Teej's Gifts

These are some of the gifts I only WISH I could give to these people.


Barack Obama & Family.....Strength, Courage & Wisdom

Gov. Rod Blagojevich........a snowball's chance in hell

Evander Holyfield.......a Foreman Grill-esque come up so that he can pay for all his kids w/o having to box until he's 75!

Eddie Murphy.......a hit movie!

R.Kelly......a whole bunch of female "friends" who are at least 21

The City of Chicago.......to get a new moniker besides 'the city of hella-haters'

Aaron McGruder ...........the time and patience to bless us with a 3rd season of 'The Boondocks'

Kanye West.... (after hearing "808's & Hearbreak").........some peace and mending

Sarah Palin..............................a fucking clue

Lil Wayne/Amy Winehouse.............a year long stint in the Betty Ford Clinic

The "Real" Housewives of Atlanta............a biiiiiiiig dose of reality and living within their means

Beyoncé.................for someone to put the soul back in her music

Solangé..................for someone to give her music a shot

Real & Chance.....................................matching nooses

Yung Berg.............a better 2009

DMX..................to be able to hit the 'Reset' button

Plaxico Burress........to be able to hit the 'Reset' button

The cast of 'Girlfriends'.......a reunion show and a movie

Mayor Daley.........for all the side street snow to be placed on HIS sidestreet

George Bush/Dick Cheney..........................for Karma to hurry up and catch both they asses!


Here's to you and yours having a Happy Holiday season. Please feel free to add any gifts that you'd like to give to anyone.

Say Whaaaaaat?!?!!?

I usta swear up and down that the Jungle Brothers' song that said "Girl I'll house you" was in fact saying "Where's my houseshoe?"

For years my brother sang "I'm in love with you. Fair is fair!" when Miki Howard was actually singing "I'm in love under new management".

Then there's my cousin Jesse who loved Janet's "Let's Wait A While" but still couldnt make out that she was singing "....so our love can be greater". Instead he heard the totally non-sensical lyric of "...so our love can Big Rita"


And just recently I clowned my friend Danisha b/c she's convinced that in En Vogue's "Hold On" that Cindy adlibs the quip "Screw anothe n*@@a yeah but don’t let go" when upon further review it appears as though she is just scatting, but in Danisha's defense I can hear what she thinks she hears lol.

So what you got?

What lyric have you flubbed for years? And do you still sing the wrong lyric b/c that's just what you're used to and the song doesnt sound right if you dont sing it like you came to know it?

Inspiration : Danisha Danielle, messing these lyrics up since childhood, and being too stubborn to sing it the right way once we find out the error of our ways.

Misc. Blog 2

So I type this particular blog from the very place my blog pretty much originated. That's right....on the overnight shift at the Hotel Beezy. lol. Thankfully nothing crazy to report aside from some irritating chick calling here at 5:30am to get the number from a black card ad in a magazine. The heifer waited like 10 mins. til my mans n nem in housekeeping found the magazine. How fucking random! Anyways so yeah Im on the overnight. I only did it b/c one of the few co-workers that I actually like wanted to take a day off so I played nice and agreed to do shift. Hope they dont get no bright ideas about me doing more tho.

Anyways I've self diagnosed myself with having a lack of motivation. Kinda weird but the last couple days Ive not had to go to the hotel. Been at home alllllllllllllllll day and didnt really get shit done. There's so much that I could be doing. I could go work out in the gym thats happens to be in the lobby of building. I could be working any of the 3 scripts that I have in various stages of being written. I could organize the book of poetry and prose I wanna do. Or even edit and go over some of the poems. I could tinker with the proposals of the events that I wanna do early next year. I could tinker with and edit my resume so that I dont make it to 6 years at the hotel. Needless to say I could go on. The moral of the story is that I have to look within and find the motivation myself. Otherwise I will just be a fatass of a unhappy concierge/hotel employee for a long ass time and that's just no bueno!

Did I mention that I wanna be in love again?

*sigh*

*Looks to the sky* "What up with that big homie? Where is she?"

Be blessed yall.

Teej

Misc. Blog 1

So when I first agreed to blog over at inchicity.com I had the intentions of doing something special for this blog in addition to what I post over there. After all this is my main blog, ya know? Been holding it down since '04 over here...before I was on a inchicity or facebook or myspace even. Anyways so Im finally getting around to blogging extra here. Thank you to my 4 subscribers. I guess yall are in for a treat. lol. If I knew how to subscribe to someone's blog I would surely have subscribtions. Im sure it aint even that complicated. I probably just aint took the time out to get it cracking but I will.

Moving along now....these "Misc. Blog" posts will be about nothing in particular. Just me rambling b/c it's my blog and I can do that. I gotta shout out Lesley and Monica Payne for kinda lighting a fire under my ass as far as blogging. The last couple of weeks Ive felt rather "eh" about blogging but reading their blogs as of late has kinda centered me and reminded me of the whole point of it all which is to simply express yourself. Sometimes in the midst of the daily rigamaro (is there even a correct spelling for that "word"?) you lose focus, but thankfully I found my way back to the middle. So boom!

Im still listening to this damn Solange album religiously. I think musically it's jamming and lyrically niggas aint gon appreciate this shit for another 10 years. She is such a dope songwriter. She has reminded me that I want to write songs along with scripts and poems and books and shit. I just wanna write. And I will. You just watch. Maybe I can get Monica to "teach me some moves" like Bruce Leroy as far as songwriting goes.

Okay Im done rambling for the night I think. I need to make sure to pray for focus. I have soooo much I wanna do and get done. I just need to line 'em up and knock 'em down one by one and not lose focusssssssssssss. Im telling you now....I get that under my belt and the world is mind yo.

Be blessed yall.

Teej

The “Nothing But Sunshine Hanging Over Me” List

1. "I should say if anybody wants to tape my conversations, go right ahead, feel free to do it. Whatever I say is always lawful ... I don't believe there's any cloud that hangs over me, I think there's nothing but sunshine hanging over me." - Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich on December 9th, 2008, the day before he was arrested and indicted with hella phone tap evidence against him

2. The sheer, absolute, and absurd audacity of this guy!

3. I mean really....you really figured you'd get away with selling a seat in the US Senate to the highest bidder?

4. Like for real B? Is that what's hot in the streets? Can we say 'drunk off of power'?

5. Shout out to Caryn for bringing that quote to my attention

6. That's our 2nd governor in a row that's went down in scandal

7. And then Jesse Jr. was about all set to pay to play too?

8. Im saying....WTF is with Illinois politics?!!?!??

9. How's it go Stevland?

10. "There's no principles in what you say/No direction in the things you do/For your world is soon to come to a close/Through the ages all great men have taught/truth and happiness just cant be bought....or sold/Tell me why are you people so cold?" - Stevie Wonder "Saturn"

11. Speaking of Stevie.....am I the only one disturbed by the news that he may be on the new season of Dancing With The Stars?

12. I mean I know he's Stevie and he's not of this world and all but.....

13. .....yall do remember the time he came from 'round that piano and danced at the BET Awards, right?

14. Lord knows I loveth thy Stevie, but he didnt look so stable with that

15. All thanks to my blog muse Lesley

16. I think I had lost my listing mojo so to speak but reading her list inspired me to do it again

17. From now on I will list the 2nd friday of every month....whether yall dig it or not lol

18. "...screaming "fuck the world"/why?/Cause dont nobody love us/Shawn Carter, Sean Bell/What's the difference? Do tell?/50 shots or 50 mil/Aint no difference, go to hell!/So BLAH!/Lick a shot for Barack Obama/Change gon come or Imma buy the whole hood llamas on me!" - Jay Z "A Milli Freestyle"

19. Shit I'm kinda still expecting to wake up from this dream that we gon have a black president yall

20. Can January 20th take any damn longer to get here tho?

21. So you know about the urban legend that has Aaron Hall saying "dumb bitch!" in "Piece Of My Love", right?

22. Did we ever confirm as to whether that is what he actually said?

23. I know it suuuuure sounds like it, but you would think they wouldn't just let that ride if he did, right?

24. Go listen and report back yall

25. Oh the Bears.....we love 'em and we hate 'em

26. Cherise & Tajuana Im praying for your strength

27. "Sometimes I get so lonely, lonely, lonely/I feel all by myself up here/That's when I take a minute/to re-evaluate things/All of the things I think are special/Oooh like/when you wake up in the morning/and you see the morning sun/and you need to know the world is on your side..." - Erykah Badu "Ye Yo"

28. Right on to the real......death to the fakers

29. I just felt like saying that.....word to Big Rube!

30. FYI......As I write this I am getting niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice off a bottle of Riesling

31. *says a prayer of thanks for said riesling and all wine in general*

32. In my head 10 comments to a blog = going platinum

33. Not that I blog for the comments..... it's just nice to hear feedback and what yall think, ya know?

34. But I swear I scratch my head when my more serious stuff like the blogs about the election barely go Gold, while my silly shit like blogs about mugs in the club with sunglasses on goes double platinum and a half?!!?!?!?!?

35. "So they say we're running out of time/We're running out of water/We're running out of light/There are far too many problems/and just not enough answers/But if we keep on asking they gon tell us what we like" - Solangé "6 O'Clock Blues"

36. I can admit to being all over Solange's bra strap and all b/c I think her album is way hotter than Bey's

37. Am I the only one who thinks Bey's fast CD sounds like recycled jawns from the last album and the slow one sounds like she jacked a bunch of Barbara Streisand material?

