Jamaican Funk!

Im back from Jamaica in one piece. (Pauses for cheering...) So lemme do this in a special way. I'll lay it out like this here....

The Good : The wedding that I went down there for was B E A U T I F U L!!! I mean whats better than a wedding on the beach in fucking Montego Bay, right? It threatened to rain, but it held up and again the wedding was beautiful. Like my man 'Los said...."it was probably THE most beautiful thing I've ever personally witnessed!" Other than that...Sun, warm weather, being away from the stress of the daily grind, my celly didnt work down there so I didnt have to worry about that. It was just good to be able to relax, ya know? Ooooh and I walked the beach (alone) the first 2 days at sunrise and took pictures.

The Bad : The fucking resort was in the middle of NOWHERE! And they really made it a point to discourage you from wandering off the resort b/c apparently they have some bout it ass jamaican robbing crews that prey on outta-towners. That's cool and all. There's alot to do in the resort itself b/c it was huge....BUT.....the only problem for the kid was....hmmm I was there by my damn self! And dont get me wrong...I do good with solitude. I enjoy the shit. But not on this trip. EVERYBODY....and I mean EVERYBODY I knew was down there with their significant others. Im serious...EVERYBODY! Want me to name names? There was of course Dave and Jamila, then you had Carlos and Tonya, Curtis and Lisa, Nicole and Doe (Dont ask me...I didnt name the boy), Kristin and Eric, Jocelyn and Muhammad, Taria and whatever her husband's name is, Mr. and Mrs. Leonard, Mr. and Mrs. Powell....and so you get the point, right? Most of the time hanging out with everybody I felt like the damn extra wheel. Ewww....not a great feeling. The only other single person was the bride's 20 yr lil brother...who ended up shacking with me so b/c I had double beds in a room by myself! He wasnt a bother or nothing. He was mad cool, but Im sure you get the point right? And I didnt even find me a cute island girl to flirt with!!!!!

In Conclusion : The getaway was great. Definitely needed that. The trip would have been world's better had I had a female companion/sweetie to hang out with though.

And that's all I have to say about that!

p.s. the flight back was delayed for 4 hours. Uh huh yeah.....

Various 5/23/05

*I just watched the season finale of 'Girlfriends'. Darnell took Maya back!!!! Yall dont even know how happy I am. LOL. Again I know they are fictional....but I be rooting for the underdog...and the underdog came through this time. In dramatic fashion too. Darnell was apparently about to marry Lena (played by Chenoa Maxwell.....whoooo!....ok that's another story!) Anyways Maya tried to stop the wedding but didnt have the heart and left the church....and Darnell chased her down on some last minute shit! Mad climatic yo....mad climatic!

* Jamaica is less than 48 hours away. I'm sooo excited. Unfortunately the NWOP died early last week of apparent neglect. But I promise I will bring it back from the dead when I get back. Okay but back to Jamaica....so i'm excited b/c I never been. Im a lil salty that among all my peeps going I'l be the only one companion-less as far as I know. Who knows though....maybe I'll find some cute island girl to keep me company while Im there. Or even run across a 'Stella' to assist in restoring her groove. LOL. What I do know is that I refuse to mope around the island. I'll be on the beach with a bahama mama or something in hand, with my new sunglasses on getting my chill on. Or maybe at a some lil dirty hole in the wall club getting my jamaican grind on with a sexy young ting! See! I already got the dialouge down me say mon. LOLOLOLOLOL.

*I just ate some some of the new 'Boneless Buffalo Wings' from KFC. And while to most that would seem like no big deal.....those in the know......well they know. Teej dont do spicy/hot food. But shit I been feeling more risque the last couple of months between those Hot Cheetos a couple months back and now this. Whoa Kimosabe'! LOL. The boneless buffalo wings were bad at all. Kinda tame actually. Although I do feel a slight case of heartburn coming along.........

'Desperate Housewives' Season Finale

Talk about the world standing still!!! Man wasnt nothing gon keep me from peeping the season finale of one of my top 3 current favorite shows on TV!

