafucka Muthafucka!*

Dont be telling Okrah that you mistook her for a regular nigga! That aint what you wanna do! While she hasnt specifically said she thinks it was an issue of race, she reportedly has told friends "If it had been Celine Dion or Britney Spears or Barbra Streisand, there is no way they would not be let in that store." Which to me sounds the like race card like a mu'fucka! LOL.

Apparently before this whole incident she had ordered 12 of the store's Birkin Bags at about $6500 a pop (WTF? On a hand bag? Are you shitting me!!!!!), and had another on the way. Needless to say she called and cancelled that shit. She also called the President of Hermes in America and told her how she's feeling.

She's also apparently considering talking about it on her show. You know that wildly popular TV show she hosts? Yeah the same one that threw the beef industry in a tizzy when she did a show about how they inhumanley slaughter cattle. You remember? Beef's stock prices dropped like my drunk uncle after he done hit the Wild Irish Rose one too many times. Didnt the beef industry try to sue her for fucking up they shit? Please believe Hermes betta nip it in the bud with her. They dont want those kinda problems from O-Dog.

And The People Collectively Exhale

Yeah right! I probably got about 7 or so diehard readers.Dont fret my good people my blog is doing just fine. Im pretty sure the good folks at Blogger/Blogspot were doing some work and that was the sole reason my blog was unavailable for those 2 or 3 days. No JaniTy...aint no jealous/crazy-deranged woman deleted my shit. LOL. You's a fool for that one sis.

Shout out to my 'Anonymous' readers. I really do appreciate your input.

Testing

This thing on?

What's Going On In The World Today?

* First....what the fuck is with the trend of rappers catching murder charges just as their album is about to drop? What kinda fucked up new marketing ploy is this? First we had Gucci Mane outta Atlanta, and now it's Philly's very own 'Mr. Imma Hustla' Cassidy. Both has news of their murder charges announced within a week of their album dropping. Coincidence? Hmmmmmm. If so Im sure the record labels dont mind. More press and sales for them, right? WTF? I swear...if it happens one more time, we are gonna know that the fix is on!

*When it comes to rappers, having beef is nothing new. It's damn near a pre-requisite these days. BUT COMEDIANS???? What in the fuck? Apparently there are a few folks a bit peevee at Arnez J. He, for some reason, keeps getting accussed of stealing other comedian's jokes. First Steve Brown, the Alex Thomas, and now Rickey Smiley has beef with him. This is what Thomas had to say about his run in with Arnez J. ....."I was sitting in the audience one night at a show and Arnez J. performed one of my jokes. The f***ed up thing about it was when I approached him about it, he said, 'If I knew you were here, I wouldn't have done it.' " Arnez J. claims none of this ever happened. Now Rickey Smiley and Arnez have gotten into b/c Smiley said that Arnez try to go on before certain performers and use some of their bits to intentionally make the latter performer have a bad show. They've went back and forth on radio about each other just like a pair of rappers would. Arnez says this never happened either. I dunno folks. It seems beef is becoming an entity of it's own. Who woulda thunk (yeah 'thunk' is word dammit!) that they would see the day when fucking comedians are beefing?

Inspiration (Blog Buddies)

So with this blog thing Im able to vent, bitch, moan and cry about any and every thing on my mind. And in the year or so that I have been doing this blog I've actually mananged to attain some regular readers. A few of these readers have actually started their own blogs and credited lil ol me with being the inspiration. How fucking cool is that? Isnt that what life is all about anyways? Touching people? Affecting their lives in a positive way? As Nikki G once said....

"and if ever i touched a life i hope that life knows that i know that touching was and still is and will always be the true revolution"

And with that said Im gonna shout out my regular blog readers that I know of.....in no particular order of course.......Lord help me if I forget anyone...........

Millie Mae - Cuz-o you are the realest. I swear your blog is absolutely THE funny shit ever. I'm thinking we need to write the ultimate smart-assed, witty movie. I believe you owe me some art work too!

Lexy - U know what it is. The powers that be need to not let us put out heads together too often. They oughta be glad we arent in the same city. We'd fuck some shit up, huh?

