Teej's Gifts

These are some of the gifts I only WISH I could give to these people.


Barack Obama & Family.....Strength, Courage & Wisdom

Gov. Rod Blagojevich........a snowball's chance in hell

Evander Holyfield.......a Foreman Grill-esque come up so that he can pay for all his kids w/o having to box until he's 75!

Eddie Murphy.......a hit movie!

R.Kelly......a whole bunch of female "friends" who are at least 21

The City of Chicago.......to get a new moniker besides 'the city of hella-haters'

Aaron McGruder ...........the time and patience to bless us with a 3rd season of 'The Boondocks'

Kanye West.... (after hearing "808's & Hearbreak").........some peace and mending

Sarah Palin..............................a fucking clue

Lil Wayne/Amy Winehouse.............a year long stint in the Betty Ford Clinic

The "Real" Housewives of Atlanta............a biiiiiiiig dose of reality and living within their means

Beyoncé.................for someone to put the soul back in her music

Solangé..................for someone to give her music a shot

Real & Chance.....................................matching nooses

Yung Berg.............a better 2009

DMX..................to be able to hit the 'Reset' button

Plaxico Burress........to be able to hit the 'Reset' button

The cast of 'Girlfriends'.......a reunion show and a movie

Mayor Daley.........for all the side street snow to be placed on HIS sidestreet

George Bush/Dick Cheney..........................for Karma to hurry up and catch both they asses!


Here's to you and yours having a Happy Holiday season. Please feel free to add any gifts that you'd like to give to anyone.

Say Whaaaaaat?!?!!?

I usta swear up and down that the Jungle Brothers' song that said "Girl I'll house you" was in fact saying "Where's my houseshoe?"

For years my brother sang "I'm in love with you. Fair is fair!" when Miki Howard was actually singing "I'm in love under new management".

Then there's my cousin Jesse who loved Janet's "Let's Wait A While" but still couldnt make out that she was singing "....so our love can be greater". Instead he heard the totally non-sensical lyric of "...so our love can Big Rita"


And just recently I clowned my friend Danisha b/c she's convinced that in En Vogue's "Hold On" that Cindy adlibs the quip "Screw anothe n*@@a yeah but don’t let go" when upon further review it appears as though she is just scatting, but in Danisha's defense I can hear what she thinks she hears lol.

So what you got?

What lyric have you flubbed for years? And do you still sing the wrong lyric b/c that's just what you're used to and the song doesnt sound right if you dont sing it like you came to know it?

Inspiration : Danisha Danielle, messing these lyrics up since childhood, and being too stubborn to sing it the right way once we find out the error of our ways.

Misc. Blog 2

So I type this particular blog from the very place my blog pretty much originated. That's right....on the overnight shift at the Hotel Beezy. lol. Thankfully nothing crazy to report aside from some irritating chick calling here at 5:30am to get the number from a black card ad in a magazine. The heifer waited like 10 mins. til my mans n nem in housekeeping found the magazine. How fucking random! Anyways so yeah Im on the overnight. I only did it b/c one of the few co-workers that I actually like wanted to take a day off so I played nice and agreed to do shift. Hope they dont get no bright ideas about me doing more tho.

Anyways I've self diagnosed myself with having a lack of motivation. Kinda weird but the last couple days Ive not had to go to the hotel. Been at home alllllllllllllllll day and didnt really get shit done. There's so much that I could be doing. I could go work out in the gym thats happens to be in the lobby of building. I could be working any of the 3 scripts that I have in various stages of being written. I could organize the book of poetry and prose I wanna do. Or even edit and go over some of the poems. I could tinker with the proposals of the events that I wanna do early next year. I could tinker with and edit my resume so that I dont make it to 6 years at the hotel. Needless to say I could go on. The moral of the story is that I have to look within and find the motivation myself. Otherwise I will just be a fatass of a unhappy concierge/hotel employee for a long ass time and that's just no bueno!

Did I mention that I wanna be in love again?

*sigh*

*Looks to the sky* "What up with that big homie? Where is she?"

Be blessed yall.

Teej

Misc. Blog 1

So when I first agreed to blog over at inchicity.com I had the intentions of doing something special for this blog in addition to what I post over there. After all this is my main blog, ya know? Been holding it down since '04 over here...before I was on a inchicity or facebook or myspace even. Anyways so Im finally getting around to blogging extra here. Thank you to my 4 subscribers. I guess yall are in for a treat. lol. If I knew how to subscribe to someone's blog I would surely have subscribtions. Im sure it aint even that complicated. I probably just aint took the time out to get it cracking but I will.

Moving along now....these "Misc. Blog" posts will be about nothing in particular. Just me rambling b/c it's my blog and I can do that. I gotta shout out Lesley and Monica Payne for kinda lighting a fire under my ass as far as blogging. The last couple of weeks Ive felt rather "eh" about blogging but reading their blogs as of late has kinda centered me and reminded me of the whole point of it all which is to simply express yourself. Sometimes in the midst of the daily rigamaro (is there even a correct spelling for that "word"?) you lose focus, but thankfully I found my way back to the middle. So boom!

Im still listening to this damn Solange album religiously. I think musically it's jamming and lyrically niggas aint gon appreciate this shit for another 10 years. She is such a dope songwriter. She has reminded me that I want to write songs along with scripts and poems and books and shit. I just wanna write. And I will. You just watch. Maybe I can get Monica to "teach me some moves" like Bruce Leroy as far as songwriting goes.

