More Night Audit Craziness!

I tell you about crazy ass white people! It's an hour into my shift. This possibly french white dude comes in, says he wants to call up to a room. Okay, nothing outta the ordinary. So I ask what's the guests name? He gives me a name that aint in my system. I tell him I dont have a guest under that name. We repeat this about 3 more times. Now the whole time Im getting a weird vibe from dude but I dunno why. So after the 4th wrong name he gives me the 'one second' finger. Then he reaches in his inside pocket. Of course I think gun, my adrenaline starts pumping, but son pulls out his address book and sits in the lobby while he searches for whatever name. He comes back like 2 minutes later and asks me about 3 more wrong ass names. Then it's gets crazy. He then asks me for MY name? I, by my smart-ass nature kinda glance down at my big ass name tag before I look back him. I said in a very 'What the fuck is wrong with your crazy ass?' tone 'My name? It's Anthony'. And this fucker replies 'Anthony whooooooooooo'. And yes he stresses the 'whooooooo' part. So now Im thinking 'Dude, what the fuck?'.

Now the whole time my co-worker Daniel who is 6'4 and about 300 pounds is standing about 5 feet away from me trying to keep from laughing. Daniel usually shoos the crazies away. I guess he was enjoying this shit and wanted to see where it would go. I on the other hand am just waiting for him to be like 'Alright dude you gotta get go'. So anyways...crazy french dude starts trying to do some staredown trance thingy with me. I swear this nigga stares directly into my eyes for like 45 seconds or some shit. So the thought pops in my head 'Is this fucker trying to hypnotize me?'. I really dont think it could happen, but I break eye contact with him nonetheless. Anxious to get some sorta dialouge popping off again I ask him could he possibly have the wrong hotel. He then looks as if a light bulb goes off in his head and starts to walk away. Im ready to wipe my brow on some 'that was a close one shit', but son wasnt finished. He gets to the door, turns around to face me and asks if I believe in the holy spirits?!?!?!!? 'ARE YOU SHITTING ME? ARE YOU ABOUT TO BLOW THE BLOCK TO SMITHEREENS?' At this point my heart is really pumping. Im scared to say yes b/c Im thinking this nigga is gonna say 'Good!' and press a button on his coat or some shit and that be the end of this section of Chicago. So I try to stall. I really wanna run though. I ask him what he said and he repeats 'Do you believe in the holy spirits'? So Im turning to Daniel like 'Do you believe this shit? and this nigga still trying not bust out laughing. But Im not finding shit funny. So I turn back to dude and slooooooooowly say 'Yea' and then he gives me the two air guns and goes 'Boop' and turns and walks out!

I figure he had to be high off coke or x or some shit. I wish I had the time to make this shit up, but I really dont. This night is making me glad Im getting off the overnight shift in about a month. I've had my fill of the late night crazies!

Happy Thanksgiving?

Damn...are the majority of our holidays bullshit or what? I was already thinking about blogging something with this same sentiment but Lesley beat me to it on myspace. So Im just gon cut and paste what she said....

"The "Pilgrims" and "Indians" did not have this lovely sit down feast in 1621 complete with clean clothes, delicious turkey, squash, and potatoes. No... no way. The "settlers" ambushed and killed at least 700 Native Americans on one particular occaission and feasted to celebrate. The governer condoned and supported this action..therefore the founding of "Thanksgiving." Please let's not also forget the diseases the "trailblazing pioneers" brought from England and spread to the Native Americans such as small pox, influenza, and a form of the bubonic plague. Between sickness and murder they pretty much destroyed an entire race of people. Ignorace is bliss they say. I say no thanks to that bullshit."

I, on the other hand, in addition to 'honoring the culture and spirits of the beautiful people who were wiped off of the face of the earth by greedy and evil individuals', will be saying thankful prayers to the Most High for the blessings bestowed upon myself, my family and friends.

*All words italicized are by the homie Lesley (b/c she be knowing some shit! *smile*)

Oh and check the link...... http://msnbc.msn.com/id/10176871/

Cee-Lo and Phonte say......

Cee-Lo said....

Its such a blessing when my eyes
Get to see the sunrise
Im ready to begin
Another chance to get further away from where I've been
But I'll never forget
Everything I went through....I appreciate the shit!
Cuz if I had of went and took the easy way
I wouldnt be the strong nigga that I am today
Everything that I did was different than what I was told
Just ended up being food for my soul

And Phonte' of Little Brother said....

Each day's another chance to do the things I could've
Done the day before, but I didn't and I known I should've
So I say a prayer for the gone for gooders
Who left this world, then kiss my girl "good mornin', suga"
Another sunrise..and as much as I would love
To roll over on you I cannot do it because
The good Lord I prayed to him
And he said..."Niggaz is listenin' now"
So I better have something to say to 'em
This is the price that I pay for this music
And every word that I write is a testament to it
And if I had to go back, I wouldn't change a thing
Wouldn't re-cut it, re-edit, or change a frame
'Cause it would not be fair, to turn my back on the struggle
When that exact same hustle got me here
I survived far too much now to ever let up.....

And I believe them both!

