I Feel A Change For The Better Around The Corner

I've decided that NOTHING in the this particular world
is more important to me than that girl.
And if she'll have me as her guy
then we'll ride this rocket love beyond the sky.

That's the start of a poem (that I probably wont finish at the pace I usually complete them) that I just jotted down after a phone conversation we just had that left me feeling especially good for some reason. I dunno.....Im feeling verrrrrry Sam Cooke-ish....'A Change Is Gonna Come'. And it will be for the better. You just watch.

KK? Can I get my money that my mama gave you to give to me? LOL. Do I have to tell on you? And please pretty pretty pretty please dont eat all the brownies? Pleeeeeeease with sugar and cherries and CHOCOLATE (*wink*) on top?

Can Anyone Tell Me.....

...why is Love soooooooooo difficult? Is it that the rewards actually make the hard shit justifiable? And how is it possible to love someone soooooooooooooooooooooooooo much and still wanna choke the shit outta them? Hell....she's probably asking herself the same thing. Oh isnt Love just wonderful? I still believe though....I still believe...........gotta keep the faith....(Singing George Michael...) "I gotta have faith. Faith. Faith!

Oh Come On Now...

LOL.....If I got hit by a bus and was in the hospital....you'd be worried about me and the nurses/female doctors? LOL.... Isnt that a wee bit much? Is that what you really really think of me? Sheesh! That's a tad harsh, no?

My Biggest Fear

The thing that frightens me most is the prospect of us being on this break and just drifting apart. Like we saw each other for the first time in a week last night and it was a tad bit weird. When I first saw her I went up to her and hugged her, and from the hug I could tell that as angry as she was/is with me, that she still missed me. You dont know how relieved I was as we were embracing. I shoulda cracked her back as I held her in my arms. Dont worry folks...she likes it when I do that. Anyways....I say all that to say....on a certain level....I suppose this break is good for both of us. It'll gimme a chance to re-evaluate things I need to work on and her too. But the shit is hard yo, HARD! Like I dread crawling in my bed cuz she aint there. The extra space is cool to have to stretch and shit, but I'd damn sure rather turn over and bump into her. I been sleeping with her pj bottoms in my bed. Sad, huh? LOL. This sucks boo-tay I tell you, but I suppose it's necessary. Im still Amel Larrieux "I'd rather not be me w/o you". I guess I'll have to toll on in this little sad existence for hopefully not too much longer.

Here's a thought....

...I've never been a fighter. Like I'll fight if I have to, but fighting off GP? Nah that aint me son! I just dont like fighting....especially with my significant other. The way I figure it....we are both human, we are both gonna make mistakes and do stupid shit. Probably me moreso than her, but I just dont wanna waste precious time fighting. It's been a week now since I made the dumb joke that was disrespectful. Honestly I never saw all this coming from that one incident. Even when I found out that she was pissed or whatever....I didnt see this. I thought maybe she'd be mad a day or two and then we'd be okay or whatever. I just cant believe I havent seen my baby in damn near 7 days cuz of a stupid drunken joke. Like damn...what do I gotta do? Go out and get hit by a car? If I were laid up in a hospital she'd undoubtedly rush by my side. Probably apologizing for us fighting. And it would be the same way God forbid I had to sit by her side in a hospital. Which leads me to the point of this particular blog.....w/o getting into detail...we've been through much worse. I just dont wanna lose anymore precious time doing the shit we like to do together (i.e. me rubbing her feet with aloe vera lotion, us eating leona's or jimmy john's, etc). I just dont think it's worth it in the long run of things.

This sucks BOO-TAY!

Im feeling sooooo fucking needy and dependent and affection starved and of course the ONLY person in the world who can relieve me of these feelings is totally not feeling me. I swear if I were a cryer, I'd be crying my eyes out. I wouldnt mind that either b/c at least I'd be able to release these mucky ass feelings that I have inside. Instead I just try to make it through the damn days and try to find shit to keep my mind of off her. But that's like if someone tells you not to think of grapefruit....you cant help but think of grapefruit! I keep telling myself not to think about her.....but of course she's all I can think of. Maybe I should just jump off a building and get this torture over with.....shit!

I Apologize

I'm a big boy. I can admit when I am wrong. So I apologize to you KK. My joke was disrespectful to you and that was not my intent. Shit...I had no intent cause I just said it. I didnt stop to interpret it or think how others would interpret it. I just said it. That's really it. Aint much more to it than that. Fin.