Okay Im done rambling for the night I think. I need to make sure to pray for focus. I have soooo much I wanna do and get done. I just need to line 'em up and knock 'em down one by one and not lose focusssssssssssss. Im telling you now....I get that under my belt and the world is mind yo.

Be blessed yall.

Teej

The “Nothing But Sunshine Hanging Over Me” List

1. "I should say if anybody wants to tape my conversations, go right ahead, feel free to do it. Whatever I say is always lawful ... I don't believe there's any cloud that hangs over me, I think there's nothing but sunshine hanging over me." - Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich on December 9th, 2008, the day before he was arrested and indicted with hella phone tap evidence against him

2. The sheer, absolute, and absurd audacity of this guy!

3. I mean really....you really figured you'd get away with selling a seat in the US Senate to the highest bidder?

4. Like for real B? Is that what's hot in the streets? Can we say 'drunk off of power'?

5. Shout out to Caryn for bringing that quote to my attention

6. That's our 2nd governor in a row that's went down in scandal

7. And then Jesse Jr. was about all set to pay to play too?

8. Im saying....WTF is with Illinois politics?!!?!??

9. How's it go Stevland?

10. "There's no principles in what you say/No direction in the things you do/For your world is soon to come to a close/Through the ages all great men have taught/truth and happiness just cant be bought....or sold/Tell me why are you people so cold?" - Stevie Wonder "Saturn"

11. Speaking of Stevie.....am I the only one disturbed by the news that he may be on the new season of Dancing With The Stars?

12. I mean I know he's Stevie and he's not of this world and all but.....

13. .....yall do remember the time he came from 'round that piano and danced at the BET Awards, right?

14. Lord knows I loveth thy Stevie, but he didnt look so stable with that

15. All thanks to my blog muse Lesley

16. I think I had lost my listing mojo so to speak but reading her list inspired me to do it again

17. From now on I will list the 2nd friday of every month....whether yall dig it or not lol

18. "...screaming "fuck the world"/why?/Cause dont nobody love us/Shawn Carter, Sean Bell/What's the difference? Do tell?/50 shots or 50 mil/Aint no difference, go to hell!/So BLAH!/Lick a shot for Barack Obama/Change gon come or Imma buy the whole hood llamas on me!" - Jay Z "A Milli Freestyle"

19. Shit I'm kinda still expecting to wake up from this dream that we gon have a black president yall

20. Can January 20th take any damn longer to get here tho?

21. So you know about the urban legend that has Aaron Hall saying "dumb bitch!" in "Piece Of My Love", right?

22. Did we ever confirm as to whether that is what he actually said?

23. I know it suuuuure sounds like it, but you would think they wouldn't just let that ride if he did, right?

24. Go listen and report back yall

25. Oh the Bears.....we love 'em and we hate 'em

26. Cherise & Tajuana Im praying for your strength

27. "Sometimes I get so lonely, lonely, lonely/I feel all by myself up here/That's when I take a minute/to re-evaluate things/All of the things I think are special/Oooh like/when you wake up in the morning/and you see the morning sun/and you need to know the world is on your side..." - Erykah Badu "Ye Yo"

28. Right on to the real......death to the fakers

29. I just felt like saying that.....word to Big Rube!

30. FYI......As I write this I am getting niiiiiiiiiiiiiiice off a bottle of Riesling

31. *says a prayer of thanks for said riesling and all wine in general*

32. In my head 10 comments to a blog = going platinum

33. Not that I blog for the comments..... it's just nice to hear feedback and what yall think, ya know?

34. But I swear I scratch my head when my more serious stuff like the blogs about the election barely go Gold, while my silly shit like blogs about mugs in the club with sunglasses on goes double platinum and a half?!!?!?!?!?

35. "So they say we're running out of time/We're running out of water/We're running out of light/There are far too many problems/and just not enough answers/But if we keep on asking they gon tell us what we like" - Solangé "6 O'Clock Blues"

36. I can admit to being all over Solange's bra strap and all b/c I think her album is way hotter than Bey's

37. Am I the only one who thinks Bey's fast CD sounds like recycled jawns from the last album and the slow one sounds like she jacked a bunch of Barbara Streisand material?

38. I mean really WTF Bey.....where is the soul?

39. For real...cop that Solangé. Trust me on this. If I don't know nann else....I know good music.

40. Why do my nails grow like Wolverine or some ish? What am I? Part werewolf? Where the hell is my nail clipper anyways?

41. I dont think the Birdie knows I exist

42. *jumps up and down, waves frantically*

43. "Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power!" - Abraham Lincoln

44. So let's see.....Im the concierge, but I get banned from the concierge desk for........wait on it.........doing concierge work at the concierge desk?

45. Hmmmm...maybe in a galaxy far far away that makes sense to someone, but over here on Planet Earth? Nah son.......shit aint really adding up B!

46. Do I feel 'Fuck Rant 4' coming so soon? lol

47. It's all a wake up call tho

48. Gotsa get to rewriting my script so that happiness is the outcome

49. Have I ever mentioned how many just plain ol dope ass, progressive, talented people I know?

50. "Ooohhhh... karaoke is a sore spot with me... the last time i went to a karaoke spot they had $2 margaritas and in 9 months (my baby) Justice was born!!!" - Keira

...muthafuckas want dead!

"I try to bring you 'life' but muthafuckas want 'dead'" - Jay Z "Young G's"

That lyric lends it's self to a theory that I have. The theory is basically about how people tend to respond to bad more so than good. Like they are more fascinated with bad than good or something.