The 'I Was Just Starting To Have Fun...Are You Sure It's Time To Leave Cali?' List

1. No sleep for almost 2 days prior to the plane ride
2. America West has NOOOO leg room
3. Even in the Emergency Exit aisle
4. Tashie scooped me from the airport
5. "Take me to the nearest Carl's Jr. dammit!"
6. Carl's Jr. is what's real in the streets
7. Carl's Jr. also will send the 'itis' for your ass!!!
8. Slept all the rest of Saturday and most of Sunday
9. No Vibe Awards afterparties for me
10. Meet up with She-Ra for lunch
11. What did I have to drink again?
12. It had me niiiiiiiice
13. Then this child decides she wants a nose piercing
14. Tashie your hospitality was second to none!!!
15. I like KoreaTown
16. I'd move there
17. Clo you know we are beyond crazy right?
18. The 'popcorn chicken' from KFC was disgusting
19. Do me a favor Clo?
20. Stay off the damn curb, okay? :)
21. So silly me thought the seared tuna would be cooked!
22. Needless to say I was more than surprised when it was brought to the table
23. I ate it all....with chopsticks to boot!
24. And that old lady turned out NOT to be Betty White
25. Glad I realized before I went and asked for a picture
26. I finally met Reese's crazy ass
27. Why'd she have to scream when I came outside
28. What am I?......one of The Beatles or something?
29. I had to call Dee-Dee with Reese in the car
30. Feeling better yet mi amor?
31. Reese I really do think homie draw all those pictures INSIDE the Denny's
32. Oh shit...Bokeem Woodbine is on my flight outta LAX
33. Yo....son scares me!
34. On screen, off screen, whatever
35. He dont have to worry about noooo problems outta me
36. Risha is crazy!
37. We had the best time doing absolutely nothing!
38. But dont be taking me to South Central LA w/o warning
39. Maybe I've seen 'Menace' and 'Boyz N Tha Hood' one too many times
40. But when I start seeing the streets 'Normandie, Crenshaw, Florence, etc.'.....
41. .....I get a little tense.
42. I need to mentally prepare for that type shit!
43. Sorry about the repeated toilet seat fiasco Tashie
44. Can you tell I havent lived with a woman in awhile?
45. But I was rather efficient with taking the trash out, no?
46. Hanging with Peppur and the cast was the shit
47. That's the type of shit I should been doing more of
48. And to think I only saw 4 or 5 friends
49. Why'd I come to a malfunctioning computer?
50. What this nigga dun done to my shit while I was away?
51. I tell you about niggas!!!
52. Im sure this list could be alot longer
53. I just did it off the top of my head
54. I think I will pull up now though
55. Thanks again to all who made my LA trip the shit!

Dodging The Pyramids

"Are you interested in learning how you can make extra income?"

And that's how you know you are being pulled into a pyramid scheme. That one sentence or some variation there of it! I'd say on a whole.....I average about 6 or 7 pyramid attempts per year. Maybe it's my laidback demeanor or my babyface or my mild manneredness...but for some reason it seems EVERYONE thinks they can sell me a bridge in Brooklyn! No fucker! I dont need an extra bridge. Especially in Brooklyn when I live in Chicago. Plus I'd have no place to put the damn thing!

So anyways it really sucks with the pyramid pullers are family, freinds and/or associates!! Cuz now you gotta worry about this bastard feeling some kinda way if and when you turn they shit down. The time before last I called a friend who I went to college with to wish her a happy birthday. Would you believe the heifer tried to suck me into her pyramid scheme on her birthday yo!!!! Who does that? So I think I managed to successfully shake that one off.

Which leads me to today. A friend who I went to college with pretty much called outta the blue. Said he wanted to meet with me to discuss bringing me in on a project he was working on. I shoulda known when I didnt get many details. He was just anxious to meet soon. Yeah okay! So this whole time Im think he's putting together some type of something and he's probably gonna want me to contribute in the form of videotaping and/or broadcasting whatever it is. WRONG!

First of all...I agree to meet with dude at 10am when I know I get off at 7am. Which means I slept from 7:30am-9:30am. So Im on short sleep. Then I get to the meeting and this fool starts with some sorta survey. "What are your financial plans for the next 5 years?" "Are you happy with your current career?" So now Im thinking....."Oh shit! I KNOW son didnt get me up here to sell me some shit!?!!?!?. Nah son...this cant be life. This cant be love. There's gotta be more. This cant be us!" But sure enough as Im not commonly referred to as 'Teej' son turns his laptop around to show me a powerpoint presentation on his Pyramid/Financial Planning company. And the funny this is I got a peek at the script that he was reading from that he tried to personalize. It's like damn dude..."I dunno what you take as me /or try to underestimate the intelligence that TJ has / Im from rags to riches nigga / I aint dumb..."

So I let my man go thru his lil presentation. No Im not gonna refer any other names and numbers to you. Im not a contributor to the pyramid! No I probably wont get down with 'financial opprotunities' presented to me. I simply dont have the energy for alla that man. Of course I didnt tell him all this though. To prevent, on his part, any furthering sale tactics I simply took the info, told him I'd look over and I'll get back to him on it.

.....waking me up out my sleep with this bullshit.......

