I Cant Make This Shit Up!

I swear....watching the news and staying informed of what's going in the world just doesn't seem like it's worth it at times. I just don't understand people and their motives and train of thought.

Here are 3 recent news stories that have me scratching my head.

1. Trevor Wikre is a senior offensive lineman for the Mesa State Mavericks, a Division II school in Grand Junction, Colo. A couple of weeks ago while practicing with the team Trevor broke his pinkie finger. The doctors said that it's a bad break and that he'll need surgery and wont be able to play the rest of year. You know what Trevor says to the doctors? Huh? Huh, do ya? He tells them to CUT HIS FINGER OFF! Really Trevor? You're a senior, which means this SHOULD be your last year, but then again it wouldn't surprise if it isn't with you making DUMB ASS decisions like this. So you would rather go the rest of your life with 9 fingers than to miss 6 weeks of football? And as far as I know there has been no mention of you going to the league!??!?!!?!? Word? Is that what's hot in the streets?

2. So you know about the "Safe Haven" law that allows persons to leave (usually newborn) kids at designated places to become wards of the state and the such. The law was designed to discourage people from harmfully discarding the children. Welp.....see the problem that recently arose in Nebraska is.....see in Nebraska a child is defined as being under the age of 19. So recently they had a rash of people flocking in from across the country to discard their kids under this law. In a couple of particular cases that caught my eye we had people drive to Nebraska to abandon kids as old as 13 and 17!!! Yes you read right. My only question is....how the fuck do you abandon a 13 yr old....let alone a 17 yr old. If my mama woulda tried to drop me off in Nebraska at 13 I woulda went straight to the police station and called her. "Mama why you playing? Come back and get me! Imma take the garbage out!!!" You just cant abandon 13 and 17 yr olds. That's not even practical. You've raised them now! Make 'em go get a job and put in like my mama did. And while they've recently changed the law in Nebraska to prevent this...but still! For real people? For real?

3. Ashley Todd of Texas claimed that she went to the ATM after leaving a Republican phone bank in Pittsburgh (made no sense to me either, but whatever!). While at the ATM she was approached and robbed of $60 at knife point by a "6'4 dark skinned African-American male". So at some point either during or immediately after the robbery, the robber notices a McCain sticker on her car and becomes enraged! So much to the point that he begins to beat and kick her. Then after all the punching and kicking he allegedly carves a 'B' in her cheek. Sounds pretty fucked up, right? And if it really went down like young Ashley says it did then it really is fucked up. HOWEVER.......some shit just doesn't seem right yall. So while he is in the act of robbing her, he notices her bumper sticker?!?!? Then he carves her face, right? Like my teammate Veronica says... "How the hell you carve a perfect "B" in someone's cheek with them squirming and trying to get away and shit?" We're wondering if he used a butter knife. How you get robbed with a butter knife? Oh and so you decide to NOT go to the hospital after having your face carved? You decide to go the next day?!?!?!? Anybody else smell that? So yeah...this hooker's story of course fell apart.

I think I'm just not gon pick up a paper or read any news sites for a hot minute. These marks is getting my pressure up!

Does Your "Number" Matter?

A friend taking a course on human sexuality recently had me take a brief survey concerning perceived notions of "promiscuity" and it got me to thinking. I answered the questions as honestly as possible and while I'm pretty sure I'm no saint, I know for damn sure I'm far from being a 304 . (That's old pager code for those not in the know.)

So then that whole episode got me to thinking about my "number". And you know which "number" I speak of. Yes THAT number!

Remember Chris Rock's bit about this? When the guy asks the girl her number and she tells him that it's two. "Two?!!?!? Two!?!?!?!? I guess that's just how you raised!" he responds. Chris' point was that as far as men are concerned that ANY number a woman gives is gonna seem high b/c of the double standard that women are unfortunately burdened with. I think he exaggerated the point a bit for the sake of comedy but there was definitely truth there.

As far as my personal number, I think it's safe to say that I'm never gonna do Wilt numbers. Hell, I hope to never even reach triple figures let alone 5 figures. How the hell did dude even find time to play ball or even brush his damn teeth in the morning? Have you any idea the amount of time you'd have to devote to the fine art of humping to approach Son's digit??!!?

Anyways I wanna get married and get out the game and have my number frozen in time, ya heard? What is my number you ask? That's none of your damn business! lol. Just know that I think it to be pretty respectable for a guy my age. Actually I KNOW it to be respectable seeing as how I know that I've ducked and dodged a nice number of drawers that were thrown my way. Lord knows you cant be plugging every Power U that makes its self readily available to you. But let me not digress any further......

The point of this one is.....Is there an acceptable number when dealing with a new partner or potential mate? Does a person's number matter to you? Not that I wanna be naive about it all but I personally think it's all a slippery slope. Because what may be high to you may be low to the next person and vice versa.

I say as long as that check-up checks out then there should be no problem.