38. I mean really WTF Bey.....where is the soul?

39. For real...cop that Solangé. Trust me on this. If I don't know nann else....I know good music.

40. Why do my nails grow like Wolverine or some ish? What am I? Part werewolf? Where the hell is my nail clipper anyways?

41. I dont think the Birdie knows I exist

42. *jumps up and down, waves frantically*

43. "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power!" - Abraham Lincoln

44. So let's see.....Im the concierge, but I get banned from the concierge desk for........wait on it.........doing concierge work at the concierge desk?

45. Hmmmm...maybe in a galaxy far far away that makes sense to someone, but over here on Planet Earth? Nah son.......shit aint really adding up B!

46. Do I feel 'Fuck Rant 4' coming so soon? lol

47. It's all a wake up call tho

48. Gotsa get to rewriting my script so that happiness is the outcome

49. Have I ever mentioned how many just plain ol dope ass, progressive, talented people I know?

50. "Ooohhhh... karaoke is a sore spot with me... the last time i went to a karaoke spot they had $2 margaritas and in 9 months (my baby) Justice was born!!!" - Keira

...muthafuckas want dead!

"I try to bring you 'life' but muthafuckas want 'dead'" - Jay Z "Young G's"

That lyric lends it's self to a theory that I have. The theory is basically about how people tend to respond to bad more so than good. Like they are more fascinated with bad than good or something.

Ever found yourself the willing recipient of some juicy gossip? Hearing "I heard Willie's wife came home early and found him in bed with her sister!" is alot more entertaining than hearing "I hear Willie surprised his wife with a trip to St. Croix!". Now ask yourself, if you were the gossip passer on-er type....which of the two would you be most anxious to share with someone else?

Ever heard the phrase "If it bleeds it leads"? Yes? No? Maybe so? Well in the event you haven't, that phrase is an age old adage of broadcast news. Every notice when you watch your nightly news that the first story is ALWAYS of a double homicide? The heart warming story about the 96 yr old lady who still gets up every day and walks a mile and a half to volunteer at the local soup kitchen usually gets buried somewhere between the next to last commerical break and sports.

Chris Rock once made a joke of how people in the hood get more respect when they get out of jail then when they graduate college. Sad, but true, right? And you cant tell me that this "autotune" craze in urban music isn't just fucking awful, but I'll be damned if it ain't winning right now!

Playing devil's advocate though : it might could be that maybe deep down we feel as though good stuff is SUPPOSED to happen. We all are supposed to do good so when someone does bad it's more of a shock and fascinating to us?

And I'm not unaware of the fact that there are some "good's" that totally trump "bad's". For instance you have God Vs. the Devil, good guys vs. bad guys in wrestling, usually the good guy wins over the bad guy on TV and in movies, and hey Barack did beat Ol' Short Arms, right?

I dunno....just a theory swishing around in this big ol think tank of mine.

What do you think?

Are people naturally fascinated/drawn to bad over good?

Damn Oprah...These Are Teej's Favorite Things!

Originally I wanted to do this list BEFORE the Fuck Rant 3, but sometimes things dont work out the way you plan, right? So seeing as though this is the day after Thanksgiving I figure this would be a perfect time to give a short list of SOME of the things that I love and/or am thankful for. I encourage you to do the same and revisit it on those days when you are the statue and not the pigeon.

*Reading Ruby and Ossie's story
*The word 'fuck' and all it's derivatives, but especially 'Fuckery'
*Family and friends
*My ipod and the music in it that attends to every one of my 5787945373 moods
*Her laugh

*That feeling I get when "As" first comes on
*Spending $$ @ Dr. Wax and Myopic
*Payday

*Breaking daylight on the phone with K
*Hip Hop

*Letting the kid in my live on by dancing to and singing "Party In My Tummy"
*Stevie Wonder
*Quotes
*Constantly re-reading Nikki Giovanni
*The fact that "each day's another chance to do the things I could've / done the day before, but I didn't and I known I should've"

*Doing "Superior Radio" and playing what the fuck we wanna play!
*Jacking Les for like all her blog ideas ;)
*Allllllllllll the ambitious, artsy, talented, smart, determined, hustle-rific people I know
*Love Ballads
*The sentiment behind "Im here to laugh, love, fuck and drink liquor / and help make the revolution come quicker"

*Singing Faith Evans' 'Soon As I Get Home" with my tone deaf ass
*Being at home amongst my shit
*Googling ER'THING!
*Indie films
*Lisa telling Kim "You're a liar....I will flip you over that couch!"

(Top 5 favorite things ever......in order)

*Music
*Sex
*Wine/Liquor
*French Fries
*Fruit Snacks

Fuck Rant 3

FUCK those who let fear run their lives
FUCK T-Pain AND his top hats
FUCK bailing everybody out but THE PEOPLE
FUCK the fact that I cant find my damn Solangé CD!
FUCK anyone who has anything to say b/c Solangé's CD is one of the best of the year.

FUCK a food shortage in Haiti that's killing kids
FUCK the Bears for getting their asses kicked like that by Green Bay
FUCK the Bulls for getting their asses kicked like that by Portland
FUCK having to work 3 different positions for 1 pay or not having a job at all
FUCK being forced into a corner

FUCK this economy
FUCK January 20th not being here already so that CHANGE can begin
FUCK Bush off GP

FUCK T-Pain again for "inspiring" everybody and they mama to use that autotune shit
FUCK them for being followers

FUCK calling my phone at 3am on some high school bullshit
FUCK procrastination

FUCK my joints for being stiff as of late. WTF is this shit?!?! Im only 31 yo!
FUCK Lindsay Lohan for referring to Obama as our nation's 'first colored president'

FUCK the fact that things are weird between Her and I when I just want the friend back that I had in her

FUCK feeling and being lethargic
FUCK "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" for being so damn addictive and sucking me in
FUCK them for teasing us with Sonic commercials when it aint one near here
FUCK lacking self control at times
FUCK my dentist for trying to stick me for that whole bill. I paid the co-pay. Send the rest of that shit to the insurance company

It's Called Progress... (Because This Cant Be The End All Be All)

I'm not quite sure as to whether that was the revolution
that wasn't supposed to be televised on my TV the other night
But if it was indeed the revolution
then that don't make liars of The Last Poets
Just means they were a bit off I guess

More than likely it was the start of the revolution
The opening credits if you will
Not the closing ones
There is still work to be done

So now that the partying is over
and the reality of it all has begun to sink in.....
Are you ready to work and keep it going?

Has this great inspiration and leader of a man named Barack
lit a fire under your ass or what?

Because this cant be the end all be all

This simply can not be the apex
It's called progress and it doesn't stop

For all those that came before us and sacrificed
with their loves and lives this milestone is for them
but it doesn't end here

There is still many a heart filled with hatred out there
but we must not let them get in the way of our progress
for they know no better and are only acting out the last
of the hate that hate produced

It's a new day yall
One dream has been realized and so another begins
My TiTi is gonna grow up in a world
where a black president is not unheard of
It's called progress and it doesn't stop

Because this cant be the end all be all

20 Questions (The Pre-Election Edition)

1. Does anyone else keep getting text messages about REALLY long voting lines?

2. Is that necessarily a bad thing?

3. Will the people (like me) who decide to vote on Nov. 4th have an easier or harder time doing so?

4. Could the longer than normal voting times be a ploy to dissuade people from sticking around to vote?

5. You aren’t gonna fall for that shit, ARE YOU?

6. What new trick are they gonna use to attempt to steal this election anyways?

7. …becuz you know it’s gon be SOMETHING, right?!?!?!

8. Will people be comfortable with the polls and early projections and not follow through?

9. Joe the Plumber is fucking getting a record deal?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

10. Who in the singing plumber fuck is gonna by his album??!??!?!

11. Did Barack absolutely KILL THE GAME with his prime time 30 min infomercial on all the major networks or what?

12. Between the new media outreach and now the 30 min. prime time joint….you think John McCain only wishes has campaign was half as innovative?

13. How much faster can Camp McCain come apart at the seams with all the finger pointing and leaping from that sinking ship?

14. Sarah Palin in 2012?!?!?!?!……Are you fucking shitting me??!!?!?

15. Dontcha think she oughta take her mooseburger eating ass back to Alaska and finish watching Russia from her back door?

16. What the hell are the “undecided” voters waiting to hear anyways?

17. Isnt it really as simple as change versus more of the same?

18. Are the ignorant people still on this “Oh he’s a terrorist” stuff?

19. Do you think THEY oughta pick up a book, STFU and get ready for a black president?

20. ARE YOU READY FOR CHANGE?!?!?!

I Cant Make This Shit Up!

I swear....watching the news and staying informed of what's going in the world just doesn't seem like it's worth it at times. I just don't understand people and their motives and train of thought.

Here are 3 recent news stories that have me scratching my head.

1. Trevor Wikre is a senior offensive lineman for the Mesa State Mavericks, a Division II school in Grand Junction, Colo. A couple of weeks ago while practicing with the team Trevor broke his pinkie finger. The doctors said that it's a bad break and that he'll need surgery and wont be able to play the rest of year. You know what Trevor says to the doctors? Huh? Huh, do ya? He tells them to CUT HIS FINGER OFF! Really Trevor? You're a senior, which means this SHOULD be your last year, but then again it wouldn't surprise if it isn't with you making DUMB ASS decisions like this. So you would rather go the rest of your life with 9 fingers than to miss 6 weeks of football? And as far as I know there has been no mention of you going to the league!??!?!!?!? Word? Is that what's hot in the streets?

