The "I Aint Saying Its A C-O-N-spiracy But...." List

1. "...man....Man....MAN!/If my manager insults me again/I will be assaulting him/After I fuck the manager up/then Im going to shorten the register up/....look at my check!/Wasnt no scratch/....this fucking job cant help him/So I quit/Yall welcome!" - Kanye West "Spaceship"

2. Yup! In a minute peoples.....in a cool minute I tell you

3. My computer is on its last leg apparently

4. It rarely tolerates me sitting in my gmail

5. Anyone ever bought a new computer and had to switch over all their stuff? How does that work exactly?

6. WTF is up with my appetite this last week or so?

7. I mean where did it run to?

8. Yall think Nicole Richie gon be in the same "jail" that Paris was in?

9. Ol pampered ass hoes!

10. "Yeah sorry...I know Im the 'concierge' and all, but I really dont feel like talking to people today. Please leave me the fuck alone. Thanks." - Me at work

11. At least it felt good to say under my breath

12. How I let myself get sucked into facebook-dom I'll never know

13. hehehe....Tori.....hehehehe

14. Somehow I dont think it's a coincidence that "Read A Book" got taken down from youtube for Viacom's 'Copyright infringement' laws or whatever

15. I aint saying its a C-O-N-spiracy, but I betcha Miss Peachez' 'Fry That Chicken' or the 'Why Must I Cry' dude shit stay up forever ever

16. "..try to bring 'em life, but muthfuckas want dead" - Jay-Z "Young G's"

17. "...aint that bleak on they part?/(Shhh!)/But let me hold it down/cuz they shut you down/when you speak from your heart/Now that's hard!...." - Andre 3000 (Outkast) "Babylon"

18. Surprisingly enough though, BET played "Read A Book" out the blue though

19. Angela spent the better part last week at her sister and friends house

20. I might even miss the teenager a tad

21. But I dont miss the yelling about the TV volume, not picking up after herself, or hair in the sink...............at all!

22. Do Barack and Hillary have to go sooooooo hard at each others throats?

23. Amber C. said the white boy had suicide doors on an electric blue '95 Oldsmobile.......

24. ..........on 55th and Cottage Grove!

25. I blame rap music

26. Okay not really I dont but there are certainly people who do

27. "And now they callin on the government to try and make somebody quiet for the bullshit they done to me/Gangsta Nip, Spice 1 or 2Pac never gave a gun to me/So gangsta rap ain't done shit for that/I've even seen white folks from River Oaks go get the gat/So why you tryin kick some dust up?/America's been always known for blaming us niggas for they fuck-ups/And we were always considered evil/Now they tryin to bust our only code of communicating with our people.." - Scarface "Hand Of The Dead Body" (1994)

28. More reasons to blame rap music..... http://allhiphop.com/blogs/news/archive/2007/07/30/18330833.aspx

29. Actually you cant really blame rap. You can however blame dumb ass followers who cant think for themselves

30. I hate a fucking follower with a passion

31. Rebel you brainless bastards.....rebel!

32. Man what's up with the NBA players getting stuck for they papers as of late?

33. So the Buttercup likes ze lists, eh?

34. I originally planned for this to be a shortened list a la my Immense Lesley but alas....I cant shut the fuck up!

35. "My next guest is a low life pimp I wouldnt trust to wash my car, but yall done elected him city official...." - Don Cheadle as Ralph Waldo 'Petey' Greene in "Talk To Me"

36. Go see that shit yall

37. Did we really have a indepth conversation as to what a "phatty" is?

38. Isnt people 'leaving' myspace and then coming back like the equivalent of rappers 'retiring'?

39. Ultimately this life is about balancing your wants and needs

40. Yeah the wants are nice....but dont neglect your needs

41. Thought I wasnt gon know that french shit huh Divina?

42. Common's new joints IS bananas, B.A.N.A.N.A.S.......but Im reluctant to say it's better than"Be"

43. "Im doing things I've never done for anyone's attention/Take notice of whats in front of you cuz did I mention/You're about to miss a good thing/and you''ll never know how good it feels to have all of my affection/And you'll never get a chance to experience my loving /Cuz my luvin feels like.......oooooooh" - Alicia Keys "You Dont Know My Name"

44. Am I crushing again?........Hmmmmmm

45. The child just gets me I think

46. BA said the lady asked "is an extra large bigger than a large?"........and was like dead serious!

47. It is my belief that it should be totally legal to immediately shoot someone who displays such a high level of utter and sheer stupidity

48. ...or we can send them to live in the U.A.S.S.(United American States of Stupidity), right Geli?

