Back On The Happy Train!

So I'd like to thank my 'psychologist' StacyP....I'd like to thank Lori for holding in on the hug for that much longer and kissing my forehead (how sweet!).....I'd like to thank C for inspiring the title of this here blog.....AND I'd like to extend a very special thanks to KK for her special guest apperance. How unexpected, yet totally welcomed. I blushed....Im sure of that. I'm cool Poop.

Really I am.....I was just emptying out all the thoughts swirling around in my big ass head. Venting is what they call it I do believe. And I know it goes against my usual upbeat personality, but it's what makes me a whole person, ya know?

I closed off the comments to that one. I said what I had to say and I've moved on......

The "So Much On My Mind" List (Longer Than Usual)

1. As the title says there is a lot on my mind
2. I feel like Im in a rut
3. Shit doesnt really seem to be flowing and/or feeling right
4. This up coming excursion to Cali is much needed
5. My Granny had a mild heart attack last Sunday
6. She is a G though
7. Drove herself to the hospital!!!!!!
8. When my brother got the call we didnt know what to expect
9. The car ride was real quiet
10. No radio, no nothing
11. But then my mom called from the hospital room and updated us
12. That relieved me to know she was okay.
13. Dude I was picturing her unconcious w/ tubes and shit everywhere
14. Then my mom put her on the phone
15. She started making jokes about swimming lessons in Miami
16. That made me feel better
17. Cant spell Granny w/o the G!!!
18. Did I mention that Im feeling maaaaad rut-ish
19. Back on some 'Fuck the world, dont ask me for shit' shit?
20. Yeah Lor...Im back on that again.
21. I fucking hate that stupid white people think the term 'BLING BLING' is cool
22. Note to said stupid white people : No one hardly says that shit but yall dumb asses!
23. I think my cousin is acting crazy again in Minnesota
24. My Granny told me to call and find out whats going on.
25. I told her I would but I havent just yet
26. Im building up my energy
27. I wrote a rap when I was like 14 that had a line like "A smile on my shell/but it's confusion that is within me"
28. 27 = Still true
29. Remember last list when I said I felt like I was fooling the world?
30. Yeah I am
31. Pretty fucking good too if I may add
32. It's too easy to make/have kids
33. And then the kids have to suffer b/c the damn parents aint grown or stable or capable of raising no damn kids
34. There are exceptions though.....Toi, Crystal, Lesley, Clo, Reese, Keeta, etc.
35. Thankfully I couldnt think of any 'bad' mamas off hand
36. But shit....Im trying to think of dudes I know with kids
37. Still drawing a blank
38. Oh yeah.....my cousins!
39. My mama once told me that I have always been girl crazy
40. I suppose she is correct....
41. ....but she told me in front of KK
42. Who does that?
43. Doesnt everyone just want someone to want them?
44. Isnt that like a basic need that everyone has?
45. Ever felt like that need aint being met?
46. I didnt mean for this list to take a such a melancholy tone
47. Im just typing away though
48. It usually takes me a couple days to do a list
49. This shit is getting done in less than 20 mins
50. Heaven I need a hug
51. LOL!
52. Im bugging
53. On my myspace page someone said something about me being positive all the time
54. I have this crazy faith
55. Like I can oooze positivity and all....
56. ....but sometimes Im not sure if I believe myself
57. I guess I just speak the shit into existence
58. Erykah Badu calls it 'Faking It Til You Make It'
59. " On another note/bout to take another vaca/on another boat...."
60. That was Jay Z
61. Sorry Stace
62. Im looking forward to hanging with the LJ girls
63. Gentle Spirit...where are you?
64. Im gonna re-read my equinox card
65. "Heaven is here. Choose Life. Choose Love"
66. Aint that what it said?
67. "Im goin goin back back to Cali Cali"
68. Somedays I really miss KK
69. As I would hope she has her days that she really misses me too
70. I go back and forth with wearing my heart on my sleeve
71. All in all I just try to do what feels right
72. My show is on hiatus as we disagree amongst ourselves
73. I do not like being idle
74. Anyone know I wanna be married?
75. And soon!!
76. I dont like singlehood
77. Relationships are hard
78. But what have you ever come across that was worth having AND easy?
79. Exactly
80. You ever felt like the world aint checking for ya?
81. I do every now and then
82. "Who really cares?/When I talk?/What I feel?/What I say?/Nobody not really/Who wants to take the time to understand/I would like someone to heal me with some empathy/But I can't find…Nobody not really/Maybe I'm invisible to the world/Does anyone in the world even think of me?/As more than just a hopeless cause/Maybe the world is not my block/My stoop/My life/My dreams/My anything...."
83. DeeDee...you asked what I was thinking when I posted the lyrics to 'YeYo' a couple of months ago?
84. Well now ya know babycakes
85. My ol Melancholy Mannie ass!
86. I'll probably have snapped outta this by time anyone will have read this.
87. I need to make a list of simple shit that I do that make me happy
88. And keep it for days like this
89. Im gonna pop in my 'Heard A Word/Spirit Food' CD
90. It always helps
91. Okay I think Im done.....