OMG....I cant believe Rex died! I know these are only fictional TV characters but I was so shocked and sad! LOL. Poor Bree. She is gonna go through a world of guilt now. She is gonna think that it's her fault b/c she didnt get him to the hospital as fast as she coulda. And the only reason she took her time is b/c she was mad at Rex b/c George the punk ass pharmacist set it up to make it look like Rex had been bragging about he and Bree's freaky sexy life b/c George wanted Bree for himself. Didja follow that? And what's worst is....Rex died thinking Bree had something to do with the high levels of Potassium in his system when it was actually George who switched his presciption! I really hope George gets his in the end. That fucka is F O U L !!!
And I was really pulling for them to get it together too! Dammit Gina!

And the other shocker with Mike, Mary-Alice, Dana/Zach, Paul and Mrs. Tillman! Was that shit not crazy? So Zach is actually Dana, and Mary-Alice and Paul bought Dana/Zach from a crackhead who Mary-Alice happened to counsel at the hospital she worked, but said crackhead also happened to be Mike's girlfriend at the time. But when the crackhead came back 5 years later to get the baby back Mary-Alice shanked and killed her! And Paul being the good husband that he is chopped her up and put her in a toy chest! (Damn Paul was a rider!!!!) Unfortunately young Dana/Zach happen to get up in the middle of the night and wander in the living room where he sees Mary-Alice and Paul huddling over his mom in a pool of blood, only he doesnt know it's his mom...which explains why that boy is soooooo fucked up in the head. That's alot for any toddler to see, ya know? Anyways so Mike has kidnapped Paul and is about to kill him in the desert when Paul tells him everything, and so Mike decides not to off him and just leaves 'em there. LOL. Go figure, right?

And well I'll spare you the full play by play of the rest of the show. Just know that I am geeked....as if you couldnt tell. This is damn near the best shit on tv. Aint nothing else fucking with the writing on this. If you are not into it or havent been following I highly recommend that you get involved next season. Heard me?

Jay & B (Respect : Lesson Learned The Hard Way)

"I don't be at / places where we comfy at / With no be-atch / oh no you won't see that / And no I ain't perfect / nobody walkin' this earth's surface is / But girlfriend work wit the kid..."- Jay Z "'03 Bonnie & Clyde"

In the new issue of Essence Magazine with Usher on the cover...there is an article entitled 'Bridging The Gap' in which classic artist speak on current artist. Anyways Patti Labelle spoke on Jay-Z. Part of her quote about him made me think. Check it out..."As a new Def Soul Classics recording artist I had a meeting with him. He had on a white sweater, and I hugged him and got some of my makeup on it. He said 'You'd better call B(eyonce') and let her know this is your makeup'. I like the fact that he respects his lady."


Now had that been me...I woulda told Ms Patti Patti not to worry about it. Then later....I can see me standing there all exasperated and shit with my hands spread out like "Baby I swear this is Patti LaBelle's makeup....you wanna call her?" The point Im trying to make is he didnt let that shit linger on. To protect his relationship....He got out his bud nippers and nipped that shit in the bud right then and there...alleviating any chances of any misunderstandings later on. I can dig that.

I know there were times where I disrespected KK, and although they were far from intentional, they were still unacceptable. Especially since I coulda did like Jay and utilized my bud-nippers ya know? If I hadnt said it before Im apologizing to you now for those times of disrespect KK.

"...said a G dont give a bitch no keys or security codes / I agree my lady aint no bitch / she gets whatever I own / so when you see her understand thats me nigga / understand im da some ol' G nigga / I know da difference between a bitch and a B nigga...." - Jay Z "Ignorant Shit"

Nathaniel

That aint my name! Aint even close to any of my names actually. I've never been told that I look like my name should be Nathaniel. So why on earth is this little girl repeatedly calling my phone asking for Nathaniel. The first message sounded sweet. "Can you have Nathaniel call me at home......please........please?" Awwww the lil baby calling for her daddy.......but she has the wrong number! I answered the phone when she called back and in my most sympatheic voice informed her she has the wrong number. That was the first day, and you would think that it's over. But b/c I just pointed out the first day...you obviously know there is at least a second day, right? The lil girl called me twice again asking for dude. I already told her that she has the wrong number. I swear she couldnt be more than 5 or 6. Maybe she is dialing the wrong area code or switching up a number somewhere. I guess I'd be wrong if I cussed the lil sweet baby out, huh? I probably wont, but after so long your patience just wears thin, ya know? Where the hell is her mama anyways to supervise this type of shit?