JaniTy - Where to start? Have we not helped each other along the way? You give me silverware that I oh so desperately need, I give you Stevie lessons that you dont need as much as we thought did. Almost a fair exchange I guess. LOL. When do I get that magazine stand? You are beautiful and you BETTA know it!

Amina - Wise beyond your years my dear. Reminds me of a younger me. LOL. I'll try to refrain from 'coming at you wrong'. LOLOLOLOLOLOLOL. Blog more, okay?

Reese - Are we a pair of tortured souls or what? I'm sure b/c of the fact that our spirits are in the right place we will end up where we oughta be. Bank on it. BTW....you should look into changing your blog layout. It hurts my eyes when I read it. LOLOLOL.

Ashley - I mean how much more can 2 people have in common? Love for music, in the entertainment industry, going thru our love battles, etc. Except for I dont sleep with a Tickle Me Elmo. Never have, never will. *smile* We are individualistically individuals even with our crazy idiosyncrasies. And that's all we need to be, right?

Junie - Arent we soooo 'here'? What the hell have we ever disagreed on? I really appreciate all of the talks and the wisdom and coaching and whatnot. Let's see if your predictions are right. I surely hope so.

Chelly - Could anyone be more of a typical Aries than you? Such a sweetie....but stubborn as shit!!!!! LAWDHAVEMERCY!! My oh my we've had some deep convos over the years, havent we? Thanks for the wisdom. Didnt I write a blog with a title like that? U gotta use your blog more too!

Nelly - We've been cool since before the blog thing. Glad you made one to share you P.O.V. too. Write in it more, will ya? Here's to hanging out all hours of the early morning, watching all sorts of movies and hitting like 3 or 4 spots in one night! Im thinking we should do all those more often until one of us finds a new or get back with our significant others.

Gentle - U still come by here? Im inspired by your creativity. I wanna be like you when I grow up you deep house head you! *smile* Please please please tell me when the book is ready. Im soooo anticipating it. Promise to sign my copy?

Lola'Rola - U 2! Still come by here my Scorpio Sister?.....Every since that one picture you posted of you with your finger up your nose I knew we were gonna be friends. Good luck on the move to NYC. I still want my Billie painting too! I aint forgot!

KK- If I truly know you at all I'd guess you'd just as soon wish I had left you out of this particular blog. But then again...I also think you'd be just a tad hurt if I did. What can I say? Im talking inspiration here. And I know you read this, and you definitely have inspired me to do alot, so there ya go. I'm gonna be a better man b/c of you. Now if that aint inspiration I dont know what is...............

What Hunger And Brokeness Will Do To Ya

If someone woulda told me that it would come to this....I would never have believed them. If you know me you know I dont experiment with food. I like what I like and dammit that's it! You'd be hard pressed to get me, THE TEEJ, to try something new. And with that said...I am totally blaming the reason for this particular blog on the fact that I am broke with it being approx. 5 days from payday.

I, Anthony (TJ) Armour Jr (yup....thats the full gub'ment issued name if you didnt already know!) being of sound mind, hereby admit that I knowingly and willfully ate Deer.

Hey! I mean what do you peeople want from me? The conceirge (yup the same conceirge that ate the ant infested bougie candy) ordered the shit from the cafe, and decided that she didnt want all of it. It smelled good and I asked what it was. "Venison" was what she replied. "Say what? What the hell is that?" was what I said. "Deer" was how she retorted. And at this point I had a decision to make. The shit looked good, smelled good, and my stomach was talking to me. "Oh what the fuck! If I were stranded in the woods for 3 days I wouldnt second guess eating some damn well cooked deer" is what I thought. And so I did the shit. Yeah I did it. It wasnt bad. Cant say I'll be eating it weekly or no shit, but it wasnt bad. That's my story and Im sticking to it!

' FUCK YO COUCH NIGGA! '

ROFLMAO! Aint really nothing to blog about under that title. The shit was just on my mind and it made me laugh. I shole do hope Dave gets things to where he can work again and gets that 3rd season on the road. Imagine the amount of indignitation it takes to kick someones brand new white sofa with your muddy boots! That shit is hilarious!