49. Statewide smoking ban in all public places?......oh how my lungs thank you Mr. Blagojevich!

50. "3000? Imma tell you like this now.....dont mess it up for everybody. Greyhound dont float on water!" - Big Boi in "Hey Ya" video

The "...Fucked Me Way The Fuck Up" List

1. "It's time for me to live off the love that I sing about in my songs/See listen, I wanna walk down the aisle to my song/I want the first dance to be to my song/And I wanna make love to my song/I wanna have babies to my song/I wanna cry when I'm singing my song/I wanna say 'Damn it's too good....its too good to be my song!!!'......" - Gerald Levert "In My Songs"

2. Gerald really put his drawers in this album....God bless him

3. Not that Im condoning dogfighting (b/c Im not), but does PETA get all into the hunting industry's ass as well....b/c hunting for sport sure seems pretty un-fucking-ethical to me

4. And how dare Russell Simmons be quick to judge Mike Vick and suggest all coroprations involved with him disassociate themselves?

5. Damn Russ.....he was only indicited......can they at least find him guilty first?

6. What would life be without sex and music?

7. *shivers at the thought*

8. Ol simpleton ass muthafuckas!

9. Just checking to see if it is indeed 2007 b/c I swear I seen a dude with fingerwaves

10. "You cant teach algebra to 1st graders. No matter how hard you try. They are not gonna get it" - BA

11. Im not crazy...I knew my apple jacks were shaped weird

12. Dontcha just love the randomness of these lists?

13. Im pretty fucking pathetic

14. ....and I know why

15. At least I started working out with my Taebo abs again

16. "Wipe Me Down" and "Do The Heisman On Dat Hoe" are running neck and neck for my current favorite ghetto song

17. "Shoulders...Chest...Pants....Shoes!" - Lil Boosie "Wipe Me Down"

18. "If her breath stank/Do the Heismann on dat hoe!" - Dem Heisman Boyz "Do The Heisman..."

19. What mindlessness...and this is what they choose to play on the radio?

20. Man wait....she called me Dave's sidekick!

21. And I know Dave is that dude and all but dammit Im no one's sidekick

22. The Vagina Power lady is certified 'el polo loco' © Tori

23. btw.....I love Tori's blogs.....if only she blogged more ;)

24. Somehow I think we'll prove to be each other's muses

25. Did the paper really say that the Priest was paying for and lavishing a male stripper with gifts and money?

26. What in the......?

27. "Mercy mercy me/Things aint what they used to be...." - Marvin Gaye "Mercy Mercy Me"

28. Lor and I Talking on the phone like we used to and catching up was the best

29. The free 'Live @ The BBQ' concert with Little Brother, Bilal and Blackstar was hot but Bilal definitely should went before Little Brother

30. I couldnt believe Bilal didnt drink Hennessey and end up scream-singing while laying on the floor like normal

31. Okay seriously....who the hell just brings Chilly Willy up in conversation out the clear blue sky?

32. 8am burritos?......eh, not such a good idea

33. This latest Harry Potter book just broke all kinds of records selling 8.3 million copies in the first 24 hours

34. I know I may lose a couple of yall with this but I've never really gave half a shit about Harry Potter...I mean somehow I just never managed to see the big fucking deal...but that's just me

35. "Ha, I am a fighter and a lover/I'm the freaky baby daddy, I'm a bad motherfucker /I'm the earth, wind, fire, and the thunder/I said I am, go ask my mother!/You don't believe that shit believe what you want to" - Mos Def "Ghetto Rock"

36. So I was eating applesauce while naked and watching 'Martin', right?....(talk about Heaven!).....anyways you ever drop cold applesauce on you nether-regions?