Strange Fruit

So in conjunction with my NWOP I've made it a point to try to snack on more healthier things such as fruits and veggies and whatnot. The other day I went to the grocery store to pick up a few things and I've come to the conclusion that we are being exposed to some questionable things.

You ever see like big ass grade school and high school kids and think "We werent that big and well developed in school. WTF?" I have a 15 year old 'little' cousin that is 6'4! Swear to God over the winter he gave me a pair a shoes that he didnt want and they fit! I would jokingly say that 'it must be something in the water.' But apparently not only is it in the water, but the chicken we eat, and the fruits and vegetables.

I swear I was looking through those oranges for at least 20 minutes in search of what I thought to be a regular size one. They were all bigger than grapefruit. I was scared to even buy one. I dunno what kinda 'additives' they dun stuck the damn orange with. I reluctantly bought 2 that I thought to look somewhat close to normal, but it has to make ya wonder, right?

Can U Hear DMX Rapping Too?

Oh yeah...alls I hear is DMX in my head.......

Yall gon make me lose my mind (up in here, up in here)
Yall gon make me lose my cool (up in here, up in here)
Yall gon make me go all out (up in here, up in here)
Yall gon make me act a fool (up in here, up in here)

It's 11pm Saturday night. Most peeps my age is either out, or gearing up to go out and enjoy some nightlife activities. I on the otherhand am just staring my overnight shift at work. Been a long weekend already, I didnt do my usual sleep routine, so Im a bit drowsy and maaaad tired this particular Saturday night. I get to work and hear my supervisor tell me that Im being wrote up b/c a guest pitched a bitch and claims I misinformed them earlier this week?

NOT TO-MUTHAFUCKIN-DAY I WONT. HEARD ME? NOT TO-MUTHAFUCKIN DAY I SAY

I aint signing shit b/c this fucknuts ass bitch decides to pitch a bitch and then lie on me all the while causing a scene. He know good and goddamn well I didnt guarantee him a rollaway bed in his room. First of all, we talked on Monday! I been here a year and a half homie. I know we only have 3 damn rollaways period. How the fuck Imma guarantee that one will be available on Saturday night?!?!!?! Dont fucking lie on me and say I assured you that you can have one!

(Lemme take a breath or two) 1.........2..........3...........

Second of all....I may have even mentioned that it's pretty much a fire hazzard to have a rollaway in any room other than a suite. (I've seen us make exceptions before which is why I didnt completely shut this shit down when we first talked). I told this punk that I'd make a note of it (which I did) and when he checked in to speak with the front desk agent. I never guaranteed shit.....you shit!

Got me singing my other 'fuck a trick up' song.....

All shit muthafucka, muthafucka
All shit muthafucka, muthafucka

Okay...Im breathing normal again, but I swear I get vexed more and more the more I think about the shit.

Nikki's 'Lonely'

I just came back across this poem and I like it. Therefore I shall share it with you all. Take it how you want.....

"I'm Not Lonely" by Nikki Giovanni

i'm not lonely
sleeping all alone

you think i'm scared
but i'm a big (boy)
i don't cry or anything

i have a great big bed to roll around in
and lots of space
and i don't dream bad dreams like i used to have
that you were leaving me anymore

now that you're gone
i don't dream
and no matter what you think
i'm not lonely sleeping all alone

Heated Pop Tarts! (Who Knew!)

I am at work doing the overnight thing. I brought a pack of pop tarts from home to snack on if I needed to. So it's like 5am or something and I decide to break them bad boys on out. Then I also remember the toaster in room service.......1 plus 1 equals 2, right? Man I know yall probably wondering what the hell Im talking about or where Im going with this so I'll cut the fat for ya.