A Sign (To Me At Least)

So today....Oct. 22, 2005...a mere 27 years, 11 months, and some odd days after it was decided that I should bless the earth with my presence (*smile*)....I was given a sure sign of my impending Grown up-dom.

Today my good people.....I went into my closet and pulled out my scarf, gloves and hat...that I bought LAST YEAR. Yup...they were in my big ol winter coat where I put them at the break of spring. That's it! That was my sign. May not be big to you, but this isnt about you anyways, now is it?

Yall have noooooo earthly idea of how many times I've had to buy the same winter accessories over and over and over b/c I lose them after winter is over. But not this year! Nope! The Teejster is a grown ass man dog!

Watchouttherenow!!!! (Said in true grown man fashion)

The "Almost Back To Normal List" List

1. “Sometimes I think I’m from another world / when I’m trying to tell a woman just exactly where I stand at / I want a girl when I want a girl / and when I don’t want a girl…I want a girl that understands that! / And that’s some hard shit to explain…” – Phonte of Little Brother “Slow It Down”
2. Yaaay Im blogging again!
3. Keep your poking sticks away Clo *wink* *smile*
4. Sometimes I think I’m just fooling the world
5. Really I do
6. I’m totally shameless about my affinity for ‘Desperate Housewives’
7. Ask me if I give a shit who says what about it
8. Remember when we couldn’t wait to be adults?
9. Why didn’t those sadistic ass elders of ours tell us that it would be like this?
10. Do they still make Jolly Rancher sticks?
11. I don’t say I’m moody to be cute
12. I REALLY AM MOODY!
13. …yet still very lovable if I may say so *smile*
14. We are gonna turn Nap-town upside down and then round and round
15. And then I get blueberry pancakes the following morning?
16. Hell to the yizeah!!!
17. “Lillian….MAY NOT use the phone! Lillian MAY NOT go outside!”
18. Who knows where that one is from?
19. My youngest brother is in jail….again!……….
20. ….“Recognize the thresholds of negative stress”
21. I like forcing Janity to listen to lyrics and not just the damn beats!
22. Only she notices the damn echoing sounds of the background overdubs!
23. Teej will you go ahead and finish the damn bell hooks book already!
24. You’ve only been ‘reading’ it since April!!!
25. “Stay tuned…there’s more to see / Through all the technical difficulties / We just might go and take a break / but yall know we’ll be back next week….” – Alicia Keys “Unbreakable”
26. Definitely my favorite song of the moment
27. “Your life is up to you. Life provides the canvas; you do the painting. Take charge of your life…or someone else will.” - From the book "If Life is a Game, These are the Rules" by Cherie Carter-Scott
28. Remember when calling someone an ‘African Bootyscratcher’ was the quickest way ever to start a fight?
29. Yall do realize that it was only black people saying this shit amongst ourselves, right?
30. Do yall also realize that that is a direct reflection of our ignorance/lack of knowledge of our homeland?
32. And that aint shit but the wack ass public school system not telling us redeeming shit about Africa!
33. “Don’t touch me on my left side! Uhhh! Don’t touch me on my right side! Uhhh! Don’t fuck me up! Don’t fuck me up! Don’t fuck me up!”
34. That shit is HE-LARRY-US!!!
35. Thank you for sharing that with me!
36. Such an instant smile inducer
37. Kinda like you!
38. I feel my ‘grown man’ taking over more and more everyday
39. I am actually concerned about my credit
40. I plan on fixing it….soon…like now soon!
41. I’m concerned about my health
42. I’m fregging growing up right before my own eyes
43. But I still like candy….
44. …and cartoons and cereal….
45. …and wearing t-shirts, jeans and gym shoes
46. But it’s all about balancing
47. Life = Balancing act
48. I bought the DVD of ‘Get Christy Love’ for $2 outta Walgreens
49. Anyone else up on that besides me?
50. “This is my uncle’s house!…..How the fuck do you steal a house?”

Something New?

Well not really. I dunno my good people. Im fully aware that I havent been blogging like I used to. I dont wanna say I aint feeling it b/c that aint the case. I just havent been blogging and I havent been reading all my peoples blogs either. I am just not finding enough hours in the day as of late. And Im still only getting like 4-6 hours of sleep per night. I'm sure I'll get back into the swing of things soon. And it isnt like the whole world is sitting on pins and needles awaiting Teej's newest blog entry..I've just heard from a few peeps that I need to get it going.