Good Ol Fashion Soul Food

Paul Harvey Writes:

We tried so hard to make things better for our kids that we made them worse. For my grandchildren, I'd like better.

*I'd really like for them to know about hand me down clothes and homemade ice cream and leftover meat loaf sandwiches. I really would.

*I hope you learn humility by being humiliated, and that you learn honesty by being cheated.

*I hope you learn to make your own bed and mow the lawn and wash the car.

*I really hope nobody gives you a brand new car when you are sixteen.

*It will be good if at least one time you can see puppies born and your old dog put to sleep.

*I hope you get a black eye fighting for something you believe in.

*I hope you have to share a bedroom with your younger brother/sister. And it's all right if you have to draw a line down the middle of the room,but when he wants to crawl under the covers with you because he's scared, I hope you let him.

*When you want to see a movie and your little brother/sister wants to tag along, I hope you'll let him/her.

*I hope you have to walk uphill to school with your friends and that you live in a town where you can do it safely.

*On rainy days when you have to catch a ride, I hope you don't ask your driver to drop you two blocks away so you won't be seen riding with someone as uncool as your Mom.

*If you want a slingshot, I hope your Dad teaches you how to make one instead of buying one.

*I hope you learn to dig in the dirt and read books.

*When you learn to use computers, I hope you also learn to add and subtract in your head.

*I hope you get teased by your friends when you have your first crush on a boy\girl, and when you talk back to your mother that you learn what ivory soap tastes like.

*May you skin your knee climbing a mountain, burn your hand on a stove and stick your tongue on a frozen flagpole.

*I don't care if you try a beer once, but I hope you don't like it. And if a friend offers you dope or a joint, I hope you realize he is not your friend.

*I sure hope you make time to sit on a porch with your Grandma/Grandpa and go fishing with your Uncle.

*May you feel sorrow at a funeral and joy during the holidays.

*I hope your mother punishes you when you throw a baseball through your neighbor's window and that she hugs you and kisses you at Hannukah/Christmas time when you give her a plaster mold of your hand.

*These things I wish for you - tough times and disappointment, hard work and happiness. To me, it's the only way to appreciate life.

*Written with a pen. Sealed with a kiss I'm here for you. And if I die before you do, I'll go to heaven and wait for you.

Am I Thinking On This Too Hard?

You know that saying "Love as if you've never been hurt. Dance like no one is watching. Work like you dont need the money."???? Well a thought occurred to me. Something aint right with it. The first 2 parts seem on point, but that third part..."work like you dont need the money".....something just aint right about that one. Follow me now.....

Please believe me when I say that you DO NOT want me working like I dont need the money. First of all...if I dont need the money, then why the fuck am I working? For fun? Hell nall fool! I am actually working b/c I do in fact need the money. If I had $40 milion in the bank and I didnt need the money Im not too sure I'd be necessarily giving an 'A' effort at the workplace, feel me? That aint what you want Roland! You want me working my ass off! You want me working like Im being monitored out that bitch. That's how you want me working.

Anyways I say all that to say that that part of the saying should be changed to "Work like you need EVERY stinking penny of the money" Does that make sense to anyone else or is it just me?

C'mon Black People!

Im damn near speechless....you know only niggaz, right?

Gotta Be More Than Coke!

This fool has to be on some premieum high powered Cali shit! Who the fuck in their right mind would show up to a court of law where they are accused of murder and on trial for their life looking like this? You know what this hairdo says in a courtroom? It says "Ladies and gentlemen of the jury...let me just cut to the chase as to not waste any more of your time and tax dollars. I Phil Spector am obviously insane here. I mean look at me. I did this on purpose, you know? Just go on ahead and do us all a favor and send me to jail. Thank you!" How does one of caucasian decent get their hair to do this anyway? Seems to me it is pre-meditated. He put some thought (albeit some crazy deranged thought) into this. And Im thinking he had to apply some sorta gel or holding spray. Can you see him in the mirror in the morning prepping for court patting his shit trying to get it to look 'right'? What's going on in the world today? I ask you!