2. So you know about the "Safe Haven" law that allows persons to leave (usually newborn) kids at designated places to become wards of the state and the such. The law was designed to discourage people from harmfully discarding the children. Welp.....see the problem that recently arose in Nebraska is.....see in Nebraska a child is defined as being under the age of 19. So recently they had a rash of people flocking in from across the country to discard their kids under this law. In a couple of particular cases that caught my eye we had people drive to Nebraska to abandon kids as old as 13 and 17!!! Yes you read right. My only question is....how the fuck do you abandon a 13 yr old....let alone a 17 yr old. If my mama woulda tried to drop me off in Nebraska at 13 I woulda went straight to the police station and called her. "Mama why you playing? Come back and get me! Imma take the garbage out!!!" You just cant abandon 13 and 17 yr olds. That's not even practical. You've raised them now! Make 'em go get a job and put in like my mama did. And while they've recently changed the law in Nebraska to prevent this...but still! For real people? For real?

3. Ashley Todd of Texas claimed that she went to the ATM after leaving a Republican phone bank in Pittsburgh (made no sense to me either, but whatever!). While at the ATM she was approached and robbed of $60 at knife point by a "6'4 dark skinned African-American male". So at some point either during or immediately after the robbery, the robber notices a McCain sticker on her car and becomes enraged! So much to the point that he begins to beat and kick her. Then after all the punching and kicking he allegedly carves a 'B' in her cheek. Sounds pretty fucked up, right? And if it really went down like young Ashley says it did then it really is fucked up. HOWEVER.......some shit just doesn't seem right yall. So while he is in the act of robbing her, he notices her bumper sticker?!?!? Then he carves her face, right? Like my teammate Veronica says... "How the hell you carve a perfect "B" in someone's cheek with them squirming and trying to get away and shit?" We're wondering if he used a butter knife. How you get robbed with a butter knife? Oh and so you decide to NOT go to the hospital after having your face carved? You decide to go the next day?!?!?!? Anybody else smell that? So yeah...this hooker's story of course fell apart.

I think I'm just not gon pick up a paper or read any news sites for a hot minute. These marks is getting my pressure up!

Does Your "Number" Matter?

A friend taking a course on human sexuality recently had me take a brief survey concerning perceived notions of "promiscuity" and it got me to thinking. I answered the questions as honestly as possible and while I'm pretty sure I'm no saint, I know for damn sure I'm far from being a 304 . (That's old pager code for those not in the know.)

So then that whole episode got me to thinking about my "number". And you know which "number" I speak of. Yes THAT number!

Remember Chris Rock's bit about this? When the guy asks the girl her number and she tells him that it's two. "Two?!!?!? Two!?!?!?!? I guess that's just how you raised!" he responds. Chris' point was that as far as men are concerned that ANY number a woman gives is gonna seem high b/c of the double standard that women are unfortunately burdened with. I think he exaggerated the point a bit for the sake of comedy but there was definitely truth there.

As far as my personal number, I think it's safe to say that I'm never gonna do Wilt numbers. Hell, I hope to never even reach triple figures let alone 5 figures. How the hell did dude even find time to play ball or even brush his damn teeth in the morning? Have you any idea the amount of time you'd have to devote to the fine art of humping to approach Son's digit??!!?

Anyways I wanna get married and get out the game and have my number frozen in time, ya heard? What is my number you ask? That's none of your damn business! lol. Just know that I think it to be pretty respectable for a guy my age. Actually I KNOW it to be respectable seeing as how I know that I've ducked and dodged a nice number of drawers that were thrown my way. Lord knows you cant be plugging every Power U that makes its self readily available to you. But let me not digress any further......

The point of this one is.....Is there an acceptable number when dealing with a new partner or potential mate? Does a person's number matter to you? Not that I wanna be naive about it all but I personally think it's all a slippery slope. Because what may be high to you may be low to the next person and vice versa.

I say as long as that check-up checks out then there should be no problem.

What say you?

The "Urban People Are A Trip" List

1. "Dealing with alcoholism and afrocentricity/A complex man drawn off simplicity” – Common “The 6th Sense”

2. Life is all about balances and dualities people.....please believe me.

3. She said she had a childhood friend named Shapantwon (Sha'Pan'Twon), and knew a set of brothers named Lemonjello (La'Mon'Ja'Lo) and Orangejello (O'Ronge'Ja'Lo)

4. I pray in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost that she was just making that shit up to be funny

5. What else is there to say about the upcoming elections?

6. McLame is wack.....Barack is where it's at!

7. Alot of states have grace periods beyond the deadline to register so take advantage

8. So I got a chance to watch "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" the other day.....

9. ....if these ol siddity ass chicks aint got the most false senses of entitlement I dun ever seen!!!!

10. "Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality." - Bertrand Russell via Itika

11. Somebody get Keyshia Cole's mama please!!!

12. I just made 5 years at the Hotel Beezy but Im not sure if that means I'm consistent or complacent

13. When you add on the fact that I do hella shit outside the hotel I guess that leans me more towards the consistent side despite all my multi-tasking

14. The AIG guys took $400, 000 of the bailout money and kicked it at the spa? Woooord? Is that what's hot in the streets?

15. They always find a way to get over, don't they?

16. Sometimes your friends WILL hurt you. Not necessarily on purpose, it's just that no one is perfect. You just have to remember in those times that you made them your friend for a reason

17. We all are dealing with SOMETHING. Some of us...more things than others. Try to be compassionate

18. "I don't understand/why do I stress the (wo)man/when there's so many bigger things at hand/We could've never had it all/We had to hit a wall/so this is inevitable withdrawal/...Did I play myself again?/I should just be my own best friend/and not fuck myself in the head with stupid (wo)men" - Amy Winehouse "Tears Dry On Their Own"

19. Always remember.....all the these thoughts of mine that you read in these lists are just passing thoughts more or less. I'm not necessarily married to any of them

20. White people will do and eat anything if you tell them it's in fashion or "in season"

21. I swear I saw a white lady eating hay at that restaurant

22. MAKE SURE TO CHECK OUT MY RADIO SHOW "SUPERIOR RADIO" EVERY TUESDAY AT 8:30PM CST ON WWW.SWANKSOCIETY.COM

23. Dontcha love how I plug my own shit on my own shit?

24. Any Cubs' fans out there? Don't worry.....there's always next year!!!! ;)

25. I know my White Sox didn't fair much better, but hey at least they won 1 game. Plus they've won a World Series in THIS lifetime. Something that the 'Scrubs' prolly wont ever do

26. Ladies take note........

27. "If you have to read into anything a man does, you are making excuses. Men are simple. They only get complicated when they aren't into you" - Naila

28. Naila be spittin' that 'Dylan x 5' hot fiyah son!!!

29. Keish Im praying for you

30. Lord knows I need to be more prayful

31. So not only does she inform me that she's already plagiarized one of my blogs and got a good grade on her paper, but then she informs that she'll be needing even more from me and could I hurry up and write something she could use!

32. Boy I tell you....."Urban" people are a trip

33. In case you've noticed, this list is only 35 items as opposed to 50. I'm tinkering with it b/c I think 50 overwhelms the newbies, ya know?

34. btw....I kinda finished this blog ass naked b/c naked is goooooood!

35. "I dunno how you got to be so snooty....you aint but one generation out the projects!" - Khadijah James "Living Single"

Nigga You Know You Cant See!!!

*sigh*

Can anyone explain to me exactly why dudes think wearing sunglasses in the club is cool? I dont know when. I dont know how. Alls I know is that this has become an epidemic within the last few years and it must be brought to a end. Maybe they are under the impression that this look adds to their swag or something....I dunno. What I do know though is that they need to give this shit a rest already.

And with that....I present to you 5 good ass reasons why guys need to 86 the whole sunglasses in the club phenomenon

5. You are being talked about....and not in the way that you had hoped! Trust me on this one dog!

4. Please know that it ONLY looks cool in the rap videos and not in real life. It's one of those things that seem good in theory, but not so much in practice

3. It screams "LOOK AT ME! I WANT ATTENTION BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD". My dude....are you really that hard up?

2. You have an outstanding chance of tripping over something that you would have seen sans the shades, thereby losing ALL the cool points you thought you had gained by wearing the locs in the first damn place

1.5. Alcohol + sunglasses + dark club = Accidentally coming up on a Strobelite Honey.

1. Or to take it a step further.....she could be a man and the likka and dark glasses inhibit your ability to check the neck!

Am I making sense here at all people? Take off the damn glasses!

Your Vote Is Important

I think I need not emphasize how important of an election this is. After all, aren't they all important? But this particular one is even more special than all the rest it seems. Not only from the historic aspect of possibly electing the first black president (damn a Bill Clinton!), but also b/c it's been a good while since this country was in such dire straits on so many levels. We're talking pre-FDR and "The New Deal" here people.

With that said, I wanted to use my platform to do my part and reinforce how important it is to get out there and use your privilege to vote. I don't have to remind you that people died to make it possible for us to have a say. Or actually....if you are 18 (meaning you were born in 1990....LAWDHAVEMERCY!!!!) and this is your first opportunity to vote, maybe I do need to remind you. My goodness if you are 18 that means you were 14 when Kerry lost, and 10 years old when Jeb rigged Florida to make sure Georgy Porgy got in in the first damn place. Just take my word for it. Your vote counts. Make sure you are in the place to be this election day and vote.

Speaking of which....can you believe this McCain dude? I promise you before this election season I usta have like .00002 ounces of respect for dude, but now? First he pulls this Palin chick outta nowhere to try and bamboozle disgruntled Hillary supports. Now he's on some "Let's suspend the campaign b/c our country needs us" ish. I wonder if he were ahead in the polls would he be singing this song? Son we see your shit like a 27 inch Zenith!