I Cant Deal

Im so fucking mad that I barely feel like blogging about this shit. Basically KK is mad at me for some second hand shit she ACCIDENTALLY OVERHEARD that I said to the host of this party we went to. Then instead of just fucking coming out and telling me what the problem is...she chooses to speak in fucking riddles and not staright out tell me what the problem is! This happened last night at our NEXT TO LAST stop. We went to another place AND she drove me home AND we've spoken on the phone, and she NEVER tells me what the problem is. How do I FINALLY get to the bottom of this shit? I READ HER BLOG!!!! Oh that's real damn adult of you! And again to top the shit off, she's mad at some shit she overheard that I said. Im not denying that I said it. But had you been there to actually hear how it was said...you would realize it was a damn joke! Apparently a bad one.....but a joke nonetheless!!! WTF????

BACK UP IN YA!

Didja miss me? LOL....Yeah did all 5 of you who may check this thing every so often miss me at all? LOL..Anyways....KK reminded me that I had been slacking on my blogging so Im here again. No babyluv....it wasnt a fad. I really do enjoy this here blog thing. I just kinda fell outta the habit, and then I started feeling like I really didnt have much to blog about. As hard as that may sound...but Im here. I promise more consistency with this. You folks stay tuned!

"National Dont Fuck With Me" Day at Work

Im at work as I type this and I'm getting increasingly irriatated as the day sloooooooooowly goes on. First I get to work and my co-worker is acting like a total bitch. And I dont be calling folks out they name all willy nilly. But she is. I believe she's being snooty towards me b/c I missed her party on Saturday. I was gonna go, but I forgot about it until it was too late and then I had to go to work. WHATEVER. I've been to a party of yours before so it aint like I'm ducking your shindigs. Could ya get over it please? Plus this was her last day before her vacation and she got the nerve to be slacking. AND LEAVING EARLY!!! Trife ass!

Then there's the IT manager who has a thing for fucking with me. This guy has a napoleon complex about all the computers in the hotel. He's like 5'4....about maybe 210, 220-ish. I'm 210, 220-ish but I'm 6'5. And I think he's gay, which really doesnt mean much except for he's a short, overweight gay man who happens to be anal-retentive about people using the computers here. I'm not the only one who checks their email, or logs on to a temporary IM around here. So today he comes up to me as I'm reading an email and in his asshole-ish way tells me to not im or BLOG. WTF!!! Fuck you lil midget man!

And then the phone keeps ringing with guest asking me dumb shit which is doing nothing for my irritation right now. I cant change the music station from this jazzy, big band, bepop shit that is getting on my nerve, AND my fucking feet are killing me! I want out of this hellhole. My couch beckons..........

Blah!

I dont really feel like blogging much right now. But I will say this....there's this lady who's job it is is to Deliver (did i screw the spelling of that up?) newspapers to all of our guest hotel room at like 5am every morninng. Anyways as cruel as it sounds, since I've been working here and seeing her, I've been pretty sure that she wore a wig. And it's not like there is anything wrong with wig wears at all. But she confirmed for me that it was a wig. She was standing in front of me talking to me about something, when all of a sudden she scratched her head....and ALL OF HER HAIR started moving! Was not cute at all.....at all I tell you.

Oh and I finally figured out how to change that wretched background I somehow ended up with! Whewwww!

Fighting and Fucking...Hand in Hand?

On Jay Z and R.Kelly's album 'Best of Both Worlds' there is a song (of which the name slips my mind at typing time) that has a chorus that goes 'You and me / Having sex / After an argument / That shit's the best!'. I never EVER understood that concept. I dunno if Im the fight and fuck type. When I fight.....man I need a cool down period. Im the grudge holding type. It really takes a lot to get me to fight....but when I do, I am not the mild mannered, soft spoken Teej anymore. I promise I be on some Bruce Banner /Incredible Hulk shit. Like "Please dont make me angry. You wont like me when I'm angry!" So to go from that to......intimacy......it just doesnt compute for/to me. This could very well be one of those 'I'm from Saturn' things where it's painfully clear that I just dont think like the rest of you earthlings out there. I want replies on this on people. Gimme your 2 cents!

Nikki G wins again

Today was pay day, and like any other payday I wanted to go out and buy a bunch of shit that I dont necessarily need. I was like 2 for 3 as far as me not buying some shit that wasnt absolutely essential.....I avoided buying the cool watch I wanted. I avoided buying some even cooler posters for my place. And those posters by the way would have cost me even more to frame. So by 9pm or so I was feeling good. I had gotten through the day w/o spending any unneccesary cash. AND THEN IT HAPPENED....I found myself in Borders Bookstore trying to kill time before I went to work. So I spent most the of time browsing magazines, and then I somehow wandered over to the poetry section, and you know Nikki Giovanni is over there, right? So then my chances of getting outta the store w/o shelling out some dinero had dramatically decreased. Then I saw this H U G E book of Collected Nikki G poems of about 500 pages and it was officially over. I did however put up a good fight. I actually put the book back on the shelf and got about 2 and a half steps away before her magnetism took effect and I doubled back and picked it back up. That crack that Pookie was dealing with didnt have shit on me and Nikki G literature.