The Blog About Absolutely Nothing

I just havent been in a blogging kinda mood. Having been reading nor writing them (except for Lists. I like doing Lists....although I feel like I be beating yall over the head with them. Darn you Lesley *smile*) Not sure of when the funk will end. It's like something is clogging my blogging (check the rhime!) ability. It aint like I aint had shit to blog about. LIFE is blog material! I think my laziness with writing has spilled over to my blog life. Oh well.....I dunno even know why I feel the need to endlessly apologize. Dammit it's my blog I'll blog in the shit if and when I feel like it. And dammit...the next time I feel like blogging I will. So there!

Told yall this shit was about absolutely nada!

The 'Coming Back From Indiana' List

1. I got my blueberry pancakes dammit!
2. They were ‘what’s real in the streets’
3. All of Lesley’s cooking was ‘real in the streets’
4. So much so….folks took doggy bags home!
5. Loreal is the cutest!
6. I hope she had a great time this weekend
7. I think she did
8. Who’s idea was the park after the club?
9. THAT SHIT WAS FUN!!!!
10. …..til the hail came down
11. How absurd was it that our grown asses took cover in the sliding board thingy?!!?
12. I don’t care what none of yall say….
13. …The Meatball Band kicked ass!!!
14. Especially with their cover of “867-5309 (Jenny)”
15. Who knew that Indy was so country?
16. So much so that “Choppa Style” would get play in the club?
17. And niggas would lose their mind?
18. Im sure I was the only one who STOPPED dancing when that bullshit came on.
19. Was I wrong for demanding my Hennessey be put in something OTHER than a martini glass?
20. I mean really….cognac in a martini glass?
21. That’s absurd!
22. Plus the shit was cold!!!!
23. Who chills their cognac?
24. Im sure I spent at least 3 hours on the floor amidst Les’ books
25. Talk about contentment!
26. But Im still jealous about the ‘Big Book of Racism’ book she got for a dollar
27. Im not so sure Lesley and Amel Larrieux arent the same damn person!
28. LaToya Nicole = Absolute Sweetheart!
29. Toya I really tried to tolerate his snoring
30. but when you’re tipsy at 5am and STILL CANT GET TO SLEEP…..
31. …you can only take so much ya know?
32. I wanna see ALL the pictures from Perkins!
33. We were surrounded by absolute comedy
34. Did yall get all the pine outta yalls heads?
35. Is it Courtney or Cortney?
36. Either way he was maaaad cool
37. Definitely enjoyed hanging out with him
38. I just saw the news talking about the tornado that hit
39. If our cwazy (© Lesley) asses woulda known……
40. Lil Lindsay’s band will kick ass Im sure!
41. How didn’t I get any cake?
42. Im convinced the cake was actually a myth and not a fact
43. Who knew there was a remix to Michael Jackson’s “PYT”?
44. Too bad she awoke to birthday drama?
45. But from the sounds of it…we think she nipped it in the bud
46. Yall were wrong for not helping me and Cort find his wallet after Perkins!
47. “It takes me 20 minutes to put my guns together!”
48. We gotta do it all over soon
49. And always remember…..
50. ….Jesus is in your stomach!

At It Again

Much like my good friend Lesley I am a huge book whore. The insanity just doenst stop. My friend Dawn came over recently to show me how to work this money management excel spreadsheet. And yeah....we figured out that a good majority of my money after rent and bills goes to CD's and books. Im absolutely okay with the fact that when it comes to this...Im about as hopeless as a penny with a hole in it!

So Im finishing up my overnight audit at the hotel and I come across a web-ad for blackexpressions.com bookclub. I usta have an account with them a couple years ago. But then I inadvertedly stuck them for they papers and left them high and dry on a bill. My SSN wasnt/isnt attached so I wasnt/aint as concerned. LOL. Anyways maybe it was my late night delirium...but I couldnt resist signing up again. Much like the hustle I continue to run on Columbia House and BMG Music....having 3 names (Anthony, Tony, TJ) comes in handy if you know what I mean.

*Dont none of yall work for any of the above mentioned companies, right?*

I'm Not A Racist But......

...I swear the Mexican dudes that work in the kitchen of the hotel are plotting on my ass! We just got new lockers with company issued padlocks (I know, right!) and apparently I have a real stubborn one b/c I have to do the combination like fifty-leven times before the bitch will open. Anyways so yesterday Im pretty sure one of the Mexican dudes was peering over my shoulder trying to peep my shit. I aint Rockwell nigga! I know somebody's watching me. AND THEN....they start speaking in spanish around me? What am I supposed to think? I wonder what they are planning to do. Steal my shoes out my locker? My work clothes? I mean WTF!

And then there is a group of about 10-12 Germans staying here right now. Apparentely these fuckers do not believe in personal space. Everytime they come back in the hotel they all hover around the front desk asking for their room keys. Can I get a single file line out you bastards? I do not need nor appreciate yall crowding the front desk to the point that I cant see illumination anywhere. Im claustrophobic fuckers! Like aint yall asses ever heard of the 3 feet rule? Dame espaciao nigga damn!!!

....but again I swear I aint a racist.