Anyways just don't believe the hype. Get out and vote. Time is running out if you need to register. Do what you need to do. They got voter caging tactics, and this No Obama gear at the polls nonsense among other things. All this shit is designed to do is confuse you and dissuade you from showing up and putting your vote in. I don't care the latest polls says Obama is up by 60 percentage points. Mosey your ass on down to your polling place and make your voice heard, ya heard?

And somebody get the word to your peeps in Florida and Ohio and tell them we aint going for the monkeyball shit this time around! Make it happen party people!

P.S. If these fuckers use the term 'Maverick' just ONE MO damn time....I swear fo' Jesus Imma fucking spontaneously combust!

I'm Teej and I approve this message!

www.voteforchange.com

www.rockthevote.com/voting-is-easy/important-dates/

www.declareyourself.com/voting_faq/state_by_state_info_2.html

*Inspiration : Suze Blue, the 50-leven emails I got warning me not to wear any Obama gear when I go to vote, the fact that people were literally killed a little more than 40 years ago for trying to vote, and John McCain's crusty ass!

3 Months

You know how in the movie 'Love Jones' when Nina and Darius hit it off, then Nina's ex-fianceé, Marvin tries to come back in the picture? Marvin invites Nina to NY to see if there is truly anything left, and b/c she wanted to inquire about some job possibilities out there she contemplates going. Nina is concerned how this will go over with Darius and Josie recommends that she tell Darius and if he acts the fool that means she "has" him and there is no need to go to NY. However if he tries to play it cool Nina should go and teach "his ass a lesson."

*PAUSE*

(Yo I hate LOVE GAMES! I think we're too grown for that. It was cool in high school but not so much now. People just need to be direct and up front about shit yo. You start playing the love games and shit gets tricky. Use your budnippers people. Nip that shit in the bud, say what you mean, be open and direct and you will be just fine like Mary J.)

Anyways....once Nina decides to follow Josie's advice shit goes haywire and it takes them a year to get it back together! But that's not the point of this blog. And yes I realize that if you aren't familiar with the movie, then all those names and whatnot may confuse you and surely ruin it if you haven't gotten around to seeing it, but you know what? I DON'T CARE! It's one of the best movies EVER and your monkey ass shoulda seen it by now!

Moving along.....

The whole point of this blog is about starting a new relationship. I think it's granted that in between relationships you have "situations" with people that you deal with and all, right? They aren't quite your girl, but yall hang enough for there to be some sort of understanding. Not necessarily on a physical tip, but again there is a understanding. Then you find someone who you start to kick it with and before you know it you are thinking of that person as a possible mate. But what about ol girl that you "see" sometimes? Then there's that "weird period" usually at about the 6 week mark or so when you start thinking "Man things is getting real with Tasha, but how am I gonna shake Lisa?" Anyone feeling me?

And so ladies and gentlemen that's why I'm proposing a 3 month rule!

See with the 3 month rule it is understood that with any new person you begin to see, you have exactly 3 months to completely rid yourself of any "situation" that needs to be disposed of. The start date of the 3 month rule is retroactive to the first time you realized that you and the newbie may have something here. And again that realization usually comes at about the 6 week mark of you two kicking it, so in essence that literally leaves you 1 1/2 months to rid yourself of said "situations", but you know....different strokes for different folks so we'll leave it at 3 months.
After that.....you are just bullshitting and I advise you to stop wasting grown folks' time.

The "YES WE CAN!!!" List

1. ".....the good Lord I prayed to him/And he said, "(People) are listening now so you better have something to say to 'em"/So I'mma tell you how it went down, man...." - Phonte (Little Brother) "Beautiful Morning

2. If you are tuning in from InChiCity.com and this is your first time reading this 'you are about to experience something so cold!'

3. This is what's called a "list" and it's comprised of various thoughts that cross my ADHD afflicted mind in regards to happenings in politics, sports, love, music, pop culture and my life in general, among other things

4. Oh and I be quoting hella shit too

5. Don't be shook b/c it goes up to 50. It's really a quick read I promise, k?

6. FYI....All the blogs wont be like this I swear. And with that.....let me finish getting this thing to juking

7. *Shakes head @ Kwame Kilpatrick*

8. I'm likely to never send another text EVER!

9. Nah....fuck that! I just wont be running for nobody's office! LMAO!

10. "His father was a Black Panther?!?!?! My father was a Black STONE!" - Geli

11. Speaking of Geli....we figured it out! The real Noriega prolly does owe Rick Ross 100 favors b/c when Ross was a C.O. he prolly hooked him up and helped him do his business while he was in the joint

12. Did anyone notice that they barely touched on the issues facing this country at the Republican National Convention?

13. All they did was talk about McCain's background and history and of course throw shots at Obama

14. Somebody get word to those fucktards that we don't believe them and they'll 'need more people'!

15. YES WE CAN!!!

16. In This Week In Niggerdom : T-Pain has remade Kirk Franklin's "Silver and Gold", which was about God, into a song about mixing Patron Silver and Gold

17. And what the fuck is with that coonish ass top hat anyways?!?!?!?!

18. "That's very stereotypical man. Every Asian dude you see on TV ain't Mr. Miyagi. Sometimes it's Bruce Lee!" - BA

19. I'm teetering on indifference......and that's not a good look!

20. Rachelle Ferrell K I L L E D it at the African Fest

21. Nice and Smooth? Ehhhh not so much. I swear they were on for like 11 minutes

22. Although it felt good to scream-sing "Hip Hop Junkies" and "Sometimes I Rhyme Slow"

23. Thankfully Gustav wasn't as bad as Katrina and we seemed more prepared

24. But still people lost their lives and homes and there are apparently more potential hurricanes on the way so still keep the people of that region in your thoughts and prayers

25. VH1 Soul is doing a Prince marathon as I type this and they are just getting to 1984

26. This nigga has like 50-leven million songs. This shit will be on til Thursday yo!

27. "If I gave you diamonds and pearls/would you be a happy boy or a girl?/If I could I would give you the world/but all I can do is just offer you my love" - Prince w/Rosie Gaines "Diamonds and Pearls"

28. My TT turned 1 this last weekend. Yaaaaaaaaaay TT!

29. She likes me now. She kept reaching for me at her bday picnic

30. I knew she'd come around. I mean.....I'm the The Teej. The babies ALWAYS love The Teej

31. Do I smell babysitting duties around the corner tho?

32. Would they hurry up with the debates? I wanna see Barack dismantle McCain's crusty ass

33. And when do the VP candidates get to debate? I have a feeling Biden is gonna mollywhop Palin

34. RIP little Nequiel Fowler.....God bless you

35. "When I die I hope no one who ever hurt me cries. And if they cry, I hope their eyes fall out. And a million maggots that had made up their brains crawl from the empty holes and devour the flesh that covered the evil that passed itself off as a person that I probably tried to love..." - Nikki Giovanni "When I Die"

36. That is soooo deliciously evil....I love it so!

37. Don't you hate it when you notice a lil nick or tiny cut on your body and cant remember how you got it, but you KNOW it's not from kinky sex?

38. Speaking of sex....Ive made up my mind that the 3 very best things in life are Music, Sex and French Fries. In that order. Don't bother to try and change my mind about this matter either

39. Oh the ups and downs of life and love I tell you. I'm not ashamed to admit that with the career stuff, the situation with my mama, and the current state of Her and I....yeah I'm kinda pretty damn crazyinsane at the moment.....

40. ....to the point that the other day I chain smoked 3 cigarettes in a row.....'and I don't even smoke nigga. Ain't not joke!'

41. The lady called down to the front desk and explained that she's from Arkansas and she doesn't know how to work the remote control

42. *sigh*.......but I betcha her ass will be voting this coming November. Scary, right?

43. "Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself for awhile." - Henry Miller"

44. Andy don't read 45-48, k?

45. Once again I did the most with the likka

46. How I managed to stay passed out and sleep for 6 hours on the bathroom floor is beyond me!

47. You would think at almost 31 yrs old I would get it thru my thick head that likka on a empty stomach is a no no

48. But hey.....it is what it is. I'll get it together eventually I'm sure

49. Try to be kind and understanding to people. Chances are they are more than likely going through it just like you

50. "Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm washing lettuce. Soon I'll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I'll make assistant manager, and THAT'S when the big bucks start rolling in!" - Maurice "Coming To America"

Everybody Plays The Fool

"Maybe I'm a fool to feel the way I do/but I will play the fool forever/Just to be with you forever" - Whitney Houston "I Believe In You And Me"

I love that lyric but it got me to thinking..... To me it speaks to unconditional love and hanging in there when all signs point to the fact that you should probably let it go. In the best ending to a story like that, things will work themselves out and you will have yourself a love affair to remember. In the worst ending to a story like that, one day you will finally snap the fuck out of it and ask yourself "What hell was I on!??!?!"

But hey I don't blame a dreamer for dreaming. Yall know about me and these dreaming eyes of mine. And you will rarely get shit in this life if you don't try, so one cant be faulted for that either. The Main Ingredient told us all that 'everybody plays the fool and there's no exception to the rule'. As far as love goes...I'm not sure there is a truer lyric that has been uttered.

So the question that begs to be asked is where the line drawn?

Some people have zero tolerance for love changes and will pull the plug at the first sign of anything resembling disharmony, while others can inexplicably hang in there and give a confessed cheater a million and one chances. I guess it all comes down to the individual.

You ever played the fool before? Where do you draw the line?

