Saturday, September 17, 2005

The Massage

Well.....thankfully my specific request for a woman massage therapist was granted. It was a lady named Kristyn I think. So I was a bit nervous b/c this was my first professional massage. Before I even left my crib I had to "prepare" so to speak. I uhh.....'self-loved' twice before I left. I wanted to make sure that certain things didnt pop up ya know. Its been a minute since I dun got physical like Olivia Newton John so I thought it was a good idea before I have some woman's hands all over me. Also I called the hotel and spoke with my co-worker. She's cool as shit. I more or less in a roundabout way asked if I should wear some drawers or not. The Teej has become somewhat of a freebird in that respect so it did cross my mind as to how that would play into it. (Is this blog a bit extra? LOL)

So I get there...and thankfully I had met the lady the day before when she came to set up so there was a little bit of comfort there. But just a bit. I helped her carry the massage table to the room. We did it in one of the guest rooms that we are using as a showroom. So I left out to let her set up, and came back in in like 5 minutes. The curtains were drawn, some typa earthy chant shit was playing and candles were lit! SHIT YEAH I could get into this. I still wasnt sure about the drawers thing so I just asked. Should I keep them on or not? She told me that it was my choice, but that most people took theirs off. *insert suspicious look here* I kept my shit on!

She went into the bathroom to wash her hands. I got undressed down to my underwear and got on the table and under the little cover. I was told to lay face down. The table had one of those face holding thingys. My face barely fit in that mug, plus a little bit later on when I got real relaxed I almost slobbed, but I caught myself. LOL. When she came out she broke it down that she'd work my feet for 15 minutes and the rest for 35 minutes. MAN is that what a good foot massage feels like? I usta hook up KK's feet and she loved it. Now I know why! I mean goddamn that shit was euphoria I tell you!

So about 10 minutes into my shit...WHY DID THE COMPTROLLER OF THE HOTEL HAVE TO COME IN THE ROOM TO CHECK THE PHONES?....ok sidenote : the phone system in the hotel has been acting funny the last couple weeks. Saying people arent registered when they are and so forth. But what I dont understand is why did they have to come check the phone in a room that we arent gonna sell for 2 months? It's 2 in the afternoon yo! There are other rooms that are vacant!....the fuck is going on here! Do you realize that I am in my drawers under this cover? So while the co-worker/comptroller lady is in the room Kristyn is steady doing her shit. She done finished my feet and moved on to my legs. So my big ass naked thighleg is hanging out the cover and whatnot. Grrrrr! So after the 20 minutes I guess they figured out whatever they wanted to with phones. I still think that shit was hella unneccesary. So Im trying to relax and get back into it b/c my shit has been totally thrown off. So Im easing back into my comfort....relaxing...relaxing....AND THEN.......THE FUCKING MINI-BAR GUY COMES IN?!?!!?!?!?! Again mind you...this room is our showroom people. Bitch, you dont have to restock the mini-bar....Aint been nobody in this mutha'fucka in a month!...the fuck are you doing?!?!?! Are yall fucking serious with this shit? Is someone plotting against me? I mean really! Even the massage lady was like 'what's going on around here?'

And so....the last 12 minutes of my massage went by undisturbed. I really wanted a do-over man. I think that shit was unfair.


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stacypatrice said...

get the hell otta here! first u have a massage that goes interrupted by some unrelated unnecessary shit. funny shit right? then when tryna post a comment we get some mark talking about refinancing debt? this IS a damn conspiracy!!!!!!!! im keepin my drawers on too!

NameLiar said...

Dang man I would've thrown something at them mofos when they came in the, "excuse me, do not disturb mutha..." LOL @ you almost slobbin' I've been there before.

Anonymous said...

TJ,TJ,TJ. Did you consult your horoscope, the Bible, or some other entity before you tried this? Seriously, I'm not paranoid, but your story made me paranoid. That has never happened to me in a massage before. And I've gone to the student ones . . . awwww, you need a do over baby! So sorry. Oh my abs, you killin' me. I gots to stop laughin so early in the morning, C

Deeds said...

You and this "self love" has got to stop...your azz gonna go blind!

~Keeping drawers on...good thinking:)

~Slobbering would have cost you about 10 cool points...great save!

~PPL walking in and out of your massage...not cool:(

Funny post!

mamma gaia said...

ROLMAO!!! i swear! leave it to teej to brighten my monday morning with this little ditty. 1)yes, you are giving a little TMI, but i love it. it keeps it real...real funny! and 2)take your damn drawers off! the ass massage is one of the best parts. although, you made need another session of self love before you get started. LMAO!!!

Reese said...

I'm still laughing.. coughing and laughing at the same time.. LOL You're a fool!!

Lesley said...

Massages are manna from heaven.

I love full body. :) The last one I got was from a lovely young lady... I had to look up to remind myself she wasn't a man/avoid falling deeply in lust a couple times. :)

My friend just bought me a massage... the lady is going to come to my house and hook it up. :)

Pamela aka Treehead said...

OK - Being that I'm a Massage Therapist I had to comment....
Teej.. For your next massage you HAVE to take the drawers off my man. Your under the damn sheet. I hate it when guys leave their shit on - they get in the way. And if you think a 15 minute foot massage feels good, you don't even wanna know how good gettin your ass massaged feels. OH MAN. I could get a full hour just on my ass....... anyway.

NEXT TIME - make sure your in a quiet place where you CAN NOT be interrupted. That shit is nerve rackin.

I used to massage this rich lady at her house and she was just oh so important that her phone ran every 5 fuckin minutes and god forbid she turn the ringer off. It was so annoying that eventually I had to stop takin her as a client - even though the money was great. Who can work OR relax like that. It makes more work for the both the client and therapist.

Man - this gets me wonderin how many of my clients "self love" before our sessions. LOL