Ever found yourself the willing recipient of some juicy gossip? Hearing "I heard Willie's wife came home early and found him in bed with her sister!" is alot more entertaining than hearing "I hear Willie surprised his wife with a trip to St. Croix!". Now ask yourself, if you were the gossip passer on-er type....which of the two would you be most anxious to share with someone else?

Ever heard the phrase "If it bleeds it leads"? Yes? No? Maybe so? Well in the event you haven't, that phrase is an age old adage of broadcast news. Every notice when you watch your nightly news that the first story is ALWAYS of a double homicide? The heart warming story about the 96 yr old lady who still gets up every day and walks a mile and a half to volunteer at the local soup kitchen usually gets buried somewhere between the next to last commerical break and sports.

Chris Rock once made a joke of how people in the hood get more respect when they get out of jail then when they graduate college. Sad, but true, right? And you cant tell me that this "autotune" craze in urban music isn't just fucking awful, but I'll be damned if it ain't winning right now!

Playing devil's advocate though : it might could be that maybe deep down we feel as though good stuff is SUPPOSED to happen. We all are supposed to do good so when someone does bad it's more of a shock and fascinating to us?

And I'm not unaware of the fact that there are some "good's" that totally trump "bad's". For instance you have God Vs. the Devil, good guys vs. bad guys in wrestling, usually the good guy wins over the bad guy on TV and in movies, and hey Barack did beat Ol' Short Arms, right?

I dunno....just a theory swishing around in this big ol think tank of mine.

What do you think?

Are people naturally fascinated/drawn to bad over good?

Damn Oprah...These Are Teej's Favorite Things!

Originally I wanted to do this list BEFORE the Fuck Rant 3, but sometimes things dont work out the way you plan, right? So seeing as though this is the day after Thanksgiving I figure this would be a perfect time to give a short list of SOME of the things that I love and/or am thankful for. I encourage you to do the same and revisit it on those days when you are the statue and not the pigeon.

*Reading Ruby and Ossie's story
*The word 'fuck' and all it's derivatives, but especially 'Fuckery'
*Family and friends
*My ipod and the music in it that attends to every one of my 5787945373 moods
*Her laugh

*That feeling I get when "As" first comes on
*Spending $$ @ Dr. Wax and Myopic
*Payday

*Breaking daylight on the phone with K
*Hip Hop

*Letting the kid in my live on by dancing to and singing "Party In My Tummy"
*Stevie Wonder
*Quotes
*Constantly re-reading Nikki Giovanni
*The fact that "each day's another chance to do the things I could've / done the day before, but I didn't and I known I should've"

*Doing "Superior Radio" and playing what the fuck we wanna play!
*Jacking Les for like all her blog ideas ;)
*Allllllllllll the ambitious, artsy, talented, smart, determined, hustle-rific people I know
*Love Ballads
*The sentiment behind "Im here to laugh, love, fuck and drink liquor / and help make the revolution come quicker"

*Singing Faith Evans' 'Soon As I Get Home" with my tone deaf ass
*Being at home amongst my shit
*Googling ER'THING!
*Indie films
*Lisa telling Kim "You're a liar....I will flip you over that couch!"

(Top 5 favorite things ever......in order)

*Music
*Sex
*Wine/Liquor
*French Fries
*Fruit Snacks

Fuck Rant 3

FUCK those who let fear run their lives
FUCK T-Pain AND his top hats
FUCK bailing everybody out but THE PEOPLE
FUCK the fact that I cant find my damn Solangé CD!
FUCK anyone who has anything to say b/c Solangé's CD is one of the best of the year.

FUCK a food shortage in Haiti that's killing kids
FUCK the Bears for getting their asses kicked like that by Green Bay
FUCK the Bulls for getting their asses kicked like that by Portland
FUCK having to work 3 different positions for 1 pay or not having a job at all
FUCK being forced into a corner

FUCK this economy
FUCK January 20th not being here already so that CHANGE can begin
FUCK Bush off GP

FUCK T-Pain again for "inspiring" everybody and they mama to use that autotune shit
FUCK them for being followers

FUCK calling my phone at 3am on some high school bullshit
FUCK procrastination

FUCK my joints for being stiff as of late. WTF is this shit?!?! Im only 31 yo!
FUCK Lindsay Lohan for referring to Obama as our nation's 'first colored president'

FUCK the fact that things are weird between Her and I when I just want the friend back that I had in her

FUCK feeling and being lethargic
FUCK "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" for being so damn addictive and sucking me in
FUCK them for teasing us with Sonic commercials when it aint one near here
FUCK lacking self control at times
FUCK my dentist for trying to stick me for that whole bill. I paid the co-pay. Send the rest of that shit to the insurance company

It's Called Progress... (Because This Cant Be The End All Be All)

I'm not quite sure as to whether that was the revolution
that wasn't supposed to be televised on my TV the other night
But if it was indeed the revolution
then that don't make liars of The Last Poets
Just means they were a bit off I guess

More than likely it was the start of the revolution
The opening credits if you will
Not the closing ones
There is still work to be done

So now that the partying is over
and the reality of it all has begun to sink in.....
Are you ready to work and keep it going?

Has this great inspiration and leader of a man named Barack
lit a fire under your ass or what?

