Fiddy I Feel Ya!

"I'm innocent in my head/ like a baby born dead."

"The Lord's blessings leave me obviously inclined/shit I aint even gotta try to shine/ God's the seamtress that tailor fitted my plans."

'I grew up without my pops/ should that make me bitter?

Alfie

There's a pivotal scene in the movie 'Alfie' where Alfie has to face the best friend that he deeply hurt by sleeping with his girl and impregnating her. See Alfie was the guy too damn charming for his own good. And basically his charm got him in trouble. He was a good natured guy, but he seemed to get in trouble nonetheless. Anyways at the end of the scene Alfie is apologizing to his best friend and he's sorta speechless cuz he sees the hurt in his boy's eyes. And Alfie is like "I'm sorry. I never meant......" And his boy says "I know you never meant to hurt me. But YOU DO hurt people Alfie!" Whoa! That shit blew me away! And the crazy shit is/was I was totally relating to Alfie in how his charm kinda got him in trouble even when he didnt mean for it to. Unfortunately I can relate. If Im not mistaken...he ended up alone at the end of the movie. This aint the movie though dog. I aint got no pre-written script I gotta follow. Im the director of this here production of Teej's life. I can change and edit and re-write where I see fit. And I aint really feeling the 'lonely' ending. Therefore Im starting on my re-writes right now. Thanks.

Emotion

(I know this is pretty lame, but this song has been in head for almost 2 days now. Since KK and I had our last 'us' talk on Saturday evening. Bare with me.......)

It's over and done
but the heartache lives on inside
And who's the one you're clinging to
instead of me tonight?

And where are you now?
now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow
wherever you go
I'll cry me a river
that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody
left in this world to hold me tight
nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

I'm there at your side
I'm part of all the things you are
But you've (got a part of someone else?)
You've got to find your shining star

And where are you now
now that I need you?
Tears on my pillow
wherever you go
I'll cry me a river
that leads to your ocean
You never see me fall apart

In the words of a broken heart
it's just emotion taking me over
Caught up in sorrow
lost in the song
but if you don't come back
Come home to me, darling
don't you know there's nobody
left in this world to hold me tight
nobody left in this world to kiss goodnight
Goodnight, goodnight

Wanted (A Most Basic Emotion)

When thinking on it
All I (and possibly everyone else in the world) ever really wanted is to be wanted.

And it seems to me
That being wanted by the person you want
Is one of the most natural wants there ever was

So to be told by the one person that you want to want you
That they aren’t attracted to you
(which is basically saying that they don’t want you in so many words, or so it would seem to me)

….well that just doesn’t really help you
To feel as wanted as you’d like to feel, now does it?

Thanks to Xania...

...for contributing to another purchase of a impulse buyer in denial. This 'Gaelle' chick better be the hot shiznit!

Soda or Pop?

I told my co-worker that I was going downstairs to go get a 'pop'. She looked at me like I was crazy and told me to hold out my hand and she'd give me a pop alright. She corrected me and told me I was going to get a 'soda'. I in turn looked at her like she was crazy and informed her that I was not mistaken. I was going to get a 'pop' dammit!

She's a black woman...she got like 5 years on me and she's from THE CHI'.......so where in the world does she get off referring to it as 'soda'??? This aint 1963 yo! Who calls it 'soda' but people in rural areas where you gotta walk a mile and a half to go speak to your neighbor? Especially in in Chicago. I promise it's only 2 kinds of people who've I heard refer to it as 'soda'....

1. Non-blacks (as stereotypical as it may sound)....and lemme take that back....southern black may call it soda or soda pop down there.

2. All other races and ANYONE on TV.

Maybe it's just a really 'urban' sounding word, but thinking back on it....I cant not recall EVER hearing it on TV. Funny now....I feel like the fucking minority in this. LOL.

26 Ways To Love A Woman

1. Be faithful to her
2. Kiss her
3. Hold her
4. Compliment her
5. Caress her
6. Listen to her
7. Laugh with her
8. Make hersmile
9. Make her scream your name
10. Appreciate her
11. Surprise her
12. Arouse her
13. Educate her
14. Acknowledge her
15. Accept her
16. Believe in her
17. Pamper her
18. Want her
19. Understand her
20. Pray with her
21. Grow with her
22. Communicate with her
23. Confide in her
24. Facinate her
25. Suceed with her
26. Above all others love her

Seems simple enough huh?

As Spoken By Eminem....

"Some times u just feel tired. You feel weak...like you wanna just give up. But you gotta search within you. You gotta just find that inner strength and just pull that shit outta you. Get that motivation to not give up and not be a quitter....no matter how bad you wanna just fall flat on your face and collapse"

And that's how I feel. I am not a quitter. When I believe something strongly....you'd be able push a mountain a couple of inches before you get me to change my mind. Stubborn as shit. Just how I am. And so there are times when I feel like me and KK are hopeless. But aint a soul alive that can convince me that we arent right for each other. That's how strong I believe the love is. Yes we have problems, issues, and all that shit, but still! I dont personally think there is an issue or disagreement that cant be resolved. And so there are times when I feel like shit is hopeless...but I swear that shit lasts for like a half hour and then I regain focus and hope and faith. And that's just it. That's what it will be until I decide it's pointless to keep trying. And yo...I am soooo far from that. Please believe!

U gotta know....

.......that when it gets right down to it, I'm trying to make love not war with you. And you gotta know that I am even MORE sensitive these days to hurting you. Like I am exxxxxxtra careful not to do anything that I think may even REMOTELY hurt you. Thinking twice and even a third time 'fore I do or even say some shit. And that's really that. What more is there for me to do?

You sumamabitch you!

Do you see Pizza on the goddamn room service menu? Then why is your ignorant ass calling me asking if we have it?

Goodbye!

I cant deal. I'm going next door to Walgreens for some Mike & Ike's!!!!

This Aint The Gap Band But.....

....'You Dropped A Bomb On Me"!

So.........KK made up her mind that she's gonna move to either ATL or LA by the beginning of the summer! WTF!!! It aint like I didnt know that moving away was on her mind.

However....(oh yes there is a 'however') I was under the assumption that it was a couple years away. I can deal with a couple years away. Shit, I may be looking to move then. Im just getting my show to make some moves for me now. I cant leave in 6-8 months!!! Again I knew it was on her mind, BUT....this coming summer is sooooo soon. It really puts a timeline on shit, ya know?

On one hand...I dont want her to go. That's my selfish side. Like if she goes...it woulda sorta seem like she is giving up on us, feel me?

But on the other hand....I am all for following your heart. If in your heart of hearts....you REALLY REALLY feel this is the thing to do....then as your friend and someone that loves you, I want you to be happy. So go little bird...be free!

..but what about me? Oh what a situation to be in, huh? So I guess there is nothing else to do but to make the most of the time we have together.

Pardon me....I think I'll go play in traffic or something...