I can not remember the last time I've had a pop tart that was heated in the damn toaster. Im talkin at least a decade and a half here peoples. I literally forgot that that's what they were made for. You know black people though....I think our toaster broke when I was 11, 12 and well we never got a new one. And pop tarts just didnt need a damn toaster to be ate anymore. And so here I am blogging about pop tarts at 5 in the am! LOL. Sorry LC, but this deserved a mention. PopTarts are gooooood. Especially heated!

Various 5/13/05

* Remember when you were in grade school and you would occasionally wear your bookbag on your chest? You know? Like wear it reverse of how it was supposed to be worn? Who's bright ass idea was it to start wear babies like that? I was the elevator in my apt. building yesterday when this lady got on with her infant. I think that contraption was created out of pure laziness. She was a nice lady. We small talked it and all, but the precious lil baby just looked helpless with her arms all strewn out and what not. It just doesnt look comfortable from the babies point of view is all Im saying. I mean when the babies are old enough to talk they are too old for it, so it's always some poor helpless toddler that cant speak up for itself in the damn thing looking distraught. I think they oughta ban them shits. Pick your damn child up like your mama held you!

* I went on a date yesterday.....well sorta. I went to the show by myself. I had never did that before. I hadnt been since KK and I disbanded I dont think(lol...like we're a boy band or something lol), and I've been missing out on alot of good movies. So it was not bad at all. I caught a 5:30pm showing of 'Crash'. It was a pretty empty theater which was good. There were like 6 or 7 couples. As far as I know I was the only person there alone, but once the movie started it didnt matter. GO SEE THIS MOVIE YALL! It was thought provoking and moving. It will definitely make you re-examine the way you think of shit. W/O giving away the movie it basically shows the complexities and contradictions within us all. The people you think are the good guys do some pretty fucked up shit along the line, and the 'bad guys' actually turn out to have hearts. I'm horrible at explaining things but trust me when I say you've got to go see this movie. But back to my one person date......It wasnt so bad. KK and I had our particular theater that we frequented, but my sentimental ass refuses to go back there w/o her, which is really shitty b/c they had THE BEST MOVIE THEATER seats ever in life. I however found myself my own personal 'me-theater', and I would tell yall which one but I dont wanna see none of ya ashy knee'd asses there! LOL

The Honeymooners

I think it's pretty fucking cool that the film adaptation of 'The Honeymooners" will start Cedric The Entertainer, Mike Epps, Gabrielle Union and Regina King. That means somewhere along the line there were some white film execs cool enough to green light this project. B/C you know the minorities aint running the film industry yet.....hell any industry for that matter, but I digress. The point is it's pretty much unprecedented for an all white show as popular as 'The Honeymooners' to be redid with an all black cast.

Betcha the movie wont do so well below the Mason-Dixon line. You know....roundabout where they still fly the confederate flag?

GO SUPPORT BLACK CINEMA YALL!

Metrosexual Me ?

So while in the mirror applying my Mint Julep Masque to my face (you know...the green mask shit) I had an epiphany of sorts.

I'm a bit metro.

Up until today when people asked or told me I was metro I'd tell them 'Hell no Im not!'. But ummmmm keeping it real here. Im not so much metro as I just have metro tendencies, dig? So I occasionally do the green mask (that shit tightens your pores yo!), I also use Ten-O-Six deep pore cleanser, pretty much get a haircut everyweek, and I like to keep my hands moisturized. (Moisturized just sounded pretty gay coming from me as I re-read this) But that's it! LOL.

I dont wear color contacts. I dont get (or have ever in my life had) manicures/pedicures. I dont have a whole lot of clothes. I'm not a style maven. I dont know that 'the new black' will be for the spring and fall. I just like what I like. And most times that's a promo tee shirt and my favorite jeans. So Im not completely metro, right? I just like to take care of my face and appearance......most times. Lord knows I can fall up out the house on some 'I dont give a fuck' shit when the mood hits.