37. I know I been doing too much and putting my body thru it as of late with all this lack of sleep and all but Im in grind mode

38. Yet in still I need to find my balance in hustling but doing right by my body before my body shuts my shit the fuck down

39. Oh Teej you have such a potty mouth!

40. A pitbull raping a baby?....Giving a toddler an e pill?......WTF?

41. I just cant wrap my brain around some shit

42. Like literally....WHAT THE FUCK????

43. "Read a book muthafucka...Read a book!/Not the sports page, not a magazine/ But a book nigga, a fucking book nigga!/Yo body needs water so drink that shit!..Yo body needs water so drink that shit!/Raise yo kids muthafucka raise yo goddamn kids!..Raise yo kids muthafucka raise yo goddamn kids!" - Notarapper "Read A Book" (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gWqa7cbdOC8)

44. I dunno what but this list is missing something...I dunno if I like this one

45. Cassandra...never again under any circumstances, k?

46. Have I ever mentioned how much politics suck muddy monkey nuts?

47. The bus driver pulled the bus over to take a call on his cell phone.....twice!

48. Now I know I dont need to tell yall what the bus driver's ethnicity was, right?

49. "...fucked me way the fuck up"/"I should be doing some laundry.......fuck some laundry!" - Lesley

50. I wonder if Lesley remembers where Jesus is located ;)

Please Mr. Papitto Dont Blame Rap Music For Your Bigotry

So the (white) 80 yr old ex-chairman of Roger Williams University in Bristol, Rhode Island has recently come under fire for using the word 'Nigger' during a board meeting in May saying it "kind of slipped out". Under pressure to diversify his board Ralph Papitto used the term to describe blacks. He probably said some shit like (, and Im para-phrasing here...) 'Now I gotta put a nigger or two on the board to get the diversity people off my back'......or something like that Im sure.

He said he had never used the term before. “The first time I heard it was on television and then rap music or something,” Papitto said in an interview on WPRO-AM. “I apologized for that,” he continued, “What else can I do? Kill myself?”

Why yes Ralph Papitto. That's exactly what you can do......Go kill yourself for that dumb ass lie!

You heard it on TV and then 'rap music or something'??!?!?!!

Dude you are fucking 80!!! That means 50 yrs ago in 1957 you were 30 and it was waaaaaaay more than PC to call black people 'Nigger' back then. So there aint nobody with half a fucking brain buying that you never heard the word til rap music. And where do you get off trying to use rap as your scapegoat anyhow? I guess it kinda worked for Imus so you figured what the hell, right?

Please Mr. Papitto....keel the fuck over and croak RIGHT NOW!

'.....I Wish He Was Gay!'

"I was the worst/I usta switch chicks everyday/Had niggas mad for real/like 'I wish he was gay!' - Jay Z "Hey Papi"

Ha....well not so much with the former (switching chicks everyday), but apparently definitely with the latter (folks wishing i were gay).......

The convo always goes like this....

Her : Can I ask you something?
Me : Go ahead

*Mind you I already know where this going. I hate to say Im used to it, but I see it coming from a million miles away. It's like they trying to ration in their head that SOMETHING must be up with me b/c Im damn near to good to be true or something*

Her : Promise not to get mad?
Me : I promise...
Her : Okay....(PREGNANT PAUSE)......Are you gay?
Me : No
Her : Bi?
Me : Nope
Her : You sure?

YEAH NIGGA IM SURE! ..............THE FUCK??!?!?

Okay so for the record. Once and for all, to anyone who may care to know : Im not gay...nor bi...nor bi-curious..nor on the DL....nor have I ever experimented with a man...nor have I ever wanted to experiment with a man or any of that. And while I do consider myself one of the 'Stars of the Freak Show' (as one sex astrology website put it), my freakdom's line is drawn at another man. That's a line that I wont cross. Point blank. Period.

Now I do realize that Im nothing like you've ever seen in your whole whole life. I believe they call it an anomaly or something. Im just not the stereotypical black male you see plastered all over your tv and movie screens or whatever. I dont really do all the macho bravado, instead I just opt to do me and what comes naturally. I smile at old people. Little kids make me blush. Im expressive dammit. Shit I'll even go so far as to agree with the 8yr old (http://teejsays.blogspot.com/2005/04/gentle-teej.html) in that the boy is gentle. Yeah I said that shit. I hate raising my voice. My demeanor is just different I tell you.