Random Craziness

Check this article out. It speaks for it's self really. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26271355/
Damn youngsters aint never seen Johnny on The Tonight Show!!!
____________________________________________________________________

If by chance you were following along with the whole "We Caught Bigfoot" story....it was a fake. Sorry to disappoint you if you were expecting anything else. That ol suspect ass looking picture they that capturers released was supposed to make us believe I guess. Shit still look off to me. Turns out that it was a rubber gorilla suit that was stuffed. These fuckers froze it in a block of ice (like it couldnt be unthawed!) and called a press conference and the whole 9. One was a cop who was leave. He got fired. What the fuck is wrong with white people??!?!?!
____________________________________________________________________

So which one of your waaaay too 'hood ass relatives thought this would be cute? Can we call DCFS on them about this? What the fuck is wrong with black people?!?!?!?!

The "Aura of 'Shitty'" List

1. "No offense to a playa/but yo I don't play/and if you take offense/then fuck it, it got to be that way!" - Pos (De La Soul) "Stakes Is High"

2. "What do you do when they love you?/LIVE YOUR LIFE!/And what do you do when the love turns cold?/LIVE YOUR LIFE!" - Simone Hines (Puff Daddy & The Family) "Friend"

3. Between being misunderstood, misinterpreted, and people just down right making shit up in their heads and running with it like its the truth.....

4. ....the shit'll drive you crazy you if let it but oh well!

5. "Man life can get all up in yo ass/Baby YOU betta work it out!" - Pos (De La Soul) "Stakes Is High"

6. I usta call the MTV Jamz station "The Niggerdom Channel", but Gellz calls it "Coon Tunes" and I happen to like that one much better!

7. Do you think the Republicans are gonna find a way to use John Edwards' admitted affair against Obama?

8. Just don't be surprised if and when they do, k?

9. Actually don't be surprised by ANYTHING those fuckers do

10. "I'd rather be slow to the aisle than quick to divorce court" - Naila

11. And that could very well be THE realest shit I've heard this millennium!

12. From now on whenever anyone fixes their mouth to ask me why I'm single I shall retort with that very quote

13. Wow, 4 quotes within the first 10 items?

14. I think she hates it when I constantly talk in quotes and song lyrics but I cant help it

15. I'm usually trying to make a point and if someone else's words can clearly hit that point for me then I have no problems utilizing said quotes and lyrics

16. Lord knows I'm totally capable of thinking for myself. I'm just trying to work smarter and not harder, yanno?

17. CONGRATULATIONS on your wedding LaToya Nicole!

18. "Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that" - Michael Leunig

19. Now take a minute and digest that one b/c it's deeper than it sounds

20. Imagine your life w/o your friends

21. Not a great picture, is it?

22. I feel double blessed b/c I know SO MANY fucking wonderful people!

23. There is a chance I could be waxing all poetic and ish a bit much this list, but that's the wonderful thing about blogging....

24. ...b/c I write for me and if anyone else happens to dig it, that's a beautiful thing, but still...I write for myself

25. Wow...what a weekend!

26. God bless you Bernie and Issac

27. "As today I know I'm living but tomorrow/could make me the past but that I mustn't fear/For I'll know deep in my mind/the love of me I've left behind/'cause I'll be loving you always" - Stevie Wonder "As"

28. Dammit go tell someone you love them while they can hear you!

29. It'll make ya feel good.....I promise!

30. "You sure do carry quite the aura of 'shitty' when you're in love, Teej."

31. lol.....Oh do I now?

32. Beware of the moody Scorpio fore you might get stung!

33. Divina I want you to blog something HAPPY. I cant take 3 in a row!

34. This song takes me back to my childhood.............

35. "When you got a girl who takes her time/you must go with the pace/you cant mess with her mind/If she feels the same she'll let you know/Just prepare yourself and be ready to go/And I hope this message stays in your mind/'cuz you almost lost a girl that's right on time/There's one more thing that you got to know/Just cool it now and stay in control" - New Edition "Cool It Now"

36. Remember them fools breakdancing in the video during this part of the song?

37. Is it a sign that my cell phone is apparently on Cali time for no reason? For the last week or so it's been logging in text msgs like 2 hours behind the time they truly come in

38. OMG....it's been 1 WHOLE DAY! I resisted all 658 of the urges to reach out. Do I win a prize or something?

39. Sunday marked the first day in 6 that I didn't drink....so no, I'm not an alkie

40. Brett Favre is gonna look pretty weird in anything but a Packers uniform but I betcha Pokey is hella geeked!

41. I just got invited to blog for a local urban lifestyle website. Talk about an honor! I will keep yall posted as things develop

42. Yall know I'm a tad lazy with the blogging sometimes so I suppose if I do take them up on their offer I will have to kill that lazy writer shit, huh?

43. "I look in your eyes and I can see/we've loved so dangerously/You're not trusting your heart to anyone/You tell me you're gonna play it smart/We're through before we start/but I believe that we've only just begun..." Chaka Khan "Through The Fire"

44. I swear that damn song is like following me around or something....

45. ....and when you really pay attention to it's lyrics.....WHEW! *fans self*

46. My money is still on the Cubs to choke and for the Sox to hold on

47. Not being able to help my mom out with that money she needs is seriously like a blow to my manhood

48. But alas I must push on

49. If that ain't motivation to hustle harder I dunno what the fuck is

50. "Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself." - Doris Lessing

One Day At A Time

It was all fun and games
Til she fell in love
And realized that it’s real
And now she’s feeling stuck
She slipped in the abyss
And was like “what is this?
This is not what I meant
Let me get up out this shit!”
And she pulls back a bit
Tries to shake the feeling
But it wont go away
Plus they all usually dogs
And they all usually stray
So scared to play the fool
Or at least look the part
She’s overthinking in her head
But not listening to her heart
So tired of false starts
But she’s been this route before
After the last time she swore
She wouldn’t go this route no more
But you know how it goes…..
You stress the past
And you’ll only be stressed
You block the blessings
And you wont be blessed
Besides this was just a test
That they must endure
To make sure they were sure
And that it was pure
I tell ‘em write their own story
Go line for line
And most of all take it slow
Like one day at a time

PLEASE DO NOT PUBLICLY SUPPORT OBAMA!!

Listen....I'm all for any and everybody who wants to get behind this movement that is Barack and help see to it that he is elected prez-o-dent.....but please people. You gotta respect the game of politics and know how low down and dirty it can be! I love Luda's sentiment and him wanting to express his support of Barack and get some of his vote - eligible fans behind him, but c'mon Luda! You're a smart dude. You HAD to know this wasnt the move! If you havent heard the song "Politics : Obama Is Here" peep some of the lyrics.

About Hillary he said..... “Hillary hated on you/So that bitch is irrelevant.” And while this line couldnt be any truer, it doesnt help all of Hill's supporters swallow that big ass jagged pill of her losing. Obama needs Hill's people on his side.

And regarding McCain he wrote...“McCain don’t belong in ANY chair unless he’s paralyzed/ Yeah I said it cause Bush is mentally handicapped/ Ball up all of his speeches and I throw ‘em like candy wrap.” And again Luda Im with you man...but the politics of the game dog. Of course Obama had to denounce the song! If he's gonna win this office he has got to pull off the most incredible tightrope walk ever!

I keep saying this but it bears repeating : I know HillBilly and 'nem seemed low down, all of Hill's tactics and tricks were jabs compared to the roundhouses and haymakers Republicans are gonna throw.

So.......just in case you are unsure of who should or should not speak up publicly for Obama let me help you. And read along good, mmkay? The following people SHOULD NOT publicly support Obama....

If you jaywalked in 1972 PLEASE DO NOT PUBLICLY SUPPORT OBAMA!!

If you ever plucked a grape at the grocery store PLEASE DO NOT PUBLICLY SUPPORT OBAMA!!

While in said grocery store if you didnt actually put a quarter in the lil box for the Brach's candy, but still took 3 pieces....PLEASE DO NOT PUBLICLY SUPPORT OBAMA!!

If you ever worked in a fast food restaurant and hooked your friends up with extra fries PLEASE DO NOT PUBLICLY SUPPORT OBAMA!!

If you ever ran across anyone giving out free samples of anything and you tried to go back a 2nd time PLEASE DO NO PUBLICLY SUPPORT OBAMA!!

If you ever bought an item of clothing, left the tags on, wore it once and returned it to the store PLEASE DO NO PUBLICLY SUPPORT OBAMA!!

If you ever snuck and used a hall pass that you werent supposed to have PLEASE DO NO PUBLICLY SUPPORT OBAMA!!

If you leaned over and "borrowed" an answer or two from Carla Washington's quiz in 5th grade PLEASE DO NO PUBLICLY SUPPORT OBAMA!!

Trust me when I tell you that the Obama campaign appreciates your support, but please for the love of God keep it to your damn self or they will try to use it against him

All About Love (Love Quotes 2)

"You know you are in love when you see the world in her eyes,
and her eyes everywhere in the world"
-David Levesque

"He who is in love is wise and is becoming wiser,
sees newly every time he looks at the object beloved,
drawing from it with his eyes and his mind those virtues which it possesses"
- Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You never know what you're gonna do
whenever true love takes hold of you"
-Kenneth "Babyface" Edmonds

"Love is the ultimate outlaw. It just wont adhere to any rules.

The most any of us can do is sign on as it's accomplice"

- Tom Watson

"Love is brave. It flies in the face of fear.
Wherever you want to go, love'll take you there"
- Talib Kweli

Some say we are responsible for those we love.