Jamaican Funk!

Im back from Jamaica in one piece. (Pauses for cheering...) So lemme do this in a special way. I'll lay it out like this here....

The Good : The wedding that I went down there for was B E A U T I F U L!!! I mean whats better than a wedding on the beach in fucking Montego Bay, right? It threatened to rain, but it held up and again the wedding was beautiful. Like my man 'Los said...."it was probably THE most beautiful thing I've ever personally witnessed!" Other than that...Sun, warm weather, being away from the stress of the daily grind, my celly didnt work down there so I didnt have to worry about that. It was just good to be able to relax, ya know? Ooooh and I walked the beach (alone) the first 2 days at sunrise and took pictures.

The Bad : The fucking resort was in the middle of NOWHERE! And they really made it a point to discourage you from wandering off the resort b/c apparently they have some bout it ass jamaican robbing crews that prey on outta-towners. That's cool and all. There's alot to do in the resort itself b/c it was huge....BUT.....the only problem for the kid was....hmmm I was there by my damn self! And dont get me wrong...I do good with solitude. I enjoy the shit. But not on this trip. EVERYBODY....and I mean EVERYBODY I knew was down there with their significant others. Im serious...EVERYBODY! Want me to name names? There was of course Dave and Jamila, then you had Carlos and Tonya, Curtis and Lisa, Nicole and Doe (Dont ask me...I didnt name the boy), Kristin and Eric, Jocelyn and Muhammad, Taria and whatever her husband's name is, Mr. and Mrs. Leonard, Mr. and Mrs. Powell....and so you get the point, right? Most of the time hanging out with everybody I felt like the damn extra wheel. Ewww....not a great feeling. The only other single person was the bride's 20 yr lil brother...who ended up shacking with me so b/c I had double beds in a room by myself! He wasnt a bother or nothing. He was mad cool, but Im sure you get the point right? And I didnt even find me a cute island girl to flirt with!!!!!

In Conclusion : The getaway was great. Definitely needed that. The trip would have been world's better had I had a female companion/sweetie to hang out with though.

And that's all I have to say about that!

p.s. the flight back was delayed for 4 hours. Uh huh yeah.....

Various 5/23/05

*I just watched the season finale of 'Girlfriends'. Darnell took Maya back!!!! Yall dont even know how happy I am. LOL. Again I know they are fictional....but I be rooting for the underdog...and the underdog came through this time. In dramatic fashion too. Darnell was apparently about to marry Lena (played by Chenoa Maxwell.....whoooo!....ok that's another story!) Anyways Maya tried to stop the wedding but didnt have the heart and left the church....and Darnell chased her down on some last minute shit! Mad climatic yo....mad climatic!

* Jamaica is less than 48 hours away. I'm sooo excited. Unfortunately the NWOP died early last week of apparent neglect. But I promise I will bring it back from the dead when I get back. Okay but back to Jamaica....so i'm excited b/c I never been. Im a lil salty that among all my peeps going I'l be the only one companion-less as far as I know. Who knows though....maybe I'll find some cute island girl to keep me company while Im there. Or even run across a 'Stella' to assist in restoring her groove. LOL. What I do know is that I refuse to mope around the island. I'll be on the beach with a bahama mama or something in hand, with my new sunglasses on getting my chill on. Or maybe at a some lil dirty hole in the wall club getting my jamaican grind on with a sexy young ting! See! I already got the dialouge down me say mon. LOLOLOLOLOL.

*I just ate some some of the new 'Boneless Buffalo Wings' from KFC. And while to most that would seem like no big deal.....those in the know......well they know. Teej dont do spicy/hot food. But shit I been feeling more risque the last couple of months between those Hot Cheetos a couple months back and now this. Whoa Kimosabe'! LOL. The boneless buffalo wings were bad at all. Kinda tame actually. Although I do feel a slight case of heartburn coming along.........

'Desperate Housewives' Season Finale

Talk about the world standing still!!! Man wasnt nothing gon keep me from peeping the season finale of one of my top 3 current favorite shows on TV!