Because this cant be the end all be all

This simply can not be the apex
It's called progress and it doesn't stop

For all those that came before us and sacrificed
with their loves and lives this milestone is for them
but it doesn't end here

There is still many a heart filled with hatred out there
but we must not let them get in the way of our progress
for they know no better and are only acting out the last
of the hate that hate produced

It's a new day yall
One dream has been realized and so another begins
My TiTi is gonna grow up in a world
where a black president is not unheard of
It's called progress and it doesn't stop

Because this cant be the end all be all

20 Questions (The Pre-Election Edition)

1. Does anyone else keep getting text messages about REALLY long voting lines?

2. Is that necessarily a bad thing?

3. Will the people (like me) who decide to vote on Nov. 4th have an easier or harder time doing so?

4. Could the longer than normal voting times be a ploy to dissuade people from sticking around to vote?

5. You aren’t gonna fall for that shit, ARE YOU?

6. What new trick are they gonna use to attempt to steal this election anyways?

7. …becuz you know it’s gon be SOMETHING, right?!?!?!

8. Will people be comfortable with the polls and early projections and not follow through?

9. Joe the Plumber is fucking getting a record deal?!!?!?!?!?!?!?

10. Who in the singing plumber fuck is gonna by his album??!??!?!

11. Did Barack absolutely KILL THE GAME with his prime time 30 min infomercial on all the major networks or what?

12. Between the new media outreach and now the 30 min. prime time joint….you think John McCain only wishes has campaign was half as innovative?

13. How much faster can Camp McCain come apart at the seams with all the finger pointing and leaping from that sinking ship?

14. Sarah Palin in 2012?!?!?!?!……Are you fucking shitting me??!!?!?

15. Dontcha think she oughta take her mooseburger eating ass back to Alaska and finish watching Russia from her back door?

16. What the hell are the “undecided” voters waiting to hear anyways?

17. Isnt it really as simple as change versus more of the same?

18. Are the ignorant people still on this “Oh he’s a terrorist” stuff?

19. Do you think THEY oughta pick up a book, STFU and get ready for a black president?

20. ARE YOU READY FOR CHANGE?!?!?!

I Cant Make This Shit Up!

I swear....watching the news and staying informed of what's going in the world just doesn't seem like it's worth it at times. I just don't understand people and their motives and train of thought.

Here are 3 recent news stories that have me scratching my head.

1. Trevor Wikre is a senior offensive lineman for the Mesa State Mavericks, a Division II school in Grand Junction, Colo. A couple of weeks ago while practicing with the team Trevor broke his pinkie finger. The doctors said that it's a bad break and that he'll need surgery and wont be able to play the rest of year. You know what Trevor says to the doctors? Huh? Huh, do ya? He tells them to CUT HIS FINGER OFF! Really Trevor? You're a senior, which means this SHOULD be your last year, but then again it wouldn't surprise if it isn't with you making DUMB ASS decisions like this. So you would rather go the rest of your life with 9 fingers than to miss 6 weeks of football? And as far as I know there has been no mention of you going to the league!??!?!!?!? Word? Is that what's hot in the streets?

2. So you know about the "Safe Haven" law that allows persons to leave (usually newborn) kids at designated places to become wards of the state and the such. The law was designed to discourage people from harmfully discarding the children. Welp.....see the problem that recently arose in Nebraska is.....see in Nebraska a child is defined as being under the age of 19. So recently they had a rash of people flocking in from across the country to discard their kids under this law. In a couple of particular cases that caught my eye we had people drive to Nebraska to abandon kids as old as 13 and 17!!! Yes you read right. My only question is....how the fuck do you abandon a 13 yr old....let alone a 17 yr old. If my mama woulda tried to drop me off in Nebraska at 13 I woulda went straight to the police station and called her. "Mama why you playing? Come back and get me! Imma take the garbage out!!!" You just cant abandon 13 and 17 yr olds. That's not even practical. You've raised them now! Make 'em go get a job and put in like my mama did. And while they've recently changed the law in Nebraska to prevent this...but still! For real people? For real?

3. Ashley Todd of Texas claimed that she went to the ATM after leaving a Republican phone bank in Pittsburgh (made no sense to me either, but whatever!). While at the ATM she was approached and robbed of $60 at knife point by a "6'4 dark skinned African-American male". So at some point either during or immediately after the robbery, the robber notices a McCain sticker on her car and becomes enraged! So much to the point that he begins to beat and kick her. Then after all the punching and kicking he allegedly carves a 'B' in her cheek. Sounds pretty fucked up, right? And if it really went down like young Ashley says it did then it really is fucked up. HOWEVER.......some shit just doesn't seem right yall. So while he is in the act of robbing her, he notices her bumper sticker?!?!? Then he carves her face, right? Like my teammate Veronica says... "How the hell you carve a perfect "B" in someone's cheek with them squirming and trying to get away and shit?" We're wondering if he used a butter knife. How you get robbed with a butter knife? Oh and so you decide to NOT go to the hospital after having your face carved? You decide to go the next day?!?!?!? Anybody else smell that? So yeah...this hooker's story of course fell apart.

I think I'm just not gon pick up a paper or read any news sites for a hot minute. These marks is getting my pressure up!

Does Your "Number" Matter?

A friend taking a course on human sexuality recently had me take a brief survey concerning perceived notions of "promiscuity" and it got me to thinking. I answered the questions as honestly as possible and while I'm pretty sure I'm no saint, I know for damn sure I'm far from being a 304 . (That's old pager code for those not in the know.)

So then that whole episode got me to thinking about my "number". And you know which "number" I speak of. Yes THAT number!

Remember Chris Rock's bit about this? When the guy asks the girl her number and she tells him that it's two. "Two?!!?!? Two!?!?!?!? I guess that's just how you raised!" he responds. Chris' point was that as far as men are concerned that ANY number a woman gives is gonna seem high b/c of the double standard that women are unfortunately burdened with. I think he exaggerated the point a bit for the sake of comedy but there was definitely truth there.