Others know we are responsible for those who love us.

-Nikki Giovanni

Love is like sand held in your hand.

Held loosely, with an open hand, the sand remains where it is.

The minute you close your hand and squeeze tightly to hold on, the sand trickles through your fingers. You may hold on to some of it, but most will be spilled. Love is like that.

Held loosely, with respect and freedom for the other person, it is likely to remain intact.

But hold too tightly, too possessively, and the love slips away and is lost.
- Chicken Soup for the Soul

"It takes a fool to learn that love don't love nobody"
- Charles Simmons/Joseph Jefferson

"Love is friendship set to music"

-Pollock

There is no greater glory than love, nor any greater punishment than jealousy.
- Lope De Vega

"Love is the triumph of imagination over intelligence"

- HL Mencken

"Sometimes love can feel like the closest thing to heaven
Sometimes love can feel like you've been run over by a car"
- Jon B.

Love is strong yet delicate. It can be broken.

To truly love is to understand this. To be in love is to respect this."

- Stephen Packer

"General opinion makes that we live in a world of hatred and greed,

but I don't see that.....When the planes hit the Twin Towers,

as far as I know none of the phone calls from the people on board

were messages of hate or revenge - they were all messages of love.

If you look for it, I've got a sneaky suspicion love actually is all around."

- From the movie "Love Actually"

"I've learned to respect the power of love"
- Angela Winbush/Rene Moore

The "GIVE US FREE!" List

1. "And Im feeling like 'FUCK THE WORLD/DONT ASK ME FOR SHIT!'" - Notorious B.I.G. Feat. Method Man "The What?!!?"

2. lol...and that about sums it up at this exact moment as I type this

3. Teej is hella mood if you didnt know

4. Teej also refers to himself in 3rd person alot

5. I really hate when I get halfway through my day and I realize I forgot to put on deodorant

6. *shrugs shoulders* What can I say? Im far from perfect

7. To let Erik and the gang tell it at Dave's housewarming....I have some sorta superpower or something lol

8. Perception really does become reality it seems

9. How's it go again Ani?

10. " ...because everything I do is judged/and they mostly get it wrong/but oh well!/'cuz the bathroom mirror has not budged/ and the (man) who lives there can tell the truth from the stuff they say/and he looks me in the eye/ and says 'Would you prefer the easy way?/ no? well okay then/ dont cry!'" - Ani Difranco "Joyful Girl"

11. That might be the 3rd time Ive included that quote in a list but I swear I mean that shit more and more every single time I use it!

12. You ever have one of those runny 'pea soup green' colored doo doo's and wonder what the hell you ate or whats wrong with you?

13. I knoooooooooow Im not the only one

14. Disclaimer : In case you are new to one of these here lists.....there isnt much that isnt discussable 'round these parts

15. I dont have much to say about the Yung Berg thing

16. Dude is like what? 22 or something? With age comes wisdom I suppose....

17. ...but yeah here we are in 2008, on the cusp of having a black president and nigs is still stuck on some light skin/dark skin shit. GIVE US FREE!

18. "Am I not fabulous? Am I not beautiful? I even cook! Sometimes my rice is crunchy, but overall....." - Anonymous

19. May Senator Jesse Helms rest in piss

20. Definitely worth checking out and spreading the word : http://www.shecaresfoundation.org/

21. C.F....Im confident in time that we'll get our friendship back on track. I like to think that we are/were too good of friends to not to

22. Somebody tell Eddie Murphy that the Sci-Fi genre is not his cup of tea

23. Gotta admire him for continuing to try though

24. Me : 'What's that Chinese girl doing on 35th and King Drive??!?!' Jan : 'Nails!'

25. Did that heifer really have her dog all over the furniture in the hotel lobby like she was at home?

26. THEY are something else I tell you!

27. "U got it bad if you miss a day without your friend/Your whole life's off track/You know you got it bad when you're stuck in the house/You don't wanna have fun/It's all you think about...." - Usher "U Got It Bad"

28. *sigh*

29. Jody Weiss needs to get it together. This gun violence is past ridiculous!

30. Sparkle, you and your fam are in my prayers

31. Keir I know it's a tough thing to go thru.....Im praying for you and sending you good energy

32. I may be in the minority on this but I think the Jesse/Barack thing was overblown a bit

33. Yeah I know what he said but....in the context in which he said it..I dont think it was the most horrible thing said about Barack

34. I dont think his probable jealously had much to do with that particular quip

35. "Why are people so worried about Black (or White people) voting for Barack "just" because he's Black? There are people that WON'T vote for him, just because he's Black. Go bother those people!" - Illseed (AllHipHop.com)

36. The writing is clearly there on the wall...in like bright pink bubble letters!

37. I just need to stop acting like I cant read when I can

38. At a certain point you just gotta face shit and deal with it for what it is

39. For the record : Being lethargic sucks sea monkey nuts

40. One of the beauties of this life is that for the most part.....you pretty much can create and regulate your own reality

41. That is if you are bold enough to do so

42. So just how bold are you?

43. "The Martha Stewart/that's far from Jewish/Far from a Harvard Student/Just had the balls to do it!" - Jay Z "What More Can I Say?"

44. Getting started aint as hard as you make it out to be

45. What do you do when you realize that you have gluttonous tendencies but dont quite know what to do about it?

46. The poor child still has to look at the keyboard to type....how unbelievably cute is that? lol

47. Make Im just biased though

48. Aaaaah I see the finish line to this list (which is good b/c I sorta feel like I whined and pouted all throughout it)

49. But thanks for reading along if you did

50. "I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts." - Will Rogers

Talking To The Mirror

"I fight with myself in the ring of doubt and fear/the rain aint gone, but I can still see clear" - Common Sense "Gaining One's Definition" 1997

I've got some living to do
and I'm tired of making excuses as to why I cant start
Its time I started coming up with reasons why I can
At a certain point you just get sick and tired
of being sick and tired
At least you should
I pray you all find that point
You do what you gotta do to motivate yourself
Lord knows aint nobody gon do it for you
It aint about greed
It aint about living how they live on TV
It shouldnt be anyways.
Its about doing for you
Doing for your fam
Doing something that you can be proud of
Something that you can speak loud of
Everyone has ideas
Believe it or not most of them are actually good
but the difference is in those who follow through
on their ideas and those who just continue to come up with ideas
So which one are you?

What's your mark on the world gonna be anyways?

You, Me & He (What We Gonna Do Baby?)

So Im reading this book, right? And it's about a lady discussing how she came to discover that she needed to be in a open marriage and how monogamy doesn't exactly work for her and the such. And so needless to say that this book has me thinking. Im almost scared as to what it means that Im agreeing with so much of what Im reading concerning her views on monogamy.

Funny how 'monogamy' and 'monotonous' are nearly the same word, huh? Things that make you go Hmmmm......

Anyways....I've always pictured in my head that I will marry a great woman and that will be that. Me and her til the wheels fall off. But temptation is a mu'fucka yall! That fine chick that you wanted to smash for the last 5 years always decides that she's ready to get down the day after you commit to your relationship. Such is life I suppose. Still doesnt make it any less fucked up though.

At this exact moment in time the thought of an open marriage, to me, is one of those things that sounds realllllllllly good in theory, but isnt actually practical. I mean the thought of me being able to get up with another chick when the feeling hit, with my girl fully knowing, and shit STILL BE OKAY?!?!?! Man the thought of that makes a nigga feel like this or maybe even this, but the flipside of that is that your girl can do the same. Im a jealous scorpio. The thought of another dude smashing my girl isnt a pleasant one. And so yeah...no open marriage for me I dont think.

Or is it? Yall know I always say that I want that 'Ossie and Rubie Dee' love, right? Well if you didnt know, they apparently had an open marriage. So what does that say? I dunno. Shit is confusing yo.

What say you?

Is monogamy natural?

Is all the talk of those who say it's "not natural" just a cop out by people who wanna have their cake and eat it too?

What do you REALLY think about open marriages?

The "Babymama's Terrorist Fist Jab" List

1. "Sometimes I think I'm from another world/When I try to tell a woman just exactly where I stand at/I want a girl when I want a girl/And when I don't want a girl I want a girl who understands that/And that's some hard shit to explain/to a woman that's in love with you/It's a pitiful thing..." - Phonte (Little Brother) "Slow It Down"

2. I swear I be giving yall my life in these here lists

3. This shit more or less equates to therapy for me

4. It's how I get all the thoughts in my head from ganging up and jumping me

5. So Puffy is back to being Puffy again?

6. Honestly I never really referred to him as 'Diddy' so it makes me no nevermind

7. Crazy rarely realizes that it's crazy.

8. And with that said....who's to say what crazy truly is?

9. But still....sometimes you just know

10. "...Until I had to figure/That I don't wanna play around, but I don't wanna settle down/And that's a man's dilemma/'Cause every man remembers how his daddy and his uncles did it/'Cause more than likely that's the way they're gonna do it/I know it sounds fucked up and most wont admit it/But yo, I gotta face it 'cause I know I'm living through it" - Phonte (Little Brother) "Slow It Down"

11. *sigh*.......my life!

12. Remember when Michelle gave Barack dap on stage after he pretty much clinched the nomination?

13. Yeah...that got referred to as a 'Terrorist Fist Jab' by Fox News' E.D. Hill

14. LOL @ fucking clueless white people!...it's called a POUND and/or DAP

15. LMAO at news coverage calling it 'Fist bump', 'Closed fist high five', 'Knuckle Bump' and everything else these idiots came up with

16. Oh and then Michelle got referred to (again by the fabulous Fox News) as Barack's babymama....nevermind the fact that they been married how many years now......before they had kids? WTF?