OMG....I cant believe Rex died! I know these are only fictional TV characters but I was so shocked and sad! LOL. Poor Bree. She is gonna go through a world of guilt now. She is gonna think that it's her fault b/c she didnt get him to the hospital as fast as she coulda. And the only reason she took her time is b/c she was mad at Rex b/c George the punk ass pharmacist set it up to make it look like Rex had been bragging about he and Bree's freaky sexy life b/c George wanted Bree for himself. Didja follow that? And what's worst is....Rex died thinking Bree had something to do with the high levels of Potassium in his system when it was actually George who switched his presciption! I really hope George gets his in the end. That fucka is F O U L !!!
And I was really pulling for them to get it together too! Dammit Gina!

And the other shocker with Mike, Mary-Alice, Dana/Zach, Paul and Mrs. Tillman! Was that shit not crazy? So Zach is actually Dana, and Mary-Alice and Paul bought Dana/Zach from a crackhead who Mary-Alice happened to counsel at the hospital she worked, but said crackhead also happened to be Mike's girlfriend at the time. But when the crackhead came back 5 years later to get the baby back Mary-Alice shanked and killed her! And Paul being the good husband that he is chopped her up and put her in a toy chest! (Damn Paul was a rider!!!!) Unfortunately young Dana/Zach happen to get up in the middle of the night and wander in the living room where he sees Mary-Alice and Paul huddling over his mom in a pool of blood, only he doesnt know it's his mom...which explains why that boy is soooooo fucked up in the head. That's alot for any toddler to see, ya know? Anyways so Mike has kidnapped Paul and is about to kill him in the desert when Paul tells him everything, and so Mike decides not to off him and just leaves 'em there. LOL. Go figure, right?

And well I'll spare you the full play by play of the rest of the show. Just know that I am geeked....as if you couldnt tell. This is damn near the best shit on tv. Aint nothing else fucking with the writing on this. If you are not into it or havent been following I highly recommend that you get involved next season. Heard me?

Jay & B (Respect : Lesson Learned The Hard Way)

"I don't be at / places where we comfy at / With no be-atch / oh no you won't see that / And no I ain't perfect / nobody walkin' this earth's surface is / But girlfriend work wit the kid..."- Jay Z "'03 Bonnie & Clyde"

In the new issue of Essence Magazine with Usher on the cover...there is an article entitled 'Bridging The Gap' in which classic artist speak on current artist. Anyways Patti Labelle spoke on Jay-Z. Part of her quote about him made me think. Check it out..."As a new Def Soul Classics recording artist I had a meeting with him. He had on a white sweater, and I hugged him and got some of my makeup on it. He said 'You'd better call B(eyonce') and let her know this is your makeup'. I like the fact that he respects his lady."


Now had that been me...I woulda told Ms Patti Patti not to worry about it. Then later....I can see me standing there all exasperated and shit with my hands spread out like "Baby I swear this is Patti LaBelle's makeup....you wanna call her?" The point Im trying to make is he didnt let that shit linger on. To protect his relationship....He got out his bud nippers and nipped that shit in the bud right then and there...alleviating any chances of any misunderstandings later on. I can dig that.

I know there were times where I disrespected KK, and although they were far from intentional, they were still unacceptable. Especially since I coulda did like Jay and utilized my bud-nippers ya know? If I hadnt said it before Im apologizing to you now for those times of disrespect KK.

"...said a G dont give a bitch no keys or security codes / I agree my lady aint no bitch / she gets whatever I own / so when you see her understand thats me nigga / understand im da some ol' G nigga / I know da difference between a bitch and a B nigga...." - Jay Z "Ignorant Shit"

Nathaniel

That aint my name! Aint even close to any of my names actually. I've never been told that I look like my name should be Nathaniel. So why on earth is this little girl repeatedly calling my phone asking for Nathaniel. The first message sounded sweet. "Can you have Nathaniel call me at home......please........please?" Awwww the lil baby calling for her daddy.......but she has the wrong number! I answered the phone when she called back and in my most sympatheic voice informed her she has the wrong number. That was the first day, and you would think that it's over. But b/c I just pointed out the first day...you obviously know there is at least a second day, right? The lil girl called me twice again asking for dude. I already told her that she has the wrong number. I swear she couldnt be more than 5 or 6. Maybe she is dialing the wrong area code or switching up a number somewhere. I guess I'd be wrong if I cussed the lil sweet baby out, huh? I probably wont, but after so long your patience just wears thin, ya know? Where the hell is her mama anyways to supervise this type of shit?