As far as my personal number, I think it's safe to say that I'm never gonna do Wilt numbers. Hell, I hope to never even reach triple figures let alone 5 figures. How the hell did dude even find time to play ball or even brush his damn teeth in the morning? Have you any idea the amount of time you'd have to devote to the fine art of humping to approach Son's digit??!!?

Anyways I wanna get married and get out the game and have my number frozen in time, ya heard? What is my number you ask? That's none of your damn business! lol. Just know that I think it to be pretty respectable for a guy my age. Actually I KNOW it to be respectable seeing as how I know that I've ducked and dodged a nice number of drawers that were thrown my way. Lord knows you cant be plugging every Power U that makes its self readily available to you. But let me not digress any further......

The point of this one is.....Is there an acceptable number when dealing with a new partner or potential mate? Does a person's number matter to you? Not that I wanna be naive about it all but I personally think it's all a slippery slope. Because what may be high to you may be low to the next person and vice versa.

I say as long as that check-up checks out then there should be no problem.

What say you?

The "Urban People Are A Trip" List

1. "Dealing with alcoholism and afrocentricity/A complex man drawn off simplicity” – Common “The 6th Sense”

2. Life is all about balances and dualities people.....please believe me.

3. She said she had a childhood friend named Shapantwon (Sha'Pan'Twon), and knew a set of brothers named Lemonjello (La'Mon'Ja'Lo) and Orangejello (O'Ronge'Ja'Lo)

4. I pray in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost that she was just making that shit up to be funny

5. What else is there to say about the upcoming elections?

6. McLame is wack.....Barack is where it's at!

7. Alot of states have grace periods beyond the deadline to register so take advantage

8. So I got a chance to watch "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" the other day.....

9. ....if these ol siddity ass chicks aint got the most false senses of entitlement I dun ever seen!!!!

10. "Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality." - Bertrand Russell via Itika

11. Somebody get Keyshia Cole's mama please!!!

12. I just made 5 years at the Hotel Beezy but Im not sure if that means I'm consistent or complacent

13. When you add on the fact that I do hella shit outside the hotel I guess that leans me more towards the consistent side despite all my multi-tasking

14. The AIG guys took $400, 000 of the bailout money and kicked it at the spa? Woooord? Is that what's hot in the streets?

15. They always find a way to get over, don't they?

16. Sometimes your friends WILL hurt you. Not necessarily on purpose, it's just that no one is perfect. You just have to remember in those times that you made them your friend for a reason

17. We all are dealing with SOMETHING. Some of us...more things than others. Try to be compassionate

18. "I don't understand/why do I stress the (wo)man/when there's so many bigger things at hand/We could've never had it all/We had to hit a wall/so this is inevitable withdrawal/...Did I play myself again?/I should just be my own best friend/and not fuck myself in the head with stupid (wo)men" - Amy Winehouse "Tears Dry On Their Own"

19. Always remember.....all the these thoughts of mine that you read in these lists are just passing thoughts more or less. I'm not necessarily married to any of them

20. White people will do and eat anything if you tell them it's in fashion or "in season"

21. I swear I saw a white lady eating hay at that restaurant

22. MAKE SURE TO CHECK OUT MY RADIO SHOW "SUPERIOR RADIO" EVERY TUESDAY AT 8:30PM CST ON WWW.SWANKSOCIETY.COM

23. Dontcha love how I plug my own shit on my own shit?

24. Any Cubs' fans out there? Don't worry.....there's always next year!!!! ;)

25. I know my White Sox didn't fair much better, but hey at least they won 1 game. Plus they've won a World Series in THIS lifetime. Something that the 'Scrubs' prolly wont ever do

26. Ladies take note........

27. "If you have to read into anything a man does, you are making excuses. Men are simple. They only get complicated when they aren't into you" - Naila

28. Naila be spittin' that 'Dylan x 5' hot fiyah son!!!

29. Keish Im praying for you

30. Lord knows I need to be more prayful

31. So not only does she inform me that she's already plagiarized one of my blogs and got a good grade on her paper, but then she informs that she'll be needing even more from me and could I hurry up and write something she could use!

32. Boy I tell you....."Urban" people are a trip

33. In case you've noticed, this list is only 35 items as opposed to 50. I'm tinkering with it b/c I think 50 overwhelms the newbies, ya know?

34. btw....I kinda finished this blog ass naked b/c naked is goooooood!

35. "I dunno how you got to be so snooty....you aint but one generation out the projects!" - Khadijah James "Living Single"

Nigga You Know You Cant See!!!

*sigh*

Can anyone explain to me exactly why dudes think wearing sunglasses in the club is cool? I dont know when. I dont know how. Alls I know is that this has become an epidemic within the last few years and it must be brought to a end. Maybe they are under the impression that this look adds to their swag or something....I dunno. What I do know though is that they need to give this shit a rest already.

And with that....I present to you 5 good ass reasons why guys need to 86 the whole sunglasses in the club phenomenon

5. You are being talked about....and not in the way that you had hoped! Trust me on this one dog!

4. Please know that it ONLY looks cool in the rap videos and not in real life. It's one of those things that seem good in theory, but not so much in practice

3. It screams "LOOK AT ME! I WANT ATTENTION BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD". My dude....are you really that hard up?

2. You have an outstanding chance of tripping over something that you would have seen sans the shades, thereby losing ALL the cool points you thought you had gained by wearing the locs in the first damn place

1.5. Alcohol + sunglasses + dark club = Accidentally coming up on a Strobelite Honey.

1. Or to take it a step further.....she could be a man and the likka and dark glasses inhibit your ability to check the neck!

