Wednesday, July 07, 2010

The "My Mama Is A Thug" List

1. "There are 2 rules to life : 1. Never sweat the small stuff. 2. EVERYTHING is small stuff." - As heard on a TV commercial

2. The fact that the repo man called me and asked me to call him back b/c he's tired of looking for my car.....

3. Does this fucktard expect me to call him back like "Yeah you can come pick the car up from this address......"?!?!?!!?

4. Where they do THAT at?!?!

5. And how they got my mama's addy I'll never know.

6. She didn't co-sign or anything. Her name was nowhere on the paperwork so what gives?

7. She said if she had been home she woulda thrown hot water on the repo man for coming to her house

8. My mama is a thug from Altgeld Gardens if you didn't know

9. I dont know what's crawled up Chase Bank's ass and died. I called and told them my "unemployment, no money coming in" story. I only missed April and May's note. I paid June's on time so WTF?

10."....See its a family thing/ so dont even trip/ my cousin ('mari) got the nine/ and my mama got the extra clip!" - The Coup "Takin' These"

11. LOL @ 'my mama is a thug'

12. Okay she aint really a thug thug in the traditional sense....but the point is you dont want none of 'nessa! Trust me dog, that aint what you want.

13. Word Michael Steele? The war in Afghanastan is "Obama's War"??!?!

14. Dont you wish there were a real "Drop Squad" for these ol Alan Keyes token ass negroes?

15. Are you happy Tee? I'm blogging!

16. I'm sure you are gonna enjoy your trip to our wonderful city

17. This new gun law Chicago has passed misses the point in my opinion

18. "So what they do?/ Go and ban the AK?/ My shit wasn't registered any-fucking-way!" - Ice Cube "The Nigga Ya Love To Hate"

19. It aint like these street cats are going to the gun shop and filling out paperwork

20. We need to get these lawmakers a copy of the movie "Strapped" like ASAP so that they'll get a damn clue

21. God bless the memory of Harvey Fuqua

22. You should google him if you aint up. He put in WORK for Motown

23. Can you believe it's been almost 10 years since Diamond and Tionda have went missing?

24. God bless them wherever they are

25. Maaaaad nervous about the Oscar Grant trial

26. If this dude skates and Oakland gets on some ol 'Riots aint nothing but diets for the system' shit, can you even get mad?

27. "I'm so glad that I found someone to believe in again/ .......Come on, let's fall in love/ You're the woman I've been waiting for...." - Stevie Wonder " I Believe (When I Fall In Love It Will Be Forever)"

28. My starry eyed ass has always held a romanticized view of love

29. Thank God there are plenty of sappy love songs to let me know I'm not alone

30. I bought some lemonade the other day from a lemonade stand that 3 little girls had going

31. The lemonade tasted more like lemon water but bless their little hearts

32. One of the rules in "Life's Little Instruction Book" is to ALWAYS whenever possible buy whatever a little kid is selling......

33. ....and I firmly believe that and I obey but if yall could see the sour face Im making as I type this.......

34. I've had like 4 convos with friends in the past week where they've been pissy about getting older. And each time I hit 'em with this quote

35. "The only thing worse than getting old/ is NOT getting old" - Jay Z "Cant Knock The Hustle (Remix)"

36. Because you would not have wanted to die 10 years ago, right? Right!

37. So Lindsay Lohan got 3 months in the joint, huh?

38. Did you see the act she put on in court when she got the word? Heifer you got 90 days, not 90 months! If you dont sit your lil privledged ass down somewhere.....

39. She better hope they dont put her in gen. pop though. She'll really meet some "Mean Girls" then

40. Ummm Prince....if you really said THIS.....you tripping!

41. Detroit is taumbout sending parents to jail for missing parent/teacher conferences

42. Now I would make a "It's So Cold In The D" joke but...*shrug*....I suppose desperate times call for desperate measures

43. Gina : I dont want our friends to feel alienated
Martin : Cole? Are you alienated?
Cole : Noooo! I'm a Baptist!

44. "Martin" reruns never get old

45. I dont care where he signed to play.......a one hour special on ESPN to announce where he's signing? Cant that shit just be a blurb scrolling across the screen?

46. And the fact that on his new twitter account his bio says "King of Akron"........

47. Really 'Bron? Akron!?!?!?! lol

48. Superior TV is on the way muthabishes!

49. Forget yall....I aint writing due to pressure no more!

50. "I hate writing, I love having written." — Dorothy Parker

3 comments:

Tirani said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Tirani said...

So I made two items on the list- now I feel special. :-) "Forget y'all. I ain't writing under pressure no more." Yes you are! The fire will continue to be lit under you until it no longer needs stoking. Exercise your (writing) muscle sir. Good list. I likee.

Isley Nicole Melton said...

Not the gardens! Yes anyone that comes from there DONT PLAY! lol Nice write!