Strange Fruit

So in conjunction with my NWOP I've made it a point to try to snack on more healthier things such as fruits and veggies and whatnot. The other day I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things and I've come to the conclusion that we are being exposed to some questionable things.

You ever see like big ass grade school and high school kids and think "We werent that big and well developed in school. WTF?" I have a 15 year old 'little' cousin that is 6'4! Swear to God over the winter he gave me a pair a shoes that he didnt want and they fit! I would jokingly say that 'it must be something in the water.' But apparently not only is it in the water, but the chicken we eat, and the fruits and vegetables.

I swear I was looking through those oranges for at least 20 minutes in search of what I thought to be a regular size one. They were all bigger than grapefruit. I was scared to even buy one. I dunno what kinda 'additives' they dun stuck the damn orange with. I reluctantly bought 2 that I thought to look somewhat close to normal, but it has to make ya wonder, right?

Can U Hear DMX Rapping Too?

Oh yeah...alls I hear is DMX in my head.......

Yall gon make me lose my mind (up in here, up in here)
Yall gon make me lose my cool (up in here, up in here)
Yall gon make me go all out (up in here, up in here)
Yall gon make me act a fool (up in here, up in here)

It's 11pm Saturday night. Most peeps my age is either out, or gearing up to go out and enjoy some nightlife activities. I on the otherhand am just staring my overnight shift at work. Been a long weekend already, I didnt do my usual sleep routine, so Im a bit drowsy and maaaad tired this particular Saturday night. I get to work and hear my supervisor tell me that Im being wrote up b/c a guest pitched a bitch and claims I misinformed them earlier this week?

NOT TO-MUTHAFUCKIN-DAY I WONT. HEARD ME? NOT TO-MUTHAFUCKIN DAY I SAY

I aint signing shit b/c this fucknuts ass bitch decides to pitch a bitch and then lie on me all the while causing a scene. He know good and goddamn well I didnt guarantee him a rollaway bed in his room. First of all, we talked on Monday! I been here a year and a half homie. I know we only have 3 damn rollaways period. How the fuck Imma guarantee that one will be available on Saturday night?!?!!?! Dont fucking lie on me and say I assured you that you can have one!

(Lemme take a breath or two) 1.........2..........3...........

Second of all....I may have even mentioned that it's pretty much a fire hazzard to have a rollaway in any room other than a suite. (I've seen us make exceptions before which is why I didnt completely shut this shit down when we first talked). I told this punk that I'd make a note of it (which I did) and when he checked in to speak with the front desk agent. I never guaranteed shit.....you shit!

Got me singing my other 'fuck a trick up' song.....

All shit muthafucka, muthafucka
All shit muthafucka, muthafucka

Okay...Im breathing normal again, but I swear I get vexed more and more the more I think about the shit.

Nikki's 'Lonely'

I just came back across this poem and I like it. Therefore I shall share it with you all. Take it how you want.....

"I'm Not Lonely" by Nikki Giovanni

i'm not lonely
sleeping all alone

you think i'm scared
but i'm a big (boy)
i don't cry or anything

i have a great big bed to roll around in
and lots of space
and i don't dream bad dreams like i used to have
that you were leaving me anymore

now that you're gone
i don't dream
and no matter what you think
i'm not lonely sleeping all alone

Heated Pop Tarts! (Who Knew!)

I am at work doing the overnight thing. I brought a pack of pop tarts from home to snack on if I needed to. So it's like 5am or something and I decide to break them bad boys on out. Then I also remember the toaster in room service.......1 plus 1 equals 2, right? Man I know yall probably wondering what the hell Im talking about or where Im going with this so I'll cut the fat for ya.