What say you?

The "Urban People Are A Trip" List

1. "Dealing with alcoholism and afrocentricity/A complex man drawn off simplicity” – Common “The 6th Sense”

2. Life is all about balances and dualities people.....please believe me.

3. She said she had a childhood friend named Shapantwon (Sha'Pan'Twon), and knew a set of brothers named Lemonjello (La'Mon'Ja'Lo) and Orangejello (O'Ronge'Ja'Lo)

4. I pray in the name of the Father, Son and the Holy Ghost that she was just making that shit up to be funny

5. What else is there to say about the upcoming elections?

6. McLame is wack.....Barack is where it's at!

7. Alot of states have grace periods beyond the deadline to register so take advantage

8. So I got a chance to watch "The Real Housewives of Atlanta" the other day.....

9. ....if these ol siddity ass chicks aint got the most false senses of entitlement I dun ever seen!!!!

10. "Not to be absolutely certain is, I think, one of the essential things in rationality." - Bertrand Russell via Itika

11. Somebody get Keyshia Cole's mama please!!!

12. I just made 5 years at the Hotel Beezy but Im not sure if that means I'm consistent or complacent

13. When you add on the fact that I do hella shit outside the hotel I guess that leans me more towards the consistent side despite all my multi-tasking

14. The AIG guys took $400, 000 of the bailout money and kicked it at the spa? Woooord? Is that what's hot in the streets?

15. They always find a way to get over, don't they?

16. Sometimes your friends WILL hurt you. Not necessarily on purpose, it's just that no one is perfect. You just have to remember in those times that you made them your friend for a reason

17. We all are dealing with SOMETHING. Some of us...more things than others. Try to be compassionate

18. "I don't understand/why do I stress the (wo)man/when there's so many bigger things at hand/We could've never had it all/We had to hit a wall/so this is inevitable withdrawal/...Did I play myself again?/I should just be my own best friend/and not fuck myself in the head with stupid (wo)men" - Amy Winehouse "Tears Dry On Their Own"

19. Always remember.....all the these thoughts of mine that you read in these lists are just passing thoughts more or less. I'm not necessarily married to any of them

20. White people will do and eat anything if you tell them it's in fashion or "in season"

21. I swear I saw a white lady eating hay at that restaurant

22. MAKE SURE TO CHECK OUT MY RADIO SHOW "SUPERIOR RADIO" EVERY TUESDAY AT 8:30PM CST ON WWW.SWANKSOCIETY.COM

23. Dontcha love how I plug my own shit on my own shit?

24. Any Cubs' fans out there? Don't worry.....there's always next year!!!! ;)

25. I know my White Sox didn't fair much better, but hey at least they won 1 game. Plus they've won a World Series in THIS lifetime. Something that the 'Scrubs' prolly wont ever do

26. Ladies take note........

27. "If you have to read into anything a man does, you are making excuses. Men are simple. They only get complicated when they aren't into you" - Naila

28. Naila be spittin' that 'Dylan x 5' hot fiyah son!!!

29. Keish Im praying for you

30. Lord knows I need to be more prayful

31. So not only does she inform me that she's already plagiarized one of my blogs and got a good grade on her paper, but then she informs that she'll be needing even more from me and could I hurry up and write something she could use!

32. Boy I tell you....."Urban" people are a trip

33. In case you've noticed, this list is only 35 items as opposed to 50. I'm tinkering with it b/c I think 50 overwhelms the newbies, ya know?

34. btw....I kinda finished this blog ass naked b/c naked is goooooood!

35. "I dunno how you got to be so snooty....you aint but one generation out the projects!" - Khadijah James "Living Single"

Nigga You Know You Cant See!!!

*sigh*

Can anyone explain to me exactly why dudes think wearing sunglasses in the club is cool? I dont know when. I dont know how. Alls I know is that this has become an epidemic within the last few years and it must be brought to a end. Maybe they are under the impression that this look adds to their swag or something....I dunno. What I do know though is that they need to give this shit a rest already.

And with that....I present to you 5 good ass reasons why guys need to 86 the whole sunglasses in the club phenomenon

5. You are being talked about....and not in the way that you had hoped! Trust me on this one dog!

4. Please know that it ONLY looks cool in the rap videos and not in real life. It's one of those things that seem good in theory, but not so much in practice

3. It screams "LOOK AT ME! I WANT ATTENTION BECAUSE IT MAKES ME FEEL GOOD". My dude....are you really that hard up?

2. You have an outstanding chance of tripping over something that you would have seen sans the shades, thereby losing ALL the cool points you thought you had gained by wearing the locs in the first damn place

1.5. Alcohol + sunglasses + dark club = Accidentally coming up on a Strobelite Honey.

1. Or to take it a step further.....she could be a man and the likka and dark glasses inhibit your ability to check the neck!

Am I making sense here at all people? Take off the damn glasses!