This weird Kathy Bates/Roseanne Barr/MiMi from The Drew Carey Show looking lady with reddish-orange hair, funny glasses and no neck just walked outta the café and start talking all this jibberish to me. She started first by telling me that I have an aura about me. And that I seem to be a gentle giant. She said that she can tell that I was destined to be a leader and when I stepped into a room that I commanded attention and respect. At first I was genuinely taken aback and grateful for her kind words if not just a bit thrown off by the randomness of it all. But then she started flirting somewhat by adding that the fact that Im “eye-candy doesn’t hurt either”. (“Okay Teej. Just smile a bit and thank her and hopefully she'll keep it moving”) Then she went on about how she can sense that Im destined for greatness and that I may lose some friends by the wayside (So which of you fuckers are fair-weather friends? Hmmm…), but it was okay b/c I’d soon make new ones. And then the convo got weird……-er.
She then went on to tell me how the world needs more strong black men like myself. As a former Black Panther (Now mind you this is 50 year old-ish white lady. And that’s not to say that white people weren’t down with the Panthers or that it’s impossible, but I don’t buy it from her!), she can sense that Im down for the cause. She mentioned something about being from Des Moines, Iowa (The Panthers were in Iowa? Word?!?!) and being there from the start and the need for more programs like the Free Breakfast before school for kids and etc. Then she said something something about ‘it’ not being just a black problem but a human problem as a whole. And so this is the point where I began to tune her out and just nod and agree so she could leave me be as soon as possible.
Then she stuck her fist out to give me dap and broke out!
(Now I only feel it fair to mention that she prefaced this whole exchange by telling me of how it was her birthday and how she really enjoyed the wine she had just had. )
I still thought this little monologue to be hilarious and worth sharing.
5 years ago