Am I making sense here at all people? Take off the damn glasses!

Your Vote Is Important

I think I need not emphasize how important of an election this is. After all, aren't they all important? But this particular one is even more special than all the rest it seems. Not only from the historic aspect of possibly electing the first black president (damn a Bill Clinton!), but also b/c it's been a good while since this country was in such dire straits on so many levels. We're talking pre-FDR and "The New Deal" here people.

With that said, I wanted to use my platform to do my part and reinforce how important it is to get out there and use your privilege to vote. I don't have to remind you that people died to make it possible for us to have a say. Or actually....if you are 18 (meaning you were born in 1990....LAWDHAVEMERCY!!!!) and this is your first opportunity to vote, maybe I do need to remind you. My goodness if you are 18 that means you were 14 when Kerry lost, and 10 years old when Jeb rigged Florida to make sure Georgy Porgy got in in the first damn place. Just take my word for it. Your vote counts. Make sure you are in the place to be this election day and vote.

Speaking of which....can you believe this McCain dude? I promise you before this election season I usta have like .00002 ounces of respect for dude, but now? First he pulls this Palin chick outta nowhere to try and bamboozle disgruntled Hillary supports. Now he's on some "Let's suspend the campaign b/c our country needs us" ish. I wonder if he were ahead in the polls would he be singing this song? Son we see your shit like a 27 inch Zenith!

Anyways just don't believe the hype. Get out and vote. Time is running out if you need to register. Do what you need to do. They got voter caging tactics, and this No Obama gear at the polls nonsense among other things. All this shit is designed to do is confuse you and dissuade you from showing up and putting your vote in. I don't care the latest polls says Obama is up by 60 percentage points. Mosey your ass on down to your polling place and make your voice heard, ya heard?

And somebody get the word to your peeps in Florida and Ohio and tell them we aint going for the monkeyball shit this time around! Make it happen party people!

P.S. If these fuckers use the term 'Maverick' just ONE MO damn time....I swear fo' Jesus Imma fucking spontaneously combust!

I'm Teej and I approve this message!

www.voteforchange.com

www.rockthevote.com/voting-is-easy/important-dates/

www.declareyourself.com/voting_faq/state_by_state_info_2.html

*Inspiration : Suze Blue, the 50-leven emails I got warning me not to wear any Obama gear when I go to vote, the fact that people were literally killed a little more than 40 years ago for trying to vote, and John McCain's crusty ass!

3 Months

You know how in the movie 'Love Jones' when Nina and Darius hit it off, then Nina's ex-fianceé, Marvin tries to come back in the picture? Marvin invites Nina to NY to see if there is truly anything left, and b/c she wanted to inquire about some job possibilities out there she contemplates going. Nina is concerned how this will go over with Darius and Josie recommends that she tell Darius and if he acts the fool that means she "has" him and there is no need to go to NY. However if he tries to play it cool Nina should go and teach "his ass a lesson."

*PAUSE*

(Yo I hate LOVE GAMES! I think we're too grown for that. It was cool in high school but not so much now. People just need to be direct and up front about shit yo. You start playing the love games and shit gets tricky. Use your budnippers people. Nip that shit in the bud, say what you mean, be open and direct and you will be just fine like Mary J.)

Anyways....once Nina decides to follow Josie's advice shit goes haywire and it takes them a year to get it back together! But that's not the point of this blog. And yes I realize that if you aren't familiar with the movie, then all those names and whatnot may confuse you and surely ruin it if you haven't gotten around to seeing it, but you know what? I DON'T CARE! It's one of the best movies EVER and your monkey ass shoulda seen it by now!

Moving along.....

The whole point of this blog is about starting a new relationship. I think it's granted that in between relationships you have "situations" with people that you deal with and all, right? They aren't quite your girl, but yall hang enough for there to be some sort of understanding. Not necessarily on a physical tip, but again there is a understanding. Then you find someone who you start to kick it with and before you know it you are thinking of that person as a possible mate. But what about ol girl that you "see" sometimes? Then there's that "weird period" usually at about the 6 week mark or so when you start thinking "Man things is getting real with Tasha, but how am I gonna shake Lisa?" Anyone feeling me?

And so ladies and gentlemen that's why I'm proposing a 3 month rule!

See with the 3 month rule it is understood that with any new person you begin to see, you have exactly 3 months to completely rid yourself of any "situation" that needs to be disposed of. The start date of the 3 month rule is retroactive to the first time you realized that you and the newbie may have something here. And again that realization usually comes at about the 6 week mark of you two kicking it, so in essence that literally leaves you 1 1/2 months to rid yourself of said "situations", but you know....different strokes for different folks so we'll leave it at 3 months.
After that.....you are just bullshitting and I advise you to stop wasting grown folks' time.

The "YES WE CAN!!!" List

1. ".....the good Lord I prayed to him/And he said, "(People) are listening now so you better have something to say to 'em"/So I'mma tell you how it went down, man...." - Phonte (Little Brother) "Beautiful Morning

2. If you are tuning in from InChiCity.com and this is your first time reading this 'you are about to experience something so cold!'

