So I just had a rather interesting conversation with the former Misses. I think it was maybe a couple of weeks ago I think I had asked her what would it take to get back together. And if Im not mistaken her reply was something to the effect of 'A salaried job!' And then I remember asking "So all I need is a salary based job and we're good to go?' And again if I remember...I got something of an affirmative confirmation.
And so that brings me to the point of this particular blog entry. I do understand that a woman needs security. Like it's good for her to know that her man is about something and can provide for her if need be. But lemme tell you...sista is dope! Got her own business and all...damn sure dont need me to provide for her. But I do understand it's nice to have that assurance. Maybe it's an inherant (sp?) trait in most women. Whatever the case I totally understand it.
My particular conflict in this though....as pertaining to her and I. She's already told me that she KNOWS (ya hear me? KNOWS) that I will be a great father and husband. I take that to mean that she knows that I will do whatever legally (and hell illegally if need be) to provide for my family. So with that said....if I happen to get a salaried gig in let's say, oh the next 6-9 months, then what? We're ret ta go again?
I feel like I'd possibly have some sorta resentment on some 'oh.....you got the vapors now?' shit. Can u feel me? The ironic part is...when me and KK first got together....I was soooooo ASS OUT. No car, no job, living with my mama.....I mean completely ass out. I still had my TV show then, but money from that is so slow and far between. She HELD ME DOWN then, hear me? Anyways I mean she saw SOMETHING in me then. In addition to the trust issues and a couple of other misc. things which caused us to break up...it seems she gave up or stopped believing in me. She felt that I was no longer motivated to do better and advance in my career and my life in general. I mean who wants to be with a deadbeat ass nigga thats satisfied with a mediocre job that barely pays you enough to get by? But ummmm excuse me, love. THAT AINT ME! Never been me. Sorry you got it a bit twisted and misunderstood, but that just aint me. Dude is so focused right now. I guess you'll soon see.
I cant predict the future. Maybe we will get it back, maybe we wont. But I'd sure hate for the reason of us not getting back to be that you didnt / or you stopped believing in me. It's the TEEJ, son. How can you bet against him? Especially if your love never waivered. But you did say love was not enough, right?
See...that sounds like bitterness already, huh?
5 years ago