So no DeeDee.....I aint lost. You dont have to come and get me. LOL.
And okay Clo...here's a small lil something to hold you over along with the Psychology Today. No need to poke me with sticks.
And Echo....I know I have a challenge to accept. Im on it. Soon.

Happy Columbus Day?

Yeah!......Happy "How the fuck you gon 'discover' some land that people were already inhabiting when your punk ass rolled up on the Santa Maria or whatever the fuck it was in 1492 but b/c you are a white man you will go down in history as discovering this previously occupied land....but even then you knew about white privilege, right?" Columbus Day!

No More Drinks For Me!

"Im so tore/look like my eyes been stitched together with stitches..."
- E40 "Hurricane"

"To the man up above to whom the thanks Im giving/I'll never drink again if you just let me keep living"
- DJ Quik "Tonight"

And so you can tell what this blog is about already, right? Last night I had to go to a CD release party that I really didnt wanna attend but had to for political purposes. But oh well my hand was kinda forced so I convinced my boy Leo to roll along since Im there on my tv show's behalf and dammit it's his show too!

So 2 things.....1. I heard the party advertised on the radio. Thats a big no-no. Maybe Im spoiled or old or even a bit stuck up, but I dont do events advertised on the radio. That's just the potential for too many people. And 2. Dammit I opened up a tab! Why do I do this? Didnt I learn my lesson in Florida? And while I didnt clear $100 on my tab I came pretty fucking close. And the sad thing is I bought Leo like 2 drinks, my homegirl who I saw there got 1, this chick I was dancing with got 1, and well....the rest went to me.

Needless to say I ended the night at the gas station at like 3am cleaning my own throw up off the side of Leo's car with one of those window swegie things!!!! LOL. Im such a compulsive obsessive ass. Why on earth do I do these things?

The "Guess Who's Back/What Had Happened Was..." List

1. “It’s natural to fall off / just land close to the tree / I’ll be there if they need me to be……” – Pos of De La Soul “Trying People”
2. Somehow Im on my school’s alumni list but I didn’t graduate
3. ….yet! *wink*
4. Not having a middle name sucks
5. I have no earthly idea as to how to turn my cell phone off
6. I got it over a month ago and it hasn’t been off since the lady in the store turned it on
7. When I don’t want it to ring I just put the ring to ‘silent’.
8. My ol supposedly tech-savvy ass cant turn my phone off!
9. How absurd!!!
10. Does anyone know how the hell Keith Sweat managed to maintain a successful singing career for x amount of years w/o being able to actually sing?
11. 2 weeks in the beginning of September has now turned into November 1st
12. He’s my brother so I don’t mind
13. But I’ll be damned if the nigga cant eat!
14. Shouldn’t stupid people just have their own damn country/colony/space/place to ruin?
15. There aren’t many peeps who I woulda missed half of “Everybody Hates Chris” for
16. But she is her so she gets a pass
17. Besides……I got ringtones bitch!!!!
18. *Big cheese*
19. I apparently needed a blogging break
20. What’s funny is I was just talking to Echo about breaking from blogging
21. And I ended up doing it before she did!
22. Being a concierge flippin rox!
23. In my first week alone I got like 6 invites to different shit
24. Different free shit mind you
25. Different free shit WITH free food and drinks!
26. Yeah….exactly!
27. My 10 yr class reunion was this past weekend
28. I wasn’t as excited about it as I originally though I would be
29. Otherwise I woulda been more angry about missing all but 15 mins of it in a Leona’s (Restaurant) parking lot
30. Besides I think it coulda been organized a tad better
32. Les’ card was soooooo sweet
33. A million thanx to you Gentle Soul
34. Dude who the fuck is playing some techno shit that loud on a Sunday afternoon?
35. “…came to me to see if I can give ‘em guidance for change / Shit yall I need guidance myself!” – Pos of De La Soul “Trying People”
36. I can not stop listening to that song
37. Its incredible!
38. “….still it wont let go……”
39. He’s usually a good cook
40. But I was worried when he said he was waiting for the Hamburger Helper to “thicken”
41. He eventually gave up on said ‘Thickening’
42. But dude Im from the southside of the C.H.I.
43. We don’t play that shit
44. It was still good
45. Even if I had to put it in a strainer
46. My 2 favorite heifers are probably teary eyed, laughing and reading this now
47. I wanna write more well rounded lists like Les
48. The Boondocks on TV every Sunday night!!!
49. Somebody please go buy Little Brother’s album “The Minstrel Show”
50. It’s only the best HIPHOP record in YEARS!!!!