3. This is what's called a "list" and it's comprised of various thoughts that cross my ADHD afflicted mind in regards to happenings in politics, sports, love, music, pop culture and my life in general, among other things

4. Oh and I be quoting hella shit too

5. Don't be shook b/c it goes up to 50. It's really a quick read I promise, k?

6. FYI....All the blogs wont be like this I swear. And with that.....let me finish getting this thing to juking

7. *Shakes head @ Kwame Kilpatrick*

8. I'm likely to never send another text EVER!

9. Nah....fuck that! I just wont be running for nobody's office! LMAO!

10. "His father was a Black Panther?!?!?! My father was a Black STONE!" - Geli

11. Speaking of Geli....we figured it out! The real Noriega prolly does owe Rick Ross 100 favors b/c when Ross was a C.O. he prolly hooked him up and helped him do his business while he was in the joint

12. Did anyone notice that they barely touched on the issues facing this country at the Republican National Convention?

13. All they did was talk about McCain's background and history and of course throw shots at Obama

14. Somebody get word to those fucktards that we don't believe them and they'll 'need more people'!

15. YES WE CAN!!!

16. In This Week In Niggerdom : T-Pain has remade Kirk Franklin's "Silver and Gold", which was about God, into a song about mixing Patron Silver and Gold

17. And what the fuck is with that coonish ass top hat anyways?!?!?!?!

18. "That's very stereotypical man. Every Asian dude you see on TV ain't Mr. Miyagi. Sometimes it's Bruce Lee!" - BA

19. I'm teetering on indifference......and that's not a good look!

20. Rachelle Ferrell K I L L E D it at the African Fest

21. Nice and Smooth? Ehhhh not so much. I swear they were on for like 11 minutes

22. Although it felt good to scream-sing "Hip Hop Junkies" and "Sometimes I Rhyme Slow"

23. Thankfully Gustav wasn't as bad as Katrina and we seemed more prepared

24. But still people lost their lives and homes and there are apparently more potential hurricanes on the way so still keep the people of that region in your thoughts and prayers

25. VH1 Soul is doing a Prince marathon as I type this and they are just getting to 1984

26. This nigga has like 50-leven million songs. This shit will be on til Thursday yo!

27. "If I gave you diamonds and pearls/would you be a happy boy or a girl?/If I could I would give you the world/but all I can do is just offer you my love" - Prince w/Rosie Gaines "Diamonds and Pearls"

28. My TT turned 1 this last weekend. Yaaaaaaaaaay TT!

29. She likes me now. She kept reaching for me at her bday picnic

30. I knew she'd come around. I mean.....I'm the The Teej. The babies ALWAYS love The Teej

31. Do I smell babysitting duties around the corner tho?

32. Would they hurry up with the debates? I wanna see Barack dismantle McCain's crusty ass

33. And when do the VP candidates get to debate? I have a feeling Biden is gonna mollywhop Palin

34. RIP little Nequiel Fowler.....God bless you

35. "When I die I hope no one who ever hurt me cries. And if they cry, I hope their eyes fall out. And a million maggots that had made up their brains crawl from the empty holes and devour the flesh that covered the evil that passed itself off as a person that I probably tried to love..." - Nikki Giovanni "When I Die"

36. That is soooo deliciously evil....I love it so!

37. Don't you hate it when you notice a lil nick or tiny cut on your body and cant remember how you got it, but you KNOW it's not from kinky sex?

38. Speaking of sex....Ive made up my mind that the 3 very best things in life are Music, Sex and French Fries. In that order. Don't bother to try and change my mind about this matter either

39. Oh the ups and downs of life and love I tell you. I'm not ashamed to admit that with the career stuff, the situation with my mama, and the current state of Her and I....yeah I'm kinda pretty damn crazyinsane at the moment.....

40. ....to the point that the other day I chain smoked 3 cigarettes in a row.....'and I don't even smoke nigga. Ain't not joke!'

41. The lady called down to the front desk and explained that she's from Arkansas and she doesn't know how to work the remote control

42. *sigh*.......but I betcha her ass will be voting this coming November. Scary, right?

43. "Develop an interest in life as you see it; the people, things, literature, music - the world is so rich, simply throbbing with rich treasures, beautiful souls and interesting people. Forget yourself for awhile." - Henry Miller"

44. Andy don't read 45-48, k?

45. Once again I did the most with the likka

46. How I managed to stay passed out and sleep for 6 hours on the bathroom floor is beyond me!

47. You would think at almost 31 yrs old I would get it thru my thick head that likka on a empty stomach is a no no

48. But hey.....it is what it is. I'll get it together eventually I'm sure

49. Try to be kind and understanding to people. Chances are they are more than likely going through it just like you

50. "Hey, I started out mopping the floor just like you guys. But now... now I'm washing lettuce. Soon I'll be on fries; then the grill. And pretty soon, I'll make assistant manager, and THAT'S when the big bucks start rolling in!" - Maurice "Coming To America"

Everybody Plays The Fool

"Maybe I'm a fool to feel the way I do/but I will play the fool forever/Just to be with you forever" - Whitney Houston "I Believe In You And Me"

I love that lyric but it got me to thinking..... To me it speaks to unconditional love and hanging in there when all signs point to the fact that you should probably let it go. In the best ending to a story like that, things will work themselves out and you will have yourself a love affair to remember. In the worst ending to a story like that, one day you will finally snap the fuck out of it and ask yourself "What hell was I on!??!?!"

But hey I don't blame a dreamer for dreaming. Yall know about me and these dreaming eyes of mine. And you will rarely get shit in this life if you don't try, so one cant be faulted for that either. The Main Ingredient told us all that 'everybody plays the fool and there's no exception to the rule'. As far as love goes...I'm not sure there is a truer lyric that has been uttered.

So the question that begs to be asked is where the line drawn?

Some people have zero tolerance for love changes and will pull the plug at the first sign of anything resembling disharmony, while others can inexplicably hang in there and give a confessed cheater a million and one chances. I guess it all comes down to the individual.