But is that so wrong? Do I HAVE to be 'metrosexual'? I say goddamn!

Know Someone Like This?

Have you ever come across someone who is....oh I dunno...let's say in their early 30's and just as naive and clueless as a 4 year old? I mean have you ever had to stop and ponder just how this mu'fucka has made it in life without someone selling their dumb ass a bridge or two that they dont need?

I Need Help

I need my mama's advice....or my girl back.....or something!

So here's the thing. I grilled some perch on the Foreman joint last night, right? And while sitting down to eat said fish I had an epiphany.

I've grilled turkey burgers, chicken breast and now fish on that grill and I've seasoned them all the same way!! Now I never claimed to be an expert on meat seasoning, but Im gonna take a stab in the dark here and guess that they prolly shouldnt all be seasoned the same, right? And so now you see why I need some female input, or a cookbook, or G. Garvin or whatever his name is? That fish was salty as hell yo! I could barely finish it. It was so salty I had to immediately drink a couple of cups of water to flush all the sodium out of my system.

Okay...here's what I use to season all of my meats that I grill. Someone tell me what can stay and what can go....

Seasoned Salt
Garlic Powder
Onion Powder
Lemon Pepper Seasoning
Soy Sauce (On turkey burgers only. Hey...I was experimenting!)
Chicken Seasoning (Chicken only of course! Who wants chicken flavored fish or turkey burgers?)

So in conclusion.....if you've read this blog before yall know I be on some real bachelor shit. But I can admit when I need help. Any suggestions from anybody?

Back Up On It

I saw the horse today. Muthafucka tried to sneak past my ass. But I had told everyone to let me know if they saw him. Sure enough I got word that he was casually strolling by my apt. I had to chase it for a block and a half, but I managed to jump back up on it (hence this particular blogs title. cute, huh? lol)

For real though...Im back on the NWOP I swear! I even made myself get in bed by 3am so I can be sure to be up by 10am so I can have enough time to workout before work. I know for most of you 3am is late, but that shit is early for me. I came to the realization that I gotta change that. And so I did. Shit was that simple. Really was. Anyways I was up by 10:30ish, caught a lil bit of Ellen (I love that show by the way....all the more incentive to get my ass up), and was in the gym by 10:45.....ish. LOL. Did my workout, went and got my haircut, checked my email, and was off to work. I can do that 4-5 days per week. I swear I can. What's the saying? So shall a man thinketh, so shall he be? Some shit like that!

Now this food issue.....that is gonna take a minute to figure out. I think Im gonna type/write out a (somewhat) strict game plan. You know most rules are to be broken. Especially the ones that I make for myself, ya dig? Im just that fucking fly!

Good Food / Bad Food

Does it strike anyone else as ironic and insanely cruel that all the food that is bad for you happens to taste sooooooo good. And while all the food that is good for you doesnt taste completely bad, it damn sure doesnt taste as good as the crap you know you shouldnt be eating. Is that not some shit?

This NWOP (New Work Out Plan) is not going so well these days. I havent worked out in close to a week, and Im back to eating crap. And it's all pretty much due to my wack ass sleep/work schedule. Okay....maybe the working out part I can attribute to my sleep/work schedule. But I have total control of what I put in my mouth 24/7. Im sure yall can atest to this. It's hard to eat right when you're always on the go. I gots to buckle down and show discipline. We are inside a month til Im Jammin to live Jamaica Funk, ya know! (Anyone catch that song reference?) I think I've made strides since I started all this. Maybe I shoulda did those before and after shots. Oh well I'll feel better if I get back on the horse consistently by time I get there.

The word for the month is.....'Rededication'!

Is It Just Me?

You ever look up in mid-afternoon and have to take a moment to remember if you brushed your teeth or not? I mean literally have to PAUSE and let the memory jar you?

As Was Said To Me By A Good Friend......

"Boy! That is yo wife! You need to go get her!"

And all I could say is (insert BIG cheesy kool-aid grin) "I know. I know. Im going"

I mean sheesh all I did was show her a strand of the childs hair that I have saved in this folder of poems that she gave me a couple of years ago.