17. I say all that to say....the back and forth between HillBilly and Barack was essentially in-house fighting compared to the shit McCorpse McCain and the GOP are gonna pull so brace yourselves yall

18. "Tomorrow is never promised so it's quite a good look to tell someone you love them today." - Jonesy

19. Kelli Im glad ur here hon. Shit like that lets you know that you are truly here for a reason, ya know?

20. Purchasing a hot single by a flossy, semi-famous "ballin" rapper via itunes...... $.99

21. Watching said rapper and crew struggle to pony up a a few hundred dollars to rent a room in your hotel...... PRICELESS!!!!

22. Then seeing said rapper and crew being forced to ask their bust downs/groupies to use their credit cards to check in b/c none of them have any........DOUBLE PRICELESS!!!

23. I swear you couldnt pay me to make this shit up!

24. Sitting around waiting for inspiration to strike is pretty pointless

25. You gotta be proactive and find a way

26. At the end of the day all you really got to rely on is you

27. "I'd put that on my wedding invite entitled 'We Gon Be Fucking Forever Yall : So Watch What You Invite Us To!'. That quote will be in calligraphy...all fancy and shit" - Chante

28. I dunno about yall, but if I got an wedding invite with that title I would MAKE SURE I'm there!

29. Believe it or not....this might very well be the most difficult list I ever put together

30. This shit took me forever.....stuff would come and go before I could add it

31. So Steen was like.....'I just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking about you today. It's Father's Day and I know you lost your dad so you're in my thoughts'

32. To which I replied.....'Thats really sweet of you but I aint thinking about that nigga. Is that mean? I kinda feel bad for not feeling bad. I actually have a couple of friends on my mind who lost their dad within the last year so Im feeling bad for them.'

33. I actually do feel bad for not really feeling bad. Such is my reality I suppose

34. There's obviously unresolved issues there that I need to tend to.....eventually

35. "Fast food got me sick!/These mu'fuckas think they slick/by trying to make this bullshit afforadable..." - Cee Lo Green (Goodie Mob) "Soul Food"

36. No...for real! Eating right is hard! And expensive!!!!

37. Im tempted to say 'Fuck it. Somebody is just gon have to love me, fat belly and all!'

38. LMAO @ KY Jelly holder on the wheelchair

39. I really have no words about the R.Kelly verdict other than that I hope gets some help now that he has dodged that big ass bullet that I was sure was gonna lay him flat

40. What else is there to say other than when Phonte of Little Brother said.. 'The social hierarchy according to the American legal justice system goes something like this: Dead dogs >>>>> bullet riddled Black men >>>>>> sexually abused Black girls' in his blog entitled "Would R.Kelly Be In Jail If He Had Pissed On A Dog?"?

41. Speaking of LB....did they sneak a new album out without my knowledge??!!?!?

42. Everytime I find myself rushing to get the dishes done before roomie comes home it reminds of rushing to get them done before my mama came home. I have to remind myself that 'Im grown as hell, dog'.

43. "Never give up on a dream just because of the length of time it will take to accomplish it. The time will pass anyway." - Life's Little Instruction Book Vol. 3

44. I fucking love that book.

45. Sad Reality of Life : Stupid people procreate at a far faster rate than Smart people are capable of

46. And this is so mostly b/c smart people got shit to do other than just fucking

47. God bless Myshell and her family and Tim Russert's too

48. Cindy Im so thankful that your mom is now cancer free!

49. Viva la WINFEST......another great one in the books!

50. "I hate Verizon. I hope they all get fucking syphillis!" - Lesley

Al Sharpton for VP!!!!!

While Im literally ecstatic that Barack will be the Democratic nominee for President, I am now fearful for him and his family.

Shout out to Fox Brown Fox. She blogged that Obama should be protected by Black Gangster Disciples, Black P Stones, El Rukns, Four Corner Hustlers, Gangster Disciples, Imperial Gangsters, Imperial Vice Lords, La Familia, La Raza, Latin Kings
Latin Queens, Maniac Latin Disciples, Mickey Cobras, Sisters of the Struggle, Vice Lords, Bloods & Crips, Irish Republican Army, Chicago Teamsters from the 80s, La Cosa Nostra, TD Jakes' Women that have been Loosed, National Organization of Women, Lesbians with Guns, Trannies with Poison Darts, and Drag Queen Super Heroes.

And I couldnt agree more.

Let's face it. This country, and even the world in general, but mostly this country, has shown us over and over again that if you shine too brightly, think too radically, try to do too much right, or make too much damn sense, they have no problem taking you out. Think Medgar, Malcolm, Martin, John or Bobby Kennedy to name a few.

And speaking of Bobby Kennedy.....Im not feeling Hill as the VP at all. This dirty bitch may plot to have him "taken care of" so she can step right in. Sounds far fetched, but shit not really. She has proven that there really isnt a new low that she wont stoop to.

And that leads me back to the brother with the perm. Al Sharpton needs to be Barack Obama's running mate for the simply fact that any would be harm do'ers will think twice b/c Lord knows they dont want that nigga to be President!

And that may make you chuckle a bit, but a good part of me is dead serious.

In The News 6.02.08

This Obama/Trinity thing is weird. On one hand, it aint like Rev. Wright or Father Pfleger lied in anything they said. But I guess something is to be said for timing. Especially with Rev. Wright's 2nd flare up and now Father Pfleger. There is no question that they are for Obama. But they saw the backlash that was faced when Rev. Wright's first sermon hit the airwaves. So for Father Pfleger to go into Trinity, knowing all eyes were still on the church, AND that they do live video streaming across the net, and say what he said, might coulda been a bit of a dumb ass move. And again...he shole aint never lied, but timing yall, timing! Wait til the nomination is completely locked up. You know white folks cant handle the straight up truth like that!

Did 50 burn down his own damn multi-million dollar home to force his babymama out? Did ol girl figure 'since you want me out so bad aint NOBODY finna live in this bitch!!'? Im not sure which way it was. But the fact that the house went up in flames like it did is maaaaaaaaaaaaaad suspicious. If you are unfamiliar, 50 wanted his babymama out by the end of the school year. He said she has a bunch of people living in there, of which he isn't (and shouldn't be) responsible to pay for. She says he promised her the house and since it's hers she can pretty much do as she pleases. Tricky situation indeed. What's obvious though is one of them got tired of the constant back and forth and had someone torch the place. Ol girl and her kids (including 50's 10 yr old son) all were treated for minor smoke injuries. I think whomever simply wanted the culprits to set one part of the house ablaze and cause a little damage, but said culprits went overboard and damn near killed er'body inside! This one is gonna be interesting to see as the truth comes out.

Kimbo Slice had his network TV debut over the weekend. If you are unfamiliar he is a former street fighter/web phenom who just turned pro in Mixed Martial Arts league. There was a huge "debate" as to whether WHITE PEOPLE OVER THE AGE OF 35 America was ready to see him on prime time TV. You know...Big Scary Black Man and all. The only thing is......THIS NIGGA IS REALLY FUCKING SCARY! It aint like the LeBron cover thing. This is the real deal. Dude is terrifying. You see the picture, right? Wouldn't you try to stay on his good side too? I love the Lil Wayne lyric "I aint never ran from a nigga / and I damn sure aint bout to pick today to start running", but uhhhh....dude looks like he can retrieve the bitch outta just about anybody. Im not sure there are enough digits you could put on a check to get me in the ring with son, but that's just me.

The "World's Smartest Dummy" List

1. "I solemnly swear/to change my approach..../Cause I be doing the most/But everytime I felt that was that/it called me right back/Man, it called me right back" - Jay-Z "Allure"

2. Sometimes I do the most. Like when I drink 'til I throw up and pass out while standing up in bathroom stalls

3. Can you say "Excessive"?

4. What the hell was in Lena's jeezus juice anyways?

5. You would think that by age 30 I'd know better than to drink like a fish on an empty stomach but apparently not

6. Teej = World's Smartest Dummy

7. (I can just see your face now.) Dont worry Andy. Im cool.

8. HillBilly still aint shut their shit down yet?

9. Did they not get the memo that it's "Barack Time" or something?!?!?

10. "You should get a beta. They are pretty easy to take care of. We had one that lived for years, even through a fire... until Eric fed him Velveeta. That's a pet care tip for you: no processed cheese food for fish" - Lesley

11. Do you think it's a coincidence that in the midst of all his Sean Bell protests, the US District Attorney has 'uncovered' that Al Sharpton supposedly owes $1.5 million in back taxes?

12. Trust me....if this is indeed the case, these fools ARE NOT just discovering this

13. Screw "Sex and The City" when is the "Girlfriends" movie come out?!

14. If I know your first and last name, more than likely I've googled you

15. It's simply what I do....dont ask me why

16. The Celts sure as hell are making this championship run hard I tell ya!

17. "I love my nigga for the fact that he's real/and nobody on the faculty squeal/And if you facing capital pun(ishment)/then pass me a gun/and Imma give you time to run/while I rapidly peel!" - Jadakiss/Styles P "We Gon Make It"

18. Aint that some loyalty for your ass?!?!? Now that's what Im talking bout!

19. No Ronnie, it doesnt surprise me that Morehouse's 2008 Valedictorian is white. I mean Tiger Woods has been the world's best golfer for what? Like 10 years now? Shit had to even out somewhere I figure

20. People keep trying to "buy" me on myspace. It's kinda fun on facebook, but the myspace version looks wack

21. Why do they keep jacking facebook for their applications anyways?

22. Stop being a beatbiter and dope style taker Tom

23. OMG a cyclone in Myanmar killed 78,000 and a earthquake in China killed like 33,000

24. God Bless them all

25. We really gotta find a way to work better with Mama Earth. Im sure all these natural disasters are a result of us doing too much to the earth, ya know?