You ever played the fool before? Where do you draw the line?

Random Craziness

Check this article out. It speaks for it's self really. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26271355/
Damn youngsters aint never seen Johnny on The Tonight Show!!!
____________________________________________________________________

If by chance you were following along with the whole "We Caught Bigfoot" story....it was a fake. Sorry to disappoint you if you were expecting anything else. That ol suspect ass looking picture they that capturers released was supposed to make us believe I guess. Shit still look off to me. Turns out that it was a rubber gorilla suit that was stuffed. These fuckers froze it in a block of ice (like it couldnt be unthawed!) and called a press conference and the whole 9. One was a cop who was leave. He got fired. What the fuck is wrong with white people??!?!?!
____________________________________________________________________

So which one of your waaaay too 'hood ass relatives thought this would be cute? Can we call DCFS on them about this? What the fuck is wrong with black people?!?!?!?!

The "Aura of 'Shitty'" List

1. "No offense to a playa/but yo I don't play/and if you take offense/then fuck it, it got to be that way!" - Pos (De La Soul) "Stakes Is High"

2. "What do you do when they love you?/LIVE YOUR LIFE!/And what do you do when the love turns cold?/LIVE YOUR LIFE!" - Simone Hines (Puff Daddy & The Family) "Friend"

3. Between being misunderstood, misinterpreted, and people just down right making shit up in their heads and running with it like its the truth.....

4. ....the shit'll drive you crazy you if let it but oh well!

5. "Man life can get all up in yo ass/Baby YOU betta work it out!" - Pos (De La Soul) "Stakes Is High"

6. I usta call the MTV Jamz station "The Niggerdom Channel", but Gellz calls it "Coon Tunes" and I happen to like that one much better!

7. Do you think the Republicans are gonna find a way to use John Edwards' admitted affair against Obama?

8. Just don't be surprised if and when they do, k?

9. Actually don't be surprised by ANYTHING those fuckers do

10. "I'd rather be slow to the aisle than quick to divorce court" - Naila

11. And that could very well be THE realest shit I've heard this millennium!

12. From now on whenever anyone fixes their mouth to ask me why I'm single I shall retort with that very quote

13. Wow, 4 quotes within the first 10 items?

14. I think she hates it when I constantly talk in quotes and song lyrics but I cant help it

15. I'm usually trying to make a point and if someone else's words can clearly hit that point for me then I have no problems utilizing said quotes and lyrics

16. Lord knows I'm totally capable of thinking for myself. I'm just trying to work smarter and not harder, yanno?

17. CONGRATULATIONS on your wedding LaToya Nicole!

18. "Love one another and you will be happy. It's as simple and as difficult as that" - Michael Leunig

19. Now take a minute and digest that one b/c it's deeper than it sounds

20. Imagine your life w/o your friends

21. Not a great picture, is it?

22. I feel double blessed b/c I know SO MANY fucking wonderful people!

23. There is a chance I could be waxing all poetic and ish a bit much this list, but that's the wonderful thing about blogging....

24. ...b/c I write for me and if anyone else happens to dig it, that's a beautiful thing, but still...I write for myself

25. Wow...what a weekend!

26. God bless you Bernie and Issac

27. "As today I know I'm living but tomorrow/could make me the past but that I mustn't fear/For I'll know deep in my mind/the love of me I've left behind/'cause I'll be loving you always" - Stevie Wonder "As"

28. Dammit go tell someone you love them while they can hear you!

29. It'll make ya feel good.....I promise!

30. "You sure do carry quite the aura of 'shitty' when you're in love, Teej."

31. lol.....Oh do I now?

32. Beware of the moody Scorpio fore you might get stung!

33. Divina I want you to blog something HAPPY. I cant take 3 in a row!

34. This song takes me back to my childhood.............

35. "When you got a girl who takes her time/you must go with the pace/you cant mess with her mind/If she feels the same she'll let you know/Just prepare yourself and be ready to go/And I hope this message stays in your mind/'cuz you almost lost a girl that's right on time/There's one more thing that you got to know/Just cool it now and stay in control" - New Edition "Cool It Now"

36. Remember them fools breakdancing in the video during this part of the song?

37. Is it a sign that my cell phone is apparently on Cali time for no reason? For the last week or so it's been logging in text msgs like 2 hours behind the time they truly come in

38. OMG....it's been 1 WHOLE DAY! I resisted all 658 of the urges to reach out. Do I win a prize or something?

39. Sunday marked the first day in 6 that I didn't drink....so no, I'm not an alkie

40. Brett Favre is gonna look pretty weird in anything but a Packers uniform but I betcha Pokey is hella geeked!

41. I just got invited to blog for a local urban lifestyle website. Talk about an honor! I will keep yall posted as things develop

42. Yall know I'm a tad lazy with the blogging sometimes so I suppose if I do take them up on their offer I will have to kill that lazy writer shit, huh?

43. "I look in your eyes and I can see/we've loved so dangerously/You're not trusting your heart to anyone/You tell me you're gonna play it smart/We're through before we start/but I believe that we've only just begun..." Chaka Khan "Through The Fire"

44. I swear that damn song is like following me around or something....

45. ....and when you really pay attention to it's lyrics.....WHEW! *fans self*

46. My money is still on the Cubs to choke and for the Sox to hold on

47. Not being able to help my mom out with that money she needs is seriously like a blow to my manhood

48. But alas I must push on

49. If that ain't motivation to hustle harder I dunno what the fuck is

50. "Think wrongly, if you please, but in all cases think for yourself." - Doris Lessing