I can not remember the last time I've had a pop tart that was heated in the damn toaster. Im talkin at least a decade and a half here peoples. I literally forgot that that's what they were made for. You know black people though....I think our toaster broke when I was 11, 12 and well we never got a new one. And pop tarts just didnt need a damn toaster to be ate anymore. And so here I am blogging about pop tarts at 5 in the am! LOL. Sorry LC, but this deserved a mention. PopTarts are gooooood. Especially heated!

Various 5/13/05

* Remember when you were in grade school and you would occasionally wear your bookbag on your chest? You know? Like wear it reverse of how it was supposed to be worn? Who's bright ass idea was it to start wear babies like that? I was the elevator in my apt. building yesterday when this lady got on with her infant. I think that contraption was created out of pure laziness. She was a nice lady. We small talked it and all, but the precious lil baby just looked helpless with her arms all strewn out and what not. It just doesnt look comfortable from the babies point of view is all Im saying. I mean when the babies are old enough to talk they are too old for it, so it's always some poor helpless toddler that cant speak up for itself in the damn thing looking distraught. I think they oughta ban them shits. Pick your damn child up like your mama held you!

* I went on a date yesterday.....well sorta. I went to the show by myself. I had never did that before. I hadnt been since KK and I disbanded I dont think(lol...like we're a boy band or something lol), and I've been missing out on alot of good movies. So it was not bad at all. I caught a 5:30pm showing of 'Crash'. It was a pretty empty theater which was good. There were like 6 or 7 couples. As far as I know I was the only person there alone, but once the movie started it didnt matter. GO SEE THIS MOVIE YALL! It was thought provoking and moving. It will definitely make you re-examine the way you think of shit. W/O giving away the movie it basically shows the complexities and contradictions within us all. The people you think are the good guys do some pretty fucked up shit along the line, and the 'bad guys' actually turn out to have hearts. I'm horrible at explaining things but trust me when I say you've got to go see this movie. But back to my one person date......It wasnt so bad. KK and I had our particular theater that we frequented, but my sentimental ass refuses to go back there w/o her, which is really shitty b/c they had THE BEST MOVIE THEATER seats ever in life. I however found myself my own personal 'me-theater', and I would tell yall which one but I dont wanna see none of ya ashy knee'd asses there! LOL

The Honeymooners

I think it's pretty fucking cool that the film adaptation of 'The Honeymooners" will start Cedric The Entertainer, Mike Epps, Gabrielle Union and Regina King. That means somewhere along the line there were some white film execs cool enough to green light this project. B/C you know the minorities aint running the film industry yet.....hell any industry for that matter, but I digress. The point is it's pretty much unprecedented for an all white show as popular as 'The Honeymooners' to be redid with an all black cast.

Betcha the movie wont do so well below the Mason-Dixon line. You know....roundabout where they still fly the confederate flag?

GO SUPPORT BLACK CINEMA YALL!

Metrosexual Me ?

So while in the mirror applying my Mint Julep Masque to my face (you know...the green mask shit) I had an epiphany of sorts.

I'm a bit metro.

Up until today when people asked or told me I was metro I'd tell them 'Hell no Im not!'. But ummmmm keeping it real here. Im not so much metro as I just have metro tendencies, dig? So I occasionally do the green mask (that shit tightens your pores yo!), I also use Ten-O-Six deep pore cleanser, pretty much get a haircut everyweek, and I like to keep my hands moisturized. (Moisturized just sounded pretty gay coming from me as I re-read this) But that's it! LOL.

I dont wear color contacts. I dont get (or have ever in my life had) manicures/pedicures. I dont have a whole lot of clothes. I'm not a style maven. I dont know that 'the new black' will be for the spring and fall. I just like what I like. And most times that's a promo tee shirt and my favorite jeans. So Im not completely metro, right? I just like to take care of my face and appearance......most times. Lord knows I can fall up out the house on some 'I dont give a fuck' shit when the mood hits.