But damn do I gotta be gay? Can a nigga just be?!?!?! And no Im not mad at anyone. I'd rather you just ask it if it's on your mind than to just assume the shit to be, then tell someone else that shit (b/c that has happened before), and then go on bout your business like it's nothing. And while you're at it...pick up bell hooks' book "We Real Cool". It's all about black men and what is perceived to be their proper masculinity. Talk about some shit I identify with. (http://teejsays.blogspot.com/2005/04/bell-hooks.html)

"It's the return of da gangsta/thanks to/them niggas that get the wrong impression of expression then the question is/ 'what's up (TJ)?/Is he in a cult?/On drugs?/Is he gay?/When yall gon wake up?/When yall gon break up?'/Nigga Im feeling better then ever!/What's wrong with YOU?/You get down!!" - Andre 3000 (Outkast) "Return Of Da 'G'"

The "JUICE IN YA FACE!" List

1. "We are all here on a particular path/you dont need a cirriculum to know that you are part of the math/Cats think Im delirious/but Im so damn serious/That's why I expose my soul to the globe, the world!/Im trying to make it better for these little boys and girls/ Im not just another individual/my spirit is a part of this/Thats why I get spiritual...." J. Ivy (Kanye West F/ Jay Z "Never Let You Down"

2. I realize I've been neglectful of my blog

3. ...but sometimes life happens faster than I can write about it

4. Lor and Les are gonna enjoy their trip across the pond Im sure

5. To anyone at my job who may read this and know that they are one of the (seemingly) many people who talk about me behind my back : YOU CAN KISS MY ASS AND WRITE A LOVE SONG ABOUT IT!.....THANKS!

6. And speaking of said job.....In my new state of 'not really giving a fuck'-ness, it's really hard to bite my tongue and not cuss out a guest (or for that matter, a co-worker) when they get out of line with me

7. They do try me, but they shall'nt have my joy!

8. Jai I must thank you again. You really held me down!

9. And you're right I suppose...he does say 'Hey Baby Baby' as opposed to the 'Bang Bang Bang' that I was hearing......How much did we bet?

10. "Over the years I been up and on my toes/and yes I seen thangs like Kilroy/chill boy because them folks might think you soft talkin like that/man fuck them niggaz!/I’m goin off and comin right back/like boomerangs when you throw em/with these old ghetto poems....I’m willin to go the extra kilo-meter/just to see my senorita/get her pillow on the side of my bed where no girl ever stayed...." Andre 3000 (Outkast) "Jazzy Belle"

11. Anyone else find Akon's voice very similar to noise?

12. I locked out Angela's favorite video channel b/c she pissed me off

13. Pretty petty I know but it felt sooooooo good

14. Needless to say that I have a ways to go with this parenting thing

15. So these niggas think 'burying' the 'N-WORD'' will make niggas stop saying it?!?!?!??!

16. If you niggas @ the NATIONAL ASSOCIATION FOR THE ADVANCEMENT OF COLORED PEOPLE (And why the fuck is 'Colored' STILL in your title anyways?!?!?!) dont concentrate on some shit a little more important to us 'colored' people like say maybe the steady flow of drugs and guns into the community, or maybe the the fucking unemployment rate, or maybe the incarcenration rate, or maybe hypertension or any other disease that affects us disproportionately, or maybe gentrification, or maybe freeing Assata & Mumia or SOMETHING more productive than trying to get people to stop saying a fucking word.....you niggas cant be serious!!!!!!!

17. Obviously that should have been a blog in and of itself but yall can check out Phonte of Little Brother's blog on the subject http://blog.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=blog.view&friendID=24373698&blogID=286005253&Mytoken=BCC0B280-F6E9-4AEB-B66A02F03D6872B523320806

18. "You'd sell ya own mama for a piece of a crumb/A piece of the crunk?/That aint even where you from!/You's a follower/That's right a fucking follower!" - Rhymefest "Dynomite"

19. I totally expected to come back from LA with a review blog of some sorts.....but that shit is a blur now

20. There was a lot of drinking, alot of partying, and I was able to see alot of friends, but for as many friends as I saw...there were more that I didnt :(....... a whole damn week and I STILL ran out of time

