"Accept me as I am...with this tendency that I have...of being able to love everyone, including YOU...or just dont fucking bother me at all!" - Alice Walker
Friend ( P ) Pronunciation Key (frnd) n.
A person whom one knows, likes, and trusts.
A person whom one knows; an acquaintance.
That's the definition of a friend according to dictionary.com. Ever since I can remember I've been told repeatedly "TJ....'so and so' is not your friend". Or "just b/c you laugh/play/joke with them that doesnt make them your friend". I dunno I've always had sort of a rebellious attitude about that. (Shit...what HAVENT I had a rebellious attitude about?) My natural instinct is that everyone I come in contact with is my friend damn near til they prove themselves unworthy.
There have been times when "friends" didnt seem to be interested in staying in touch and I've been hurt by that. Even wrote a poem about a situation like that. Or the other one that really burns me up is if the friend is of the opposite sex and they start seeing someone or get a boyfriend or whatever and then they act as if we werent friends for x amount years? My feelings be hurt like "WTF?" I guess a small part of me can understand, but the majority of me is still thrown for a loop.
Oooh once me and KK got into a HUGE argument about one of my friends. KK told me flat out that she didnt like her and she didnt think we should be friends b/c she didnt think this friend was 'for the relationship'. I was blown away. This friend in question was one of my peoples! I got friends and I got peoples. There is a difference. So to be told that I couldnt kick it with one of my peoples was crazy to me. KK and I had it out, but eventually we came to a mutual agreement concerning this friend. But I stood up and defended my friend.
I've always been the friend my friends can depend on. If I think the person is really sincere in their need I'd give them my last. I'd take 2 buses and a train across town at 4am if my friend needed me. My cell phone is always on. I've consoled and counseled friends via the phone in the middle of the night. Someone asked me if I was "a counselor or something" in reference to a few peeps thanking me for being there for them on my myspace page. All I could do is laugh. I really dont know any other way other than to give of myself to my friends...and sometimes strangers, and all those in between.
I may have the most eclectic group of friends of anyone I know. Dude no lie.....I have friends who do everything from teach to own a kinky dominatrix company to strip to work heavily in the church. And I love all of 'em unconditionally. There's something within all them that makes me wanna count them as people I know.
I was once told a by a woman I was dating "TJ loves everybody, [and I cant handle that!]". So it's something I've come to grips with. Some women cant handle it....and that's cool. I do realize it's alot to deal with....but this is me dammit. I could very well be single for awhile b/c of all my friends. But overall Im just a friendly dude. Too friendly according to some, but that's just a reminder of all people having opinions as they do assholes, ya know?
My name is TJ, and Im a friend-aholic.
"No matter where you go/you are what you are player/and you can try to change/but that's just the top layer/man you was who you was 'fore you got here!/Only God can judge me/so Im gone/either love me or leave me alone....." - Jay Z "Public Service Announcement"
Posts
Full Regalia
12 years ago
9 comments:
Friend-aholic? Is there a support group for that?
Seriously, that is really nice. I'm on the other side of the spectrum. I can count the number of friends I have on one hand. I take friendship very seriously and everyone can't be classified as my friend. I know a lot of people but only a few are real friends.
As I imagined, I thoroughly enjoyed this post. Way back in the day, someone once told me that you should never throw away anything that you write because just because you're not feeling it now (they weren't as colloquial...they sho' didn't say "feeling it") doesn't mean it won't work for you later. Anything that comes from your heart, no matter how random or incohorent, is a good piece of writing.
The quote I've come across that does a good job, in my opinion, of defining friendship was from Close Sesame. "Friendship is a very complicated organizational concept of self- and group-definition: and I would define myself out of this lot; any day." I enjoy knowing that those who are my friends I can look to and say, "That's MY boy/girl." Our friends often represent the best facets of us so you can look in your circle of friends a mosiac of reflections. That's pretty flipping tight.
And I wouldn't go so far to say as being a friendaholic is a gift and a curse, it is just a testament of the wonderful person you are when you are loved by so many.
I apologize that this comment went on so long. Take care.
Your friend,
Maisha
Well my dear Tj you are in deed a person I probably didnt like when I first ran across you. Now I love the hell outta you & cant get enough of you. I can depend on you to TELL-IT-LIKE-IT-TI-IS and most times make me laugh.
I just had this conversation with my bestfriend the other night. I have friends I will not let go of for the life of me. I check on people who act like they cant pick up the phone and call. Im not a fairweather friend. Never have been, never will be.
I know you have my back whenever I wanna get a shovel and put Andre's ass in the ground. You have the get away car right?
i understand what you're saying and what the 'girl' feels, too. however, don't you think you need to draw a line somewhere? i mean.. would you be cool to see your girl do everything for her friend (esp. a guy), even take 2 buses and a train across town at 4am because he needs her? ;)
be my friend too...
My grandmother always told me when I was growing up that we have many acquaintance and a few friends...even the people we call friends might be more like acquaintances.
You are a great person and I am proud to call you my friend. You are there for me when I am feeling down and always bring a smile to my face. You have opened up your home to me when I "just need to get away from NY" and your tenderness and affection warms my heart. If you were in a relationship though, out of respect I wouldn't call on you as much :)
I love you friend....
i see where you're coming from. it's cool to have friends and to be able to give of yourself like that. my brother is the exact same way.
the thing is this...i had to tell him that he was giving so much of himself that he was ultimately devaluing the gift of his friendship. why? because if diamonds weren't being controlled by debeers, we'd be able to get them ten for a dollar, feel me?
folks have to recognize that they're accountable for how they treat folk. in other words, if they're not giving you the kind of friendship you're giving them, they don't deserve what you're giving them. not only that, but there is only so much of yourself you can give. imagine meeting the woman you finally want to settle down with only to realize you've been tapped out emotionally by all those 'friends'.
you gotta keep a piece to yourself, luv. folk gotta recognize that you're debeers and you ain't giving the diamond of your friendship out to just any mofo who walks down the street.
I understand where you are coming from. I too tend to give people a 100 to start off with and its up to them to get an F in the friend department (lol).
I tend to have to make myself think that someone is an associate..sad I know lol
I'm glad you're my friend. And I'm glad you're the person you are. U are there for me even if u don't always answer the phone when I'm in one of my moments.. LOL but nevertheless, u are there for me when I need u and I love u for that. U can eat my french toast anytime.
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