But is that so wrong? Do I HAVE to be 'metrosexual'? I say goddamn!

Know Someone Like This?

Have you ever come across someone who is....oh I dunno...let's say in their early 30's and just as naive and clueless as a 4 year old? I mean have you ever had to stop and ponder just how this mu'fucka has made it in life without someone selling their dumb ass a bridge or two that they dont need?

I Need Help

I need my mama's advice....or my girl back.....or something!

So here's the thing. I grilled some perch on the Foreman joint last night, right? And while sitting down to eat said fish I had an epiphany.

I've grilled turkey burgers, chicken breast and now fish on that grill and I've seasoned them all the same way!! Now I never claimed to be an expert on meat seasoning, but Im gonna take a stab in the dark here and guess that they prolly shouldnt all be seasoned the same, right? And so now you see why I need some female input, or a cookbook, or G. Garvin or whatever his name is? That fish was salty as hell yo! I could barely finish it. It was so salty I had to immediately drink a couple of cups of water to flush all the sodium out of my system.

Okay...here's what I use to season all of my meats that I grill. Someone tell me what can stay and what can go....

Seasoned Salt
Garlic Powder
Onion Powder
Lemon Pepper Seasoning
Soy Sauce (On turkey burgers only. Hey...I was experimenting!)
Chicken Seasoning (Chicken only of course! Who wants chicken flavored fish or turkey burgers?)

So in conclusion.....if you've read this blog before yall know I be on some real bachelor shit. But I can admit when I need help. Any suggestions from anybody?

Back Up On It

I saw the horse today. Muthafucka tried to sneak past my ass. But I had told everyone to let me know if they saw him. Sure enough I got word that he was casually strolling by my apt. I had to chase it for a block and a half, but I managed to jump back up on it (hence this particular blogs title. cute, huh? lol)

For real though...Im back on the NWOP I swear! I even made myself get in bed by 3am so I can be sure to be up by 10am so I can have enough time to workout before work. I know for most of you 3am is late, but that shit is early for me. I came to the realization that I gotta change that. And so I did. Shit was that simple. Really was. Anyways I was up by 10:30ish, caught a lil bit of Ellen (I love that show by the way....all the more incentive to get my ass up), and was in the gym by 10:45.....ish. LOL. Did my workout, went and got my haircut, checked my email, and was off to work. I can do that 4-5 days per week. I swear I can. What's the saying? So shall a man thinketh, so shall he be? Some shit like that!

Now this food issue.....that is gonna take a minute to figure out. I think Im gonna type/write out a (somewhat) strict game plan. You know most rules are to be broken. Especially the ones that I make for myself, ya dig? Im just that fucking fly!

Good Food / Bad Food

Does it strike anyone else as ironic and insanely cruel that all the food that is bad for you happens to taste sooooooo good. And while all the food that is good for you doesnt taste completely bad, it damn sure doesnt taste as good as the crap you know you shouldnt be eating. Is that not some shit?

This NWOP (New Work Out Plan) is not going so well these days. I havent worked out in close to a week, and Im back to eating crap. And it's all pretty much due to my wack ass sleep/work schedule. Okay....maybe the working out part I can attribute to my sleep/work schedule. But I have total control of what I put in my mouth 24/7. Im sure yall can atest to this. It's hard to eat right when you're always on the go. I gots to buckle down and show discipline. We are inside a month til Im Jammin to live Jamaica Funk, ya know! (Anyone catch that song reference?) I think I've made strides since I started all this. Maybe I shoulda did those before and after shots. Oh well I'll feel better if I get back on the horse consistently by time I get there.

The word for the month is.....'Rededication'!

Is It Just Me?

You ever look up in mid-afternoon and have to take a moment to remember if you brushed your teeth or not? I mean literally have to PAUSE and let the memory jar you?

As Was Said To Me By A Good Friend......

"Boy! That is yo wife! You need to go get her!"

And all I could say is (insert BIG cheesy kool-aid grin) "I know. I know. Im going"

I mean sheesh all I did was show her a strand of the childs hair that I have saved in this folder of poems that she gave me a couple of years ago.