26. We all play a part yall....for real http://www.earthshare.org/get_involved/earth_saving_tips.html

27. "Did you ever stop to notice the crying Earth/The weeping shores?" - Michael Jackson "Earth Song"

28. I swear I have never felt more loved at the hotel than when they wanted me to sign up to play basketball against our sister hotel

29. They dont even know if I can play or not!

30. Speaking of basketball.....when I wrote the blog about Candace Parker I never imagined in 122 years that she might actually lay eyes upon it

31. But thanks to the homie Chanteeeeezy she prolly will

32. I hope she sees the humor and satire in it

33. She really is the truth tho....setting a record for most points in a WNBA debut, plus she was 2 assists shy of a triple-double

34. *steps down from Candace's jock*

35. "You cant wait for inspiration. You have to go after it with a club!" - Jack London

36. I need to tattoo that shit on my forehead!

37. So this dude goes crazy, shoots his girlfriend 8 times, leads popo on a high speed chase that ends at a crowded park (where he promptly drives through the baseball field of people)! Then he jumps out the car, pretends to have a gun and screams "I want to be shot!".Needless to say he was white, therefore he didnt catch 50 shots. They just tasered him and took him into custody. Go figure! http://www.%20msnbc.%20msn.%20com/id/24522525

38. Thanks for passing that story along Michelle

39. You know those people who never send regular emails, just maaaaad forwards?

40. So yeah I think my mama is one of those people, bless her heart

41. Anyone (besides you *wink*) aware of where my current screen name is from?

42. I really aspire to be that shit

43. "This man ish is heavy, works on the nerves, you live to be a strong leader, protect and serve/But on the inside I long to be little me again, and see how it works when you have the lesson blended in" - Jaxon

44. Brother please believe I feel you!

45. I've DJ'ed the last two house parties Ive been to from my ipod!

46. Add DJ to the list of things Im gonna do too

47. Man....the Cubs might be really good this year. Dont worry they'll blow it in the post-season

48. Rude.com has thoroughly pissed me off with this pay shit

49. And to think....I almost didnt do 50 b/c I worry about people reading the stuff I write in these lists!

50. "I mean what if they pulled a chick wit our pics...they cant fuck...cuz soon as they show up lookin like John Witherspoon.....its ova!!" - Vice Verse on dudes stealing our pics to use on their profiles

I Now Understand.....

...why this country and world is so fucked up!

As most of you know, I work as a concierge at a ritzy boutique hotel (and no, I dont have the hookup for you, so dont ask!) in downtown Chicago. And Im sure those of you who read my blogs have at some point read when I reference my job as 'getting shit for white people'. (Yall think Im being funny, but Id say 85% of the guests are white so Im just telling the troof!) If you are unfamiliar with the term 'concierge' lemme give you the textbook definition as told by everyone's favorite source for info about anything....WIKIPEDIA!

"In hotels, a concierge assists guests with various tasks like making restaurant reservations, arranging for spa services, recommending nightclubs, procurement of tickets to special events and assisting with various travel arrangements and tours of interesting places to visit. In upscale establishments, a concierge is often expected to "achieve the impossible", dealing with any request a guest may have, no matter how strange, relying on an extensive list of personal contacts with various local merchants and service providers."

Now with that said....you can imagine that I run into and deal with ALL types of people every single day that Im at work. Everyone from your typical well to do types, to business class types that run multi-million dollar companies, to foreigners visiting this country who barely speak English, to the dude tricking off trying to impress a jumpoff and so on. All these people have one shining attribute in common.......

.....THEY ARE ALL FUCKING IDIOTS!!!!!!!!!!

I now understand how Bush got (s)elected and re-(s)elected. I mean really....when Kerry lost I was just dumbfounded as to how anyone can vote for this prick a second time, but now I get it.

As Ive told the homie Andrea (What up Hutch?!?!) many a time......we are the minority b/c the vast majority of the world is stupid. Plain and simple. Its just one of those clear cut things......much like the fact that water is indeed wet and Paris Hilton is a trick. It just is. Most people in general can not think for themselves or make their own decisions and so they'll believe everything they are told or see on TV or read in the newspapers. They repeatedly believe the hype even though PE warned 'em not to.

There's a saying I heard a while ago that says 'Common sense aint so common anymore'. And this is what I just cant wrap my brain around. Much like most white people cant fathom police brutality and racism even existing, I cant fathom how and/or why people are so damn dumb. Most times when I have to deal with these idiots it just pisses me off. And my coworkers wonder why I get all riled up. "Are you fucking slow? MACY'S IS ACROSS THE STREET! THERE....RIGHT THERE! SEE WHERE MY FINGER IS POINTING? IT'S RIGHT THERE! THAT BUILDING RIGHT THERE!" My patience just wares then. I get irritated when people dont do the common sense/basic shit.

I feel like Im ranting now. Actually I pretty much know that I am so let me wrap it up for you folks so you can continue with your day.

In short, about 88, maybe 89% of the world is either slow, stupid or retarded. Those of us that dont fall into those categories must remember that we are severely outnumbered. They are everywhere. At our jobs, at our places of leisure, even next door to you! Stupid people do stupid things.......and it makes sense to them. So when us non-afflicted people try to do something the non-stupid way everyone looks at us like we're out of our mind. Dont buckle under the pressure. Dont let stupid prevail. And by all means when you are forced to deal with an obvious idiot just take a deep breath, remind yourself of the fact that it's them and not you, then say what you need to say to them as slow as possible til it sinks into their tiny little brains.

Smart people unite and let's all get down!

On The Sean Bell Verdict...

"Fuck tha police/coming straight from the underground/ A young nigga got it bad becuz Im brown/and not the other color so police think/they have the authority to kill a minority" - NWA(Ice Cube) "Fuck Tha Police" 1988

He emptied his clip, reloaded, and emptied the second clip into Sean Bell's car for a total of 31 shots.............by his damn self!

Do you know how much fucking time it takes to empty two magazine clips? Especially when you have to reload?!?!!?!??!

The other officers combined for a total of 19 additional shots. Claimed they believed a gun to be in the car. Said one of the cars' occupants made a sudden move. Of course there was no gun in the car. In these cases there usually never is.

In 1999 Amadou Diallo's wallet was mistaken for a gun. They shot at him 41 times before it was over...............................You ever seen a fuckin' square shaped gun?!?!?!?

The next time a black dude runs from a cop you'll will know why. Or maybe they'll finally know why. They have repeatedly shown us that our lives dont mean shit to them. As a black male this shit is disheartening. Actually it's frightening is what it is. It could be a videotaped beating in the middle of a highway or a pre-dawn raid where it is proven that the cops let off 99 of 100 shots, and that 1 shot was a reaction of being shot, and it doesnt matter. For these fuckers to get off basically scott free...to not even be convicted of so much as excessive force, b/c you'd think 50 shots at unarmed people would be excessive, it's more than a slap in the face. It's more like a clear message.

This all traces back to fear. Black men are so fucking feared in this world it makes no sense. Hate to sound like Im on a "Woe is the Black Man" soap box, but when the fuck have you ever heard of a unarmed white man being shot at 50 some odd times? I sure as hell cant think of any instances. But again this all boils down to fear. Im pretty sure that those cops didnt go out looking for some black men to kill that night, but in the heat of the moment.........

Fear + Adrenaline + Guns = Alot of dead people....in this case, black men people. Maybe someone did make a sudden move. Its said that the officers didnt clearly identify themselves before drawing guns. At 4am I'd think I was being carjacked too.

Before I go off on too much of a tangent, you cant tell me that those cops didnt need to be held accountable. 50 fucking shots is at the very least excessive force when you arent being fired upon! Gimme a fucking break!

"Hard to be a spiritual being when she is shaking what you believe in..." - Talib Kweli "Respiration"

My Plan To Impregnate Candace Parker

Alls I gotta do is wait til the next hot party where she's one of the special invited WNBA players that's supposed to come. Yup! Then Imma make sure Im there wearing the jeans that show off my package so she can see what Im working with. Then Imma somehow work and/or sneak my way into VIP where she gon be popping bottles and making it rain on dudes and shit. She gon have to notice me. I know I stand out. I mean sure, I might play myself a lil bit, but it's worth it. She just got drafted No.1 overall by the LA Sparks! You know she finna be balling for real!

So maybe I'll dance on her all suggestively in the club or even give her a lil head in the back of VIP. That way she'll wanna invite me back to her hotel. We can ride back in her '09 Navi thats fully equipped sitting on 56's. Man ALLLLLL the dudes gon be sick when they see me hop in the passenger side. I can hear them hataz now : "Who the fuck is that nigga?!?!? He aint even fresh! His A1's got a scuff on 'em!!!", but whatever!

Then we gon get to the hotel and be chilling in her suite. And she gon be trying to get at me b/c Im buzzed. Imma play hard to get a lil bit at first b/c I dont want her to think Im some hoe that be scheming on ball players even if I really am. Hell, she aint gotta know all that! Imma play the role though and let her know that I dont usually do this, but there is just something about her. Then after a couple hours Imma finally give in and let her smash. Imma let her smash allllllllll night, but Imma poke a hole in all the condoms and then BAM!!! She gon have my baby and Im gon be set for life.

The End.