21. Rapping along to Jay-Z and Beanie Sigel's "Where Have You Been?", which is a song about addressing a deadbeat dad, next to BA on the ride home from Maryland was surreal to say the least

22. After seeing Michael Moore's "Sicko" Im pretty sure I will eventually move to Canada

23. Im also pretty sure that the Republican party WILL hire someone to kill him as well

24. I implore you all to go see "Sicko"...it is really eye opening!

25. "You just cant go around killin these bitches.....as bad as they get on your nerve. You just cant do that!" - Anonymous 1 on the recent rash of dumb dudes killing their spouses

26. "Yo you see me by these mailboxes? Cuz I DE LIV ER!!!!!" - Anonymous 2

27. I cant stop listening to Little Brother's "The Listening"

28. Believe it or not...it's better than "The Minstrel Show" in the same way that "Off The Wall" is better than "Thriller".....at least to me anyways

29. I know you're down.....but when you gon get up?

30. My bills have conspired to kick my ass.....and boy are they doing a number on me!

31. Man I shole do wish that ever elusive big bag of money thats supposed to fall out the sky and 'ka-plunk' me on the head would come and get to gettin already!

32. I wish I could afford to buy a damn book or CD soon....Im going thru withdrawl!

33. I pray that my friend Wanda fully recovers from her surgery

34. Pia and Kania my prayers are with you and yours too

35. "Do what you need to regain your fire! Yell and Scream! Scream and Cuss! Cuss and Fight......Just stop being so damn uninspired" - Val's Poem

36. Motivation is fleeting to say the least

37. It only took one day of working on the set of BET's 'College Hill' to fully understand why BET is the way it is......just one day I tell you!

38. Them niggas!

39. There is an 73 yr old farmer in India who has vowed to not get married until he passes his high school exams (normally given to 15 yr olds). The only problem is he has failed the test 38 years in a row.

40. But hey.....at least he's persistent, right?

41. This wanna be beard trying to grow on my face makes me feel rugged

42. For absolutely no reason at all........'M-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-crooked letter-crooked letter-I-humpback-humpback-I'

43. "When my mind's void you're my joy/You're the dream when I sleep/And hey...I'm for ya/yeah I adore ya/you're everything that I need/And I love how you love me/If I'm made for you/You're made for me/ It's too good to be /So tell me what we're gonna do now...." - Joss Stone "Tell Me What We're Gonna Do Now"

44. So my good friend Beautiful Cooper is definitely being deployed to Iraq next month..nevermind the fact that she's a single mom with 3 small kids who need her

45. Fucking sucky ass government.....b/c my ass woulda surely be somewhere in the Canadian Underground Railroad right now

46. Send good energy yall please

47. Your habits become who you are therefore if you know you have a bad habit by all means do your best to break that shit

48. The last 2 Swank parties have been a tad off for various reasons

49. "Suck my clit.....suck my clit....UGH.....JUICE IN YA FACE!.....JUICE IN YA FACE!" - Angie's impromptu song

50. I figure if Lil Kim can make a song called "Suck My Dick"...then Angie can make "Suck My Clit/Juice In Ya Face"

Calm Before The Storm?

My bank account is stupid overdrawn and Im not stressing it. Havent shed one shred of worry about it.

Im unusually calm and I dont know why. Im not worried about shit I damn well oughta be worried about. Best I can do to describe it is comparing it to Peter from Office Space. Remember when he just fell into that trance and kinda walked around in a whimsical daze?

I kinda felt it and was aware of it, but my friend Yayah confirmed it for me. She confirmed what I already knew yet hadnt had verbalized. I feel a change a-coming but I cant quite put my hand on it just yet.

This week long excursion to LA has opened my eyes to a few things. My dealings with my life, my career and hell even.....women. It's like I was subconsciously paying attention and reassessing shit while partying and relaxing. So many of my friends are doing their thing. Pursuing their dreams (Evita) and reaping the benefits of taking chances (Carlos) and my nose and eyes and heart are open to it now. Now more than ever.

Im back to my daily grind, but its different.

And it will stay different. This I will see to. My visualization boards will see to that as well. (Thanks for the inspiration Rho.)

It's a new me on the horizon.

Beware.