The Mexican Busboys

"No I dont play basketball! Did you sneak into this country in the back of a van? Or did you float in on some plywood you little shit!?!?!?" Or least that's what I wanted to say to the MBB's that asked me back to back if I played basketball. And it's not like Im not used to the question. I am 6'5 ya know? I get that question from enough ignorant fucks to go around. But the thing is they said some more shit in spanish and started laughing as I was walking away. AND AND AND it started with the first little MBB asking me as he was taking a piss ('cause I was in the washroom changing for work). Like hold on my amigo....first of all...I dont talk to guys while they are holding their dicks in their hand!!! They were both like 4'7. I wanted to pick 'em both up and flick their tiny asses across the room. I promise I wouldnt even be as pissed had they not said some more shit in spanish and started laughing.

Something good for love

So I started this blog off by boo-hooing about how my love life was in shambles and the such. And since then it has dramatically improved. For the record it was not as bad as I had thought it was gonna be. But anyways the point of this partticular blog is that if things were still not as peachy....I'd be blogging everyday about how it's not so good. But since it's been good, I aint blogged one single solitary word about. So this is that. It's good! Steadily improving everyday. (Save for last night's 'Why you acting funny?' episode). Both parties have come to the conclusion that they'd rather live with than without each other. And both are trying their best to be the best they can be for the other. It's good. It's good! Dammit it's good!

Tonsils?...Out?...Mine?

My tonsils have been acting like they are gonna be sore for the last 3 days. I CAN NOT...and I repeat....CAN NOT do any type of surgery right now. Them bills piled up on my coffee table is real yo! They wont allow for me to take time off. Plus my show is starting to blow-upuate (Yeah I know it's ebonics but so?). I have no time for surgery. Absolutely none! I aint been laid up in a hospital since I was 7...well not counting that time when I got dizzy and passed out and need two bags of IV cause I wasnt eating right. Im talking overnight stays.. No no no! I wont have it. Fin.

What exactly did Michael Jackson mean by....

......"You're a vegetable, you're a vegetable / Still they hate you, you're a vegetable / You're just a buffet, you're a vegetable / They eat off of you, you're a vegetable..."???????

It's really just a random though. Which is why it's kinda cool to have a blog..cause I can just post this type of random shit as it comes to me. Fuckin cool!

$20 Bills and why they piss me off!

The hotel in which i work is by no means a road-side Holiday Inn. It is very bougie. So that means our cliente are mostly 'well to do' types. Basically to make a long story as short as possible. I get sooooo pissed off that these guests repeatedly bring me $20 bills (or higher) to constantly make change! And while I'm sure that a good part of my pissed-offness is becuz I'm pretty broke, but still it pisses me off to no end to have to constantly make change for these yuppy -upitty fucks!

Am I Theo Huxtable?

Right now I am on avery limited budget. There was like barely ANY food in the frig. I get paid on 8/20, but I need to eat tween now and then, right? So I figure I'd go to the grocery store and get a couple of things that will last for about a week and get me by until I can buy more. Makes sense, right? So I essentially go buy, some turkey bologna, mayo, bread, cereal and milk. When I get home and start putting these items away, I kinda took a step back and realized I am turning to Theo from that one episode of The Cosby Show. You remember it was the very first epiode and Cliff and Clair were concerned with Theo's lackluster grades? Cliff went to to talk to him, and he expressed that he didnt need to do exceptionally well in High School b/c he wasnt going to college. He was gonna get a 'regular' job. Then Cliff pulled out the Monopoly (Which I gotta buy. I havent played in sooooooo long.)money, and started breaking down people's real life expenses. And at the end, Theo thought he had it all figured out and Cliff was like "There is a problem! You havent eaten yet!", then snatched the last couple of bills from Theo's hand. And Theo snatched back a bill and said........"I CAN GET BY ON BOLOGNA AND CEREAL!" Remember that? LOL. Well goddamn if that aint my grown ass!

Talk about Petrified!!!

Fuck street gangs and the such....NOTHING scares me more than a group of drunk ass white boys! Them fuckers are liable to do ANYTHING. And then the thing is.....they be pissy drunk off of 2 budweisers! I never understood that shit. White people in general scare me, and when you get to multiplying them and adding the element of drunkness, it's a wrap!

And if you read this...and you happen to be white, please dont be offended. But you gotta know that you guys are scary!