Said To Guest/Said In My Head

Said to guest: Wow! Quail Eggs? You're gonna have to give me a minute to track those down for you.

Said in my head: You want me to help you find a specialty store that sales quail eggs? Are you out your fucking mind? You think this is how I wanna spend my day? Fuck you and your quail eggs nukka! Regular eggs aint good enough for you? Get the fuck on with that bullshit!!!
_____________________________________________________________________

Said to guest: Well the box office is all sold out so that pretty much only leaves us the option of independent ticket brokers. And as you know they usually charge double or sometimes even triple the face value. I can check with them to see whats available and give you a call back.

Said in my head: 5 Wicked Tickets for today?!?!?! LOL. Yeah right! Tough luck nigga! THAT shit aint gon happen. You need to start making alternate plans now. Why dont you go ice skating or some shit? Even if I could find some tickets they'd probably be double or triple the face value. But your dumb ass would pay for them anyways, wouldnt you?
____________________________________________________________________

Said to guest: You must be referring to the Harold Washington Library. Sure...it's on the corner of State and Congress, however it is closed today unfortunately. Yes Im pretty sure. I can call over and double check for you if you like. Yes sir they are indeed closed.

Said in my head: If you dont get your ol touristy ass the fuck outta my face! This aint the day! Are you deaf? You dont speak english or something? I said the corner of State and Congress fool! Thataway nigga...thataway!!! Oh so....what? Im lying? They are closed!!! Christmas was yesterday! I saw on the news that all Federal and City buildings were gonna be closed. You know what? Im gon call and let the answering machine tell me that they are closed just to apease yo stupid ass!!!
_____________________________________________________________________

Said to guest: Oh? For the restaurant? Just step inside the cafe and see the hostess. The restroom? You'd take this elevator down to level B.

Said in my head: Now dont you see the big ass sign on this desk that says 'CONCIERGE'? So then why the fuck is your ig'nant ass assuming that I am hosting for the restaurant? Do you see the restaurant to your left? Dont you see the hostess stand right the fuck there! Vamanos nukka! Didnt the server and/or hostess just point you to the restroom? So then why do you need reassurance by time you walk the 10 feet from the restaurant to the concierge desk? Why? Can you tell me that? Are you really that stupid? No...seriously......are you?

*As you all may be able to tell.....I really love my job!